


Brighter than the Sun

by itsgolden



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, also .., and zayn is a bit of an asshole..well, its a bit angsty, theres a bit of all the Louis pairing but its very briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 05:03:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 104,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11097462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsgolden/pseuds/itsgolden
Summary: Louis knows Zayn is hot but he is also kind of an asshole. Liam is nice both personally and to look at. Harry is kind of a slut, a hot one albeit. And Niall is just too nice to exist. Highschool AU.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> truly one of the best zouis fics out there. you can find the original author on tumblr as slashlimeswithlemons but they been inactive for a few years now...
> 
> enjoy!

Growing up, Louis was always an outcast. It wasn’t that he was rebellious or looked overly nerdy, nothing drastic like that. He wasn’t your average loner because he really liked it that way. Louis just didn’t bother talking to people much. Sure he had friends, or more accurately, two best friends: Eleanor Calder and Stan Lucas. They were actually pretty out-going and friends with a lot of the people that were popular. If it weren’t for the fact that he’d grown up knowing them, Louis would probably have gone through most of high-school with not very many close friends at all.

Eleanor was drop-dead gorgeous, as tall as Louis at 5 feet 11 inches, she had dark sable brown hair with deep hazel eyes. A lot of the guys went after her, but she wasn’t looking for a relationship…at least not with any guy at least. Why? Well because she was a lesbian that’s why. He suppose that’s why they didn’t really do much to stop the rumours that stated they were a couple.  
  
They spent so much time together that people automatically assumed they were going out, as people tend to do in high-school. This was years ago in grade nine, and at that time they had denied it, but soon in grade ten, it seemed like it was pointless to deny it, so they stuck to it. It’s not like they were heterosexual anyway. Louis suppose it was kind of like a cover for them. By this year, grade eleven, people thought they’d been going out for a little over two years.  
  
Stan always laughed at them, calling them his gay friends.  
  
“You guys are priceless,” He’d say, “I mean here you are, idiot number one and idiot number two, both of you are gay, and everyone thinks you’re going out.”  
  
Eleanor would just glare at him, and he’d laugh, for which he’d get a similar glare.  
  
Louis had only known one gay guy in his life, actually,  he didn’t really know him, he just went to the same school that Louis did. And he is sorry to say this but, Justin Gomes was the the epitome of stereotypical gay in existence, which is fine if he didn’t act like a prissy little bitch all the times too. He talked with a lisp, wore lip-gloss, the tightest jeans in existence, and walked around like he owned the place.  
  
He was never beat up or anything, their school was okay with gay people,  he guess. He actually had a lot of friends, most of who thought he was a hoot. He’d heard about really crazy violence against gay people, especially in the states but where Louis lived, things were cool. The average person didn’t say shit to your face.  
  
He didn’t have a problem with coming out since it seemed people at his school were okay with it, but Louis had no reason to. It’s not like Louis was the most social person. He wasn’t going to go all out and announce, “Hello, I’m Louis Tomlinson and I’m gay.” He mean, that would be weird.  
  
If Louis ever had a reason to come out to anyone besides Eleanor and Stan, he would.  
  
~*~*~  
School was pretty much uneventful most of the time. he took the bus to school in the morning and after school so he had to wake up very early. he didn’t have a problem with it since he is a morning person.  
  
Stan took the bus with him, and as he walked to the bus-stop that morning he was already there, waiting for him. He grinned his heart-stopping grin, his eyes flashing deep amber.  
  
“Hey, man,” he called, “what’s up?”  
  
Louis smiled, “Nothing much,” he looked around, “what’s the deal? You here early or what?” he asked, feigning shock.  
  
“Shut up, Louis. I just went to bed early last night, so I couldn’t help but be on time this morning.” He scowled jokingly.  
  
“Alright, mate, just don’t do it too often or I’ll start freaking out.” He grinned and he added, “You talk to Eleanor lately?” he asked, grinning even wider.  
  
Stan grinned too, and started laughing, “Yeah, I caught up with her yesterday. Gosh, she sounded like she hadn’t gotten sleep in days. Priceless. At one point, I was talking to her about football, and she was smiling and nodding along like she knew what the hell he was saying,” Stan stopped and thought for a second, “what do you think? Why is she acting like that?”  
  
Louis laughed and looked at him, “remember the last time she got that way? Remember the reason?”  
  
Stan thought for a second and then responded with a mischievous grin. “Yep,” he said, “how could I forget?  
  
“So who do you think she’s stalking this time?”  
  
He made a show of looking around and then leaning in to whisper, “do you think it could be….a girl?”  
  
“No duh, genius. She is a lesbian after all. I think it might be that new girl at school. What’s her name…ah….Marissa. You think she might uh…roll that way?”  
  
“I think so bud, I mean, I flirted with her yesterday and she didn’t even let up a bit. She just gave me a look and walked away. She has to be a lesbian to give all this up.” He said, holding his hands out as if demonstrating his hotness. Louis snorted.  
  
They talked for a bit and then the bus came. This was quite a day, he means normally, Stan would be coming round the corner just about now, running fast to catch the bus. They both got in the bus and sat beside each other.  
  
On the way to their seats at the back of the bus, he caught sight of a face he hadn’t seen in a couple of weeks. Zayn Malik. he think he just about drooled at the sight of him. His normally all year round tan was even more prominent after spending two weeks in Malibu in summer. His quiff was a bit longer and looked so soft despite all the wax he must have put in to make it stand like that.  
  
Louis walked by him quickly and didn’t look over at him again. Zayn’s warm hazel eyes didn’t even glance at him. Louis didn’t think Zayn even knew his name. Although Zayn was friends with Stan, he’d never spoken to Louis. He didn’t dare meet his eyes when Zayn was around for fear that he would know Louis found him sexy.  
  
At school that day, he looked forward to his math class, as Stan was in that class. Well, Stan and Zayn, and to be honest, he wanted to see Zayn more than Stan. No offence or anything, Stan was hot but he was like his brother and Zayn…well Zayn was just Zayn. Perfect, so fucking perfect. He was athletic, good looking, intelligent, and good in school. Could he get any more perfect? And to top that off, he was a nice guy, although not exactly screaming out for social attention the way Hollywood movies depicted the typical popular kid.  
  
He never spoke to Louis, and those odd times when he actually did look over at him, there was no expression in his eyes. Louis guesses he was just too damn dull for Zayn. Ah, well. Zayn’d still remain the centre of his fantasies.  
  
As Louis sat there daydreaming and waiting for class to begin, a guy walked in who he hadn’t seen before. Keep in mind that he was about two months into the school year, so a new person stuck out a lot, especially in a class this size.  
  
He was good looking, average height at about six feet, and he had brown hair styled perfectly and a lean body. He was nicely built, wide shoulders that tapered into a narrow waist and hot, hot legs. he was a sucker for hot legs. Like Zayn’s…  
  
He walked over and spoke, “Hey, I’m Liam Payne, mind shoving over your stuff so I can sit, mate?” His voice was deep and friendly, and when he smiled the corners of his eyes tilted upwards in a nice way and wasn’t that the most adorable sight ever? Louis liked him instantly.  
  
“Yeah, why not. I was saving the seat for a friend of mine, but he can just sit on the other side,” Louis leaned over and shoved his bag off the chair. When he sat down, most of the people began crowding in and taking a seat. Some of them noticed the new guy and mentioned something before taking their seats and opening their books. When they were settled, he asked him, “So, obviously you’re new. How are you liking it so far, huh?”  
  
This was actually pretty outgoing of Louis, as he didn’t really initiate a conversation on the first meeting. In fact, he only spoke boisterously with Eleanor and Stan.  
  
Liam said, “Yeah, I’m new. I guess I stick out?” He didn’t wait for an answer but just went on, “The school’s good so far and the people are OK. I guess people are just down because it’s a Monday and all. I like it alright so far.”  
  
Louis was going to say something but just then Zayn and Stan walked in together. He stopped and looked at them. In a way he was envious of Stan. he wish he could just walk up to Zayn and engage him in some interesting conversation. Stan was exuberant and funny where he was just plain old Lou.  
  
Stan saw him and walked over with Zayn. They both took a seat beside him. Stan beside Louis and Zayn beside him.  
  
“Hey, Louis.” This was Stan obviously. Zayn just took out his stuff and acted like he wasn’t there. Nah, he didn’t act, Louis thinks he just didn’t even notice him. Whatever, like he cares…  
  
“Hey, man, have you met Liam? He’s new.” Louis gestured to the good looking guy beside him. When Stan shook his head, he continued the introduction, “Stan, this is Liam…” He trailed off, having forgot his last name.  
  
“Payne,” he supplied.  
  
“Yeah, Liam Payne,” he said, “and Liam, this is Stan Lucas.” Louis purposely ignored Zayn. If he didn’t care, why should Louis care? He thought he saw Zayn look over at him for this gesture for a fracture of a second.  
  
“Hey,” Liam said to Stan, smiling at him friendly.  
  
“Hi,” Stan replied, and then as if remembering something, he asked Liam, “Hey you doing anything Friday?”  
  
Liam thought for a second before replying with a curt, “Nah, just unpacking and shit. Fuck, I can’t wait for the day I’m done.”  
  
Stan laughed and said, “Cool, Krista McCarthy is having a party. Since you probably haven’t done anything worth shit lately, why don’t you come on down and have some fun with the rest of us.”  
  
“Man, that sounds so good. My parents have been all over me, with helping out and stuff. I haven’t had time to relax for a while now. I’ll see if I can come, alright.”  
  
He guessed Stan noticed that Liam seemed like a nice guy too, since he invited him to that party right off the bat. Louis wasn’t planning on going or anything but suddenly the idea sounded pretty appealing to him. He think he was going to go as well.  
  
Stan turned to him, as if he’d sense the wheels churning in Louis’ mind with the force of his decision making. “You going to come this time, Louis?”

“Actually,” he stated, “I think I will.”  
  
Stan smirked at him, and looked pointedly at Liam. “I can only guess why,” he said softly. Louis didn’t think anyone heard, but he saw Zayn look his way that second. His face was still without emotion when looking at Louis. He didn’t think he was looking at Louis at all, but rather through him. His gaze made Louis uncomfortable so he looked straight ahead.  
  
They didn’t get a chance to continue their conversation since the teacher chose that moment to stop her stalling and looking around for her notes, she began another unorganized math class.  
  
Afterwards, at lunch Louis sat with Eleanor in the corner. Sometimes they liked to sit alone, and no one thought it was weird since they were apparently a couple.  
  
He told her about the new guy Liam, and she said he was in one of her classes.  
  
“He’s a pretty cool guy, don’t you think?” Louis asked her, trying to appear nonchalant.  
  
Eleanor grinned, “I don’t know. I didn’t talk to him or anything but he seemed friendly.” She gave Louis a conspiratorial grin, which was unusual as of late, since she was obsessing over a girl. He thinks Stan and he were right about the girl being Marissa because just then she walked by and waved at Eleanor. Eleanor waved back, turning light pink.  
  
“Hmm, is there something you want to tell me Eleanor?” he asked, tongue in cheek, when Marissa was out of sight.  
  
“Huh, what?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I know you like the back of my own hand. Stan and I know what’s been going on. Why wouldn’t you tell us?”  
  
Eleanor sighed, “What would I say? Hi guys, I like another straight girl, I don’t think so.”  
  
“Well, you just said it so I’m sure it wouldn’t have been that hard.”  
  
Eleanor smiled then, “I’m sorry, but I just didn’t want to tell anyone. I hoped that if I kept it to myself then it wouldn’t go so far. I mean, it’s not like I have a chance or anything.”  
  
“Stan told me that Marissa didn’t respond when he flirted with her,” he managed to get in.  
  
“And, what does that do?”  
  
“Well, she didn’t even bat an eyelash, Stan said. That has to mean something right?”  
  
“Like what, she’s not a lesbian just because she didn’t respond to that wanker with a pea brain,” Eleanor said, “There are girls out there who aren’t shallow, okay?”  
  
“Well, I guess you’re not one of them, since you like Marissa only for her good looks,” he replied.  
  
Eleanor laughed, “Hey, I never said I wasn’t. I only wish I was.” She went on more passionately, “it’s just that the sight of her…her…beautiful, big–”  
  
“Don’t go any further,” he said, covering his ears playfully, “I don’t want to know.”  
  
Louis was met by the sound of her laughter, which died down when he caught sight of Liam. He was talking to a group of people, and a further look made him realize that he was speaking with a group of the elite popular girls. He stopped talking to them and began walking again. As he passed by their table,he did something he wouldn’t normally do to someone he just met. “Hey, Liam,” Louis called out to him.  
  
He stopped and looked around, and when he saw it was him, he walked over to the table they were sitting at. “Hey, Louis,” He said, smiling. Louis just about melted into a deep puddle of goo. “Eleanor, right?” He stated, turning to her.  
  
“Yeah, Eleanor it is.”  
  
Louis checked to see how he responded to her. Most guys began flirting right away, trying to get involved with her, but Liam was a gentleman and secretly he was glad he wasn’t being flirty with Eleanor.  
  
“Louis, you going to that party on Friday, right?” Liam asked.  
  
“Yeah,” he said, eliciting raised eyebrows from Eleanor. He ignored her. “I’m going with Eleanor.”  
  
“I don’t know where her house is, and my parents have taken away my car anyway. Mind if I get a ride with you guys that day?”  
  
“Louis, you never even asked me if I was going.” Eleanor said, indignant.  
  
“Whatever, you’re going to go because I’m making you.” He told her. Then he turned my attention back to Liam. “Yeah, you’re coming with us. Just give me your address and we’ll pick you up on the way. Cool?”  
  
“Yeah, man, thanks a lot. I want to get totally wasted.”  
  
Louis didn’t say anything to this, as he didn’t drink very often, and he’d only gotten drunk twice with Stan. It had been pretty fun, the sense of doing whatever crap he wanted without having any inhibitions. Maybe he’d have fun that night. He don’t even know why he cared about this guy, and he had no idea why he was even going to this party anyway.  
  
Liam and he talked and it seemed like they had similar tastes in music. They both liked light rock, and hated screamo and hardcore heavy metal. Liam, like most of the general population, hated country. He knows there were people out there like Eleanor for instance that enjoyed country music, but he personally didn’t like it.  
  
They told each other some weird things. Like, Liam said he said he’d never eaten with a spoon in about 12 years. He said he might have a slight phobia of putting spoons in his mouth. Only then, Louis realized Liam was not having the soup. Slightly weirded out, Louis responded that he hadn’t eaten a pear ever, and that he didn’t really want to. He couldn’t explain nor comprehend it, but he just didn’t like the texture and look of pears.  
  
He discovered that Liam was born in England but moved to California since young and lived there for most of his life. Then, when his parents got a divorce, his mom moved back down here to London.  
  
He said he’d never seen snow in his entire life and was looking forward to the first snowfall. “You’ll like it at first, but by the time it’s spring and the snow is still not melting, you’ll get angry.”  
  
Eleanor was watching him closely, and Louis felt kind of uncomfortable under her scrutiny but chose to ignore it.  
  
“Nah, I don’t think so. I will never get sick of snow.”  
  
Louis was in a good mood, “you sure you don’t want to take that back? You’ll end up eating your own words.” he told him.  
  
“Nah,I don’t think so.” He seemed so confident that Louis couldn’t resist. “Alright,” he said, “How about this, if by the time it should be spring and the snow is still here, and you complain even one bit, I will make you eat five bowls of soup with a big spoon.”  
  
“Alright, and if I win, you eat five pears.” he said, laughing.  
  
He held out his hand, “Deal.” Liam grabbed it, and said likewise, “deal.” He happened to look over at Eleanor at that moment and saw her looking at him and grinning. She winked! The nerve of that girl!  
  
After a while, a bunch of people kept calling Liam and kept asking him to eat with them. Man was he popular, and it was only his first day! He guesses the girls and some of the boys maybe, saw what a great catch he was and a friendly person. Otherwise, people weren’t normally so friendly. So he said, “Liam, we don’t have you in a head lock or anything. Go talk to the poor people.”  
  
He laughed, “I don’t want to. You’re the only person…I mean people, “he corrected, looking at Eleanor, “that actually made a lasting impression. The rest of them are just fake. I’m not going to be rude or anything like that, but I prefer hanging out with you to them.”  
  
Louis think he grinned like a fool at that comment. Eleanor told him later that she wished she had a camera with her so she could show him the look on his face. Louis told her to fuck off.


	2. Chapter 2

Friday night, the night of the party, Louis didn’t bother changing out of the jeans and striped shirt he worn to school that day. When Eleanor picked him up, she had big huge smile on her face.  
  
“What?” Louis asked, irritated. She’d been smiling at him in that weird way of hers for a couple of days now.  
  
“Nothing, hurry up and get in so we can pick your boy-fr…I mean Liam,” her eyes glinted.  
  
“Goodness, let it drop will you? He’s just  fucking hot as hell, does it make a difference? He’s straight.”  
  
“How do you know?”  
  
Louis ignored her and got in. When they got to Liam’s house, they waited in the front for a few moments. His house was a nice, newer style with a big front porch and gray white stones making up the front of it. In fact, he didn’t live that far from Stan and Louis. Eleanor actually lived the furthest.  
  
Which reminded him, and he said immediately, “Where’s Stan?”  
  
Eleanor was fiddling around with some buttons and seemed distracted, “hmm…oh Zayn’s picking him up and they’re going together after football,” she said. A vision of the hazel-eyed and pink-lipped god flashed in Louis’ mind, sending a wave of heat to his cock, before anger flooded him.  
  
He really didn’t like Zayn Malik.  
  
Liam popped out of his house and jogged over to the car. He got in the back seat and said a quick hello.  
  
Louis turned around and gazed into the back seat, pretending to whistle, “Man, you tried hard to look good tonight. Hoping to score?” Even Louis was shocked at himself, but he couldn’t help it. He was so comfortable around Liam, almost as much as he was around Eleanor and Stan, and so his playful side tended to come out when he was near him. Eleanor didn’t even blink when he did this anymore; she’d realized how much he enjoyed Liam’s company over these past few days.  
  
“Maybe,” he said elusively. He’d changed into a pair of dark washed jeans that hugged his long legs and a green sweater. His dark hair was a bit on the longish side and looked slightly damp from a recent shower.  
  
When they arrived at the front of Krista’s house, music could be heard blaring from the slightly open door. Louis was a bit intimidated , but he pasted on a smile. When they walked in there were people dancing, some people were in little and big groups drinking and having fun. There were even couples curled up and making out in corners.  
  
Louis suddenly was alone. Eleanor had been ushered away by a group of girls and Liam likewise. He looked around and saw Stan. He had a cup in hand, and looked halfway drunk. Louis smiled, and Stan saw him, ushering him over to him.  
  
“‘Ey Louis,” he said, “just get ‘ere?”  
  
“Yeah, but by the looks and sounds of it, you’ve been here for a while.” Louis laughed.  
  
“Yeah, we have been here for a while,” said a very much sober Zayn, cup in hand. “What are you doing here anyway?”  
  
“Uh…”Louis didn’t know what to say exactly. He’d never really had a conversation with Zayn before, nothing but an occasional sentence or word or two here and there “I’m here like everyone else…” He finished lamely.  
  
Zayn laughed, “Goodness, you’re such a loser.” His thick accent slipped in slightly and Louis couldn’t help but be affected, no matter what he said.  
  
“'ey, 'ey, be nice to my buddy 'ere.’E is a good guy, I tell 'ya.” Stan said, wrapping an arm around Louis’ shoulder.  
  
Zayn gave Louis a disgusted look and turned back to the group of dim-witted bimbos he’d been flirting with before. Louis just shrugged, and turned to Stan.  
  
“'I’m going to get 'ya a drink okay?” And so he was passed drink after drink until It started to really get to him. He and Stan fooled around and laughed for absolutely no reason. Occasionally they’d look over at Marissa and Eleanor, who was dancing strangely close to Eleanor by the way, and burst into laughter. He supposes it was the look of utter shock on Eleanor’s face that made them laugh so hard.  
  
Although Louis doesn’t drink very often, when he does, he goes all out. He gets really forward. That’s really why he doesn’t do it with anyone but Eleanor and Stan, because he realized how crazy he can get when he gets drunk.  
  
That’s what happened that day.  
  
Louis doesn’t know how long he’d been there at the party, but sooner or later, he caught up with Liam. Louis had found his way up into the house and into one of the bedrooms. He wanted to collapse somewhere but found himself looking out the window. Now he was totally wasted but that didn’t stop him from admiring the view of the stars outside. He’d been there for a few minutes when he heard the door open.  
  
He didn’t turn around but he heard the footsteps approach and stop beside him.  
  
“Nice night, huh?” It was Liam.  
  
He turned slightly, “Liam, mate, 'ow are you?”  
  
Liam looked at Louis funny, “you’re totally smashed aren’t you?” he asked.  
  
“No I’m not…” Louis trailed off. Suddenly he began laughing so hard he thought he would puke his guts out. Soon Liam joined in and they were both laughing like crazy for god knows what reason. He lost his balance and tripped over Liam. They both fell to the ground with Louis on top of Liam. No one moved or even made an attempt to move.  
  
Louis looked around, “I lied, and I’m totally smashed, but let’s keep that a secret between you and me okay?” he said, giggling. He never giggled.  
  
Liam grinned, amused, “Alright, it’s just going to stay between us.” Louis stared into Liam’s eyes, unblinking in their beauty. He could feel Liam’s body beneath his, hard and masculine, sexy. Louis’ blood rushed down south, and he could feel Liam’s cock rock hard against his thigh.  
  
Liam’s eyes surged into his, unblinking in their perusal, searching for something. A sign. Something. Anything.  
  
Louis tapped Liam’s chest, “‘Ello…anyone there?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m right here buddy,” His voice was husky; Louis felt Liam’s hand move to his back, gripping him against his body suddenly. Louis gasped, feeling their mutual erections rubbing against each other  
  
“Are you taking advantage of me?” Louis whispered.  
  
“Maybe,” Liam murmured back, as elusive as ever. His face became closer, he leaned in so far, and their noses were almost touching. Liam’s mouth was just a hair’s breath away, and in that instant they were on each other. Liam’s hand gripped his ass and pulled his groin to his, pressing, rubbing. Their hands and mouths were everywhere; they couldn’t seem to get enough.  
  
Louis took a deep breath and pulled away for a second. “What do you want?” His voice was ragged.  
  
“You…just you.” And Liam was on him again, pressing, sucking, licking, and it was too much too soon. Louis was feverish, pulling at his skin, lifting his sweater, licking his nipples, biting them, sucking on his tongue. He wanted more.  
  
He gazed into Liam’s eyes. “Don’t regret anything.”  
  
“I won’t,” sucking on Louis’ neck, “never,” licking his collar bone, “ever,” groan.  
  
“You better not,” and he pulled Liam’s face to his again, searching for his tongue, fusing their mouths together. Words were lost as their bodies took over and sounds and noises were all that could be heard echoing in the moonlight.  
  
Neither one of them were aware of the bright eyes flashing at them from behind the slightly open door.  
  
None of them knew what was in store.

*~*~*

The day after the party, Louis had a major headache. He woke up, and felt wooziness in his stomach. Great, that’s what he got for getting piss-ass drunk. Slowly, but carefully, he raised his body out of bed. Mind over matter, mind over matter, think positive. His body is controlled by his brain, he is not in pain, he doesn’t feel like crap. Mind over matter, mind over matter…

  
“Ahhhh,” He let out a groan, and stretched his muscles, hearing light cracks in various areas. “Louis,” it was his mother knocking on the door, “you up, honey? It’s so late, I thought you might want breakfast or rather some lunch.”  
  
“Yeah, Mom, I’m going to take a shower, and then I’ll come down.”  
  
“Alright,” she said. When he heard her footsteps receding down the stairs, he fell back onto his bed. The events of the previous night crashing back into his head with tumultuous force, he couldn’t help but run his hands through his hair. Liam Payne…Liam Payne. He had made out with Liam Payne like a skanky sixteen year old blonde cheerleader at a shopping convention. Well, It wasn’t quite like that. He’d like to think he had more class and…dignity. Man…did he…did he…  
  
Louis seems to remember that Liam didn’t mind it. It was the both of them, Liam couldn’t blame him for it if he regretted doing it. He sure didn’t. It was the single greatest moment of his entire pathetic almost seventeen years on this glorious and sometimes inhumane Earth.  
  
Liam’s hands on his back, gripping his ass, Louis’ hands stuck in his hair, sucking on his neck, sipping from his open lips, feeling his ridged chest, biting his pointed nipples. He could go on and on.  
  
Now to think about this logically. He would wait to see how Liam reacted to him on Monday before speaking with him. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of nothing, out of some drunken make-out session.  
  
With that decided, he got up out of bed again, grabbed his towel and jeans and a T-shirt, and took a shower. Afterwards as he got dressed he smiled to himself, thinking of how Eleanor would react to this bit of information. If he remember correctly, Eleanor and he had carpooled home with a friend of hers whose sober older sister picked her up. Louis doesn’t think he got a chance to tell her what had occurred in that state of mind.  
  
When he finished breakfast, eating with a fervor only an adolescent boy could showcase, he called Eleanor. His Mom gave him a funny look, wondering what was wrong with him this fine Saturday morning. But she just smiled and continued typing away into her laptop, apparantly she’d had a brain wave and the ending for her new novel had just come to her like that. She really wanted to get it done.

“Hello,” Eleanor answered on the third ring.  
  
“Hey, Eleanor It’s me.”  
  
“Um…is that you Lottie?” Lottie is Louis’ ten year old sister. Louis knows she was joking as she constantly said Louis sound like a little girl on the phone. He likes to think she’s just kidding.  
  
“No dim-wit, it’s Louis. I have to talk to you.” As he was talking, he made his way up to his room.   
  
“Alright, shoot. I’m busy, I have a huge accounting project due and I can’t waste time listening to your blabbering.” She seemed annoyed.  
  
“Okay, you won’t believe what happened last night.” Louis told her. “So I walk in, and you and Liam were swept away and I was left alone. I found Stan and hung out with him for a bit, and oh yeah I talked to Mr. Hot body and face, who is by the way a real asshole”  
  
“Quit acting gay and tell me,” she interrupted Louis mid-sentence.  
  
“News flash, I ain’t acting gay, I am gay.” He pointed out. “Do you wanna hear what I have to say or not?”  
  
“Ugh, just tell me.”  
  
“Okay, So I got totally wasted, and you know how I am when I’m drunk–” he heard laughter on the other end, “yeah,” Eleanor said, “I swear you’re so stupid when you drink.”  
  
“Shut up and listen.”  
  
“Alright, alright, go on.”  
  
“After a while, I just wanted to lay down because I was so tired, so I found my way into some bedroom and was looking out the window when Liam walked in. We talked for a bit, and if I remember correctly, I tripped over and we fell to the ground, with me on top of him. Well, from then on, I think you don’t want to hear the rest.”  
  
“Spare me the details, will you, but seriously did you have sex or what?”  
  
“Nah, not really. We just made out…like a lot. Like really…a lot.  
  
“This reminds me of the time–”  
  
“I don’t wanna hear it.” He interrupted.  
  
“You made me listen to you,” Eleanor whined.  
  
“Well, I’m not done. I need some advice.”  
  
“Okay, what’s up?”  
  
“What should I do now? Like, I’ve never had a boyfriend or even a girlfriend or anything. How do I deal with this? What if he doesn’t remember, or what if he regrets it?” He said worriedly.  
  
“You should wait for him to approach you about it, I guess. However, if he talks to you but acts like nothing happened then you should be the one to talk with him about it. He obviously didn’t mind it, no matter how drunk he was. You should definitely wait for him to make the first move, and if he doesn’t then just approach him cautiously. What’s the worst thing he could do, reject you?”  
  
“Yeah, I guess. Unless he’s a homophobe…”  
  
“If he’s homophobe, then he’s a closeted one. And he doesn’t worth your time. And you’ll still have one over him cause he totally made out with you.”  
  
“Stop knowing all the right things to say. You make me feel dumb.” Louis joked.  
  
“Honey, I’m not trying, you’re succeeding in doing that all by your lonely little self.”  
  
“Shut up. Listen, I’ll see you Monday okay? Good luck with your project.” He hung up after a quick goodbye and trailed back up to his room. He had to get ready for work soon anyway.  
  
~*~*~  
The weekend went by quickly and on Monday Louis was nervous about school. That was a day he chose his outfit with care, deciding on a pair of light-washed jeans, that had a few scruffs an tears and a blue T-shirt that I thought brought out the blue specks in eyes. He didn’t know what he expected that caused him to dress with care, but he just felt like it. Maybe he thought something would happen…  
  
At school that day he knew he would have to face Liam, as he was in three of his classes. Louis had two of those three classes today. First of which was English right after lunch, followed directly by science. Speaking of lunch, he skipped lunch that day and headed to the library to study for a test that he had completely forgot about over the weekend. By the time he covered enough material to guarantee a pass, as he knew his information but just needed to read it over, lunch was over and it was time to go to class.  
  
He was early for English class, and opened his books to read over his notes. He looked up when Liam walked into class, looked around, and smiled as his eyes found him. Louis thought he might die. Goodness, he really is gay. Liam lugged his backpack off and settled into the seat beside him.  
  
“Sup?”  
  
Nothing much,” he said, “how about you?” Louis was oh so polite.  
  
“School on Mondays suck. I hate to complain and all but you gotta agree with me,” he insisted, “especially after such a great weekend.” He smiled at Louis.  
  
“Yeah, I totally agree.” Louis assured him. “I don’t like to complain either, but it feels like the day should be over by now.”  
  
“Wanna skip next class and go out to eat?”  
  
He thought about it. He never really skipped class, it wasn’t that he had anything against it, it was just that he didn’t have anyone to do it with and had never thought it would be something exciting. Eleanor was a total bookworm, albeit a gorgeous and popular one, and Stan needed to maintain his grades otherwise his sports went down the drain and his parents became angry.  
  
The idea sounded immensely appealing, he would have like nothing better then to ditch school for a bit. He then remembered the test he had sort of studied for and was genuinely disappointed in saying, “sorry, dude, but I have this major test next class that I can’t miss. Tomorrow maybe?”  
  
“Alright, that’s cool. We’ll see about tomorrow.”  
  
They didn’t end up skipping the next day, or the next. And they didn’t even talk about the party. Louis was dissapointed since he really wanted to get to know Liam on an intimate level, but he wasn’t responding, or rather it’s not like Louis tried to initiate a conversation about the night of the party either.  
  
He just didn’t do anything, and soon it was kind of too late to do anything at all. Eleanor kept urging him, but Louis wasn’t going to approach him.

 


	3. Chapter 3

That’s how it went for the next couple of days, they made polite small talk and sometimes even goof around at lunch and in class, but it never went further. Liam never mentioned the night of the party. In fact he acted as if it didn’t even exist. Louis didn’t know how to deal with this. Eleanor and Stan (who Louis ended up telling as well) kept urging him to speak with Liam about it, but he just couldn’t. What if he rejected him? Louis would be so embarrassed the risk was not worth it.

So , he kept thinking about it for the next two weeks, mulling over and over in his head. He knew he was being a wimp but what could he do? He’d never been in a situation like this before. He still talked to Liam, in fact they were great friends, but Louis wanted to be way more than just friends. Eleanor, Stan, Liam and Louis even went out together a couple of times and it was really fun.

He even saw Zayn more often since he’d switched out of his English class and into his. What sucked was that now the three classes he had with Liam, he now had those classes with Zayn as well. He always smirked at Louis as if he knew something he didn’t. Louis just ignored him.

Then one day, he went over to Stan’s house to hang out. It was a Sunday and Stan was bored out of his mind and so was Louis, so they hung out. Eleanor couldn’t be there, some project she said. They both thought it was because the Marissa thing hadn’t gone well. Marissa hadn’t talked to her since the night of the party about three weeks ago now. Eleanor tended to get obsessed with people and things, and they both thought it was this situation that was keeping her from being social. She hadn’t been her sarcastic and biting self lately. Louis was beginning to get worried, but only a little bit.

Stan got them some beers and they relaxed in the basement of his house and watched a movie. He can’t really remember what it was called, but it was action packed and full of leather and busty women. He thinks Stan really enjoyed it. He however, did not. In fact he felt like sleeping through most of it, but the violent noises were enough to keep him alert.

They were partway through the movie when the phone rang. Stan ignored it. “You gonna get that?” Louis asked him lazily, gesturing to the phone in the corner of the room.

“Huh? Nah, let it ring. Who cares?”

Louis ignored him and walked over to pick it up, “Hello, Lucas residence.” His voice was steady, as he was only on his second beer still.

“Yeah, is Stan there? This is Zayn Malik.”

Louis snickered, “Stan it’s your Mom calling, she wants to speak with you.” He’d never, ever, in his entire sixteen and a half years, snickered before. Well maybe when he was like three but still that doesn’t really count. He really didn’t like Zayn and he knew the feeling was mutual.

“Who’s this?” Pause, then recognition, “Oh, Louis is it? Just give the phone to Stan will you?”

Louis threw it to him, “Zayn,” he said, and dropped back into the couch. He kept his focus on the movie but he was really listening in to their conversation. “Yeah,” Stan said, then smiled, “okay, no it’s cool.” He laughed, “really, that sucks. Guess she couldn’t handle ya.” Pause, then, “it’s all good, come on over. The door’s open so let yourself in. Louis and I are in the basement chilling.” He hung up and said to Louis, “Zayn will be here in about five minutes, that okay?”

Louis rolled his eyes, “Does it matter now? It’s not like you thought to ask me before you said yes to him.”

Stan sighed, “Listen I don’t know why you two have it in for each other, but he’s a nice guy and you’re my best bud. Just get along with him alright.”

“I honestly did not have a problem with him before he totally hated on me. I don’t even know the guy but every time I talk to him, he says something rude and obnoxious. Frankly, I think he’s an asshole.”

“Whatever, I’ll tell him to back off, and you do the same, alright. Don’t be a drama queen.”

Louis made an angry face and Stan laughed, “Don’t pout, come on do it for me, not for him.”

“I am not pouting, and I am not a drama queen.”

“You are so pouting”

“I don’t pout.”

“Yes you do. You do it all the time. See you’re doing it again.”

“Shut up, you’re just trying to–”

“Am I interrupting anything?” It was that voice, that cocky voice that belonged to a body that should be carved in granite. Louis looked up and saw Zayn smirking, his brown eyes glinting and his unstyled hair messy from the wind.

“Why are you here so soon?” Louis asked, not caring if he sounded rude.

“I was actually on my cell when I called, in my car since I got It back again. Man, I am so glad I don’t have to take the bus to school and back anymore like you losers do. Anyway, I was in the neighbourhood so I decided to drop by.”

“How great of you to grace us with your presence,” Louis said sarcastically. Both Stan and Zayn looked at him in surprise at his vehemence. Everyone just expected him to be quiet and nice all the time.

“What?” he asked, “I don’t have to be all quiet and nice all the time to strangers.”

Zayn looked at Stan, “By golly gee, I think the boy’s come out of his shell.”

“Fuck you.”

“You wish,” he smirked, and Louis wanted to smack him for looking so god damn perfect.

“Yeah, right.”

“Guys, relax. Quit acting like a bunch of freaks and just watch the movie. Remember what I said, Louis?” Stan looked pointedly at him, and Louis blushed.

They watched the movie in silence for a while. But someone had to ruin it sooner or later. Better later then sooner.

“What a freak.” Zayn muttered after a while, as Louis let out a loud burp.

“I heard that,” He called from across the room.

“Well, it’s not like I was trying to say it in secret or hide it from you,” Zayn yelled back.

“You know what, go fuck yourself and die.” At this point Stan had just left the room.

Zayn laughed, “Wow, what a girl.” he got up.

“No I mean it, just die.” Louis too got up.

“What the hell is up with you, you’re always so shy and quiet and all of a sudden you’re this weird, talkative guy.” He seemed puzzled.

“Hey, dim-wit, I’ve never been shy or quiet. I just never have anything to say to people at school. I’m pretty loud and talkative, just usually it’s with people I’m close to or know pretty well.”

“Like Liam?” His eyes flashed.

“Yeah, like Liam, Eleanor and Stan. You don’t know shit about me, just like the rest of half of the fucking entire student population.” He told him. He really didn’t talk to people he didn’t know like this.

“Then why are you being so talkative with me if you aren’t close to me?” Zayn’s eyes flashed.

“I’m saying this to you, because you think you know everything, and you’re rude to me for no reason. Well you know what, fuck you, and don’t say you wish, because I’ve already heard that and I really don’t wish.” he lied. It is not like Louis was going to tell Zayn he was a hot piece of ass and he’d like nothing better than to do just that.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I just told you dumb-ass.” 

“I really don’t care though, so shut up , whatever your name is.”

Louis laughed, “Don’t play that game with me, Zayn. You know full well what my name is. I don’t know what your problem is, but leave me alone.”

“Whatever. Just shut up.”

Louis ignored him.

When Stan walked back to the room, he heard a sigh. “There really is a god, because I’ve been praying for you two shit-faced twelve year old girls to shut up.”

Louis glared at Zayn, who did the same to him. And that’s pretty much how they greeted each other from then on. At school they acted as if the other didn’t exist, but when they were forced to hang out because of their mutual acquaintance Stan, they just gave each other death glares and battled with stupid words.

Louis had to say it was pretty juvenile and he felt stupid afterwards, but he couldn’t help it. Zayn Malik just made him so angry!

~*~*~

He eventually gathered the courage to talk with Liam about what happened the night of the infamous (to him, at least) party, but it didn’t go so well. Not exactly how he planned it. It was the day it snowed for the first time that year. They were out skipping English together and it had started to snow. Liam was fascinated by it and was grinning from ear to ear. Louis stood watching him, his expression of joy making him happy. He didn’t know why he wanted Liam so much. It had become almost like an obsession. He doesn’t think it was physical attraction, because more and more, Louis began thinking of him as a friend. Still, he wanted to be with him like crazy. When he told Eleanor this, she explained to Louis with her woman’s logic that it was the idea of Liam that fascinated him so much not the reality of him. That he didn’t really want him in a romantic way, at least not anymore, not like before. She said that now, Louis just wanted him to sate the fantasy he had created in his mind of what being with him would be like. Louis honestly didn’t know whether she was right.

He was sick of wondering though and made his mind up of talking to Liam about it the night before. Indeed, what was the worst thing that could happen? “See, it isn’t that cool is it?” He asked Liam, gesturing to the snowflakes.

“What are you talking about? I love snow.” He grinned like a ten year old boy on Christmas morning; his cheeks were slightly pink from the chill of the wind.

“Remember our bet?” Louis asked him.

“Oh yeah, I am so gonna win now.” He grinned, “and you’re gonna have to eat those pears.”

“Yeah…” Louis said, trailing off as he looked into Liam’s eyes. There was a momentary silence and he knew he had his opening. He didn’t want to waste any time. “Liam,” he began “I really have to talk to you…”

Liam’s face was serious now as he looked intently into Louis’ eyes as well, “What is it?” He swallowed.

“I-I don’t know if you remember or if you just don’t want to talk about or even if it was a mistake, I really need to know, alright. Otherwise I wouldn’t have brought this up-”

“Louis–” Liam began, but he silenced him, “No,” he said, “let me continue. There was a party like two and a half months ago and it was like the first week you were here, do you remember?” He nodded, “well, that night I was really drunk and I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. We found each other and we were just joking around and laughing and then we kissed, and spent the rest of the evening making out. I didn’t know how to deal with it the next morning, but you didn’t remember so I just ignored it. I really want to move on but I need to know if you… I need to know…”

Liam was definitely serious now. “Okay, listen. I do remember what happened that night, I remember it clearly. It was the best thing that happened to me in a long time.” Louis’ heart jumped at his words. “Since then I’ve guessed that you’re probably gay and that the whole thing between Eleanor and you isn’t legitimate. But, Louis I really am not ready for a gay relationship. I mean, I like guys, I will tell you this much. But I think of you as a friend, and honestly what happened that night was…a mistake. I-I…you’re like my best friend, like my brother. I’m sorry but I just can’t think of you that way. That night was–”

“A mistake.” Louis murmured, finishing his sentence. He dropped his eyes to the soles of his shoes, feeling about two inches tall. Liam placed his hand on Louis’ shoulder, “I’m sorry about messing with you like that, I didn’t know you’d taken it so seriously. I thought It was just…a joke. I wasn’t serious or anything. I’m sorry, bud.”

“No it’s okay, I was stupid. I just kept thinking about you and that night and I just…got ahead of myself.”

“I just got out of a rocky relationship and I’m not looking for anything like that, besides you’re like my brother…” Liam trailed off.

“I understand,” Louis was really uncomfortable now, and embarrassed. Fuck this was stupid! He was an idiot. Liam wasn’t even attracted to him. Why would he be? He was fucking gorgeous and Louis is just…just plain old Louis. “Listen, I’m going to head in. I have to..Uh-get something.” He looked down.

“Louis don’t be this way. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. Besides, you still have to try and get me to eat with a spoon.” He insisted.

“I’m not being any  _ _way__ , Liam. I just need to think. I don’t know if we can be as good friends now, but I’ll try. And I am going to get a spoon into your mouth no matter what.” Louis told him, forcing a smile.

“Alright,” Liam grinned, “good to hear.” He looked at his watch, “I gotta head in anyway, so I’ll see you later alright?” Louis nodded and Liam gave him a one arm hug. He stood there as Liam entered the school, cursing himself. God he was a fool! After a few moments of standing and walking around, he shook his head and made his way into the school.

He was looking down at the ground and didn’t see the figure leaning against the door until he approached. “Skipping English again?” Zayn.

“Fuck you.”

“Hey, what did I do? I’m trying to be polite,” Louis looked up at him and didn’t know whether or not to take him seriously.

“Whatever, yeah I’m skipping. What do you care?”

“Hey, relax. It’s just boring in English lately, not having anyone to make a fool out of and all.” Zayn said with a smirk.

“I thought you were being polite, but I guess we both knew you weren’t.” Louis said, since he didn’t know what else to say.

“Your boyfriend, Liam, ditch you?”

“Fuck you and he’s not my boyfriend.” Louis know he couldn’t hear what they’d been talking about. “Shouldn’t you be heading back into English class right about now?”

“I walked out. It was so boring.”

“Whatever.” He walked up and was going to head inside but Zayn was blocking the doorway with his back. Louis raised an eyebrow. “You want to move or what?”

“I think I’m comfortable right where I am, thank-you very much.” That accent slipped on thick again, and Louis didn’t know whether his desire to kiss him or punch him was stronger.

“Is it me or do you look more angry at me then usual? Did something happen with lover boy? Did you two have a fight?”

“You know what, I don’t know why I even bother,” Louis turned around and began making his way around to another entrance.

“I guess I hit a touchy subject,” Zayn called.

Louis did one last thing before rounding the corner; he turned his hand around and gave him the finger.


	4. Chapter 4

What do you say to someone after they’ve told you making out with you was a complete mistake, that the one thing you thought was one of the most exciting things to happen to you, they thought was a complete mess-up? Personally, Louis didn’t ever want to bring it up with Liam again, he wanted to act like he didn’t care. So that’s what he did, he acted normal around Liam. Within a week of doing this, Louis didn’t really have to act anymore. He found that he actually didn’t really care about Liam’s nonchalant and rather dismissive response to their kissing incident. This got Louis thinking, as just a week ago he felt terrible about what had happened. Eleanor’s words came back to him and he realized she was right. He had always just been interested in the idea of Liam, not Liam himself. He had built up fantasy after fantasy until he made himself feel as if he truly felt those things for Liam.

Louis looked at him just then from across the room, and felt a sense of friendship and camaraderie, not desire or lust. Sure Liam was physically attractive and Louis had fun with him that time they kissed, but truth be told, the more he got to know him, the more he realized that Liam was right. He thought of him as a friend, not boy-friend material. Imagine if he had ruined our friendship by giving him the cold shoulder after his apparent rejection of Louis! That would have been terrible.

He means, Liam was gorgeous and if he’d told Louis he felt those things for him, Louis would have said yes. Honestly, but that didn’t make things different. He was a friend, gorgeous nonetheless.

Louis was about to turn his attention back to the teacher when another face caught his eye. Zayn Malik. Goodness, he resented the fact that Zayn has to be in every class he has with Liam. It really is annoying because Zayn has to be the biggest jerk in the entire history of jerks. At least to Louis anyway.

Zayn caught his eye at that moment and smirked at him. Louis gave him a disgusted look and picked up his pencil to copy down what the teacher had written on the board several minutes ago when he had been busy daydreaming. Just as he wrote down the very last word, the bell signaling for next class rang and he got up, gathering his papers. One loose paper fell on the ground, and as he picked it up, Zayn approached him. “You better not skip English next with that boyfriend of yours,” he said to Louis.

“He’s not my boyfriend, douche-bag, and…And why not?” Louis was nonplussed as to why he would say that.

“I don’t care whether or not you’re in the class honestly, but I got assigned to being your partner last class when you were off being stupid. I had to do work on a project by myself which consists of interviewing your partner. You can’t imagine how bored I was.”

“Uh alright, I won’t skip,” Louis said, feeling that it was fair not to say some smart-ass comment back to him. Zayn turned to leave, “You coming or what, slow-poke?” This was the first conversation they’d ever had where they hadn’t sworn at each other. This was a big turning point for both of them.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” Louis got up.

Zayn stopped, turned around, and gave him a funny look, “What’s wrong with you today? You sure you feeling okay, because you’re being…polite?” His eyebrows creased when he said this, and his face looked absolutely adorable. Louis turned away quickly.

“I really don’t feel like arguing like a bunch of five year old girls right now, got a problem with that?”

Zayn thought, “Nah, not really. We can do that tomorrow I guess.” They looked at each other, out the window, back at each other, and burst into laughter. “You realize this is the first conversation we’ve had where we haven’t slit one another’s throats?” Zayn said.

They were both silent for a bit, then Louis looked up into Zayn’s face and saw him looking back at him.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna be sick,” he said.

“Shut up loser,” Zayn said in a particularly whiney voice, imitating a child. Louis burst out laughing again, “Never thought I’d see the day,” he said and walked ahead of Zayn, who jogged to catch up with Louis.

“What?”

“Nothing, just you being slightly okay and being funny, never thought I’d see that.”

“You know I’m only a dick around you, right?” He asked.

"Yeah, I pretty much figured that out a while ago.” They both entered the portable and took their regular seats…away from each other, thank-you!

The teacher came in and went over the activity for that day. At the end of the instructions, the teacher said in a particularly bored voice, “And you won’t be working on those peer profiles in class today. Last class was enough time to have gotten the interview portion done. You had the entire class. Now you can do it on your own time. It’s to be five pages typed, single spaced, and twelve point font. Make sure to make it descriptive. I want to know what they look like, what their personality is like. By the end of the report I should feel as if I’ve known the person you’re writing about my whole life. It is due at the end of the week.”

Zayn and Louis looked at each other. They were both worried. Louis put his hand up, “But, how are we going to get it done? Zayn and I, I mean. I’ve missed the last couple of classes and haven’t gotten any time to work on it. Do you think Zayn and I could do our interviewing this period?”

“No. It’s not my fault you chose to miss valuable class time. Now you have to do that on your own time. We are moving on with the unit and I can’t give you extra time or you’ll fall even more behind. Understood?”

“Yes, understood.” They both said. They looked at each other and realized they’d have to meet up to do this piece of shit. How great. Except the idea didn’t seem that bad to him anymore…what was he thinking?

During that entire exchange, Liam was studying Zayn and him very closely. Louis didn’t know what was going through the guy’s head, but he looked deep in thought. Afterwards when Louis asked him he said it was nothing so he shrugged it off.

Zayn had decided for the both of them that they were going to meet after school. Apparently Louis was to wait for him during football practice and Zayn would drive the both of them to his house, where they would work for exactly one hour, and then he’d drive Louis home.

Louis didn’t know what Zayn thought he was, but he sure had it wrong. He wasn’t going to wait around for him like a total loser, and then go home with him. So what he did was, just gave Zayn his phone number, but didn’t tell him that he wasn’t going to be waiting for him. He’d figure it out on his own.

At home, he made it a point not to go anywhere since he knew Zayn would call and would want to meet up to work. His mom raised and eyebrow at him as he sat down to non-chalantly read a book at the kitchen table. He just checked at his phone regularly for the time. Honest.

“So how’s school lately honey? You never mention anything anymore?”

Louis shrugged, “Alright, I guess.”

“That’s a really typical answer. Would you care to elaborate on that, Louis?”

Louis smiled at her and said, “Honestly Mom, I don’t really want to but I will, just for you, and because I’m so nice.” He poked his tongue out at her and she laughed. “School has been annoying lately. It’s like the teachers are trying to pack in all the homework they possibly can before Christmas break. Like right now I have this assignment–” just then the phone rang, and he got up. “Sorry but that’s probably for me, probably my partner for this project I have to do.”

He picked up, “Hello?”

“May I speak to Louis Tomlinson?” Zayn’s voice was so nice and polite when he wasn’t speaking to Louis, it’s not even funny. Maybe because he thought it was his parents and didn’t want to freak them out by talking like he normally did, which was very obnoxious.

“Speaking.”

“Louis? You wanker!” Zayn yelled into the phone, demeanor changing instantly. Louis held the phone away from his ear due to his outburst and looked over at his mom, who was pretending not to listen. Then he began to walk towards his room, where his mom wouldn’t have to hear him swear if he felt like it. And god knows he would since this was Zayn Malik. “I looked for you everywhere. Didn’t you have the decency to tell me you weren’t going to wait? I even…got out early so you wouldn’t have to wait too long.” He added softly.

Great, now Louis felt like crap. It felt like all of the fight washed away from me the instant he said those words, and so he said, “I’m sorry I guess,” and they were both silent for a few moments, just washing in these new words.

“You still want to do it today?” Zayn finally asked.

“Yeah, come pick me up.” Louis told him.

“Okay, I’ll be there in ten minutes, alright?” said Zayn, but Louis stopped him, “Wait—you don’t even know my address–” Zayn interrupted him, “I know where you live doofus,” and hung up. Vaguely, Louis wondered how he knew but shrugged it off.

When Zayn arrived, he walked up to the car and got in. Zayn asked him instantly, “where are your things?”

“Uh-what things?”

“Your school things moron. As in your books.”

“Well, I didn’t bring them; we’re only doing the interview anyway. It’s not like I’m going to need them or anything.” Zayn didn’t say anything. Instead he drove in silence.

It was when they arrived at his mansion of a house that he finally said something, “My parents aren’t home, so you can help yourself to anything from the fridge. Mind if I take a shower first?”

“Nah,” Louis said, a vision of a wet, naked, and warm Zayn zapped through his brain before he quickly shook his head. Inside, he didn’t grab anything to eat since he wasn’t hungry. Instead he sat in the family room and watched some TV. Ten minutes later, Zayn’s voice could be heard bellowing down the stairs, “Louis, come on up.”

When Louis was at the top of the stairs, the sight that greeted him was so fucking sexy that Louis felt his cock get hard instantly. Sometimes, he hated being 16. Zayn stood, leaning against the stair rail, a towel draped around his lean and narrow waist. His calves were dusted with light hair and his chest was virtually hair free. The muscles of his shoulders were powerful, and boy were those shoulders wide. His chest was ridged with muscle, and his light and minimal amount of pubic hair could be seen just a bit where his towel dipped. Below was a nice package. Louis couldn’t really tell, but it looked pretty nice to him. Louis felt his mouth water unconsciously and swallowed.

Zayn made Louis think of hot sweaty sex and naked bodies. Of hard and taut flesh, sucking and licking and dirty words. Sweet nothings, bare asses, and perspiration. He brought out that side of Louis.

Zayn turned then, and granted Louis with a spectacular view of his firm backside. “Let’s go, Louis.” He gulped and followed Zayn into the room, staring at his ass the entire way. Zayn’s room was roomy, actually huge, and was nicely decorated. He had a state of the art computer and other various electronics that Louis didn’t feel like identifying. He went into his walk-in closet and returned fully dressed. Louis was seated in a plushy chair and Zayn fell into his bad, lying on his stomach facing him. They had pencils and papers in hand.

“You go first,” Zayn said.

“Okay…first question. Describe your childhood.”

“Well, I’m the only son. My elder sisters are all gone off to uni now. Growing up I was pampered and spoiled you could say. My parents were nice and pretty much gave me what I wanted so I was a terrible person for a while. They thought it was for the best and didn’t really want to be bothered by me. My dad is a business man and my mom is a doctor so they weren’t around much. It wasn’t until I started school that I realized how foolish I could be. Especially when no one wanted to be my friend,” He sort of laughed at himself for this but Louis could tell it was a touchy subject. “Then I developed some people skills and actually made some friends. Which was pretty cool. I played a lot of sports as a kid; most of them organized sports like soccer or basket ball.”

Louis wrote down the gist of what Zayn said furiously, before asking him, “Tell me, other than playing sports what do you enjoy doing?”

He grinned then, and that made his eyes squint. Louis felt like kissing his lips. He was so cute…Louis stopped himself…what the fuck was wrong with him. “Well, besides athletics, I actually enjoy music. Not like playing instruments or anything. More singing. I used to sing a lot when I was younger.”

“What kind of music?” Louis interrupted.

“Mostly pop and dance tracks. I don’t mind rapping a few here and there too. I am actually saving up to buy a turntable so I can try my hands at DJing.” Zayn grinned and replied.

Louis really liked this Zayn that was talking to him right now. He liked him and he also liked the things he spoke about. The Zayn that he normally saw was a jerk. This was a nice guy. Louis didn’t know who he really was, but just then he really wanted to get to know. Louis asked him some more questions and then it was his turn to be interviewed. Zayn asked him the same questions Louis asked him. He has to say though, Zayn was way more detailed in his answers of the questions then Louis was.

Afterwards Zayn said, “You know, you aren’t such a freak after all.”

Louis almost snorted, “Thanks and you’re not as big of a moron as I thought you were.”

“No seriously, I thought you were like major geek, all into school and stuff.”

“Well, I care about my grades but I’m not a major nerd. In fact I just do my work so that I don’t get hassled by my mom. I’m not one of those kids who actually do their work because they truly want to. And I like soccer. I just don’t play as much because I sprained my ankle at the start of the year and didn’t make it for the try-out. But I like playing sometimes.” Louis told him, smiling the entire time.

“Yeah, and you skip class more than I do. Yet you get great grades.” Zayn said, and then added, “And I’m not a moron honestly. I may be really athletic but I really enjoy reading and learning about stuff. That’s on my own time. At school, learning is the last thing I want to do. Agreed?”

Louis grinned, “Indeed.”

Zayn looked at him closely, “You know what, Tomlinson? If I’m not careful, I may start thinking you’re not such a bad guy after all.”

“Fuck you.”

“That’s more like it, bitch.” They both laughed.

“Still thinking you might start actually liking me?”

“No chance there.”

*~*~*~*~*

That Friday when Louis walked into English class, Zayn was already there seated. When he saw Louis, he nodded a greeting before going back to chatting with the girl in front of him. Louis was immensely confused. Sure, Zayn wasn’t as big of a jerk as Louis thought he was, but he also didn’t expect cordiality from Zayn at all. Truth be told, Louis was as mean to him as Zayn had been to him.Now he was actually acknowledging Louis’ existence minus the swear words and derogatory comments? Hmm…

“What was up with that?” Liam asked from beside him. He seemed miffed about something.

“What?”

“You know, Zayn just nodded at you. What’s up with that?” He seemed very confused.

“Well, you know the descriptive assignment thing I had to do with him, well we kind of got over the whole crap I guess. I realized he’s not as big of a moronic jerk as I thought he was and he realized that I wasn’t , as he put it, as big of a freak as he thought I was.”

“Hmm…cool,” was all Liam said before he looked out the window and muttered something which sounded suspiciously like, “Urgh…snow.”

Louis curved a hand around his ear, “Say what? I don’t think I heard that.”

“Nothing, nothing.” Liam assured him. Louis just raised an eyebrow and took out the report he’d spent a lot of time on from his backpack. If he did well on this assignment, it would make his grade. He’d tried his best. Louis got up to hand it in and when he placed it in the blue bin on the teacher’s desk, Zayn was already there, placing his inside.

“Somebody’s a little excited to hand their report in.” Louis said.

“Hell yes. I did so well on that shit. I’m going to get an A.“

“Really?” He guess he didn’t sound too confident in Zayn because he said, “Yeah, mate, I made you sound like the fucking prince of England.”

Louis laughed, “You don’t want to know what I wrote about you, Zayn.”

“What did you write?”

“You don’t want know.” He said again.

“No, seriously.” Zayn retorted.

Louis sat down at his seat and took out a book, “Well I wrote about how big of an ass-hole you are and how ugly you look on a day to day basis.”

Zayn laughed, “Well, you’re going to fail, because the teacher knows that ain’t the truth. I’m charming as hell and I’m the prettiest thing around. We all know that much.”

“Fuck you.”

“You wish.” He grinned and Louis sighed.

“I told you before, I really don’t wish, and don’t say that, it’s so old.” Louis gave him a look that he hoped conveyed all of the disgust he felt at that particular moment.

“That was before. Now you just want a piece of my ass.”

He was right but Louis wasn’t going to admit it. So, he just raised an eyebrow. “You really want to get back to this? I thought we decided on a truce.”

“When?”

“Uh-during the interviewing process,” Louis told him.

Zayn actually thought about it for a moment, before replying.“Well, I guess you’re right. I’ll try not to be as big of a dick.”

"Okay.” Louis said simply, not sure what else he could possible say.

“That’s it? You aren’t going to offer anything?”

“I don’t think so. I mean, we both know you were the cause of my problem with you. I did nothing wrong.”

“Fucking moron, of course I was the cause of your problem with ME.” Zayn thought about what he’d said then, and added “Whatever…a truce it is.”


	5. Chapter 5

And so, things began to change. Over the course of the next little while, Zayn and Louis became okay with each other. Of course, they still cussed at each other and acted like a bunch of five year olds, but they were better. Now it was all in good fun rather than bloody murder. Of course they didn’t really act like they were friends outside of class. They would nod at one another between classes and Zayn would stay with his friends while Louis continued to hang out with Eleanor, Stan and Liam of course. They knew that Zayn and Louis were cool now, but Louis doesn’t think they realized that Louis kind of had feelings for him. Even he wasn’t too sure of it himself. He just liked him better as a person now. He’d always been attracted to Zayn since he was fucking burning hot. Now, Louis was just starting to like him actually as a person. And he was afraid of that because it happened so fast and he didn’t even know himself what happened. One second, he wanted to murder Zayn and the next, he wanted to cuddle him. Honestly though, Louis cannot handle another Liam incident.

*~*~*~*~*

Eleanor was speaking to Louis after school one day. It was the last day of school before the Christmas holidays. He hadn’t really had a chance to speak with her in a while since he and Liam would hang out and go out for lunch more often than not, and Eleanor was pretty busy studying at the library for last minute tests.

“You going to the party tonight?” Eleanor asked him as she approached while he was piling most of his books into his backpack.

“Huh, what party? How come I didn’t know there was a party?” He was kind of out of it having stayed up the previous night until like two in the morning to get a project finished.

“Dumb-ass, what are you talking about? Have you been walking around with cotton balls in your ears? The big party. Everyone’s going to be there. Man, I’ve been stressed out all week trying to get work in and stuff. Now would be a good time to relax and chill out.” She kept on going but Louis didn’t really listen.

“I don’t think I want to go.” He told her, making up his mind.

“One question: why the hell not?”

“I just want to go home and sleep,” Louis yawned, “so tired,” And he really was!

“No, you’re going. I’m going to come and pick you up so you better be ready.” Louis just managed a nod and absently watched as she sauntered down the hall and out the side door. Gathering his books and things, he too made his way out. He was walking nonchalantly, not really taking in any of his surroundings. Then he wondered why stupid Eleanor hadn’t offered him a ride home. Now he had to take the bus. He exited from the side door of his hall and was out in back portion of the school, where there were just a few cars parked, some trash cans and a couple of nets (unusual), when he heard some scuffling and a noise.

He kept walking, but there it was again. The scuffling and a muffled voice. So he stopped, turned around and went down the narrow stretch of pavement between the fence and the school. On the other side of the fence were some houses and backyards of people. Louis guessed it was mostly student housing because the backyards looked untended for. He turned the corner again and was greeted by a slightly shocking sight. Two boys were pressed up against each other, making out with fervor. The one boy’s back was against the wall of the school and the other was groping him and had his tongue down his throat. They were really going at it. Louis thinks his mouth had dropped open.

He sure was awake now! There were two other boys and girls sitting down on some stones. They looked perfectly at ease with these two guys making out. Huh…

His eyes latched on to the two boys again, and he felt this inexplicable longing for something. Someone: Just a body to hold on to.

They turned to Louis, all of them. Except for the two boys who were still making out and unaware of a new presence. The girl with the red hair spoke first, “Oi mate, you want something?” At the sound of her voice, the two boys broke apart with a slight sucking sound. One of them was slightly built and blond, and the other had brown, soft and curly hair with green eyes. He was tall and nicely built. Those eyes of his searched Louis’ face, and then he smirked.

Louis shrugged, “No, I don’t want anything. I just heard some noise and came to check it out.”

“Well, now that you’ve checked it out, why don’t you just fuck off?” This was the other girl. Louis immediately didn’t like her. She looked terribly mean and her eyes were tilted in a way that to him represented animosity. At least on her.

“No, don’t leave. Candice is just angry right now. Why don’t you stay?” This was from the green eyed boy. The hot one.

Louis just shrugged; he didn’t look that old, despite his size. It was his spirit that gave him away, “How old are you guys anyway?”

“Does it matter to you?” This was from the bitch. Louis just glanced at her before looking away.

“Shut up Candice, seriously, you can be such a bitch sometimes. Can’t you see he’s not being mean or trying to do anything?” He turned to Louis, “We’re all sophomores, you?” He had this aura of superiority, this raw sex-appeal that made Louis want to reach out and stroke his hair…and a few other things.

“Junior,” was all he said. It seemed as if he couldn’t form coherent sentences and thus stuck to replying with one word answers.

The girl known as Candice got up and placed a protective hand on the green-eyed boy’s shoulder, “Harry, let’s go. Come on, if you’re done with him, we can go have fun at my place. My parents are away…” she added teasingly. Louis was confused and he looked at the boy beside Harry. He seemed uncomfortable and looked like he wanted to flee. From what Louis had seen, and the way Candice was acting, he was confused.

“Fine,” Harry relented. He turned to him, “I didn’t catch your name.” By now the others were already walking away and were at a safe distance.

“Louis Tomlinson.” He replied.

Harry nodded, “Well, Mr. Tomlinson, I’ll look around for you. We can hook-up.”

Louis knew what he meant by that. He knew perfectly well what he was suggesting and he was really confused. “But—the boy, and…Candice.”

“I just like mix it up a little bit. I can’t stick to guys or girls. I just pretty much have sex with anything.” And he winked at Louis. “Just kidding. Not that I think you’re just anything. You’re a real treat.”

He thinks he might have blushed furiously. Harry was being so obvious and suggestive - like no one Louis had ever seen. “No thanks…I uh am not interested. I’ve kind of been hung up over someone for a while. Actually two people.”

“That doesn’t matter.” He said, “I can make you forget all about him or them.”

“What makes you think it’s a him?”

“Dude, it’s called gaydar, and you’re being pretty much obvious.” Louis realized that now there was one other person besides Liam, Eleanor, and Stan that knew he was gay. “Anyway, see you around. I don’t go to this school by the way so don’t go looking for me in the halls or anything. Look for Candice if you want me.” He winked and ran off after the others. Right, like Louis is ever gonna find and talk to that bitch.

When, Louis got home he fell asleep until it was time for the party. When he awoke, he changed and looked at himself in the mirror. It was time for some fun! Man, he really wanted to get wasted. He wanted to feel like he could fly.

And fly he would.


	6. Chapter 6

Loud music, voices muffled, some loud, and others laughing. Drugs, alcohol and enjoyment. This is why people party so hard. They love feeling like this. Immensely ecstatic but kind of foreign at the same time. Louis sat there on the deck outside, leaning against the rail, his bum on the ground and head thrown back. Opening his eyes, he saw the numerous stars in the sky. He felt like catching one and just looking at it.

They say that some stars are so far away, it takes years for the light to reach the earth.

It takes approximately eight minutes for the sun’s light to reach earth. So if the sun decided to just blow up one day, they wouldn’t know right away. Or maybe they would, maybe the explosion would be so catastrophic that someone could detect the signs before it happened. Maybe someone will see how the light shining is brighter than the sun itself.

Louis stood up and walked to the edge of the deck with his hands over the railing. For a few moments he just stood there, not thinking, not doing anything but just being. Then the moment was gone and he turned around. In the darkness he groped for the door handle and let himself in. Immediately as he stepped in the humid room from being outside in the wintery chill and snow, he felt a sense of nostalgia that he wanted to ignore.

Louis heard Eleanor calling his name, “Louis! Stupid. I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Where have you been?”

“Uh-I was outside,” He replied and gestured to the open door, through which a cool breeze was wafting in. She rolled her eyes, “You’re supposed to be my fake boyfriend, so dance with me. I don’t want Marissa to think I’m here alone and not with a date.”

“But, you don’t have a date.”

“Exactly. I don’t want her to know that I don’t have one.”

“Alright.” Louis let her lead him by the hand to the dance floor which was pretty much just a blob of people. For a while they danced together and Louis was very bored and inanimate despite his movements. In spirit he felt like he was standing still. He kept telling her this bit of information but she just kept saying shut-up. Eventually he stopped and just began looking around. Why he even bothered to question Eleanor, he doesn’t know.

He saw Liam talking with some guy talking in the corner of the room. They looked like they were really into each other, and Louis felt a flicker of something before he washed it down. Then he spotted Stan dancing with this girl he’d been trying to __seduce__ for the last week or two. It looked like she’d been thoroughly courted. When he caught Louis’ eye, he winked and Louis gave him a subtle thumb-up before looking around again. He felt like he could see people’s emotions and true uninhibited selves without any mask since they had no idea his eye was trained on them. As he peered this time, he saw Zayn leaning against the wall of the opposite side of the room with a cup in hand and his eyes were trained on Eleanor and him. Louis gave him a weak smile and Zayn realized Louis caught him staring. Zayn just smiled and mouthed the words, “Come here,“ along with gesturing with his hand.

Louis just shrugged and mouthed, “I can’t,” with a curt nod of his head towards Eleanor. Zayn frowned and keeping his eyes on Louis, he walked to the staircase and made his way upstairs. At the top, he looked down at Louis and nodded for him to follow him. Louis shrugged himself away from Eleanor a few moments after Zayn disappeared and said, “Listen, I have to go use the bathroom, okay? I’ll be a while so don’t wait for me.”

“Whatever, I’m done with Marissa. I’ve decided that I’m not going to worry about her anymore. I will focus on my studies.” She declared. Louis rolled his eyes at this declaration, as there was no jeopardy to her grades anyway.

When he reached the top of the staircase, he looked down the long narrow hall, lit strangely by several medieval style candles. There were so many doors and he didn’t know what was behind any of those doors. Taking a deep breath, he sauntered down the hall and called out, “Zayn?” A door to his far left opened and Zayn’s head poked out, his face looking grave. “Come in.” Louis looked behind him once more and followed Zayn into the room. Putting his hands in his hoodie pockets, Louis surveyed his surroundings. There was a big canopy bed in the room, decorated with svelte red and gold bed furnishings and a huge window draped with a sheer gossamer cloth. Several plush chairs were placed around the room, behind which stood rich cherry wood bookshelves. He released the breath he’d been holding and glanced at Zayn, who’d been watching him carefully. Louis gulped and looked away and back again.

Zayn sat down in one of the chairs, sprawled out and comfortable, his hair standing perfectly and the corner of his delectable mouth turning up slightly, “Have a seat and relax, Louis.” He ordered.

Louis nodded and sat down. He wiped his palms on the knees of his jeans and looked around uncomfortably.  He didn’t even know why he was so nervous. “So what’s up?” The mood in the room was different. Something had changed, and he knew it right away. The atmosphere did not settle well with him.

“Nothing, Nothing.” Zayn replied, his eyes were sleepy and half lidded. He looked so sexy.

“Uh-okay.” Louis didn’t know why Zayn’d called him up here, but he wasn’t feeling so hot about it right now.

“I know about you, Louis.” Zayn said after a silence of a few moments. Louis looked up into his face with surprise. Surely, he didn’t mean.

His shock must have shown on his features because Zayn looked at him. “Yeah, I know what you and Little Liam down there have been up to.” Louis didn’t know what to say…Liam and him?It’s not like they are together or anything. They had never been. So what was he talking about?

“I saw you two making out at Krista’s party way back when he first came here.” Louis guessed he wasn’t homophobic or anything since he hadn’t beat him up or said anything so terrible about it up until this day. Or maybe not. “I saw you and I even have a picture of you two on my phone. Wanna see it?”

Louis shook his head, his confidence slowly returning. “What the fuck are you talking about?” He stood up.  Zayn followed and copied his stance, “Are you trying to deny anything happened. Are you trying to deny that you are gay?” His eyes flashed as he demanded an answer. Louis’ eyes too were filled with unbidden fury, a storm of emotions that threatened to burst out at any given moment if stimulated.

“No, I’m not denying or hiding anything. I’m not ashamed of being gay.” He held his head high. God, he just outed himself to Zayn, shit,  and judging by the looks of things, to the entire school as well.

“If you aren’t ashamed of it, then why doesn’t anyone know? Why are you pretending to date poor Eleanor?”

Louis smiled, “Hey shit-head, I’m that much of an asshole to abuse my friendship with Eleanor like that. We aren’t dating. In fact, both she and Stan know about me. The reason I don’t walk around wearing a sign that says I’m gay is because I don’t believe that being gay is all I am. Just like you liking girls or whatever doesn’t make you who you are, being gay doesn’t make me who I am. Being gay is just a part of who I am, not me. I don’t feel the need to start a conversation with, ‘hi I’m Louis and I’m gay.’ Just like you don’t feel the need to say, 'hi, I’m Zayn and I’m straight.’ Make sense to you buddy?”

Zayn looked at him, “Relax, okay? That had nothing to do with why I called you here,” He searched Louis’ eyes to see if he got the message and then continued. “All I want to tell you is that I have these pictures and I can out you to the entire school if I want.”

LouisI felt anger boil up inside him. What the hell was wrong with this guy? Why was he doing this after all this time? Fuck the stupid loser. He didn’t want to be outed like this. If the entire public was going to find out he was gay, he wanted the news to be given out from him, not some dumb idiot who had a childish vendetta against him.

“Why do I sense an __unless__ in that sentence?” Louis asked him, his voice forced and calm.

“I will out you unless you do as I say.”

“Are you seriously trying to blackmail me now?” Louis said in disbelief. “You know what, I don’t have a problem with having the entire school knowing I’m gay…on my terms that is. I’m not going to do as you say. In fact, I’m going announce myself that I’m gay downstairs at this party. Then I’ll be happy.”

Zayn held his cell phone in his hand and grinned, “All it takes is just one button and everyone down there at the party will see this picture and you’ll be outed by me.” It was just then that Louis realized just how fucking drunk Zayn was. He’d probably regret doing this in the morning. It sort of made Louis hate him less. Sort of. But see, the thing is Louis was also drunk, albeit not as much as Zayn, but enough to not realize Zayn probably couldn’t out him to everyone with just the touch of the button on his phone unless he has an "out-Louis” app.

“I’m ready to accept that. We don’t exactly live in 19th century, Zayn. Most people here are accepting of gay guys. I’ll straighten it out.”

“Whatever. No matter how accepting they are, I know some jocks that despise gay people. This isn’t rural Texas but there are people, and I know two or three who would, if stimulated, have no problem with beating a gay guy. Oh and by the way, Liam is in the photo too if you don’t realize.”

It kept Louis shut. Liam. Shit. He didn’t really minded being that gay guy in school. But Liam. He couldn’t do this to Liam.

Inside his head, Louis screamed. Out loud he asked in a low whisper, “Why are you doing this, Zayn?” A bit louder this time and with more force, “Why the fuck are you doing this? I thought we were finally getting along. We were doing okay—don’t do this, man. Not now.”

“Sorry, I truly am. It’s just that I can’t be a nice guy for long. At least to you anyway.” He stated simply.  
  
“What the fuck have I done to you, huh? Give me one good reason why you hate me.” Louis demanded of him.

“Honestly, I don’t hate you anymore. But that just makes it worse: I want to hate you.” Zayn looked uncharacteristically determined.

Louis looked out the window, at the moon shining bright and high in the sky. A full moon. Full moons always represented bad omens, always have since the beginning of time. Werewolves are born from the light of the moon, vampires travel by its light, owls hunt, creatures and spirits awaken. The full moon.

Louis wanted to spit. He wanted to hit something, anything, smash the window.

But he just said in a low voice, his voice seeming far away, “What do you want, Zayn?”

“Anything?” His eyes gleamed. He didn’t look evil or vehement, he looked satisfied. His smile was that of ease and delight…Goodness he was really smashed!

“Do I have a choice?”

“Not anymore you don’t.”

“This is why you started noticing I existed all of a sudden.” Louis thought aloud, a puzzle piece falling in place.

“Oh, I knew you existed, I just didn’t bother acknowledging your existence. Till now that is.” Zayn replied vaguely.

“Just tell me what the fuck you want me to do, okay? Do your homework for the rest of the school year? Beat myself up? Tell everyone in the school that you are the best thing to happen on earth? Just fucking get it over with, alright?”

“I..” Zayn seemed to be uncertain for the first time that night. “I don’t know exactly what yet. I’ll come up with something.”

“What the fuck? You don’t even know what the price of your stupid fucking asshole move of a blackmail is?” Louis shouted.

“No. I just like having one over you. But I’m going to give you some rules to follow. You will not talk to me at school. I don’t want anyone to know that we speak with each other.”

“Yeah, like I fucking would.” Louis muttered.

“And you will follow and do whatever I say from now on.” Zayn smirked and reached out a hand to tweak Louis’ nipple through his shirt, pulling on it and twisting. Louis had no idea what made Zayn do that (in the back of his mind, he knew it might be due to how intoxicated Zayn was) but more importantly he had no idea how sensitive his nipples were and gasped, recoiling slightly. He felt ashamed when he took his hand back, guilty for the pleasure he’d received from Zayn touch.

Zayn just gave him a toothy smile, “You can leave.”

Louis almost ran out of the room. Just as he touched the door handle, he heard Zayn said, “I like what an obedient little puppy you are, Lou” with a hint of laughter in his voice.

He turned back and hoped his glare is enough to make Zayn drop dead on the chair. Because right now, Louis honestly don’t care if the world burned as long as he didn’t have to deal with Zayn. He couldn’t believe he had ever entertained the thought that he might fancy this guy.


	7. Chapter 7

Louis never said a word to Zayn.

It’d been a week. An entire week, but Louis refused to speak. Zayn also had said nothing to him so far about that night. You probably thought he’d make Louis do unspeakable things, but no. That’s not what they did. They did virtually nothing eye-brow raising or even remotely odd.

Zayn had yet to mention anything about the night at the party. Oh but, he’d make conversation all right, like it amused him greatly to see Louis’ unresponsiveness. He’d throw childish remarks and insults freely at his will or wink at Louis with so many meanings behind it. Or if he felt like it, he would say shits like “Hey Louis, go get me a coke” at lunch and when Louis silently obeyed, he would smirk at a confused Stan. Maybe he thought it was a satisfying challenge to make Louis finally relent and speak. Except Louis didn’t relent, not even once. Zayn constantly had this infuriating little grin on his face, not even his regular smirk, but an actual grin. Louis really wanted to smack the stupid grin right off his face.

At home when he was in bed, Louis would lie down and wonder what in hell Zayn wanted from him. He’d be damned if he knew. Louis liked it better before, when they’d fight and banter back and forth. Now it was just weird. Awkward was a better word. To make things worse, Zayn was everywhere, and each time Louis saw him, what Zayn told him the night of the party would flood back into his mind, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

By the end of the week, his anger cooled down to a simmer. Louis felt foolish and just damn tired of the situation and he just wanted to find the nearest exit so he could leave him behind and never look back at Zayn.

He can’t believe he ever let himself think that they could get along. Man, was he a fool.

*~*~*~*~*~*

It was Saturday, but Zayn had told Louis that he was going to pick him up today. He told Louis as they were getting out of class yesterday, to be ready by nine. Nine o'clock! Goodness it was a Saturday. What did he want with him? Why didn’t he just go out and do something and just let Louis be? Questions, questions, questions, for which he had to actually speak to and acknowledge Zayn in order to get the answers. Louis lay there in bed, having no idea what time it was and feeling too lazy to actually get up and check on his alarm clock. He eventually gave in and raised himself out of bed. The trip to the bathroom took a while, as he took a really long shower.

When he got out, he just grabbed whatever that looked clean because honestly, he couldn’t give a damn about how he looked like in front of Zayn.

When he walked into the kitchen after his shower, and opened the fridge, he saw his mom had left a note on the fridge:

__Louis,_ _

__I have taken your sisters to Aung Mag for the day to help out with the wedding. We might stay over for the weekend, sweetie._ _

__Be safe, I trust you to be alone. (especially after all those arguments about your maturity) This will be a pleasant experience for you with us gone. I trust you, but if you want you can party. After all, that’s healthy for a boy your age._ _

__Love,_ _   
__Mom_ _

Louis silently thanked his mom for excluding him since he knew his aunt Mag hated him and vice versa, and smiled as he thought of his mom. Apparently, she was the only mother who would actually encourage their child to party, finding it a healthy activity for one at his age.

Yes! A time for him to be alone for the whole weekend. Louis grinned but it slowly evaporated off his face as he remembered Zayn. Checking his watch, Louis noticed it was fifteen after nine and Zayn still hadn’t arrived. He shrugged and gulped some orange juice straight from the bottle. It was pretty satisfying to know that he could do that without his mom around to nag him or his sisters to tell him how gross that was. Not the most rebellious stuff he could have done, but whatever.

Getting up, he crossed the room to the large window and gazed out at the pretty picture of winter outside. It looked beautiful. This was the one thing he actually liked about winter, the mornings. He enjoyed looking out at the fresh and untouched snow framed by a dark and grey sky. The tree branches were covered with a thin layer of frozen snow and ice and looked breathtakingly gorgeous. Everything was snow-tipped and immensely beautiful.

A honk from outside. Louis sighed: Zayn was here.

He put down the bottle of orange juice, grabbed his jacket, shrugged it on and then slipped his feet into his sneakers. As he opened the door, the cold air hit him directly in the face and he shivered, burrowing further into his jacket. Zayn sat in his car, wide awake. The bastard. Louis was barely up and he still wanted to go back to sleep.

As he got in the car, Zayn began to talk instantly. “You look like death just warmed over.” Louis gave him a look that he hoped conveyed what he was feeling. Zayn laughed. The idiot actually had the nerve to laugh at him. Too bad he couldn’t tell him what he could go and do to himself.

“Still not talking to me, huh? Well, until you say something, Louis, this isn’t going to go anywhere.” This was said with a touch of amusement.

This? This? What was this? This was nothing. Louis guessed Zayn read what he thought from my expression because he said, “Yeah, because you aren’t responding to me. If you just say something, I’ll tell you what the hell I’m doing this for.”

No way, he was not going to talk. Not because of his manly pride or because of any other noble reason. He wasn’t going to talk because if he gave in now, he would look like a fool. He actually felt like talking to him…but he would just look like an idiot now.

“I know you think I’m the biggest loser in the world, blackmailing you and all, but I had no other choice. Honestly.”

What the fuck? Louis just rolled his eyes and looked out the window. Zayn Malik made no sense.

“Today, we’re going to do something new.” Zayn glanced over at him as they pulled into his driveway. Louis just got out of the car and slammed the door, feeling a little scared but not showing it. He made his way over to the front door of Zayn’s house and helped himself in. He took off his sneakers and climbed the stairs and walked straight into Zayn’s room. When he was inside the room, he collapsed into a chair and closed his eyes.

“None of that. Wake up. I didn’t drive all over your house so that you can sleep in my room, moron.” Zayn’s voice brought him out of his safe and Zayn-free haven. His voice was so annoying to Louis just then that he wanted to smack him. He seemed to want to do that a lot lately. He opened his eyes nonetheless to see Zayn standing above him. “Get up.” Louis waited a second before complying. He backed away and sat on the bed, looking at him. His eyes were intent on their perusal of Louis’.

“Louis, look at me,” He raised his eyes to Zayn’s face, “You probably hate me—wait I know you hate me for doing this, but I had no other choice. Listen to me, I will not make you do anything you aren’t comfortable with. Have I done anything to make you uncomfortable thus far? Anything cruel? ”

Louis snorted.

“Have I?” He persisted and Louis just shook his head.

A smile warmed across Zayn’s face, softening his beautiful features. “I understand that you have a boyfriend,” he said the word boyfriend like it was a disease, spitting it out of his mouth almost. “But-but…would…you give me a chance?” Zayn looked almost modest and embarrassed that it was kind of strange and cute really. Gone was the alpha male, authoritative attitude. Instead it was Zayn being…sweet?

Wait, wait, what? Backtrack. First of all, Louis doesn’t have a boyfriend…and second of all, Zayn Malik was asking him to…to give him a chance? Is that what this was all about? All of this blackmailing, he thought he was doing this so Louis would give him the time of day even though he thought Louis had a boyfriend. What?

“I-I know that I’m not the greatest person since I’m so confused about everything, and Liam is probably sure about himself, but I want to try…I want to experiment. I was rude to you because you were the one who brought out these thoughts In me. I hated you for making me want you. And I am sorry. The truth is there’s no one else I would want to experiment with. I might be gay or I might be bisexual, I honestly don’t know. But-but-”

Louis walked up to Zayn and placed his hand over his mouth. He stiffened immediately, but relaxed in demeanour.“Shh,” Louis told him, “If you say anymore in that tone of voice I will lose the minimal amount of respect I have remaining for your sorry little ass. Now shut up. I am not going out with Liam. I never have and I won’t. We are just friends.”

Zayn smiled, when he heard this, “So you’ll do it with me?”

“Do “it”? What are you? Thirteen?”

Zayn laughed, “Such a loser. I mean like will you experiment with me? I know that’s not the most solid case presented to you, but I’m not sure about what I am or what I want. I do know that I’m attracted to you though. I don’t think we’ll be like…boyfriends or anything, but I really want to give this a try for as long as it’s possible.”

“That’s plenty–,” Louis walked closer to Zayn, not knowing where the courage came from, and placed a feather light kiss on collar bone. He licked the spot once and then looked to Zayn’s mouth, leaning up, and breathing there, “–to start with.” And suddenly Zayn’s tongue was in his mouth as he crushed Louis’ body to his. His hands gripped Louis’ back, pulling him into Zayn trying to fuse their bodies together. Louis licked Zayn’s lower lip and then nibbled on it, taking his time, but Zayn was impatient and pulled Louis’ lips back to his, sucking sweetly. His tongue dipped into Louis’ mouth, mimicking a movement he’d like to do with another part of Zayn’s body. Swirling around, panting, gripping, licking, and he couldn’t get enough. He needed air, but he needed Zayn even more so Louis dug his erection into Zayn’s with his hips and felt Zayn moan, and mimic the movement of his hips. The friction was heaven.

“No commitments though. When it ends, it’s over. I won’t promise you anything, no roses, no love songs. So don’t make the mistake…God,” Zayn let out a groan as Louis grinded his hips harder, pushing Zayn back against the wall. Zayn grabbed his hair and yanked his mouth to his once more. His fingers remained on the back of Louis’ head, tugging subconsciously, holding Louis as his mouth ravaged Louis’ repeatedly.

Power, dominance, a sleek need erupted within Zayn and Louis felt it the moment his control broke. He was frenzied, feverish in his perusal of Louis’ mouth. Louis moaned around his tongue as Zayn swept it within his mouth, staking claim. He returned with an equal need, a need to feel and touch, to know and to take.

Louis smiled, “what mistake?” He suckled an earlobe and run his tongue lightly over the metallic earring.

“Don’t,” Kiss, “fall in love with me or anything.”

“I won’t,” Louis assured him, “You’re just,” nibble, “a hot piece of ass. Just be sure you don’t fall in love with me.” Zayn didn’t answer, just returned with a fierce kiss as he sucked Louis’ tongue into his mouth. “Do you want this? Do you really want to continue, because there’s no going back.”

“Hell, yes.” He answered on a groan. “I want this so bad.”

“How much?”

“More than anything.”

The friction was unbearable. The rhythm remained as they grunted and groaned, foregoing any other words, as their hands and mouths pleasured each other.

Over and over, the agony of it became unbearable, Louis was reduced to pants and moans. His entire body was stiffening, but yet so relaxed. He couldn’t seem to stop my frantic movements. It was as if his body had a will of its own as it gravitated towards Zayn’s.

Stars, lights, a big flash, explosions, fireworks, the big bang. All of these tumultuous events surmounted into one eruption as they came simultaneously, and collapsed on to one another.

“That wasn’t supposed to happen,” Zayn muttered into his ear, licking the beads of sweat that had gathered on the side of his neck. Louis returned the favour and they both sighed with the force of their release. He had the odd feeling that this wasn’t going to be happening very often. This was a first for Zayn, and he had been testing the waters. He knew that if there was a second time, if, he would be way different.

It’s not that Zayn was bad; it was that he could feel the control he’d kept within. He’d allowed himself to go a bit over the line of his control, but not much. Zayn was a powerhouse.

“That sure was quick.” Louis said. Zayn laughed, the sound a deep rumble, as his head was laying on Zayn’s chest. His heartbeat was slowing down. Louis looked up into his warm eyes, “Now will you release me from your evil clutches, blackmailer?”

Zayn groaned, “Don’t remind me of that. Gosh I was stupid.”

“So you’re not going to out me to the entire school If I don’t do what you tell me?”

“I only did that so you would consider experimenting with me. So yes, that’s entirely off. To be honest I was so drunk and at the time it seemed like the perfect solution.” Zayn grinned.

“And the next morning?”

“Honestly when I woke up and remembered, I was like what the hell did you do Malik? But then I was like oh well, might as well go along with it.”

“Nothing dramatic?”

“Nah nothing noble, I just felt like it would look stupid if I backed out.”

The situation was truly funny. They both made stupid moves, the biggest of course made by Zayn when he pulled off this stupid blackmailing stunt. Then by Louis ignoring him.

Louis grinned. “You’re brave, you spent an entire week being chicken and just watching me. We could have been doing something fun.” To prove his point, he grabbed a hold of Zayn’s cock gently through his track pants. It was hard again, and it felt good. He’d never held another person’s cock in his hand before. Zayn gasped as Louis stroked it with a firm hand through his pants, up and down, up and down. Lazily at first, stroking gently, around the base to the sensitive head. Louis slowly ran a finger across the slit and felt a shudder ripple through Zayn’s body.

Soon Louis was touching, squeezing, stroking tightly until Zayn was begging him to make him come. He slowly slid down the waistband of Zayn’s pants and boxers and his cock sprang out. It was impressive, darker in tone then the rest of the skin on his body. The head was slightly darker then the shaft. He was leaking like a faucet, as a result of his arousal. Louis got on his knees, the desire to taste him overpowering all his rational thoughts. He licked tentatively along the length to the tip and lapped at his pre-cum. Zayn groaned and his hands went to Louis’ head, leading his mouth to the tip. Louis teased him by just licking lightly for a moment before taking just the head into his mouth and sucking.

Louis had seen enough free previews of porn and read enough online to know never to scrape with his teeth. He took one hand and stroked the base to where his mouth could take it to the maximum and began sucking in earnest. He really got into it, sucking Zayn off fast and then right when he was ready, slowing down and teasing him with long swipes of his tongue. Zayn growled, grabbed his head, and began fucking his face with an urgency he’d never seen before. Louis stroked his own hard-on, matching his pace while Zayn drove his cock into his mouth.

“Yeah, Louis, ” Zayn went on fucking and pounding and Louis stroked his cock faster than ever, turned on and moaning like he had never done in his life.

He took his mouth off and stared up at Zayn from where he knelt on the ground. “How bad do you want me to suck you?” Louis was teasing him. He knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it from Zayn’s lips. He wanted him to beg for it.

“Yeah, Louis, suck my cock.” That’s all the encouragement Louis needed as he went back down, taking it into his mouth as far as it would go. Zayn went back to pounding his throat as if he’d never taken a break.

“Yeah, shit, I’m gonna….” Louis heard him and began stroking faster, matching his pace. A few quick jabs into his mouth and Zayn erupted, sending a burst of hot cum into his mouth. Louis shot right after him, all of it a warm puddle on his chest. He swallowed it all, liking the taste.

Zayn collapsed on to the nearby bed, “Wow.” Louis grabbed a towel and cleaned the both of them off, then fell on to the bed beside him. “Indeed.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

“Mmm…” Louis moved his arm, and turned his body slightly, moving subconsciously towards the source of heat. His body met with hard and naked flesh, taut and smooth, radiating a warmth that he couldn’t help but gravitate towards. Instinct lead him on and he draped a leg over this source of heat, his cheek pressing against the hardness of…a warm back?

Louis lifted his face and opened one eye. Zayn. Zayn. ZAYN! He recoiled and moved further back. What would Zayn think now that it was over? He had made out…and given a blow-job to Zayn Malik: the hottest guy at school. Wide awake, he scrambled out of bed and began pacing.

Okay, Zayn had blackmailed him in his drunken state, thinking it was the only way to make Louis submit to his “will.” Then, he’d spent a week being a retarded pussy. Earlier today he’d finally confronted him and discovered Liam wasn’t his boyfriend, and Louis had but jumped at a chance with him.

His words came back to Louis, “No commitments…” god he was such a slut…

Well, it’s not like he was going to fall in love with Zayn or anything. But what about now, what were they to each other? Louis grimaced, waving away his thoughts, and donned his jeans, shirt and sweater. He grabbed my jacket and tip toed towards the closed door. As he exited, he turned back to look one last time at Zayn.

He looked absolutely adorable in his sleep. His dark hair was rumpled and stood out in seventeen different directions. He’d taken off his shirt and jeans sometime during the nap and the sheet was bunched at his waist, revealing the masculine lines of his powerful body. Louis’ mouth watered at the sight of all of that naked, bronzed flesh.

He is sure Zayn wouldn’t mind it if he woke up and found out Louis was gone. It’s not like they were in a relationship or anything, and he’d insisted on not feeling anything for him. Of no commitments. So if he wanted to continue this he would find Louis. He wouldn’t mind.

*~*~*~*~*~*

“You what?” Eleanor shrieked, her eyes bugging out of her face. Louis definitely had her attention now. She took her hand off the mouse to his computer and turned her full attention to him.

“I had sex with Zayn Malik.” Louis repeated.

“Wait…Zayn is…gay?”

“No, It’s complicated. He says he doesn’t really know what he is. He’s confused and apparently I’m the one who brought out these thoughts in him.”

“Don’t tell me he’s using you as some sort of experiment. You know, to test the waters.”

“Actually,” Louis winced, “that’s exactly what he’s doing.”

Again, she shrieked, “What, and you let him?”

“It’s not as bad as it sounds. He told me right off the bat that there would be no commitments, no roses or love songs as he put it. He plainly said he wanted to experiment. He didn’t use me, and if he did, well I used him too. Remember, it’s not like I love him or anything.”

“Okay,” she rolled her eyes, as if their male logic was alien to her, “Just watch your back, Louis. Don’t let yourself begin to care about him. You don’t want to get hurt.”

This time, Louis rolled his eyes, “Okay, Mom. I won’t though. I know exactly where I stand and I’m not going to let myself get hurt.”

“Well, we’ll see about that.”

At that age, Louis believed nothing could hurt him. He believed that only he had the power to let someone hurt him. The naiveté. It’s unfortunate that everyone has to discover that they aren’t immortal, that things can hurt them, shatter them, and they don’t notice it until it’s too late.

It’s too bad that Louis didn’t.


	8. Chapter 8

People were bustling in the halls, some walking fast and others lazy. Louis walked at his own pace, taking in everything around him as he usually did. The kid in tow with him had orange-red hair that covered half his face and headphones in his ears that blared with loud obnoxious music. Louis could make out some screaming words like ‘they want to take away our freedom!’ followed by a loud shriek. A girl with pale blond hair and translucent skin was putting up posters for the newest charity fund-raising activity going on. She wore a T-shirt that read 'Fast for Freedom.” Other people were rushing to get to class and some were even heading in the opposite direction to their class.

Louis caught sight of a flash of Liam and he waved before speeding off to his locker. Louis’ own locker was situated in an okay spot in the school, and as he got his math textbook, he took his jacket off as well. He rushed into the classroom just as the teacher was about to close the door. As he walked through the rows to his desk, he saw that Stan and Zayn were already sitting there. Zayn looked straight ahead, not even glancing at Louis. He shrugged and sat down beside Stan in his usual seat. Liam hadn’t arrived yet and was late.

“Hey, man.” Stan greeted, “How’s it going?”

“I’m pretty good, stranger, how about you?”

“I’m no stranger, it’s just that I’ve been sort of busy with my girlfriend and football and all…” Louis nodded at him, assuring him it was totally cool. His girlfriend… hmm… Louis thinks it was the girl at the party. The one he’d been dancing with. Who cares, with Stan they came and went every couple of weeks.

Zayn caught his eye just then, and Louis nodded politely at him, wondering what his deal was. He just gave Louis an ice-cold, statuesque look and began talking with Stan. Louis frowned and looked away. The rest of the period was spent pretty much taking notes, as their math teacher didn’t really know how to teach and wrote on the board the entire approximately fifty minutes. Louis didn’t look at Zayn again and instead focused his attention on working and every once in a while speaking with Liam or Stan.

By lunch time, Louis was kind of unsure about what was going on with Zayn. He just propositioned Louis and then just totally froze up on him as If he was the one doing something wrong. Hello, it takes two to tango. Louis pretended like he didn’t care but it was really getting to him.

Why was Zayn being such a dumb-ass? He really pissed Louis off and he wanted to ask him about it but he gave Louis no chance. What was his deal? For years, he never acknowledged Louis’ existence. However, this year he began hating on Louis, then he blackmailed him (for lack of a better word at his joke of a blackmail). After which he acted like a baby and proposed an experimental session of…who knows what. The next day he ignores Louis. Louis always knew Zayn had always been a royal ass, but honestly, he didn’t know what to think anymore. He’ll be this bad-ass annoying son of a bitch who acts like he’s boss one second, and then the in one second he’ll become this nice and funny guy, or at least with Louis he does. Louis didn’t mind his mood swings, he can handle them. It’s that attitude he gets sometimes, that __I don’t care about you, you’re scum on my shoes__ attitude.

At the end of the day, Louis even walked up to Zayn at his locker but as he was about to open his mouth, his locker door clanged shut and Zayn was off with his back to Louis. He thought his mouth dropped open and he just stood there for a full fifty seconds before reclaiming his dignity and walking fast. He caught up to Zayn and pushing him out of the way, Louis walked on ahead.

“What the hell, Louis?”

He turned around, “What? I didn’t quite catch that. Was that another intelligent response coming from the big bad jock’s mouth?” Even Louis winced as he finished the sentence, but he masked it. He was acting like a hurt bitch, when it was supposed to come across as a, ’ _ _I could care less.__ ’

Zayn crossed his arms and surveyed him. “Real nice, Tomlinson, real nice. This is coming from the guy that just charged into me on purpose like a mad banshee.”

“Do you even know what that is?” He asked.

“No. Figure of speech.”

“Then go figure out what it is and then talk to me. At least then you’ll have something to work with.”

“Fuck off, Louis.”

“Be glad to.” He walked ahead and turned the corner, losing Zayn there. How could someone fucking make out with you like it was their dying wish one day and then completely ignore you the next? Louis fails to comprehend the logic of such a callous method of dealing with an issue. If he had a problem, he would be mature and approach Louis, but no.

Zayn’s treatment was pretty much the same for the next couple of days. Unfortunately, they were doomed by the fact that he was in so many of Louis’ classes. He had to go through entire classes of actually having to work on a group presentation assignment with him. The sad thing was, they argued about every little thing so much that their other unlucky group members complained and they were kicked out of class. Twice. Yeah, they both were epitome of maturity.

Things started to cool down the next day. As it was, his anger had cooled down and he was willing to speak with Zayn. During lunch, Louis walked to the cafeteria and witnessed Zayn in the hall with a brunette named Shelly. She was a really sweet girl but it was so obvious to everyone that she basically worshiped Zayn. And Louis can honestly say that the sight of her gorgeous five foot five body standing next to Zayn and smiling didn’t really please him.

Louis kind of stopped and pretended to look for someone for a second, glancing over at Zayn every couple of seconds. He would look over as well as he was talking, and that let Louis know that he was aware of his attempts at getting his attention. A few minutes of this and finally he said something to Shelly and she walked away.

Then he turned, bestowing Louis with his breath-taking eyes. If Louis was a girl from the eighteenth century, he would have swooned. Thankfully, he wasn’t and therefore Louis greeted him with a cool and level stare.

“What?” Was what came out of his mouth. How amiable.

“Can I talk to you?” Louis asked him politely.

“You are, dumb-ass.”

He rolled his eyes, “No, I meant like outside, where I can speak with you privately.”

“Why?”

“Shut up loser. It’s either yes or no. I really don’t want to waste time.”

“Fine.” He relented. With those words in mind, Louis turned and beckoned for Zayn to follow him outside of the school. They walked side by side and walked off the school property and sat on a nearby bench. It was located in a cushion of trees and was a spot that wasn’t frequently passed by or visited by fellow class-mates.

The weather was nice that day, but not very sunny. Louis was frankly sick of it and couldn’t wait until it was actually bright and sunny again. With this thought in mind, he brushed snow off his hair.

When they were seated comfortably, Louis turned my attention to Zayn and asked, “Zayn, what’s wrong?”

He gave Louis a funny look that was pure Zayn. “You made me come all the way here so you could ask me that? You’ve got to be kidding.”

“I’m not joking. Things were fine…the other day when we–” Louis took a deep breath, “did stuff. Then all of a sudden you won’t speak with me properly at school, and you’re giving me dirty looks like a fourteen year old girl. Something is wrong and I just know it.”

Zayn rolled his eyes, “Nothing is wrong, seriously. I’m Just pissed at you.”

Louis grinned. Finally, something! “Can I ask you why?”

“You can but that doesn’t mean I’ll answer.”

“Zayn, I’m being serious.”

“So am I.”

“Then tell me,” He demanded softly.

Zayn sighed, “Okay, I know that it may sound stupid, but I’m mad that you don’t care and that you left.”

“What?”

“See you think it’s stupid already.”

“No I don’t.“ He assured.

“Well…I woke up after that fantastic—thing, and you’re just missing. Gone. No phone calls after and no explanations. I didn’t know what you thought. To be frank, I thought you didn’t want to continue and that when you kept trying to speak with me, it was to reassure me of that. I was just really pissed about that.”

“Zayn…I won’t lie… I think that it’s stupid.”

“Fuck you.”

“Gladly. When? How do you want it? Doggy style? Where, third floor?”

“Fuck off.”

“Now that I won’t do. I really don’t want to fuck 'off.’ I don’t think he’s very nice.”

“That is such a dumbass response.”

“Not as much as you.”

“Okay, fine, you win. You’re so annoying sometimes. It was stupid, happy? I know you didn’t mean anything by leaving now, but then I was so angry. I won’t lie to you.” He sighed, “Now I just feel like a loser, a real loser. You obviously weren’t intending to do anything of the sort.”

“Zayn,” Louis said to him, “Don’t be idiotic like that again.”

He smiled wryly. “I’ll try not to be.” He was silent for a bit after that.

“Why do you do this, Zayn?”

“Do what?” He asked, puzzled.

“Why did you just freeze me out like that? Why didn’t you come talk to me?”

“I-uh-I’m not very good with words. I just don’t like talking to people about things like that. Besides, I didn’t want to seem like I cared.”

“Next time, if there is a next time, will you just talk to me instead of freezing me out?”

“I’ll try, but it’ll be hard. I’m not very…good at confronting people about issues like that.”

“You sure are adept at confronting me when you have a serious issue with me like when you hated me.” Louis pointed out.

“I’m comfortable with calling people out like that. I guess that makes me a coward, because when I do that I don’t get hurt. I don’t like confronting people when I’m liable to get hurt myself. In that, and many other cases, I’m a coward.” He sighed, and looked away. “You, I made fun of you, but you’re way stronger then I am. I just put on this face, you’re always yourself and you’re not afraid of being hurt. I-I-I’m just not, I’m not the big ass-hole I act like sometimes, okay?”

“I know.” Louis said simply.

“You do?” He seemed surprised.

Louis looked up at him. “Yep, like now. You are actually a decent human being to talk to.”

Zayn smiled and his facial features softened. “I really do like you.” He said.

“I know.”

“So what now?”

“I don’t know but I really don’t want to go back to class,” Louis looked at his watch and added, “In about say fifteen minutes.”

Zayn’s eyes bore into Louis’, deep and thoughtful. “Then don’t.”

He laughed and said, “And do what? Liam is the only friend I have who actually skips class and he won’t skip today because he has two tests back to back, and he doesn’t ever skip his Accounting class.”

He positively scowled, and the fierce Zayn was back, “Who said anything about hanging out with… Liam. No one mentioned him. I meant that you and I could hang out.”

“Nah, you’re annoying and you argue with me too much.”

“It’s because you provoke me.” He countered.

“I don’t provoke you, you merely get provoked. In fact I am so nice to you.”

“You’re serious aren’t you?”

“Dead Serious.” Louis assured, keeping a straight face.

“Well, alright then. Keep living in that dream-world of yours where you are perfect.” He got up as if to leave.

“Wait,” Louis said, “Since I have nothing better to do…”

Zayn feigned indifference, “What? Oh, yeah I don’t really want to skip anymore.”

Louis raised an eyebrow. “Come on, Zayn I was joking. Don’t be so sensitive.”

He smiled at Louis, eyes flashing and charm on. “So what do you want to do?”

“Well, you,” Louis pointed to him, “have a car and I have the keys to it.”

“O.K, cool.” Then it dawned at him and he lunged for Louis, “Louis, how the hell did you get the keys to my car?”

Louis blocked him successfully and held the keys far from his reach. “You dropped them.”

“That’s not funny. I know I didn’t drop them so how did you get them?”

“That’s for me to know and for you to never find out.”

"Do you mind handing them over?”

“Can I drive?” He taunted.

“Hell no. No one drives my car except for me, alright buddy?” He stated. Louis relented finally and threw him the keys. A final few words and they went around the school to the front where his car was parked and got in.

“Where to?” Zayn asked.

Louis grinned, “My house?”

“Will your parents be home?”

“No, my mom doesn’t get home till six today.”

“Cool,” Zayn said, thankfully not commenting on Louis’ lack of mention on his dad.

“By the way, we can’t drink.”

“Why not?”

“My mom will know, trust me. And one of my little sisters will be back around four.”

“Does your mom get pissed if you drink?”

“Not really, she’s quite okay with all the drinking and partying, I guess. Just not on school days and  I don’t want to abuse her trust.”

“Alright,” Zayn said as they pulled in to his neighbourhood of new, sub-urban homes and Zayn kept driving, knowing the exact turns.

“My parents are never around. They’re both very career oriented and they don’t really care about what I do so long as I keep good grades. I’m used to drinking at home, but I understand.”

Louis was silent for a bit, but when they pulled up into his driveway, he turned and asked softly, “Do you miss having them around sometimes?”

“Honestly, no because they’ve never really been around much anyway. I wouldn’t mind having parents that cared more, but honestly I don’t know any different. I wasn’t exactly planned. My mom didn’t want one more kid at that time of her life and so I was like an interference. My dad was never really great with kids, so he was indifferent. I’ve always been kind of by myself. I despise pity though, so don’t feel sorry for me. I get everything I want.”

Maybe not. Louis thought to himself.

“I’m hungry. Sandwich?” He said as he opened the front door and they entered. He hung the key chain on the hook, shrugged off his jacket and shoes, and placed them in the closet. Then they walked into the kitchen.

“We just had lunch.” Zayn pointed out.

“No, you did. I haven’t yet.”

Zayn just shrugged. “I don’t mind one.”

Louis made them both turkey sandwiches and went into his room upstairs, motioning Zayn to follow him. They sat down on his bed to eat the sandwiches. “Don’t leave crumbs on my bed, okay?” Louis said and Zayn poked his tongue at him before taking a bit and making a satisfied sound.

“See, they’re good and you’re hungry too.” Louis told him smugly.

“Gotta agree, you do make a great sandwich.” Zayn looked at Louis and the corner of his mouth quirked up in a half smile. Louis just snickered and took a bite.

Not even two minutes later, Zayn made a ridiculous blue steel face and it sent off Louis into fits of laughter again. “You know you’re way too full of yourself?” Louis said as he tossed a tissue at Zayn.

“Why shouldn’t I be? I’m damned hot.”

Louis shrugged. “Yeah, you are. Can’t deny that.” The hand with which he was not holding the sandwich found its way toward the inside of Zayn’s thigh and Louis ran a finger down the covered flesh, issuing a gasp at the unexpected touch.

Zayn’s eyes darkened and centred on Louis lips. He froze with the sandwich halfway to his mouth and stared back at Zayn.

Something happened in that look. The sandwiches were left abandoned as Zayn crossed the distance between them across the bed and wiped a few crumbs off his face. Louis’ hands went to his hair, tugging his lips to Louis’ as their tongues intertwined.

Zayn’s hand slipped to his back and beneath his shirt, sliding his hand across the taut and smooth skin of Louis’ back. “What,” Louis panted as Zayn twisted his nipple, “about the sandwiches?”

“Forget them,” and he brought his lips to Louis’, his tongue seeking Louis’. Zayn’s hands pulled Louis closer and Louis blindly threw the sandwich plate onto his desk (because he was serious about the crumbs). Then he moved so that he was in Zayn’s lap, straddling those strong thighs with his legs wide spread. Zayn moaned and the sound was deep in his throat. Sexy. Zayn spread Louis’ legs even more and moved him up so that his hot cock was wedged between Louis’ thighs. His hips made an upwards motion, seeking heat. Louis groaned at the friction and wiggled his ass, which caused Zayn to hitch his breath.

The last time they had done this, it hadn’t been this explosive, wild need hadn’t consumed us to the point of abandon. It had been different. Now Louis wanted nothing more than to be fucked. Not made love to, but a hot, hard fuck. Sweaty bodies, naked flesh, mouths everywhere.

Zayn whispered in Louis’ ear, as if reading his mind. “I want to fuck you so bad, Louis. I want to shove my cock hard up your tight little bubble butt. I know how fucking tight you’ll be. Man,” he groaned, lifting Louis’ shirt up and over his head. “I want to suck your little nipples into my mouth and watch you squirm.” As if to demonstrate, his tongue came out and licked one lightly, issuing a moan from Louis. He then sucked it into his mouth ravenously, fiercely suckling it and biting it. Louis twitched and writhed onto Zayn’s hard cock, leaking like a broken faucet.

“I want you so bad.” Zayn said again into his mouth.

“You have me. Fuck me, just fuck me.” Louis needed it so bad. He wanted Zayn to fuck him like he wanted his next breath.

“No,” Zayn said, “We’re not ready for that yet. This is not a movie. It’ll take time.” His mouth said one thing but his body certainly said another as it rhythmically thrust up against Louis.

“I don’t care. Just fuck me.”

“Louis, I need you.” His hand was at the zipper of Louis’ pants and his eyes searched Louis’, looking for hesitation. Louis didn’t know what he was doing until he was naked, on the chair with his legs spread, with his hand wrapped around Louis’ cock. He pumped up and down slowly, as if amazed at the sight. His hands were large and firm as he leisurely stroked Louis’ cock.

A finger trailed the velvety length of Louis’ cock. A drop of pre-cum oozed out and his finger captured it, his pink tongue tasting it. His finger then teased the slit and the darkened head, causing Louis to writhe in agony. He just wanted Zayn to pump him up and down madly and furiously.

“Zayn,” Louis moaned.

“Tell me what you want.” He demanded.

Louis almost sobbed with want, “Just fucking suck me. Just wrap your lips around my cock. Zayn do it, please!” He thrust into Zayn’s hand, wanting release so bad.

His head ducked, and he licked a lazy path up Louis’ cock, swallowing just the head and sucking. Louis thrust upwards into Zayn’s mouth, his legs spread wide and Zayn’s head between them. Louis’ hips began a movement of their own. In and out, in and out, furiously, devastatingly hard.

He kept thrusting; as he clenched my eyes shut experienced the sensation of Zayn Malik’s hot wet mouth around his thick cock. Soon, he was close, “Zayn,” He called, “ I’m not going to last for much longer.” He tried to pull out but he resisted, continuing to suck Louis off until he came with a groan into Zayn’s mouth.

Louis collapsed back on the chair, taking a breather before reaching for Zayn and groping his erection through his pants.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Louis was in a state of deep sleep, dozing peacefully when a sound interrupted his rest. He blinked slightly and drifted between a state of sleepiness and wakefulness. He drifted along until the sound persisted and he was forced awake.

“Argh,” He groaned as he realized it was the doorbell ringing and got up. While stretching his wound up muscles languidly, he realized that Zayn had quietly left. He saw a note and was about to read it when he realized the door-bell hadn’t stopped ringing. He opened his window and yelled out, “Coming!” and then shut it. Shrugging on a pair of jeans, he grabbed the note and briefly read it.

****__Hey,_ _ ** **

****__You were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you up. Had a good time, buddy._ _ ** **

****__Let’s do it again sometime._ _ ** **

****__-Zayn_ _ ** **

He smiled and made his way downstairs to the front door. When he opened it Liam was standing there. “Hey,” Louis greeted, “Come on in.”

Liam seemed glued to the spot. It was then that Louis noticed his eyes were not on his face but rather on his chest. His eyes looked wistful and when he looked up, they had a clarity to them that made me want to reach out and urge them to close with the tips of his finger.

Louis wasn’t ugly or anything but he was no Zayn either. His body wasn’t too thin or too bulky, but rather sinewy and ropey. His mom always told him that he was an ageless person. Louis never really understood what she meant, but she always said that people usually saw in him what they wanted to see. That he brought out things in people, things they didn’t know they possessed.

Liam blinked then, and the awkward moment of stalling passed. “Hey, man. I was bored so I came by. You don’t mind do you?”

Louis shook his head. “It’s cool. Listen, I’m going to go put on a shirt. I just woke up.”

“Go ahead, I know my way to the living room.”

“Yeah, go ahead,” Louis said, looking back at him as he neared the stairs. Liam had been watching his ass as he walked and a smile spread on his face as he realized he’d been caught.

“Guilty as sin,” He called out, “ I’m only human. Besides, it should be illegal to look that good in a pair of jeans.”

“Liam,” Louis said, grinning widely, “Stop being gay and go watch some TV.”

There was something different about Liam today, but Louis just couldn’t pin-point it. That got him thinking as he shrugged on a shirt and ran a comb through his hair.

Louis chuckled as he headed into the living room where Liam was seated. Oprah was on the screen and a lady was talking about a life altering incident that she’d had and how she’d changed her life afterwards.

He sat down besides Liam. “Liam, you are so gay. Change the channel.”

“Nah, I like Oprah. And yes, I am so gay.” He smiled that heart-stopping grin and Louis couldn’t help but respond.

“Whatever, want something to drink?” Louis questioned.

“Beer?”

“No but I’ve got good old coke.” He said teasingly.

“That will do I guess.”

He got them both a can and threw Liam his. He took a sip and said casually, “So where were you half the day? You weren’t in any of the classes I had with you. Which were all three classes at the end of the day.” An eyebrow rose questioningly.

Louis grimaced slightly, before answering, “Yeah, I wasn’t feeling too good so I went home.”

“Really? Would you have any idea where Zayn was?” His voice was eerily taunting.

If he didn’t know for sure, he couldn’t prove anything. “How would I know?”

"There’s no point in lying for him. I saw you both leave the school together and then you both weren’t in class.”

Louis should have known Liam wouldn’t make a remark like that without a reason. “We were both agitated so we decided to spend the day…well not at school. We hung out here.” Louis managed to say smoothly.

Liam didn’t speak for a bit. When he did, his voice was strained, “Can I ask what’s going on between the two of you?”

“Nothing, we’re just sort-of friends now.” Louis managed a chuckle.

“Louis,” Liam said, “if there was truly nothing going on, would you have to lie to me about being with him today?”

“Well–”

“Would you?” He demanded.

Louis didn’t care if Liam knew that Zayn and they had oral sex and were…were what? Seeing each other, dating, in love? That wasn’t the case though and he wanted Liam to know. It was Liam after all, and he could trust him. Then there was Zayn. He had no idea how he would feel about Louis telling Liam. After all, this was just one big trial run for Zayn and to say something might make him freak out. He would never know if Louis didn’t tell him though. Still…

Louis sighed and nonetheless made the decision to tell Liam what was going on. “Liam, It’s not really what it seems. Zayn and I aren’t in a relationship or anything. Zayn just has this attraction for me and wants to explore it. We’re not serious; It’s just physical.”

“Louis, I don’t like this one bit. Zayn isn’t the best of people for you to be messing around with, seriously. He could hurt you real bad.” Liam was genuinely concerned. Louis could tell from the look on his face.

"That’s exactly what Eleanor said. I know what I’m doing though, and you have to remember that we aren’t taking this seriously. I don’t know if it’s going to happen once more or even if it will. All I know is that I’m not going to fall in love with him or anything.

“I hope not. He’s all wrong for you.”

“What is right for me then, Liam? Eleanor said as much but neither of you have told me what is right. You both just tell me what’s wrong.”

Liam was silent, but the look on his face said it all.

It scared Louis and he didn’t want to think about the implications.

That night in his dreams, Louis felt like he was being stretched two ways, as far apart from each other as the earth and the sky. He was being torn in two.


	9. Chapter 9

There was an eeriness in the air as Louis awoke to sound of rain pattering against his window. __Pitter, patter, Pitter, patter__. The sound was so beautiful, containing an earthiness and melodic quality that made him strain his ears to hear more. He had always loved the sound of rain pattering against his window, loved the way the sound of it swooshed when car tires forced across the puddles formed by the rain. He loved looking out in the evenings and seeing the droplets of rain hitting the pavement of his driveway, and enjoying the silence hush through-out the area as people headed inside.

Louis raised his sleep-drained body out of his bed and went into the bathroom to relieve himself and freshen up. Afterwards he changed into a pair of brown pants, and a black t-shirt, on top of which he shrugged on a red A&F sweater. A strange aura seemed to hover around him, quiet and calculating and very thoughtful.

Downstairs, the smell of freshly brewed coffee and muffins assaulted his senses. He grabbed one of the chocolate muffins on the table and sat down at the table to pick at it.

“Good morning, Louis.” His mom said in a sing-song voice. “You have fifteen minutes till school.” She said this as if he didn’t know already, her voice soft and chiding.

“Morning.” He mumbled, “What are you doing here anyway?” He asked since she was usually at the publishing house by this time.

“How nice of you,” she said sarcastically, “For your information, I’m running late today. Want a ride to school?”

“That would be nice.” He said.

They ate their breakfasts at a normal pace, which was apparently too slow because he was already five minutes late by the time his mom asked “Ready to go?” He nodded and grabbed his backpack.

By the time his mom pulled up in front of school, he was a solid fifteen minute late.

Forgoing the visit to his locker, Louis ran straight to his period one class, Accounting and sat down. He was in a quiet, thoughtful mood today, usually caused by the rain. Eleanor was used to this and so she let him be.

The sky was dark and sort of a cloudy grey as Louis stared out the window, ignoring the voice of the teacher. Most people hated grey cloudy weather and wanted sunshine, but he reveled in it. It just made him feel—in a strange and inexplicable way—alive.

Lately he didn’t know how to feel. Things went from drab to kind of exciting so fast. Here he was the boy who was liked by most people but only had two really good friends. Now he had had encounters with two very hot guys. One who was happy and confident and sort of rejected him, yet still became one of his best friends. The other was a tough-seeming, popular guy who everyone knew and wanted to be, and who made it adamant that this was nothing but a trial. He was a guy who was happy on the outside but slightly wounded on the inside.

Then there was him, outside of these two boys, and he had left himself wide open for firing. He told himself he wouldn’t get hurt and he wouldn’t. He’d make sure of it. No one could hurt him if he didn’t let them.

“Louis Tomlinson.”

“Huh?” He snapped his head up, “yes.”

Mr. Wesley’s glasses stood perched on the tip of his nose. His mouth was set in a grim line and he was waiting for an answer. “The answer to question number three on the test. If you haven’t noticed yet, we are taking it up.”

“Oh…” Louis scrolled down the page and gave Mr. Wesley the answer. He resumed the lesson, looking to check on Louis every once in a while. The look on his face made it plain he found something to his distaste.

“Stay awake, you seem out of it today.” Eleanor whispered in his ear from behind him.

“I can’t help it.”

“I know it’s the weather and what it does to you and all but just wake up!” She grinned then, “What are you thinking about anyway, huh? Zayn?”

“Eleanor,” Louis hissed at her. “Not so loud.”

“Oops, sorry.” She was silent for a few moments before she whispered again, “So what are you thinking about?”

“Eleanor.” Louis warned. “this is so not like you. Go back to listening. Besides, I don’t want to get in trouble if he looks over here.”

“So you are thinking about him, then.”

“Shut up. I did think about him but he wasn’t my main line of thought. I was just thinking about life in general.”

“Me too. Can you believe we’ll be seniors soon? I mean, this year went by so fast.” Eleanor exclaimed.

“Yeah it went by like that. In three and a half months, school will be over and it’ll be summer.” Louis agreed. “I mean…wow.”

“At least you are not a virgin anymore, whereas I, haven’t gotten any action this year.”

“Eww…Eleanor that’s way too much info. I really don’t want to know about that–you’re like my sister.”

“Aww…really? And you’re like my brother.” She smiled at Louis, becoming nice all of a sudden and losing the silliness.

“Eleanor–” His voice was halted by the sound of a throat clearing.

“Louis, that’s enough. You have been disrespectful repeatedly in my classroom not only today but for the past few classes. That’s a detention after school” Mr. Wesley said calmly. Louis still held his head high and met his gaze, “I understand, Mr. Wesley. That’s justifiable,” And it was really. He supposed his voice sounded so formal and cocky that Eleanor giggled and Mr. Wesley’s grim look became—if possible—more so.

Louis carried himself around with caution during the next period, counting the minutes till lunch. He didn’t want to get in trouble again. Thankfully none of his friends were in the geography class following accounting and so he could just fade into the background, not bringing attention to himself.

When the bell rang signalling lunch, his sigh of relief and elation could probably be heard by anyone within a three meter radius. It wasn’t just his mood today, he was just ready for the school year to end. Not only that, he was ready for high-school in general to end.

Only if he knew what he wanted to do after high school. Before, he knew exactly what he wanted to do – he wanted to get into a med school. Now he wasn’t so sure. There were so many options available and so many things to choose from, that he was lost. He really liked all degrees of academics, but what he enjoyed the most was math and science, all forms of the two. How can a person actually enjoy those two? Well he did, genuinely.

He walked to his locker and fished inside for his wallet, however he soon realized that he had not brought it with him. Good going, Louis. He was starving though and so he went off in search of Liam, with the thought in mind that he would get Liam to buy him lunch. He too was at his locker, putting away his books and as Louis walked up, he flashed him a big grin.

“Hey,” Louis called, “Wanna buy me lunch?”

He expected some teasing or reluctance but Liam just smiled at him and said, “Why not? Seeing as you’re my best friend in the whole wide world.”

“Who’s this talking? Shit face? Louis is my best friend in the whole wide world, “ Stan said from behind him. Louis turned and did the shake hands and one armed hug with him. He was such a typical straight boy. As he was retreating, Louis noticed Zayn standing beside him as well. How he failed to notice his beautiful face before, he have no idea.

“I see you’re extremely loved by your two friends here,” Zayn said with a smirk, his eyes adorably crinking along. Louis didn’t know if he liked this attitude he put on when they were with others.

“Hi, Zayn, It’s lovely to see you too.” Louis said to him sarcastically. Liam had the biggest grin on his face as he looked back and forth between the two of them.

Zayn just glared at him. “What the hell are you staring at?”

“Nothing,” Liam replied, tongue in cheek. He turned to Louis. “Come on, Louis, let’s go and eat lunch. See you guys later.”

“Hold on a second. Why don’t we all go out to eat together. I haven’t spent time with my buddy Louis in so long,” Stan said, then as an after-thought, he added, “And you too Liam.”

Louis could tell that Liam didn’t really want to. He didn’t think it was Stan he didn’t want to be around, but rather, Zayn. Those two really didn’t like each other. Never had. He relented though, “Okay, why not.”

And so Louis spent the afternoon, eating lunch with two of the biggest morons on the face of the planet. They both had such strong personalities that they couldn’t help but clash. Zayn wasn’t bothering to be nice and neither was Liam. First they argued about what place they would go to eat. Stan and Louis settled that by choosing the nearest burger joint. Then they argued about how they should get there. Zayn wanted to drive there and Liam said that would be stupid since it was so close by. Zayn agreed though and they walked there.

When they sat down at our table to eat their burgers, there was an awkward silence.

“So,” Louis said, trying to get everyone talking. “Any of you going to the __The Wanted__  concert?”

“I am trying to score a ticket,” Liam replied.

Zayn snorted , “They are lame. You have such crappy taste in music, Louis.”

“Please, you look like the only songs you have are shitty dance tunes.” Liam shot back at him.

“Five bucks say you are one of those hipsters with irrational hatred towards the top 40.”

“Well, aren’t I a rebel then?”

“More like try-hard and pretentious.”

“I’ll let you know that - ”

“It is just music,” Louis put in, “People just enjoy different music. One is not better than the other” They both turned to him and glared.

“God, I don’t know why I even tried.” He said exasperatedly.

“Tried what?” Liam asked.

“Well, I was trying to break this fucking awkward silence. But you two were being morons so I am now trying to shut you up.” He looked to Stan for support but he had his ear phones in, and was texting away. “Put away the alpha male attitudes and chill. Who cares anyway? You guys are like a pack of wolves tearing at the other’s flesh.”

“Nice analogy, Louis.” Zayn stated. He is not sure whether it was out of sarcasm.

“Better than you can come up with,” Liam said.

“Liam! Zayn! Goodness. If you’re not going to say anything nice, don’t say anything. Heard that one before?”

Stan had his ear phones out and was laughing, “You do realize this is exactly how I felt when you and Zayn would fight, right? Payback, bitch.”

“You’re a lot of help, Stan.” Louis said, glaring at him. “Let’s go now.”

As they were exiting, Stan and Liam ahead and Zayn and Louis behind them, Zayn held out the door open for him and their eyes met in that instant. There was look of apology in them. Louis couldn’t believe this guy. He was so cocky and full of it one moment and then nice the next. He looked away from Zayn as he exited. Lightly, Zayn touched his shoulder and Louis turned around to face him.  Zayn shrugged and mouthed “sorry”. Louis didn’t know what to make of him!

“It’s okay,” He mumbled, “You can be such an ass sometimes though.”

“I’m nice to you, aren’t I?”

“Then be nice to Liam too.” Louis told him and began walking ahead.

“I don’t like him.” He said simply.

“Why? You don’t even know him.” Louis pointed out.

Zayn pretended like he didn’t hear Louis, “He’s still interested in you, you know.”

“He never was and he isn’t now. We’re just friends.”

“You’re interested in him.” He said.

Louis shrugged, “I was before.”

“And now?”

“He’s attractive, but we’re friends.”

“And when this ends between you and I, like I know it will. What about then?”

“I honestly don’t know. But, that will be none of your business when that comes to pass, will it?” Louis said lightly. Zayn didn’t say anything and he had no idea what Zayn was thinking. That was the thing with Zayn, you never knew what was going on in that beautiful head of his.

*~*~*~*~*~*

After school there was his detention to be dealt with, during which Louis had to construct an essay explaining why his behavior as of late was deplorable. He tried to write it as fast as he could, but it did take him around twenty minutes, seeing as Mr. Wesley was actually going to use this as a deciding factor whether or not to let Louis back into his class again.

When he was done, he was exhausted and his hand hurt from writing so fast. He just put it on the table in front of Mr. Wesley and left, jogging to his locker. He fished through his things, trying to find his mobile but was met with no luck. Great, seeing as he was late and had gotten a ride this morning, he had been stupid enough to forget his mobile and his wallet.

The halls were deserted and he knew Eleanor had left, and Liam and Stan as well. No one was in sight. Great, Louis walked slowly, as if trying to delay the inevitable, and came to the front door. He could see through the glass that it was raining outside. How delightful.

Louis put up the hood of his sweater, and walked outside, his strides quick and long. He walked fast, figuring that it was about a twenty-five minute walk to his house. But he was drenched by the time he was slightly more than twenty meters away from the school.

He walked for about ten minutes before he got completely soaked. At the intersection near the school, a car whizzed by, showering him with water. Louis gasped at the sudden feel and backed away. He kept walking. Eventually he noticed the black car pulled up to the sidewalk. The window opened and he could see a head poke out.

“Hey, need a ride?”

Who the hell? Some creep probably, he told himself, and continued to walk ahead, only to have the car followed and pull over again. “Hey, did you hear me? I said, need a ride?”

Louis turned and peered in the car. A laughing grin teased the corners of the boy’s lips, and his green eyes sparked with mischief. “Harry Styles, remember me?”

How could Louis forget such an adorable face? It was the guy he had met a while ago when Louis was snooping around school.

“Need a ride?” He repeated again.

Louis smiled, “Do, I ever?” He opened the passenger door and got inside. “ I’m really wet, sorry.”

“It’s okay, what were you doing in the rain anyway?”

“No bus pass, no money, no phone.” Louis listed off his problems..

“You don’t have any of those things?” He teased.

“I have all of them—just not with me.” Louis said, eliciting a laugh from Harry.

“Good going, buddy,” Harry said, running a hand through his curls. “So where to?”

“I live in South-Lake,” Louis told him.

“Aye, Aye.” He made a U-turn and headed off in that direction.

“Mind if I turn on the radio?” Louis asked.

“No, go ahead.”

He fiddled around until he found a good station. After which he finally sat back in his seat and just stared out the window. The rain was now coming down harder than ever. Boy, was he glad Harry happened to be passing by. Otherwise, he would have gotten smoked out there. He was an interesting figure, Louis thought as he glanced back at Harry. He seemed like a wanderer to Louis, always searching for something new and exciting. His eyes had this hard, thoughtful look to them when he wasn’t grinning. When he did though, it was as if the room was glittering, that’s how great of a smile this guy had.

As if reading Louis’ mind, Harry turned to him. “What’s with the deep thoughtful look? Trying to figure me out?”

Louis smiled a bit, “Actually, yeah.” he said truthfully, “So, what school do you go to?”

“Not yours.”

He rolled his eyes, “I had that figured out.”

“If I don’t go to your school but I live around here, What other school would I go to?”

Louis slapped his own head, “Rockway?”

“Yes.”

Louis began to laugh, “Wow, never would have guessed.” Rockway was a private school, the kind where you had to wear a uniform. He never would have guessed that this free-thinking, rebellious “seeming” guy, would go there. Most of the people who went there– not all–were just big snobs who thought they owned the place.

“What were you doing around here anyway, Rockway’s not exactly near our school.” He said, “Even if it’s in the area.”

“I skipped school and spent the day at your school. I know a lot of people there.” Harry said, with a light chuckle.

Louis raised an eyebrow. “The guy you were making out with, and that girl Candice?”

“Those are only some of the people I know, but yeah Candice was there. As for the guy, I don’t even know his name. I just sort of…made out with him.”

“And never talked to him again?”

"Pretty much. Right now, I’m sort-of seeing Candice.” He stated.

“Really?” Louis couldn’t imagine seeing him with that bitch. “Seeing her, huh? You don’t seem like the committment type.”

“By seeing, I meant fucking.” He said with a grin.

“Good luck with that.” Louis told him, and said to pull over into his neighborhood. They wound through the curvy lanes and through many houses until Louis told him to pull up in his driveway. He got out of the car and stretched his muscles. It’d stopped raining.

“Thanks for the ride, man.” He called out.

“No problem.”

“Will I see you around?” Louis found that he really enjoyed Harry’s company.

“Maybe. You never know, though. Sometimes I come to your school so watch out for me. Have a good day, Louis.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Harry waved one more time before leaving, and Louis stood there and smiled to himself. Strange guy, that Harry.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day wasn’t a rainy day, but kind of cloudy and gloomy. The kind of day that usually followed a big rainstorm. Louis made sure he put his wallet and phone into his backpack before school.

However, it was pretty much an uneventful day for the first half really. Most of the snow had been melted the day before and people thought it would stay that way, but as usual, the weather was unpredictable and it was snowing lightly. There was the mood of waiting for some bright rays of sunshine.

At lunch time, he stayed in the cafeteria with Eleanor. He thought Liam would go with a couple of friends he’d made like he did sometimes, but he actually came into the cafeteria and sat with them.

Eleanor was going on about how miserable her life was and how much she resented the snow and wanted it to melt. Louis just zoned out, as he tends to do, when Eleanor whines. Don’t get him wrong, Eleanor’s great but who can listen to constant whining? He always listen to her when she has something important to say, not when she whines though.

“Are you listening to me?” Eleanor yelled.

“Huh?”

“What is wrong with you?” Eleanor demanded.

“Shut up. Complain to Liam, I’m way too tired.”

He leaned his chin on his hand and closed his eyes lightly. Vaguely, he heard Eleanor huff and then actually continue to speak with Liam, who was very good at listening. He even commented here and there.

They say that the continued exposure to the cold environment puts you into a psychological hole for part of the winter, mainly because of the lack of vitamin D. Apparently, some people would become extremely gloomy in winter —Louis was one of those people.

He hoped spring came soon so he could just feel better.

When he opened his eyes, he was looking straight into the eyes of Zayn sitting on the table across from theirs. Louis didn’t blush; he didn’t look away; they just looked—and saw each other. Zayn’s eyes had a smile in them, even if his mouth wasn’t tilted upwards. Louis felt a sense of—Rightness. It felt right to look at him like that and for him to do likewise. Zayn tilted his head then, and his lips curved upwards, and his eyes glittering a bright. Sometimes, Louis forgot just how gorgeous this guy is. What the hell does he see in Louis anyway?

Zayn suddenly got up, said bye to his friends, and began to walk slowly out of the cafeteria. As he was exiting, he threw a look at Louis and gave a slight nod for him to follow him. Louis looked around to make sure Zayn wasn’t gesturing towards anyone else before he got up.

“Eleanor, Liam, I think I’m going to go out and get some fresh air.” He said, feigning a yawn.

Eleanor looked at him, “Whatever,” she then looked at her watch, “I have to go to the library anyway, so see ya.” With that, she grabbed her bag and left.

“I’ll come with you.” Liam said to Louis. “Even though it’s chilly outside again.”

"No, I think I wanna be by myself, you know? I just feel restless…” His voice trailed off.

“You’re going to meet Zayn,” Liam said, sounding hurt.

“Yeah…”

“Whatever, I’ll talk to you later. Go see your boyfriend.” He said and got up.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Louis hissed in a low voice. “And even if he was, so what?”

“You guys don’t exactly seem all that casual. I don’t think it’s all physical anymore, Louis.”

“Not really,” Louis told him, not sure himself, but angry at Liam. “Even if it was, what is it to you?” Louis said again.

“Louis–”

“So what? Why would it matter?”

“Louis,” he looked frustrated and ran a hand through his hair. Then he began again, “Louis—You know what, never mind. Just go.”

“I will,” He said and turned on his heels. He is so tired of this. Everything about Zayn pissed Liam off and everything about Liam pissed Zayn off. They were so weird! At least Zayn wasn’t…. wasn’t… so damned annoying. Oh, who was Louis kidding? They were both born with a psychotic brain each. Liam was just being so infuriating right now.

Louis exited the cafeteria and saw Zayn stood leaning against the old brick wall. The sight of him somehow calmed Louis down when at one point it would have made his blood boil in anger. How things had changed. His perspective and opinion of Zayn had altered as well. He didn’t seem like that annoying, spoiled jock any more. Rather, he seemed nice occasionally—yet scared of affection and letting down his guard. Louis also loved that fiery Zayn whose temper came to life within seconds. He was just so unpredictable and odd sometimes.

When Zayn saw him, he gestured for Louis to follow him again. He walked slowly and quietly beside him to the back of the school. Zayn then opened the door to an old classroom that was now occasionally used for presentations and meetings, and closed the door behind him.

When he turned back around, in place of the serious look was a small smile. “Hey, you.” He whispered even though he didn’t need too. Gosh he was so cute when he didn’t put up that false front.

Louis walked up real close and said, “Hey.”

“I never imagined I would take a guy into a secluded classroom so I could have my way with him.” Zayn said mischievously, drawing Louis into the circle of his arms. Louis placed his face into Zayn’s neck and breathed in his masculine scent. There was something different about the way they were today. The past times had been frantic and explosive. Now they were quietly feeling, breathing in. Taking each other in. Zayn was different, not fake. He had put his guard aside and was just being himself and living in the moment.

“So how is the experiment coming along, Zayn?” Louis asked teasingly, “Any conclusions?”

“Huh?” He said, and ran his hand across the small of Louis’ back to his ass.

“Any conclusions?” Louis repeated, his breath hitching.

“Yeah,” Zayn teased the hollow of Louis’ neck with a gentle swipe of his tongue. “That you are so fucking hot.”

Louis laughed. “Okay, I suppose that’s good enough for now.”

“Hmm?” Zayn murmured, too busy trying to shove his hands down Louis’ jeans so he could touch his ass. Louis gasped as Zayn just rapidly pulled his jeans down and his hands went under his boxers. His finger found its way to Louis’ puckered ass-hole and Zayn ran a finger across the sensitive bud, teasingly rubbing but not penetrating.

Louis moaned lightly, and Zayn asked him, “So, what were you saying?”

“I can’t remember,” Louis told him honestly, leaning up into his face.

“Me neither.” Zayn hand gripped the back of his neck and his lips found Louis’. Their lips seemed to be ravaging each other and Zayn’s moan could be heard as he whispered in Louis’ ear, “God, you taste so fucking good.” His hands cupped the round globes of Louis’ ass, and he said once more, “Such a sweet, sweet ass.” Louis groaned, wanting more, wanting to be fucked by Zayn for the first time.

“I love it when you talk dirty to me,” Louis whispered in Zayn’s ear as he pushed one finger inside him. His words ended off as a groan as that finger moved out slowly and then back in again in one long swipe. He had to grip something, there was no wall, no desk, he searched frantically with his hands and encountered the hard planes of Zayn’s shoulders. Louis’ fingers gripped hard. One finger slowly, tormenting, slid in and out. He would bury it to the hilt and then give one quick swipe. One soon became three, as he slid those fingers into Louis’ hot, wet ass. Louis moaned, and again Zayn pushed three fingers into his puckered hole.

They kissed hard and fast and Zayn’s hot wet fingers, the smell of sex and sweat, the secluded classroom, the fingers pushing slowly into his ass became almost too much for Louis.

“Stop,” He gasped. “Stop, or I’ll come.”

Zayn’s lips caught his in a hard kiss, then a long, slow one as his fingers retreated. “Mmm,” he groaned. “I wish we weren’t at school.” So hot, so fucking hot and hard. His body was all planes and angles, hard ridges of taut muscle. Louis just wanted to take a bite. Zayn’s hand cupped Louis’ cheeks, holding him in place while his kiss ravaged Louis’ mouth. Louis couldn’t even complain about those fingers on his cheeks being in his ass less than a minute ago, instead he made an overwhelmed sound in his throat.

“Mmm, you are such a sweet fuck. I want to bend you over those desks and pound into you over and over again.” Zayn drew him tight against him and grinded their hips together. “Zayn…” Louis moaned, trying to back off, but unable to do so.

He couldn’t let Zayn go on any longer. The bell was going to ring any time soon and they could be caught in just a few seconds. He pulled his mouth away from Zayn’s and pushed his face into the crook of Zayn’s neck. Zayn’s hand rubbed over his back soothingly and he just wanted to stay there for the rest of the day.

“Louis?” His voice penetrated through the tension in the air.

“Hmm?”

“Why do I want you so much? Like–” He sighed, exasperated, and ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve never felt this way before. I mean, sure I’ve thought some guys have been attractive, but mainly it was girls. I’d always been intrigued by you, but then it was like—I was so turned on by you.” He grinned then, and Louis saw a glimmer of vulnerability in his eyes. “I swear every time we fought, I just wanted to throw you against the wall and fuck you senseless. I think those kind of thoughts disturbed me the most.”

“When did you—you know, decide to do something about it?”

“Well, initially—you know what that’s something you maybe shouldn’t hear, but whatever. I was drunk and stupid and just thought that the only way to make sure you did what I wanted was that if I made you or something, and I guess I was wrong.”

“You guess? That was the stupidest shit I’ve ever experienced. Blackmailing me?” Louis laughed to show Zayn that he was only kidding.

Zayn looked at Louis and laughed too. “Yeah, just quit rubbing it in my face.” Then he was serious for a moment, as his eyes searched Louis’ face. “Do you think we’ll still be friends when this is over?”

Louis frowned, swallowing a lump in his throat. “Don’t think about stuff like that. I guess we will be friends, because we’ll have a clean break—or whatever you want to call it. Both of us went into this knowing what was going on and what was eventually going to occur.”

“I know, It’s just—I—I really like having you as a friend, and I don’t want to lose that. Now that I have it. I feel so…relaxed with you, like I can just be myself. I can be mean, I can be in a bad mood, or I can be nice”

“We’ll have that.” Louis smiled at him.

“Good.” Zayn’s lips captured Louis’ in a wet kiss, his fingers running through Louis’ hair.

“But you’re such an ass-hole sometimes, that I want to hit you.”

“Mmm, you love it.”

Everything was fine then and they walked away from that room with that knowledge.

*~*~*~*~*~*

The next week went by in a flash. The weather was still going up and down. One morning it would be really hot, the next it would be chilly again. The good thing was that there was officially no more snow!

He wished he lived somewhere hot, somewhere up in the states like California. He really didn’t like snow very much and wasn’t into winter sports either. Occasionally, he went Skiing and tubing (which wasn’t technically a sport, but was really fun).

Lunch-time was the best that week. There were a lot of projects and assignments being given out right now and classes weren’t too fun. That made Louis appreciate it even more so. Zayn, Liam, Stan and him didn’t go out for lunch like they had done previously. He would sit at his usual table with Liam and Eleanor (Stan joining in every once in a while), across from Zayn’s table. Every few minutes their eyes would meet and Zayn would make a funny face or slyly wink at him, his eyes glistening and making Louis want to eat him rather than his sandwich.

It really felt good to mess around with Zayn like that and Louis didn’t want it to end anytime soon, Louis admitted to himself finally. He wanted to hold on to Zayn for just a bit longer.

Liam’s little fight with him went ignored the next time they saw each other, and they continued to act as if nothing had happened. Liam still made no effort to hide his distaste for Zayn, but never voiced it aloud—which Louis appreciated. If he were to remain friends with Zayn, which he hoped so, he didn’t know how he would keep a balance between those two.

Zayn and him hadn’t gotten the chance to really hang out in a while. With the both of them really busy with school and all, it’d been difficult to sneak in some time. They did manage to make out a few times, but nothing beyond that. Zayn was beginning to open up and his attitude seemed different. Louis have to admit it made him happy to notice this new development.

The Friday before the long weekend, he finally handed in all the stupid assignments and was standing at his locker. A relieved and stress-less feeling in his chest as he emptied out his backpack and only put in the books he would definitely need over the weekend. That feeling of relaxation and the knowledge that he would get to go home and just chill, was so good he could taste it.

“Hey there, Stranger.” Stan said, walking up to his locker which was only about three meters away from Louis’. “What’s up?”

Louis slung his backpack over a shoulder and replied. “Nothing much. I’m so damn tired.”

“Yeah I know, same here,” Stan yawned, “Any plans for the weekend?”

“Nope, I am just going to sleep it out. You?”

“Well, there’s a party…” He pointed out.

“There’s always a party.” Louis said, laughing.

“Yeah, well the weather’s finally good so I might be going. Wanna come?”

“Not this time buddy, sorry.” Louis really was. He just wasn’t in the mood for a party.

Stan frowned. “We never really hang out anymore. Just you and I, and Eleanor.” He said.

“Hey,” Louis said, “It’s all good, okay? There are other people, and there will be in the future, but no one gets in the way of our friendship. Even if we don’t really hang out we’re all still going to be the best of friends, us three.” He grinned, thinking of something. “We represent unity and peace don’t we? The gay guy, the lesbian, and the straight-guy. The best of friends.”

Stan gave him a hug, grinning wide. “You really do have a way with words.”

“What can I say? I’m a talented man.” Louis stated, going for egotistical.

“Little boy, more like it.”

They both burst out laughing. “Fuck you.”

“Nope. No chance of that.”

“So how are things with the girlfriend?” Louis asked finally.

“We broke up.”

“When?” He said, with a chuckle since Stan didn’t look too heartbroken, in fact, the opposite.

“Today,” Stan said, in a matter-of-fact way. “She just wasn’t right for me.”

“Stan, Stan, Stan. Sometime I wonder when you’re going to find your way.”

“Into the right girl’s pussy?” He wondered aloud, completely serious.

Louis laughed, “No, you idiot. I meant In life. All you can think about is vaginas.”

“Hey, what can I say? I’m a healthy teenager.” Stan declared in a booming voice.

Louis heard chuckling and then a quick, “Not for long if you keep being a manwhore, Stan,” before Zayn came up behind Stan. He had some papers in hand, that looked suspiciously like a list of invalidated absences from school, and a text book in the other hand.

“Malik, what are you doing here so late on a Friday?” It was Stan who said this.

He gestured to the papers in his hand. “Got in trouble for my invalidated absences. Gotta go home and get these validated. If I don’t, I get suspended.”

“Good going.” Louis told him.

“Shut up, you skip as often as I do—if not more.” His eyes had a friendly sparkle to them, despite his words. “Except you don’t get caught.” He added sheepishly.

“You’re right about that.” Stan said, looking at Louis. “He does skip a lot.”

“The difference between you guys and me, is that I’m smart about it and I don’t get caught.” Louis huffed.

“You heading home?” Zayn asked the both of them, ignoring what Louis just said. He asked them both but was really looking at Louis. Even Stan noticed this because he looked back and forth between the two of them with a questioning look in his eyes.

“Yeah,” he said, “taking the bus with Stan.”

“I can give you guys a ride.” Zayn offered. He looked so hot today in his casual jeans and brown Abercrombie and Fitch sweater. The exact shade of his eyes. His broad shoulders were accented by the material of the sweater and his skin had a healthy glow.

“No my mom’s going to pick me up actually. Louis can come with me.” Stan told him.

“Do you guys want to come over to my place to hang out then?” Zayn was persistent. “It’s Friday and I have no plans…so it’d be cool.”

“Sure–”

“I don’t–”

Stan and Louis both said at the same time. Stan looked at him in surprise at his answer to the question. He thought Zayn and Louis still hated each other but remained civil. Little did he know…

“Well, I can’t but if Louis…” He trailed off, confused.

“Louis, you can come, right?” Zayn asked him.

“Yeah, I have nothing planned.” Louis replied.

“Great, let’s go. See you later, Stan.” Zayn grabbed his shoulder and was leading him out already.

"See ya’ Stan,” Louis called out, bemused by the shocked expression on his face.

Zayn led him out of the school, around and into the back parking lot where he usually parked his car. When they got into his car, Louis finally asked him. “What the hell was that about?”

“What do you mean?” He genuinely seemed confused.

“Well, I thought you wanted to keep –this–” Louis gestured between them, “under tabs.”

“We’re friends, right?”

“Well, yeah I mean–”

“Then why do we have to hide being friends from anyone?”

“I thought you wanted to–”

“I never said that. I just want to keep a low profile on our sexual relationship. There’s nothing wrong with being friends in front of everybody, is there?”

“No.”

“Then it’s all good. I’m just sick of hiding our friendship and pretending that I don’t know you that well. I don’t give a crap anymore. I hate that I can’t just walk up to you at your locker and talk to you, or just be with you without being in a group situation. I’m your friend and we don’t need to hide that.”

“Wow.” Louis said.

“Yeah. Now we don’t have to act all sly and steal glances at each other during lunch. I can just sit with you.”

“Uh-huh.” Louis said, still pretty overwhelmed. Zayn reached out and mussed his hair. “You look cute when you’re confused.”

“Uh-huh,” He mumbled. Wait. Cute? Cute?

"I am not cute.”

“Yes you are.”

“Hot, rugged and sexy, those I prefer.” Louis pointed out. “But cute?”

“Well, you’re those things too, but you’re still cute.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Okie-dokie.”

“See that was cute.”

“Fuck off.” Louis told him. “I swear, sometimes it’s better when you’re an ass-hole.”

“Shut up.”


	11. Chapter 11

They pulled up in Zayn’s driveway and exited the car. When they got inside, the first thing Louis noticed was the luggage in the hallway. The next was the woman standing by the double doors that led into the living room. She had a file in her hand and was flipping through it casually. Her dark hair was styled fashionably and hung perfectly straight. When she looked up, Louis found himself looking into a pair of brown eyes that were the same shade as Zayn’s but lacked the familiar warmth. Her mouth was thin and serious and when she saw Zayn, a ghost of smile lingered on those lips.

Zayn’s eyes were expressionless as he greeted his mom. “Oh. Hi mom. How was your business trip?”

“It could have gone better. I got a great tan out of it at least.” She smiled, not even looking at Louis. “Your dad’s not back yet?”

“No he’s scheduled to be back in town sometime next week.” Zayn responded, and his mom simply nodded. “You’re back early.” He pointed out.

“Yeah well, I finished early.” She said simply. Finally she turned her cold gaze onto Louis, “And who’s this, Zayn?”

“This is my friend, Louis Tomlinson. Louis, this is my mom.”

Louis smiled. “Hello, Mrs. Malik.” He felt like he was watching some sort of business transaction, not a mother greeting her son after a few weeks of not seeing him.

“Pleased to meet you.” She said coolly. “I am sure you boys have things to do. Anyway, I’m tired so I think I’ll have some tea and then take a nap.” She waved and then was off.

When she disappeared, Zayn rolled his eyes and told him to follow him upstairs. “That’s why I want to leave this place so bad.” Zayn told him quietly when they were in his room. “She’s like a cold machine.”

“Zayn, she’s your mom.”

“Well, she’s not that great at it.”

“She seemed okay.”

Zayn chuckled. “She doesn’t torture me or abuse me verbally or even physically. She’s just so damned mechanical and unfeeling. I’d actually like it if she was mean, but she’s not. I don’t know how my sisters deal with her before. At least they are out of this damn house now.”

“Sorry.” Louis whispered because he had no idea what else to say.

“Nah, I am used to it.” Zayn told him with a hint of a smile, his eyes not really following it. And it made the insides of Louis twist for some reasons. “I sometimes wonder if she would actually respond with feelings if I tell her I am gay.”

“But you’re not gay.” Louis said calmly.

“Yeah, but I’m not exactly straight or I wouldn’t feel this way for you.” His brown eyes penetrated Louis’ and he just wanted to melt into Zayn’s body and feel Zayn around him, in him. A window was open and clean fresh air whooshed through, assaulting his senses and making his hair fly. Somewhere, lightning struck.

“What way?” He asked, his voice barely a whisper..

“Like this.” Zayn whispered back, drawing Louis into his lap on the bed and letting him feel his erection. Louis moaned at the feel of the hard flesh poking against his behind. He rolled his hips, causing Zayn to moan lowly and clutch his waist, pressing into him.

Everything else faded away and was forgotten.

“Why do I want you so much?” Zayn asked him, his breath hot against Louis’. “God I missed the feel of you.” Zayn kissed him, a hard wet kiss that grabbed Louis’ breath, then a slow and sweet and utterly delicious kiss. Lots of tongue and saliva. Slow and sucking, sensuous movements that fascinated him.

“Because I’m…” Mmm, so hot, Louis kissed him again, “Cute?”

Zayn laughed, pulled his lips away and grinned at Louis. “That you are,” kiss, “but you have such a hot ass too.”

“And you want to fuck me?” They both knew the answer to that. Zayn groaned into his mouth as Louis wiggled onto his cock. It was so hard and he just wanted to take it out and put his lips around it and make Zayn come.

Zayn twisted him around so Louis was pressed up against him between his thighs. Zayn’s dick ground against him and Louis moaned. His hand traveled to Louis’ shirt and dragged it up and above his chest, leaving his nipples bare.

“Mmm they’re so pink, like candy. So sweet looking that I want to take a bite.” Louis moaned loudly when Zayn’s tongue took a long swipe and then his teeth nipped at the bud.

“I want you so much.” Louis told him truthfully, kissing his neck, “But not right now. Your mom—oh god, Zayn. Your mom—don’t–not right…no.” Louis was hungry and desperate, his cheeks flushed and his eyes closed. His hips were rolling with need, and he couldn’t seem to stop moving. He was moaning a lot of nonsense. A lot of. “No, not right now,” and, “just fuck me,” and a lot of, “please, Zayn.”

Zayn was stroking Louis’—now bare—thighs and his lips closed over his cock. Louis called out Zayn’s name because of the surprise of his movement. He sucked the head, licking sensuously, running his tongue over it again and again.. The tip of his tongue made a gentle swipe down the length of Louis’ cock before sliding the head into his mouth again. He swallowed the entire shaft, the fat head bumping the back of his throat. He moved on and off and increased the pace.

Louis’ hips rocked with pleasure and he groaned with the pure need that filled his body. The suction of Zayn’s mouth increased and Louis moaned loudly again, rocking his hips. He was so close, it was so good, having his cock in Zayn’s mouth, his tongue licking at Louis like he was some form of desert. Louis couldn’t breathe , his body twisted and bucked and he was so fucking close…

Louis came hard and fast, his body convulsing, and his breath coming out in short shuddering gasps. Zayn swallowed and Louis just lay back, breathing hard. He didn’t even have a chance to recuperate before Zayn’s tongue found its way to his pink-puckered hole. He licked tentatively around it before he slid his smooth tongue in. The feel of him there was like heaven solidified. Words became moans as Louis was transported into another dimension entirely.

Zayn tortured him like that for what seemed like hours. His tongue sliding into Louis’ entrance and then retreating, then licking around. Louis was ready to scream with the need that filled his body while Zayn just held his hips and kept going. Louis was about to scream when Zayn finally pushed two fingers inside and stayed there. Louis groaned, “Zayn.. God” in and out, slow and sweet and painful.  “Oh god…fuck me.” Louis moaned deliriously.

“Yeah?”

Three fingers slid in this time, and Louis rolled his hips, wanting more. “Oh yeah.” Faster, deeper, Zayn stroked, fucking Louis with his fingers.

“Are you sure? Because I’ve wanted to do this for so long. If you tell me yes, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.” Zayn reached out and stroked Louis’ cheek with the back of his hand. Louis leaned into his touch.

“Yes.”

He didn’t know where the condoms or the lube came from but suddenly they were there. Zayn slipped his shirt off, the line of ridged abs revealed, leading to his broad, wide shoulders and the most beautiful face on the planet earth. His hands trailed down to his jeans and he slid them down over his hips. His boxers hung low on his narrow hips, and his hard cock tented the front of the silky fabric. Louis reached out a hand and stroked the fabric covered head.

Zayn slid the boxers off and put on a condom. Then he slicked Louis up.. The smell of sex and sweat assaulted hissenses in the most primal way, and his nostrils flared in response to the stimulation. Zayn placed Louis’ feet on his shoulders and lined his cock up to his well slicked, stretched hole. He rubbed the smooth and shiny head around Louis’ hole but didn’t push in.

Louis lay back on the bed, the sheets were crumpled around his body but he didn’t care. He couldn’t care. His eyes were half lidded and heavy, his hands limp. Louis felt the smoothness of Zayn’s chest against his  torso, the fine hairs on his legs brushing Louis’. He opened his eyes and saw Zayn looking down at him, his eyes glazed with desire and longing. The lights were dim and soft and Zayn’s lips curved up into a smile that reflected it.

His eyes trained on Louis’, and forcing Louis to look deep into his eyes, Zayn slid into him, watching him closely. Slowly, sweetly, a fraction of an inch at a time. Louis had expected it to hurt like a bitch, but it wasn’t so bad. It burned but nothing he couldn’t handle. Zayn was considerate, thoughtful. He ran his hands soothingly along his sides while his eyes were dazed with the feel of Louis’ tight ass clenching around him.

One more inch and he was buried to the hilt.

Zayn let out a groan. “So—tight. Shit.” He rolled his hips and suddenly Louis too let out a groan. Zayn began a slow movement, in and out. He would slide out slowly and side back in slowly again, all the way, his entire length filling Louis wondrously. He was letting Louis adjust to the feel of his cock. Louis clutched the bed sheet, grasping at it. “Zayn…”

He changed the pace. One quick thrust and one long, hard thrust, all the way in.. Louis was in ecstasy and just lay back there, moaning and writhing. Louis wanted Zayn to feel what he felt, to know how much he was enjoying it. The feel of him inside of Louis, the beauty of the moment, the passion and wonder that filled him. He grabbed Zayn’s face and led him towards his him, kissing him, trying to tell him to this is perfect. That he had never wanted anything so much more.

“I know, baby. I know.” Zayn’s hands soothed Louis, running through his hair as his tongue swiped the sweat off Louis’ chest. Louis thought a part of him just melted right there. The knowledge that this cool, tough guy was being so gentle with him, knowing it was his very first time, was amazing.

Louis didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but he knew that even when this ended between them, he would always remember this. He would have to. Zayn was after all Louis’ very first.

But now he wanted more.

“Zayn,” Louis begged, wrapping his legs around his waist to hold him there. He could feel Zayn thrusting in and out and it was so  good and he wanted so much more. He wanted him to pound into Louis like there was no tomorrow.

Zayn was breathing hard now. He shifted to a better angle and then began driving into Louis again. Oh so Good, it was so good, so good—wild tremors flashed through his body and he felt so weak. Rippling pleasure, his body contorted and Louis shook with the ferocity of Zayn’s thrusts. The bed moved and Zayn threw his head back and let loose. His thrusts became wild and hard, and he drove into Louis over and over again. Louis couldn’t speak anymore as pleasure hazed his brain. Words became sounds, and moans, grunts and groans. A new language that lovers understood. Nothing but the feel of Zayn’s hard cock fucking into him had penetrated Louis’ brain. And it was so good, so fucking good that he could scream from the intensity of it.

Zayn slid out and flipped Louis over so he was on the bed, his cheek pressed against the bed. He buried himself in Louis again with one hard thrust, the force of which had Louis clawing and moaning as his cheek pressed harder against the bed sheet. With each thrust, his body slid down into the bed.

“Such a tight ass.” Zayn groaned, driving into Louis savagely. His thrusts became harder, the sound of his balls slapping Louis’ ass reverberated through the otherwise quiet atmosphere.

“Oh, god yes.” Louis moaned, moving back to meet him thrust for thrust. His face smashed against the smoothness of the bed, as a result of the ferocity of his driving into Louis.

Zayn grabbed his shoulder and thrust in once deep, slow, twisting his hips and making Louis moan even louder. “Fuck, yeah.” He said and then his cock drove into Louis hard and fast over and over again until Louis felt like he would black out from the pleasure. Zayn was insatiable in his need for him, he fucked and fucked, his cock torturing Louis, until pleasure hazed him so intensely, every touch was magnified. A hand dragged across his nipple and Louis moaned deeply, his senses alert, every touch feeling like a million stars exploding on his skin.

“You– ohhh, yeah.” Zayn twisted his hips again, grabbing Louis’ hair and going in and out slowly and sweetly once more. “You’re killing me.” Louis moaned out loud. Zayn slid out, sliding his cock along Louis’ hole but not penetrating. He almost sobbed in frustration.

“You want this?” Playful Zayn was back and he blatantly pushed his hips forward, sending his cock hard into Louis. “Yeah—oh god, fuck yeah.” Louis eyes shut again at the feel of the thrust.

Hard, fast, wild. This time there was no play and Zayn just kept driving into him. He fucked Louis like there was no tomorrow, the way Louis had wanted. By now, Louis was flattened to the bed, only his ass sticking out slightly, welcoming Zayn’s hard, wet cock. His body was limp and shuddering and he couldn’t have held it up any longer.  Encourage by the pleased sounds Louis was making, Zayn drove into him harder and faster, his hands clutching at Louis back.

“Shit,” Louis groaned, trying to lift up a hand to clutch Zayn’s thighs but too lost in his pleasure to make it far enough. Zayn pounded into him hard and fast and quick , driving his cock as deep as it would go one more time before he finally came, collapsing and shuddering spastically with the relief. His body relaxed onto Louis’ and he came along with Zayn, shuddering and twitching from the release.

They say that during a male orgasm, at that instant, that a male comes, not a single thought is inside his head. Just fulfillment and utter blackness.

For a few minutes, they just lay there, Zayn on top of Louis. Then as Louis finally came to and the feeling of deep exhaustion and blackness abated, he finally felt the force of his weight. “Get off me, you big oaf.” Louis told him tiredly.

“Way to thank me.” Zayn said laughingly but nonetheless got up and dragged Louis to the pillow with him.

“Excuse me? Thank you?”

“Just kidding, relax. But…was that amazing or was that amazing?”

“Hmm…” Louis felt sleepy suddenly and yawned. “Not gonna lie. That was pretty fucking awesome. However, seeing as I have nothing to compare it with–”

Zayn ran a hand down his arm. “Shh…Just let it be. Don’t say anything stupid.”

“Hmmph. Listen to your own–”

“Louis, I’m not saying anything stupid to ruin this for us. Don’t you dare either.”

“Zayn you are a changed man–”

“Shh.” He silenced Louis with his lips. “Sleep, baby.”


	12. Chapter 12

Louis was thoroughly revived from his grueling week at school. Part of that was because of his mind-blowing night with Zayn. His mom said that he finally looked alive. Louis tried to do his homework on the Sunday morning for a couple of hours until Stan called and asked him to come over.

“Mom,” he called out as he stepped into the living room. “ I’m going over to Stan’s for the day.”

He walked to Stan’s house since he lived right near Louis. When he arrived at Stan’s house, Louis knocked on the door. No one answered even after the third knock. he turned the knob and discovered that the door was open. He went in and called out, “Hello? Anyone there?”

“Louis, sweetie, is that you?” Stan’s mom’s voice came forth. Judy Lucas was such a nice lady and she’d always adored and coddled Louis. Something Stan never let him forget, constantly making fun of Louis for letting Stan’s mom baby him.

“Yes, it’s me, Judy.”

“Come into the kitchen. I just baked you boys some cookies and cinnamon rolls. Take them down with you.”

“Alright,” Louis said and went into the familiar kitchen. She handed him a tray filled with three glasses of milk, and two plates filled with all kinds of baked goods. After being hugged and coddled, she ushered him out, saying her and Mr. Lucas had to be somewhere for the night.

As Louis went down the stairs to the basement, he wondered who the third glass of milk was for. Stan hadn’t mentioned anyone else would be there. Maybe he’d forgotten.

Louis should have known.

“Tomlinson,” The boy on the couch besides Stan called out. Zayn. His breath hitched as he remembered the events of Friday night. “Took you long enough.”

“Missing me?” Louis raised an eyebrow and bit back a smile.

“You wish.”

“Hey, Louis. Not this again, guys. No fighting because I don’t have the brain power to even withstand ten minutes of it.”

Louis just smirked at Zayn and plopped into a chair. Stan and Zayn played a video game that Louis wasn’t very interested in for a while, while Louis munched on goodies and pretended to cheer for Stan. After about half an hour, Zayn dropped his controller and stretched.

“I’m beat.” He said on a yawn. “No more.” His arms flexed, the muscles working and Louis wanted to be wrapped up in those strong arms. Zayn then reached out grabbed a glass of the milk, swallowing it in three big gulps. When he looked up and saw Louis watching him, he shrugged. “I really like milk.”

Louis laughed. “Really? Never would have guessed it. It’s okay I guess.”

“Milk is great! It’s good for your bones and teeth.” He flashed a white smile, then frowned, “Why would it seem like I don’t like milk?”

“I dunno, I just figured you are more for the hard stuff.”

“Nah, I love my milk. You know what they say, a glass of milk keeps the doctor away.”

Louis burst out laughing, “Dude it’s an apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

Stan looked at the both of them and frowned. “What’s up, guys? You’re being nice to each other. You even spent Friday night hanging out.”

They instantly turned to him, “What do you mean?” Louis asked innocently.

“What I mean, is that one day you’re being bitches and hating on each other and now you’re amiable?” Stan looked bewildered. “It’s almost as if…you’ve grown up!”

“Zayn’s a douche-bag.”

“Louis’s a shit-head.”

“Never mind.” Stan said with a laugh. He reached for a cinnamon roll and tore apart a piece with his fingers. “I myself, prefer booze, but still, milk ain’t too bad.”

“I have to agree, but I don’t like milk.”

“That’s why you’re so skinny.” Zayn gestured to Louis, patting his stomach. His hand lingered for a second and Louis’ eyes briefly shut, savoring the sensation, wanting more.

“I am not skinny.” He managed to shoot back.

“Not exactly, but you’re not very bulky either.”

“I’ve lifted weights but I can’t’ really bulk up. I’ll always be lean and on the thin side. It’s in my genes.”

“Not saying it’s a bad thing,” Zayn murmured, looking at Louis up and down.

“So, you guys wanna go out?” Stan asked, stretching as well, completely oblivious of the dynamic between Zayn and Louis. Goodness, sometimes these straight guys really were blind and deaf.

“No,” They both said in unison.

“Okay, so what do you want to do then?” As soon as the words left Stan’s lips, they both shrugged.

“Neither one of you want to do anything?”

“Stan, I’m tired. Can we just relax and hang out and just watch a movie or something.”

“Hmm…why not.” Stan yawned, got up and then added, “I’ll be back guys.”

“Where are you going?” Louis asked.

“Bathroom, you wanna come with me?” Stan said, rolling his eyes.

“No thanks, eww.” Louis protested, and saw Zayn laugh out of the corner of his eyes.

When he left, Zayn looked at Louis and he stared back. “So,” Louis started,  “How have you been?” He reached a hand out and placed it on Zayn’s chest, his fingers grazing Zayn’s nipple.

“I’ve been better.” He replied, eyes following the movement of Louis’ hand.

“Okay. Aren’t you going to ask me how I’ve been?” Louis asked, getting closer to murmur into his ear, pressing against his tight body.

“I was thinking about it.” Zayn stated, breathing in deeply.

“Okay.” Louis said simply, smiling.

“Alright.”

“Uh-huh…”

A second later, Louis was on top of Zayn as he lay on the ground. Louis thighs straddled his hips. “Hi again,” He whispered.

“Stan will be back soon.” Zayn murmured.

“I know,” Louis said, his hands moving under Zayn’s shirt as he ran his hands across the warm skin.

Zayn made a sound in his throat,  and tried to pull Louis’ hands out of his shirt. “Stop.”

“No,” Louis replied shortly.

He lowered his lips to Zayn’s who gave up protesting as his hands reached up and ground Louis to him. Louis’ lips opened and his tongue swept in, stroking, reaching, sucking. Zayn and his beautiful lips, his roving hands, and tongue. Louis felt so much passions being in Zayn’s arms and he succumbed to his hunger, letting Zayn feel him. He wouldn’t stop, couldn’t almost, as they angled their faces together to kiss furiously.

Zayn was insatiable in his need for Louis as he thrust up, “Zayn,” Louis moaned out his name as the boy’s hand gripped his ass and squeezed.

“God, Louis, you have the fucking tightest butt I have ever laid eyes on. I just want to shove my cock up it so bad. I want to hear you scream my name out and beg me to fuck you.”

Holy fuck. Louis loved it when Zayn talked dirty to him, no matter how damn cheesy it is. It just made him so damn horny.

“Guys,” Stan’s voice from the top of the stairs brought them up for air, “I’m gonna go look for a good movie, okay?”

“Yeah,” Zayn yelled out, his voice calm and steady. When the footsteps receded, he brought Louis’ head down again, content to have Louis lay on top of him. His tongue lazily licked across Louis’ bottom lip.

“Zayn,” Louis said, “He’ll be back soon. We should stop.”

“No way,” Zayn licked and nibbled at Louis’ ear and he gasped, not realizing he was so sensitive there. “You started this, bitch.” He grinned to let Louis know he was joking.

“Zayn-”

“Tell me you don’t want this.” Zayn’s middle finger rubbed Louis’ ass-hole, lightly then with added pressure. Louis moaned with his eyes dazed. “Yeah, baby,” Zayn whispered in his ear, “Do you want me to shove my finger up this tight hole and fuck you with it? You do, don’t you?”

Louis gave up. “Fuck, yes.”

Zayn eased Louis off him, a teasing glint in his bright eyes. “You’re right, Stan’ll be here soon.”

Louis lightly smacked at Zayn’s chest, and said, “You’re such an a-” but his cell phone went off and he took it out to look at the screen. Liam.

Louis flipped it open, “Hey, Liam.”

“Hey, man. What are you doing?”

“I’m hanging out at Stan’s. What’s up?”

“Nothing…is Zayn there?”

“Actually,” Louis looked over to where the boy in question is sitting at, “Yeah, he is.”

“Oh.”

This was awkward now. “So…what did you want to say?”

Zayn chose this particular moment to get up, come over to where Louis sat, and look at him. He smirked as his hand reached out and trailed up Louis’ thigh slowly. His breath hitched.

“What’s wrong?” Liam asked.

“Nothing,” Louis replied too quickly. Zayn lifted up Louis’ shirt, exposing his abdomen and nipples. His hand stroked upwards, lightly and when he reached Louis’ nipples, he pulled hard.

Louis gasped, and tried to cover his reaction. “Listen—I’ll call you back, okay?”

“No wait, I wanted to ask you if you wanna come to the mall with me after school tomorrow.”

“Can’t,” Louis gasped, “Told Eleanor that I will do…shit… the accounting assignment with her.” Zayn pulled lightly on the other one. His head came down and his tongue licked across the sensitive bud like a lazy cat, slow and sweet.

“Okay, well you’re busy. I really wanted to hang out but we’ll do it some other time. How about Wednesday?”

“Wednesday’s good.” Louis told him, not thinking as Zayn chewed and nibbled his nipple. “Wednesday,” Zayn whispered in his ear as his hand cupped Louis’ cock through his jeans, “is not good, because you’ll be spending it with me, under me, over me, any way you can imagine.”

Louis shivered. “Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” and then hung up before listening to what Liam had to say. Zayn continued to lick his chest, kissing and stroking his skin. He seemed to really enjoy it and Louis didn’t want to tell him to stop because it felt too good.

“I could do this all day. Your skin is so smooth and firm and your nipples are sensitive little buds.” Louis moved him away and shoved his shirt down. “I want to fuck you again.”

“Well, you better stop now because Stan will be down soon.” He protested.

Zayn was silent, stoic almost, and his physical beauty seemed enhanced in the dim lighting. “You’re not going to see Liam on Wednesday.”

“What the fuck? Of course, I am.”

“No you’re not. I don’t want you hanging out with him. I don’t like him.” Zayn was adamant.

“What the hell did he ever do to you?”

“Louis, you’re not going to see him Wednesday. He’s not a good friend for you.”

“Since when do you make my decisions?”

“Since—Since–”

“Since when, Zayn? Tell me, since you fucked me?” Louis crossed his arms across his chest.

“What the hell, Louis? I’m your friend, just respect my advice.”

“No. Liam is one of my best friends. I’m not going to shun him just because you order me to.” He exclaimed.

“Whatever, you’re probably going to blab all about what—what we did today to him.” Zayn said.

Louis saw red. “Liam doesn’t care about…us.”

“Wait…You told him?” Zayn’s voice was furious and his eyes were equally so. Shit. “You fucking told Liam about us!”

“Zayn, he guessed that something was going on. I had to tell him.”

“You could have denied it! Why didn’t you?” He demanded.

“Why do you care if people know?”

“I don’t want people talking about me. This is all just an experiment to me.”

“So you keep telling me.” Louis said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If you aren’t gay like you keep saying. If you’re just experimenting then why the hell do you want to fuck me so much. Why can’t you keep your hands off of me?”

“That was a low blow, Louis, even for you.” Zayn said viciously.

“You know what–”

“I can’t believe that you would—you probably told the entire school!” Zayn interrupted and his eyes narrowed when Louis flinched.  “Louis, who else did you fucking tell about us?”

His voice was almost mute, “Just Eleanor…”

"Louis–”

“Guys…The Dark Knight or Hangover 2?” The sound of Stan’s voice halted Zayn. He glared at Louis, literally seeing red. Louis thinks he would have murdered him given the chance. When Stan walked in, it seemed like he noticed the tense atmosphere but chose not to mention anything. Zayn just sat down in the couch and froze up completely. Louis too sat down silently.

Stan, thankfully, kept his mouth shut and put in a disc and Louis could care less what the movie is. They watched the playing scenes in complete silence, Stan being the only one commenting occasionally. When the movie finished, Zayn got up, said bye to Stan and went home. Giving Louis a death glare as he left.

Stan turned to him and asked, “What the hell is up with him?”

Louis only shrugged.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Okay, so maybe Louis should have thought twice before telling Eleanor and Liam about Zayn and him. But he didn’t and now it was too late to think about it. He knew he could trust them and they knew he was gay. Maybe he should have considered more about Zayn before blabbing his mouth but he hadn’t and now it was too late to rectify that mistake. He had also known that whatever he had with Zayn wasn’t anything real. He did known that and he told himself he didn’t care but he did. He seemed to be doing a lot of things he shouldn’t lately.

At school, Zayn ignored Louis and he did likewise. And every time Louis saw him, something tore at his gut.

The knowledge that Louis gave a damn about Zayn. That he had allowed himself to care. It made him see red. Damn it, he knew it was temporary. Zayn had never told him otherwise. He’d been honest from the start. Louis thought, above everything, it is the knowledge that they could have remained good friends even after their little tryst ran cold. It tore at Louis to know that things had to end this way, that they couldn’t even be friends now.

Louis really liked him as person. In a short while he’d become an essential part of Louis’ life. He found himself just sitting around waiting for something to happen even though he knew nothing was going to happen.

For the past few weeks, things had been this way and Liam knew what is going on with him. So did Eleanor.

“I told you he was an ass.” Liam kept saying. “You let yourself fall for him.” They were in Eleanor’s room. Eleanor was on the computer, doing a million things at once, a skill only Eleanor could pull off properly.

“For the millionth time, Liam,” Louis gritted his teeth, “I did not fall for him. I let myself care about him, but I don’t love him or anything.”

“Then get over him,” Eleanor put in.

“It’s not that easy.” Louis insisted. “I care about him. And things ended in a bad way. We became friends. He was a really good friend and we were going to stay that way.”

“Talk to him then.” Eleanor said simply. Gosh Louis doesn't get girls.

“Talking to him won’t solve anything right now.” Louis told her.

"No,” Liam said quickly. “Don’t talk to him, Louis. He’s not good enough for you. Just forget him and move on. Like you said, you weren’t even in a relationship, so it won’t be hard.”

“How would you know? You aren’t me!” Louis exclaimed.

“Louis,” Liam began, “I’m your friend and I understand what you’re going through. I want to help you, not fight with you.”

“I don’t understand why the two of you hate each other so much. Zayn hates your guts and you hate his. I don’t think you’ve barely spoken a nice word to each or even tried to get to know each other. Both of you tell me to stay away from the other.” He thought out loud.

“So he’s telling you to avoid me?”

“Just like you tell me to avoid him,” Louis pointed out.

“He’s intimidated by me,” Liam said.

Louis raised an eyebrow. “You aren’t serious?”

“Oh my god, Louis. Make your mind up on whether you want to talk to him or not, okay? And stop being such a prissy little bitch and go do something useful like getting me food.” Eleanor demanded in a booming cartoon voice.

Louis rolled his eyes, “Good thing you’re a lesbian, because I feel sorry for the guy who would have got stuck with you.”

“Ditto, bitch.” Eleanor said, evoking laughter from him and lightening his mood.

“Don’t talk to him.” Liam whispered.

“Fuck off.” He whispered back.

“I heard that.”

“Sorry.” Both of them said at once and then laughed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The way Zayn was behaving made Louis want to punch his face. He flirted with all the girls and smiled his charming one thousand watt smile every second of the day. He didn’t even glare at Louis today as he walked into class. He didn’t even look…didn’t care…anymore. Back to the old Zayn that didn’t know Louis Tomlinson even existed. The armor was up, the mask on, and Zayn became the royal pain in the ass again.

There was a girl. Brandi what’s-her-name. Rumor was that Zayn was seeing her now. Louis saw them together but he didn’t believe they were dating until he spotted them holding hands.

Louis tried to feel nothing.

At lunch he ate with his regular crew but today there was no silent glances or winks or even secret smiles that were only for him. It wasn’t like Zayn normally displayed any emotion besides what was normal at school, but still during that little time they’d had, it’d been nice. Louis’ everything hurts and he wanted to block out Zayn’s uncaring, cold attitude. He didn’t want to feel anything, damn it! He wanted to be like Zayn: uncaring, insensitive. Louis was burdened with guilt and regret though and he had been wanting to hit something.

Preferably Zayn Malik’s perfect face.

Up until today, Louis felt bad that he had told Eleanor and Liam, that he had ruined their chances… pshh…. chances at what? An experiment? Now he didn’t care. He made himself stone like, and unfeeling. He hated Zayn. Who cares if they became friends or not?

Louis looked away from Zayn’s beautiful profile and shoved his food away.

The funny thing is, the weather was just getting nice again and Louis didn’t want to feel crappy like this. Most of the snow had melted early and the ground was beginning to dry. Perfect weather. Slightly breezy but sunny and warm.

It felt like a chance for a fresh start.

Only if it stops hurting.


	13. Chapter 13

The snow finally melted entirely, with no chance of it piling up again this time, since the sun stayed up. Liam was so ecstatic and even admitted that he’d been sick of the snow. Louis just laughed at him and decided to forgo their bet just because Liam looked so happy at the sun.

That night, he called Liam to pick him up. It was a Sunday but the weather was nice and there was a local party down at someone’s place. Louis wanted to get so damn drunk. So he did. He just drank until he couldn’t feel anything anymore, until he just felt a hazy glow. Alcohol really did make you feel as if you were forgetting your problems, made you feel as if you were, but truthfully made you more depressed.

But that night was honestly a great night.

After getting drunk, he and Liam went out to the secluded park nearby and lay on the ground. He remember staring up at the sky and noticing the bright stars and the full moon. The air was thick of trees and sweet and it assaulted his senses, making him feel alive. The breeze was slight. The grass beneath his toes and under his back tickled him gently and Louis wanted to lay there forever. He wanted to leave all his problems there.

Out here, it was easy to forget Zayn.

“I could stay here forever,” He found himself saying to Liam in a daze.

“Same.” Liam replied. His eyes were closed.

Zayn Malik, Louis would forget him. He would move on to the next fish in the sea. He won’t even care anymore, he told himself as neutrality claimed him once more.

The peace soothed them. The sounds of nature inspired them even in their alcohol muddled state, and they were silent once more. Listening, feeling, touching, enjoying. Louis took everything in, wanting to remember this feeling his entire life. A bird flew over their heads and Louis could almost hear the sound of its feathers swishing.

Liam had fallen asleep. Louis thinks he might too.

A rustle besides him and Louis was aware of his surroundings once more.

“Well, well, look who it is.” A slightly familiar voice said. Louis didn’t look over. He didn’t want to see and interrupt his happiness. “Louis, is it?” The guy persisted amiably.

“Go away,” He muttered.

“What if I don’t?”

Louis didn’t say anything and just sat up, looking far into the darkness. The guy sat down beside him on the grass and Louis felt his presence overcrowd his senses. He smelled earthy and potent, male.

Louis placed his head on his knee, facing away from the guy. “Go away,” He slurred.

“How drunk are you?”

“Am not drunk.”

“You are drunk, you’re just a drunk that doesn’t talk like a drunk. You’re a drunk that is actually slightly aware of what you’re doing.”

“No I’m not. It’s just wearing off. You realize that’s probably the most times someone’s used the word drunk in a sentence.”

He chuckled and Louis turned to look at the guy beside him. “Harry! How are you doing?” His mood was lifted immediately.

“Great, you? What brings you out here?”

“Wallowing away my problems. You?”

“I’m enjoying the party. Boy problems?”

“Are there any other kind? Yeah, this guy alright. I was sort of seeing… nah…was fooling around with and he wasn’t really out. I told two of my friends what was going on between us and eventually he found out that I’d done that. He wasn’t happy, he went ballistic and hasn’t spoken to me since. He acts as if I don’t exist and even has a girlfriend. You know what the funny thing is?” I asked.

Harry smirked. “You’re really straight?”

Louis laughed, “Very funny, but no. I knew it was only temporary. He told me not to care for him, not to fall for him. But I do!”

Harry nodded. “You loved him.”

“No! I care for him. I don’t want to though! We became friends and were going to remain that way, but no…”

They were silent for a while before Louis decided to break it.

“How’s your car?” Louis asked him, remembering how he had sat in it, soaking wet.

“Random, but yeah it’s in perfect condition. I love my car.” Harry said with a laugh.

“That’s good.”

“Louis,” he said.

“Hmm?” He closed his eyes and breathed in slowly.

“Don’t feel sorry for yourself. You’ll find happiness; you’ll get your share. There’s no one that doesn’t like you I bet, besides that douche-bag. Don’t let him hurt you again.”

“I won’t.”

“Do you believe that?”

“I’ll try.” Louis assured him, meaning it.

Louis looked at Harry then and saw someone special. The kind of carefree soul running around the life like there is nothing to worry about. Louis wondered how that felt like.

“Like what you see?” His eyes sparked to life, looking every bit like the jovial, happy boy that Louis was sure everyone loved.  He tossed his head back, his dark hair gleaming in the pale light of the moon.

Louis grinned and stared at him before saying, “Not bad, but I’m honestly not interested.”

He smiled, “That’s too bad. I feel like there would have been something between us if maybe I wasn’t me and you weren’t you. There’s a…”

“Connection?”

“Something like that. Maybe in another lifetime, when we’re different people.”

“Maybe.”

The silence was tangible, but not awkward at all. Louis stared straight ahead, becoming sober by the –now cool– breeze. He heard Harry’s phone ring. Harry read the text with a sigh and then say, “ I hope you feel better Louis. I’m gonna head back now, okay?”

“Wait,” Louis called out to his retreating figure. “We should hang out sometime.”

”You want to?”

“That’s why I am asking. I think I like you.”

“You only think?” Harry teased. Louis told him to shut up and he grinned. They talked for a bit more before exchanging numbers and Harry had to leave.

“Have a good life, Louis Tomlinson.”

“I’ll see you again.” He assured.

“Maybe, but you could die tomorrow or maybe I could. There’s no way to know for sure. Just keep walking.”

Louis smiled to himself. Harry was an interesting guy.

He shook Liam awake after a couple of minutes. “Time to head in.”

Monday, it was back to school and back to reality.

*~*~*~*~*~*

The next day at school, the only word that could possibly describe what Louis felt to the nearest decimal was—well—there was actually no word. He had gotten absolute shit-faced and not really thought that there was actually school the next day. However it was a good night. He had relaxed, gotten time to think, and caught up with Harry, whom he really liked. The weather had been perfect, the air cool but not cold, and the scenery had been utterly beautiful.

As soon as he walked into class on Monday, Stan took one look at him, specifically the dark circles under his eyes, and asked, “What the hell happened to you?”

“One word,” Louis sighed, leaning against the desk behind him, “Hangover.”

Stan looked visibly surprised. “You went to a party, Louis? Why wasn’t I invited?”

“You weren’t invited because no one likes you.” Louis stuck his tongue out at him, thus ruining the effect.

“Yeah, right. I get invited to everything; everyone loves me. You however…rarely party. Especially on a Sunday night”

“Shut up. So yeah, I did go to a party and get drunk. I don’t exactly have anything against going to them, sometimes I’m just tired or too lazy. Last night I really needed to get away and Liam mentioned that we should go.” As he said these words, his mind flashed to Zayn. Zayn, who was just aggravating, who was charismatic, who was an ass.

Louis took a seat and sighed deeply, resting his head against the desk briefly before raising it again.

The devil himself chose that moment to appear and walk in that way of his into the classroom. Except, never had the devil been portrayed brown eyed and so gorgeous. Louis’ eyes glimpsed him as he walked up the rows to his desk on the other side of Stan. His mind faltered for a minute, and he had to take a deep breath.

“What did you need to get away from anyway?” Stan asked.

Louis shrugged, “A lot of crap has been going on lately.”

“Anything you want to tell me about?” Stan said and nodded at Zayn briefly before turning back to Louis.

“No, I just wasn’t feeling too good so I went to the party. No big deal.” Louis wanted Zayn to hear, to know that he didn’t care at all about Zayn. Yeah, petty of him. Louis looked over at him and the glare he met was at least better than getting no response. He returned it.

Stan could sense the tension, “So…what’s up with you two? Just the other day you were best friends, don’t tell me that didn’t last longer than a couple of days?”

Louis shrugged; Zayn gave no response.

“Alright then…I’m taking that as a yes.” Stan said.

“Hey, guys,” Liam said, taking a seat beside him. He walked in just in time for the rescue and looked at Louis with a sheepish grin. “It was a fun night yesterday.” He said.

It was quite an awkward class. There was Zayn and Louis in the same room, sitting two meters away from each other. If that wasn’t weird enough, Liam had to be there. The only person who balanced them out was Stan.

“Yeah, it was really fun.” Louis agreed, “It was nice to get away for a while.”

“So who was that kid you were with? I don’t think I’ve seen him around before—at least with you.”

"You actually remember? Thought you were out of your mind,” Louis said with a chuckle.

“Well, at that time I was a bit less out of it. So who was he?”

“His name is Harry Styles and he’s a pretty cool guy. I don’t really know him too well, but he seems okay.”

“Hmm…is he good looking? I can’t seem to remember anything beyond some fuzzy visuals and just voices.” Liam didn’t even bother lowering his voice. He knew Stan and Louis knew he was gay but it was quite odd for him to be speaking out loud in front of Zayn about another guy’s look.

“Actually, yeah he’s a really good looking guy.” Louis admitted.

Liam frowned a bit, “And is he gay?”

“Um–” Louis didn’t know where he was going with this, “Well, he’s bi.”

“Oh so he’s hot, and he likes guys. Perfect for you.”

“Liam, I barely know the guy.”

“So you aren’t interested in him?” Liam asked, grinning.

“Uh—I haven’t really thought about it, but I guess not,” Louis replied, fiddling with a pencil. They were supposed to be working, but who ever really listens to the teacher?

“Well, that makes sense since you’ve never mentioned him before.”

“Yeah, well I barely know him. I met him a while ago and I’ve only spoken to him a handful of times. But, I really think he’s a cool guy. I won’t mind getting to know him better.”

“That’s cool. I want to meet him sometime.” Liam said.

“Maybe we can all hang out together sometime.”

“Yeah, I really want to see a movie this week.” Liam declared.

“Same,” Louis said, “I might go today,” but Liam wasn’t really listening. He too was glaring at Zayn at that moment. Louis sighed.  Maybe he’d call Harry and ask him to go see a movie with him.

Louis looked over to Zayn, who was surprisingly looking right at Louis at that moment and their eyes met before they both looked away. Stan just gave him a funny look before asking him if Eleanor, Liam, and him wanted to go out for lunch with him. Louis was supposedly the representative for their little group and so replied with a mock-formal yes.

“I’d invite you Zayn, but I have a feeling that wouldn’t go too well with Louis or–”

“Yeah, as if I want to eat lunch with Louis,” Zayn replied in a very snide voice, and extremely immaturely.

“I was going to say it wouldn’t go too well with Louis or you, but we’ve established that already.” Stan said with a mock-salute.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The rest of that school day was pretty uneventful. By lunch, Louis was in a much better mood and no longer felt as bad. Four of them went out to eat for lunch. It was the first time in a while that all four of them were eating together.

For the last few weeks it had been mainly the three of them without Stan. Stan had been spending more time with his other friends this year. Eleanor and Louis didn’t take it to heart though. They had known each other for a long time now and petty things like these didn’t distance them. When they got together, they will just pick up from where they had left off and it was as if there had been no lapse in between. He supposed this was a sign of a long lasting friendship, one that could withstand distance and continue to remain as strong in the future.

“Urgh. I don’t know how you guys eat this stuff,” Eleanor gestured towards the boy’s piles of unhealthy food. They were all having some new form of extra-large burgers the joint came out with every year. At least Louis had a side salad. Eleanor was eating her own lunch from home that she herself packed. It was perfectly healthy, and like Eleanor, perfect.

“Come on, Eleanor, just relax. It’s food, it’s unhealthy, and you know you want a bite.” Liam said.

“Please, as if. I do not want to eat that…ever.”

“Just smell that—it’s the smell of…fast food. Unhealthy, delicious and wonderfully fattening.” Stan added.

“Eww and just gross. You know I heard that the ice in…places like these…is dirtier then toilet water.” Eleanor added.

“Where the hell did you hear that?” Liam demanded. “That’s ridiculous.”

“I don’t exactly remember, but it’s just one of those things that sticks in your head.”

“Well, we don’t believe you.” Stan said.

“Well, I kind of heard that somewhere too.” Louis said.

“Louis!” Liam joked. “You’re on our side.”

“Well, Louis agrees with me. He counts as two people, therefore I win.”

Stan rolled his eyes, “Yes, you win, because this was so a competition,” He thought for a fraction of a second, “You know what, I’m the only person here who is attracted to the opposite sex.”

“That was random,” Liam said.

“That’s Stan for you. Besides being very random he’s weird…dumb…unintelligent.” Eleanor added.

“That was redundant; dumb and unintelligent. Ha, not so dumb now am I?”

“So you admit you’re normally dumb but you just weren’t dumb during that particular moment?”

Louis’ cell-phone vibrated in his pocket and he took it out. Their little banter only increased and his brain just blocked them out. It was a text from Harry that simply said “ _ _Hey__ ”.

Louis smiled and texted back. “ _ _Hey. Wanna go to the movies 2night__?”

__“Sure.I’ll pick u up at ur house @ 7?”_ _

“Is that from Harry?” Liam asked. He was peering over at Louis’ phone screen ineffectively.

“Why would you assume that?”

“I don’t know, you just have this sheepish looking grin on your face.” He replied.

“Sheepish, huh? I bet you read that word somewhere and have never used it till now.” Louis laughed.

“Shut up.” Liam scowled. His side-tracking had accomplished its job however, because Liam forgot about Harry. Eleanor and Stan were discussing something or the other that Liam obviously wasn’t interested in. He could tell because Liam chose that moment to talk with Louis without scowling. “So you want to hang out later? My house?”

“I’d love to but I have plans.” Louis replied.

“Plans that can’t be changed?” Those wide eyes were so big and bright, and that puppy dog look on his face would have sent another person to their knees. Louis, however, was used to it because that ploy of Liam’s was used on him a lot. Louis tried to envision a night out with Harry and Liam. Harry would probably be totally cool, but Liam seemed not that cool with Harry. At least from the impression Louis got.

“Sorry,” He said honestly.

“Plans that can’t include me?”

Louis winced, “Honestly, I tried to imagine how that would work out, but it wouldn’t be the best idea.”

“You’re back to fucking Zayn?” Liam exclaimed.

Louis looked over at Stan to make sure he didn’t hear, “Shh….be careful.” He said. He have no idea why he’d just assume that.

“Why should I? Who cares about that bastard and whether or not Stan overhears.”

“Liam, seriously what’s wrong? You’ve been acting…real…bitchy lately.”

“Me? Me? You know what…just go talk to Zayn why don’t you?” Liam winced, realizing what that must have sounded like, “Sorry…I guess I am being…bitchy. I just really don’t like Zayn, and I really don’t want you to…be around him anymore.”

“It’s okay. Just to let you know, Zayn and I are not—fucking—or will be doing anything any time soon. I do not want to do anything with him ever again. But, if there is ever a chance that I do, nothing you or Eleanor can say will stop me. It seriously annoys me when you guys say things like, ‘Louis you should be careful’, or 'Louis don’t let yourself get hurt’. But anyway, I have plans with Harry, not Zayn. You were right when you guessed the text was from Harry. We’re going to go see a movie.”

“Oh…that sounds like fun…” Liam seemed to be at a loss for words all of a sudden. A part of him was glad.

“How about you and I do something tomorrow?” Louis asked politely nonetheless.

“Yeah, for sure though.” Liam remained subdued.

Louis shrugged and tried to finish his meal before lunch is over.


	14. Chapter 14

When Harry picked Louis up that evening, ten minutes after seven, he felt alive. The sky was a cloudy gray that was darkening to night, the air was fresh, and everything just looked new. He’d changed into a pair of dark red pants that looked really good on him since the fit was just right, not too tight, not too baggy, and perfect across the ass. He clipped his suspenders on and thrown on a casual t-shirt that added the right touch to the look.

“Somebody looks hot.” Harry said appreciatively as Louis walked up. He’d gotten out and was leaning against the side of his car.

“Not too bad yourself,” Louis said, and he wasn’t lying. Harry had this brooding look about him. He had a charm, an appeal that was beyond his good looks. His dark curly hair had been recently treated to a styling and looked gorgeous and fingers-running-through worthy. Despite being a year younger, he looked very fit and had an amazing body. His body wasn’t as magnificent as Zayn’s, but then again, he had a completely different appeal. Harry was tall, and had amazing legs and wide shoulders.

“Damn right.” Harry smiled.

“You know, I was going to call you anyway if you hadn’t texted me first.” Louis said.

“Really? I guess it’s true then, great minds think alike,” Harry grinned in that adorable way of his again. It was devilish, brooding, and charming at the same time. What a lethal combination! No wonder he had both guys and girls all over him.

It was his eyes that did you in though. Those beautiful, other-worldly, and often ethereal eyes. They were a sparkling green, not a dull and cloudy green, but a glittering emerald color.

“When you smile, your eyes smile too. I like that.” Louis told him.

“Yeah? I’m glad. You make me smile because you’re such a cheese ball.”

“Who’s the cheese ball? You’re the one telling me I make you smile.” Louis pointed out teasingly.

“Yeah, because you’re a cheese ball.”

He laughed, “Please refrain from using that word again.”

“What? Cheese ball?”

“Harry, Harry, Harry, why do I get the feeling that you enjoy annoying me?”

“Because it’s true. I like you, Louis, I like you a lot.”

“Oh, let’s not go there,” Louis joked.

“We’re not. I just want to be your friend.”

“Why? Seems to me like everyone wants to be Harry’s best friend, but Harry doesn’t want to be everyone’s best friend.”

“See, you already know what I’m really like.”

“What, that you have an aura that attracts attention but you don’t really want it? That you’re charming and charismatic but you like to be by yourself?”

“Wow, let’s really stop there, Dr. Phil.”

Louis leaned against the car next to Harry. “You are not that hard to figure out, buddy.”

“You’re really easy to talk to, you know?” Harry said.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it from my mom. So, tell me, was I right?”

“I mean, sometimes I’ll laugh and smile and talk a lot, but I really just want to be by myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty social. I like sex, I enjoy parties, drugs, alcohol, pretty much anything out there, I’ve done it.” Harry paused, deep in thought, wondering. Then he went on, “Then I’ll just be silent and not talkative and I’ll just want to be alone, I won’t even want to be fake anymore. Even when I talk and laugh, it’s never about me, I never say anything about me. Even though I don’t talk very much most of the time, people like to be around me.”

“You have that thing.” Louis said.

“That thing, huh?” His eyes crinkled and Louis knew he was smiling once more.

“Yeah, that thing.” He repeated.

“You know you have a thing too Louis.”

“Really, I have a thing?” He looked down.

Harry laughed. “Yeah, you make me smile, genuinely. Like I don’t have to try to smile, you’ll just make one escape. I don’t want to be fake around you, even though we barely know each other. Like I actually talked about myself, even if it was only a little bit.”

“You know what, Styles?”

“What is it, Tomlinson?” Harry replied in like.

“I think we’re going to be good friends.”

“I think we’re already halfway there.” Harry said.

“However, we are not halfway to the movie theatre.” Louis reminded. “So get in the damn car and buckle that seat belt.”

“Okay then,” Harry grinned.

They both got in and Harry headed in the direction of the mall. On the way there, Louis stared out the window at the familiar buildings, both new and old. When you see something every day, or close to it, your mind doesn’t really register it anymore. You don’t really notice the details or even spare a thought to it anymore. He had lived here all of his whole life and just couldn’t wait to get away. It wasn’t that he didn’t like it, he liked it a lot. It was just that he wanted to experience living somewhere else, get to see some new things, maybe the States or France. It’s probably a natural feeling, this wanting to get away and broaden your horizons. Most people wanted to do something of the sort.

Louis wanted to go somewhere new and meet new people. People who would make him forget the likes of Zayn Malik. In this place, it was nearly impossible to go by without running into him. They had many classes together and were even linked by Stan. 

They literally seethed at the sight of the other, even though the reason for the big problem was dying down and cooling off, it was the anger for the other person made them continue to act in such a way.

“So how are things with the guy?” Harry asked, almost as if he could read Louis’ mind.

Louis groaned, “Can we not talk about him?”

“That bad?”

“Not any worse than before. I mean, I hate him, he hates me. We don’t speak and if we do it’s like we’re tearing each other apart.”

“Forget him. If he’s such an ass, just move on.”

“It’s not about moving on. We never had a relationship that I can even move on from. It’s just that I genuinely began liking him as a person. He’s not so bad, it’s just he puts on this false front.”

“He’s doing that now?”

“Now, he’s just angry, but yeah he’s back to being that cold-hearted ass. Even though I hate him for it, I know what’s behind that and I hate that things ended that way.”

“If he wants to be your friend again, he’ll come to you. Just do things at your own pace, Louis. If you want to say something to him then do it. If you want to leave things the way they are then do that. However, I think you should let him approach you.”

“That might as well be never, because I don’t think he is ever going to back down anytime soon.”

“Then it’s his problem.”

“Thanks, Harry.” Louis said.

“No problem. I really want to meet this guy sometime, see what he’s like.”

“Why don’t you come to the school dance? You’ll get a chance to meet Eleanor, Liam and Stan too. You’ll like them. You’ll probably get to see him and his new girlfriend as well.”

“I really don’t do dances, especially school ones.” Harry said.

“Too cool?” Louis joked.

“Nah, it’s just not my thing.”

“Yeah, same, but I’m going this time, so you should come.”

“We’ll see,” Harry replied. He had just pulled up into the mall parking lot. “Now, let’s focus on the movie. What do you want to see?”

“Chronicle?”

“Then ‘Chronicle’ it is.” Harry agreed.

They got out, bought their tickets and then waiting in the long queue to buy popcorn. There was a lot of junk food and Louis was actually kind of in the mood for some.

“You want a drink?”

“Yeah, and some licorice too.” Louis gave him a few bills.

“I got it,” Harry said, raising an eyebrow, “licorice huh?”

“What? I’m not feeling too good. I need candy.”

“You’re being a whiny brat, and you were feeling perfectly fine a few moments ago.”

“Okay, whatever.” Louis said. Harry was just a nice person and it was fun to annoy him. Somehow, he didn’t really get annoyed by Louis’ attempts though.

“Anything else?” The cashier asked, a bemused expression on her face.

“Wait–” He began, seeing a pack of skittles.

“No that’s all,” Harry interrupted, dragging him by the elbow, while somehow passing him his things. Louis just shut up and put the straw in his mouth, sighing as the fresh taste of soda hit the back of his throat. They were walking towards the entrance to the theatre, but were stopped.

“Hey, Louis!” Someone called from behind him.

He turned, and saw a dark haired girl standing there, waving slightly. “Oh, hey Becca.” She was in his business class and was a really nice girl. She was really pretty too.

“Hi,” She said politely to Harry, who just nodded back. Not much for words around very many people Louis could tell. “It’s nice seeing you here, what are you gonna see?”

“Oh we’re seeing Chronicle, what about you?”

“Yeah, same with us,” She said smiling. Us? “There you are! Over here!” She waved to someone on the other side. “He’s coming. Yeah so we were just going to hang out at my place but then all of a sudden, he was just like, let’s see a movie. I was like, why not?”

“Who are you here with?”

“Zayn, silly.” She said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “He’s getting us popcorn.”

Yes, It was true.

Louis looked up just as he walked right up and stood beside Becca, popcorn in hand. Did he have to be so fucking hot? He looked perfect, immaculate and very unapproachable to Louis. His eyes traveled to Harry, back to Louis, then back to Harry. Then he smirked, and Louis fumed. He didn’t say one word, not a single word. He just took a hold of Becca’s hand and drew her away. She simply waved goodbye.

What was she doing here with him anyway? Well they were obviously on a date, but wasn’t he dating Brandi?

“So that’s the girlfriend? I guess I don’t have to wait to see her anymore.”

“That’s not the one I was talking to you about. That was a girl named Brandi, this is Becca.”

“Two girls in just a couple of days?”

“How did you know that was the guy anyway?”

“Oh I don’t know. Maybe something to do with you two trying to ignore and glare at each other at the same time? And you looking like someone killed your puppy?” Harry said sarcastically.

“I’m going to ignore what you just said,” Louis told him curtly. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. I mean, it’s Zayn after all. He probably broke up with Brandi. They didn’t even go out for a week.”

Louis smacked himself internally as he mentioned Zayn’s name. Now, Zayn was out, for the lack of a better word, to another person. He really did have a big mouth.

“Maybe he’s two timing them.” Harry continued, seemingly unaffected at the mention of Zayn’s name.

Louis gave him a look, “I don’t think so, that’s not like Zayn.”

“I thought he was the scum of the frog pond.”

He had Louis there, so he just zipped his mouth and shoved his straw in his mouth. When they entered and were looking around for the best seats, Harry led him towards the middle.

“Let’s sit near lover boy and Becca.” Harry said.

“What? No!”

“Please, I’ll save you the trouble of being overly curious and wanting to know what they’re up to from far. You can do it near them.”

“Harry!”

“Whatever,” He dragged Louis to a seat and forced to sit down. Harry even silenced him by putting the straw in his mouth as if he was a baby.

“There, that’s better.” Harry said.

“Thanks, but I think I can manage.”

Louis have to admit, he actually was curious about them and this was the perfect spot to be able to watch them. They were sitting in front, off to the right a bit, and were at a perfect angle for him to see them clearly. Becca already had her cheek against Zayn’s strong, hard, lovely shoulder. She leaned her head up for a second whispering something into Zayn’s ear. Zayn only smiled. He wondered what she said to him because just then he began looking around. Soon his eyes were trained on Louis’.

Caught.

Louis looked away immediately. This wasn’t exactly the time to hold his gaze and be proud. He’d already lost his dignity when Zayn caught him staring at him from across the god-damned movie theater!

The movie started and he refrained from looking in their direction again. Well, he stole peeks but never gazed full on.

During some of the intense scenes, Louis would just subtly glance over at Becca to see if she was doing the whole clichéd thing of being excited and grabbing on to Zayn. Indeed she was. In fact, after the first time she cuddled close and grabbed on to him, she never backed away again. For some reason Louis’ perception of her as a wonderfully nice person dropped. He couldn’t explain it. It’s not like she was doing anything to him. He just couldn’t help but begin to dislike her.

He shoved popcorn into his mouth.

Harry chuckled, “It’s okay, Louis. From what I can see, he doesn’t seem to be all over her like she’s all over him.”

“I don’t care.” Louis huffed. “Just watch.”

“Yes you do.”

Louis sighed. “I have no idea why though. It’s not like…I like him or anything…”

Harry just shook his head. Louis ignored him.

When the movie was over and they were exiting the theatre, Louis stopped himself from looking around for Zayn and stared straight ahead. Turns out Zayn and Becca had left before them and were standing right in front of him. He just looked away, grabbed on to Harry’s arm, and began leading him towards the exit.

“Bye, Louis. Nice meeting you Harry!.” Becca called out, white teeth flashing and eyes sparkling. She was too damned perfect. Her and Zayn deserved each other.

Louis briefly looked back to wave and then turned back again. One foot in front of the other, Harry and him walked out.

“Interesting movie, huh?” Louis asked Harry in the car.

“Yeah, I thought it was really good. It’s like a quiet, soft story about what ifs, you know. You have the world at your tips of your finger and it is up to you how you turn it.”

“Harry Styles, you are a poet.”

Harry scoffed. “I am not. I’ve never written a poem in my life.”

“You don’t have to write rhyming poetry to be a poet, what I meant was that you have a lyrical soul.”

“What the fuck even is a lyrical soul, you homo?” Harry snorted and Louis leaned across to slap his arm.

“I just mean that when you speak, it comes from your heart…when you actually do speak.”

“I never say anything I don’t believe in.”

Harry pulled up into his driveway. “I believe that, and that is very admirable.” Louis said, looking at him.

Harry grinned. “Let’s not talk about me, tell me about you and Zayn.”

“No. I don’t want to talk about Zayn.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I think I’m pretty sure Harry,” Louis said, rolling his eyes.

“And this is why I want to be your friend.” Harry laughed.

“Wow, and he can laugh.”

“Shut up.”

“I will,” Louis said, and got out of the car in one smooth move. The window was rolled down completely so he leaned his head in. “Want to give me a good night kiss?” He was only half kidding.

“No. I’d rather pluck my pubes.”

“You serious?”

“No.” He smiled, leaned in and gave Louis a peck on the lips. It was just a peck, but It was good.

“That was nice.” Louis told him, leaning in again.

“Yeah, but you’re taken, and we’re supposed to be friends.”

“I am not taken,” Louis thought real hard, a feeling that he couldn’t describe filling his chest. This feeling of just wanting to burst. “Like you said before, maybe in another lifetime.”

“Maybe. Until then goodbye.”

Another kiss. This time it was soft and sweet and just a little bit wet. Louis backed away after.

“You douche, you’re coming to my school dance. No waiting till the next life.”

Harry smiled, “I wonder when you’ll realize it yourself, Louis,” he said evasively.

“Realize what?”

“Realize what’s bursting to come out of you.”

“You mean?” Louis looked down at his cock. “I’m not exactly hard and bursting to come.”

Harry burst into full-fledged laughter. “Idiot. See ya, Louis.”

Louis stood there, long after Harry disappeared down the road, thinking about his words, relating them to this feeling inside of him. This annoying feeling. His chest was constricting and he felt like running and just running and just breathing fresh air.

It wouldn’t go away, this feeling.


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning hadn’t been a good one. Louis had gotten into a fight with Liam over something or the other and wasn’t on great terms with Eleanor either. Louis thinks it was because he felt like crap about the horrendous way he had ended the previous night. By kissing Harry, twice.

Oh well, he’d attempt at making up during lunch.

The bell rang. Louis got up and hurried out of the classroom without saying a word. Relief filled him at the thought of being able to get out of that stuffy room. He put all his things in his locker and grabbed his wallet from his backpack. He was hungry and the thought of some fish and chips was really appealing. Thankfully, because he’d been quick, he had gotten ahead of the bulk of the rest of the senior students and claimed his meal pretty quickly.

After paying, Louis exited the line and made his way into the cafeteria. Although a part of him wanted to quickly look around and spot Zayn, he stopped himself and weaved on ahead. Waving in and out of the rows, he approached the spot where Liam and Eleanor were sitting. He was surprised they’d gotten there that quick. Eleanor looked up and spotted him. She raised an eyebrow.

“Do you promise not to bite?” She asked, a friendly smile replacing the look of caution on her face.

Louis sighed. He wouldn’t have to begin the awkward conversation of apologizing towards a sullen audience. “I come in peace.” He felt relieved and rather light and relaxed now that things were good with Eleanor. He felt like his insides could now breathe a bit more clearly as well. Looking at Liam’s face though, Louis wasn’t so sure about him.

“We cool?”

Liam smiled his award winning smile and he felt like things were all better, as if he wasn’t having a total brain-death. He sat down,  stabbed his forks into his chips and smiled back at him.

“I’m sorry about getting so pissy lately.” Louis said to the both of them.

“It’s all good,” Eleanor said, a motherly smile on her face.

“All I asked this morning, was if you had a good time fucking Harry’s brains out last night, was that so bad?”

“Liam!” Eleanor began.

Louis tried not to grit his teeth. He’d forgotten about that. “Liam, we’ve been over this already. I don’t have that sort of relationship with Harry.”

“Let’s not do this, guys,” Eleanor intervened intelligently and at the perfect time.

Louis looked at Liam closely, daring him to defy, “Yeah, let’s not do this.”

His expression softened a bit, and his eyes warmed. “Okay,” he agreed.

Eleanor turned the attention to herself and beamed. She asked him, “So tell me how last night was, and I’m not trying to annoy you.”

Louis grinned and shook his head. “It was fun, I guess. Harry is a great person. Although it would have been better if we hadn’t run into Zayn and Becca.” He didn’t add that he was constantly aware of them the entire time. Neither of them would have taken that news very well. “Harry kept my mind off of them though,” He added.

“Oh, so you told Harry about what went on between you and…uh…Zayn, did you?” Liam asked nonchalantly, although they both knew he was far from it.

“Yeah, I told him.”

“Didn’t things go sour with Zayn because he didn’t want you telling anyone?” Liam pointed out.

“Uh…yeah.” Louis thought he was going to finally stop attacking him. What was wrong with Liam today!

“Then why did you tell Harry?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. Besides, I can trust Harry. Why do you care though, weren’t you the one who wanted me to stay away from Zayn?”

Liam stared at him stonily.

He stared back.

Eleanor cleared her throat, and Louis turned to look at her. Her eyebrows were so high, she almost looked funny. Liam remained silent, clearly still offended.

“Sorry about that. So tell me what’s been going on with you lately?” Louis attempted at changing the topic.

Eleanor just grinned mischievously and nodded her head behind his shoulder. “Speak of the devil.” She said.

Louis looked behind him to see what she was indicating to and there was Zayn. He stood with a couple of his friends, and they were all just about to sit down. It was like a scene out of a movie. The amazing male lead stood with his friends, laughing. From afar it looked as if they were suspended in time, every movement magnified. He couldn’t hear the laughter, but he could see it on their faces, feel it in the atmosphere. And he felt—he felt something that he didn’t dare identify.

He just looked back at Eleanor and rolled his eyes. “Can we not discuss him?”

“Why, because you have a new boyfriend?” This was from Liam of course.

Louis shut his eyes for a few seconds. He was in shock. After all, why was Liam being so utterly obnoxious today? “Liam, did we not just repeatedly discuss this? What part of what I said was hard to understand?”

“Fine, if you and Harry aren’t going out, then if he asked you would you say yes?”

“I don’t know—maybe—probably…what?”

“Wow, you move pretty fast,” Liam said.

For a moment he didn’t know what to say, but then he couldn’t help but be a bit mean. “What the hell is up your ass? For the last time, Harry and I are just friends! I appreciate, what you may think is your concern, but, I’m not looking for a relationship right now. You don’t need to worry about me.”

Liam audibly snorted; he actually snorted!

Louis was speechless yet again. This time he just got up and grabbed his things. “Bye Eleanor, talk you later,” and completely ignoring Liam, he walked out of the cafeteria.

Louis walked around the school for a bit, pondering Liam’s strange behavior. He walked aimlessly, garnering some strange looks, until he began feeling terrible. May be he had been a little too harsh with Liam. Maybe Liam had just been having a bad day? No matter what he was Louis’ friend, and he should have been gentler. It’s not like his actions were born out of complete and utter ill will for him.

Oh well, maybe they both over-reacted.

Louis ended up in one of the second floor bathrooms. It was in a secluded end of the school, in a hallway that was rarely used. The only class that actually ever went on in the area was tech, and it wasn’t much of a hot-spot.

Staring at his face in the bathroom mirror, Louis thought about what Zayn must have thought when he looked at him. After all, they had sex, so there had to be something attractive about him there. Louis was good-looking. Not nearly as handsome as Zayn, but he was good looking in a more subdued way.

His eyes were smoky, brimless and restless, almost as if he was haunted by something. It was strange to see those emotions splayed in his eyes, when he wasn’t even clear on what the feelings swirling madly in his body were.

He felt like he wanted to do something, reach for something, but he wasn’t sure what it was. It was really frustrating, almost like he couldn’t be satisfied until he achieved this seemingly impossible task that he hadn’t yet identified. It’s like when you lie on a lumpy mattress and you try your hardest to find a comfortable position. No matter what though, nothing feels right and you keep shifting restlessly all night.

He splashed some water on his face and ran his wet fingers through his hair. Then, feeling tired, he just slid against the wall and sat on the ground. He covered his face in his hands and just slumped down, all his frustrations melting and he felt his body relaxing, exhaustion overtaking any other prime instinct in his body. It wasn’t that his body was tired, but his mind was.

Time passed; he didn’t know how much. A lot, a little, who knows? Maybe he was in there for like three minutes, maybe twenty, but he just sat there the entire time. His head slumped onto his knees and he closed his eyes.

“Skipping? Now why am I not surprised?” Zayn. No one ever came here. Had he followed Louis?

Louis raised his head, “No I’m not skipping, I’m just…running late.” His voice sounded sure, firm and for a moment his mind didn’t really register that Zayn was actually standing there in front of him, speaking to him. Louis finally looked into his eyes, and momentary shock filled him, not at the fact that he was there, but at the look on his face. His face was set in stone, completely serious.

“Well, you’re half an hour late to class!” One eyebrow rose sardonically.

“Wait, what time is it?” Louis asked quickly, alarmed that so much time had passed. He got up quickly and saw the glint of Zayn’s watch, which automatically led him to grab his wrist and peer at it. Zayn was right. It was 31 minutes after the period began. Louis suddenly realized what he was doing and dropped Zayn’s arm like it was burning hot. Louis looked up at him to see the frown of confusion marring his face.

“I’m going to class.” Louis didn’t know why he bothered saying that to him, but he did. He began to walk out of the room, but was stopped by the sound of his deep and resonating voice.

“Louis-”

“You know what, Zayn?” Louis whirled around, “Drop the pretense. I don’t have the energy to deal with your nonsense. Oh, and while you’re at it, make up your fucking mind. Do you want to ignore my existence? Or treat me like dirt? Or follow me into an empty bathroom? Make up your mind and stick to one. And that also goes for the girls you are dating.”

Silence.

It was deafening, almost tangible.

Silence. A crackle of a voice. Louis was unsure if it was his or if it was Zayn’s.

Louis backed up, his back hitting the wall and let out the breath he’d been holding. Zayn’s face cleared, his expression was still unreadable though. His eyes were glinting, he was moving closer, arms on either side of Louis on the wall.

Zayn was so near, Louis could count his long eyelashes. His nearness suffocated him, closed him in, and he wanted to move, but his body seemed unable to comply to the demands his brain was making.

“I don’t like you.” Four words, uttered so seriously, so quietly, that if Louis hadn’t strained his ears, he would have missed them. Four words that shouldn’t have caused Louis to react, but left something aching inside of him. Zayn’s mouth set into a grim line after the words left his lips. His eyes bore into Louis’ as if he was trying to read his reaction.

Louis didn’t give him one.

“Yeah, and I really like you, Zayn Malik,” Louis said vehemently in kind.

“You know what, this is childish.”

Louis rolled his eyes, “Then fuck off, dumbass.”

He smiled, almost. “For some reason, when I’m around you, I can’t help but do the dumbest things, Louis.”

“Like fucking me, you mean?” Louis said.

“Yeah that would be the dumbest thing.” Zayn agreed wryly, then grinned. “So how’s the boyfriend?”

Louis’ eyes widened. “What?”

“You know, the guy from last night at the movies.”

“He is not—you know what, that’s none of your business.”

“Yeah, yeah, but I’m feeling pretty nosy at the moment.” The quiff on his head was a bit longer than before, and looked even more touchable. If Louis reached out on his tiptoes, he could easily grab it. Zayn’s eyes were crystal clear, his heat almost reached him, and Louis wanted to press close against the source of it. When Zayn spoke, his breath hit his face. Spearmint. Louis suddenly hated spearmint.

“You two looked cozy.” he said.

“Yeah, he’s a great fuck!” Louis spat. “Because he actually knows what he is doing.”

Zayn’s hand gripped the back of Louis’ head, his fingers tugging into the hair there, and pulling. Zayn’s heat, Louis groaned in bliss, pressed against him. His sinewy body pressed against Louis’. His lips forced Louis’ mouth open and his tongue plunged inside, punishing, bruising, and it wasn’t so great anymore. His kiss was void of passion, only filled with punishment and the desire to inflict pain upon Louis. Louis pushed at his shoulders and shoved him away, rubbing at his arm where he’d gripped it hard.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Louis yelled.

“Louis–”

“No, shut up! We had a trial run or something—whatever you wanna call it. Then I did something stupid—I should have thought of you before telling people about what was going on. You called it off…no big deal. It had to end anyway, but if it had been different we would have remained friends. Then you wouldn’t let it go, you antagonized me without even talking to me! Now you’re dating someone and you kiss me! If that even counts as a kiss.”

“I don’t know why I did that.” Zayn looked at the ground.

“You are such a fucking moron.”

“Like you said, it was supposed to be a trial run, but I got close to you. I considered you a friend and then you told people about us…about me without giving a damn thought about how I would feel. To people that I don’t even know! Of course I’m angry!”

“I am sorry.”

“Louis-”

Again Louis interrupted him. “Yes, I’m sorry. Honestly, I am. I wasn’t before, I was terribly angry then. I know it’s a shitty thing to do. I shouldn’t have done that. But just know that your dirty little secret is safe with me…or rather it won’t get any further.”

“Way to apologize. Very strange, although I accept it. Doesn’t mean I like you or anything.”

Louis just shrugged. “Now that this is behind us, I’ll leave you alone, Not that I was even speaking to you before.” He rolled his eyes. “There’s nothing to bind us anymore. I apologized, you accepted. Our time is over and you can go back to being… whatever it is that you are, so we can both fuck off and never acknowledge each other’s existence ever again, alright?”

Zayn’s mouth dropped open in surprise.

“Have a great life, Zayn Malik.”

Louis left him like that, mouth agape, shocked and bewildered.

Something died inside of him, because he realized that he actually gave a crap about Zayn Malik.

Realization is a jolt of awareness, or it can be a feeling that builds up inside your body slowly until finally it settles and you accept it for what it is. Maybe Louis received a jolt, maybe it was a slow build-up, but he thinks it was more of a combination of the two.

After school that day, as he was walking out of the building, he caught of a glimpse of  Zayn standing with a girl. They were laughing, like a scene out of a movie, perfection, genuine happiness, and a pang resounded within his heart.

He finally acknowledged the feeling as pain.

And it scared him, It really did, because he let himself care, no matter how much he’d blocked everything out, he’d let himself care. He cared about Zayn, and it was unexplainable. Zayn who was everything Louis should have disliked. He was rude, prideful, cocky, selfish, and who hated him, was the person his traitorous heart chose to beat for.

Louis looked away, gripping his cellphone so tightly, that the lack of circulation almost caused his hand to give out.

He texted Harry, asking him to pick him up.

Louis knew Harry would care, he knew he’d come, he knew that if the world had been a perfect place, if everything had been right, Harry would be the one for him, somehow he knew that he would have completed Louis. But the world is not perfect and neither is his heart.

When Harry’s car pulled up, relief filled Louis and he crossed the road to it, getting into the passenger seat. As he sat down, Louis mumbled a hello and put his head way back against the seat.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” Harry’s voice penetrated the black fog that was his brain. Zayn. Fucking Zayn. Louis’ vision cleared and he looked over at the very real person sitting beside him. Harry.

“I like Zayn.”

“Oh, Louis.” Harry’s eyes were sad, almost as if he was expecting it.

“Why does it hurt?”

“Come here,” he leaned over and put his arms around Louis. He whispered in his ear, “It hurts because you opened yourself up and you didn’t even realize it. It hurts because you think he doesn’t feel the same way. It hurts because, quite frankly—and I don’t want to sound like an ass when I say this, you’re human.”

“I don’t like it. I don’t want to–”

“Move on, then. I know it’s easy to say and harder to do, but if you don’t want to get hurt any more than this, you should attempt at moving on somehow.” He released Louis and pulled out of the school parking lot.

“I told myself I didn’t care for so long. I held myself together, keeping everything balanced. But now it’s suddenly there and I can’t ignore it.” Louis looked up into Harry’s eyes, leaning away slightly, “The thing is, things are already over, and have been for a while.” He forced a laugh, “What am I saying, things never began. He just used me for cheap thrills, and then it was done. I was a joke to him.”

“Louis–”

“And now he has that girl…Becca.”

“Louis.”

“I really like him, Harry,” Louis stared into Harry’s eyes, forcing him to understand. “I really, really like him. I can’t begin to describe it. He’s horrible! He’s fake, he’s obnoxious, he’s the absolute worst! And I like him.” He finally stopped, taking a deep breath. It was strange that all of this was coming out now.

“Sometimes your heart beats for all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons.”

“How do I make it stop?” Louis asked, voice desperate.

“You can’t. At least, I don’t know how to.”

Harry pulled up into an old parking lot that was entirely empty. He reached around somewhere in the back and came up with a joint. He lit it, raised it to his lips and raised an eyebrow. Smiling, he breathed it into his lungs. He took it out and held it out to Louis.

“Want a hit? Sometimes the best way to stop it is to make yourself feel better. Even if it is temporary.”

Louis thought about it for a second. He’d never done weed, nor had he smoked before. He reached for it, raised it to his mouth, and breathed in, letting the smoke swirl in his mouth. He coughed.

Harry laughed lazily, his eyes droopy.

“Gotta breathe it in, Tomlinson.”

Louis grinned, and repeated his motions from before. He then raised an eyebrow in challenge. It felt weird. They shared the joint, and soon Louis was on the clouds.

When he mentioned this to Harry, he just grinned tiredly. “Man, you’re funny! Hey, you know that school dance of yours coming up, I think I’m coming!”

“You better!”

Louis laughed. Harry leaned in, puffed smoke onto his face; and the smoke tickled his face, making Louis laughed. He leaned forward and licked Harry’s lips with a giggle. Harry’s hand suddenly gripped the back of Louis’ head and an innocent lick turned into an all-out tongue sucking hand groping kiss.

“Mmm,” Louis groaned, clutching at Harry and opening his mouth for his tongue. Harry tasted so good, smelled so good. And he was too darned high to feel anything but ecstasy. Every touch made him moan and he just let himself go.

“Louis, no.” Harry was not as totally out as Louis.

Louis didn’t care. He reached for Harry and pulled his mouth to his own, licking along his bottom lip slowly. Harry groaned deep in his throat as if battling some great inner demon. Louis thinks Harry won because he pushed Louis away.

“Don’t.”

Louis was too high to care. He just lay back, trying to catch the stars in front of his eyes.

“You are right. It hurts a little less now, Harry.”


	16. Chapter 16

Louis lay in bed, awake but unable to get up. He wanted to go back to sleep but his body protested since he’d already gotten more than enough sleep. The curtains on the windows were drawn back and the warm rays of sunshine coming in felt nice against his bare skin. The room was illuminated and felt bright although no lights were turned on.

A quick glance at the alarm clock on the bedside table said that it was 9:55 am. Louis had a spare in the morning, but nonetheless he was already late for the second period. Great. Everything in his life was just great.

He groaned and got up, merely sitting and staring off into space for a few moments before he gathered his wits. He rubbed a hand across his left eye sleepily and yawned, then stretched out the fatigue in his bones. A shower was what he needed and it only took about fifteen minutes. Afterwards, he dressed in jeans and a long sleeve jumper, fatigue causing him to yawn about twice.

Downstairs, there was a plate of cold muffins waiting for him since his mom had already left for work. His phone vibrated and Louis answered without bothering to look at the caller ID. “Hello?”

“Hey, It’s Harry.”

“Hey, mate, how’s it going?” Louis mumbled and shoved a piece of muffin into his mouth.

“I’m alright, not too bad. Are we going to that dance at your school today?”

“Uhh…about that–”

“I’m going and you’re coming with me, Louis, don’t disagree with me.” Harry was persistent.

“Well, after what happened yesterday, with the Zayn and all, and then when we were in the car…”

“You remember? I thought you were too stoned to.”

“Uh, not clearly, but I know I kissed you and I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, I kissed you back. Let’s try not to repeat that though, okay? You’re confused and you like Zayn right now and it would mess up our relationship.”

“Wow, was it that bad?” Louis felt really awkward, the whole conversation was just weird and he felt like hanging up.

“It’s not about that, Louis. You already know I like you. It’s just that you’re not sure about your feelings. Besides, we make better friends.”

“Yeah,” Louis agreed. “You’re right. I guess I’ll go to the dance.”

“Good. You in school yet?”

“I’m going just now.” Louis told him.

“I’ll pick you up.”

“Naah, it’s okay.” Louis assured him.

“No, I don’t want to go to class and I have lunch after anyway.” Harry persisted.

“Alright,” Louis relented finally.

“Okay, be there in two.” Harry replied, laughing.

“What?”

“I am actually in the neighborhood. Okay, it takes less than two. I am outside.”

Louis walked over to the front door, and peered through the glass beside the door. Indeed there was Harry’s car rolling into his street. Soon, Harry pulled into the driveway and got out of his car, his phone pressed to his ear. He looked up and flashed a quick wave and a breezy smile.

“Stalker!” Louis yelled into the phone, but grabbed his backpack.

“Loser, come outside.”

Louis hung up and rushed out. 

“Why are you even in the neighborhood?” Louis asked casually.

“Thought I will pick you up since you are my favorite friend.”

“But how did you know I wasn’t at school already?” Louis wondered aloud.

“Well, lucky guess. You were almost passed out last night when I got you home, buddy.”

“Oh…was I? I feel fine now.”

Harry just laughed at him.

They got into the car and Harry pulled out of his driveway. All of a sudden his face lost all humor and was replaced with a serious look. He directed it towards Louis and he raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, why?” Then all of a sudden the events of the previous day rushed into his mind and he blanched. He looked down at his lap. “It doesn’t matter Harry. I just have to get over it and stop being stupid.” Just then, when the road seemed empty, Harry seemed to speed up and Louis had to clutch the side of the door to keep his balance in the car.

“It’s not stupid, Louis. Maybe you like a person that isn’t the best of people to like, especially since he isn’t gay, but you can’t force your feelings to go away. Besides you’ve been keeping it all locked up for so long that even your own stupid brain didn’t comprehend what was going on.”

“I have to get over it. Period. Oh, and by the way you have speeding issues.”

“Sucks, huh?” Harry ignored his remark and went on speeding.

“Yeah, yeah it really does. I like him, Harry. Doesn’t mean I want to like him but I do. What sucks more is that I know I can’t feel this way.”

“No, you won’t let yourself.”

“Yeah, because encouraging this feeling would be like committing suicide when I’m about to die tomorrow anyway. Nothing good can come out of it.”

“Don’t think I’ve heard that one before.” Harry replied cheekily. They had soon pulled up into the student parking lot and Louis got out of the car. Louis turned back and said, “Quote me, I know you’ll use it,” And then he smiled and for a second everything was perfect.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Getting ready for the dance was irritating as hell but Louis wasn’t one to dress up. Besides it wasn’t one of those affairs. It was more laid back and casual. He just dressed in nice jeans and a blue and white fitted T-shirt. Louis honestly felt nothing as he was getting ready. Not nervous, nor excited, not even annoyed. Just plain old nothing.

When he and Harry arrived at the dance it was pretty much the same thing. People were getting warmed up but not really too into the dancing yet. There were always exceptions, like those who’d gotten either really drunk or really high, or a bit of both before the dance even started and somehow managed to make it in.

Couples danced together, some in the center of the room, others in more secluded spots. Groups of friends jumbled together in circles, with some kids trying to get in. The lack of proper lighting was almost soothing. Louis couldn’t explain it.

Bumping into Zayn was a given. Louis knew it would happen, Zayn knew it would happen, it was a fact. That didn’t make it any less nerve-wrecking when he happened to catch sight of Zayn, as his gaze was wandering around the room. His eyes latched onto Louis’ and his gaze hardened, became cold. Louis felt like shuddering at its iciness. Beside him, Harry gripped his arm, looking in the direction Louis was staring at. Harry sort of stood in an almost protective stance. Zayn’s gaze moved to Harry, fell down to where Harry’s hand clutched Louis’ arm, and moved back up to his face again.

Louis looked away.

“Louis, over here!” It was Eleanor’s unmistakable voice. He turned to see her waving them over, Liam on her side. Harry let go of his arm and they walked over.

Louis pasted on a smile. “Hey, guys, meet Harry. Harry, this is Liam and Eleanor.” While Eleanor greeted Harry with a warm smile and a few kind words, Liam just sized him up and glared at him, before saying a quick hello. Harry just looked at Louis with a “what the hell?” look on his face.

“Hey Eleanor, Liam,” He smiled politely at Liam who icily looked back and merely nodded.

Maybe Liam wasn’t in the best of moods. Louis looked over at Harry and Eleanor who were chatting as if they hadn’t just met. It was the complete opposite over with Liam. When Louis looked back to where Liam should have been standing, he wasn’t there anymore. He turned around quickly, darting a glance here and there and managed to see him stalking off outside. Louis walked after him immediately.

“Liam!” He just kept walking. Louis jogged instead.

“Liam!” He turned a corner and walked out into the courtyard. He stopped then, and just stood.

Louis caught up. “Hello…are you even listening to me?” He looked around, spotted someone else outside and promptly felt like laughing. How ironic that the one person who just had to be out here was Zayn. Fate was really too cruel. Louis pushed him aside though, and focused his complete attention on Liam. He wasn’t going to become all quiet and meek because Zayn was there. As far as Louis was concerned he didn’t exist at that moment.

“Yeah, yeah I am.”

“Okay…are you mad at me? I know yesterday we weren’t on the best of terms, and I said some things I maybe shouldn’t have. But you did too. I think we should just apologize to each other and let it go, okay?”

No response.

“If you are mad, it’s okay, we can fix it. I just don’t want to fight with you for no reason.” Louis knew it didn’t make sense, but he said it anyway. No response again. “Liam?”

All of a sudden he turned, “You just don’t get it, do you?” The desperation in his voice, the sheer frustration, and the turmoil had Louis recoil in surprise. He took a step back. Liam just looked into his eyes one last time before he turned on his heels and left him standing there, his mouth agape, his feathers ruffled.

What the hell was wrong? Things were just going from bad to worse, and Louis was so confused. Why did Liam have to do that? He doesn’t know what he was even getting at! Beside him, he heard a snicker. Louis felt rage boil up inside; Zayn was a bastard. Why the fuck did Louis ever feel this way about him?

“Are you really that dense, Louis?” Zayn’s voice couldn’t make him look at Zayn. If he looked at him, the temporary blockade he’d built around himself would shatter to pieces simply by gazing into his crystalline eyes. He had to sever any ties with Zayn, anything that would make Louis feel even more vulnerable then he already did.

Louis simply turned and walked back through the door. Nothing would make him change his mind. As he walked back, Zayn’s voice echoed in his mind. When he closed his eyes, Zayn’s beautiful profile would sneak its way into his brain. Louis just shook it away and walked on.

“Where’s Liam?” Was the first thing Eleanor asked as he walked up to her and Harry.

He shrugged. “He’s mad at me about something.”

Eleanor looked clearly into his eyes, “You have no idea what?”

“No.”

“Oh,” was the only sound that escaped her perfect pink lips. “Anyway, I see a really hot girl. I’m gonna go make small-talk. She seems drunk enough to play along.”

Harry looked at Louis with concern in his eyes. “Everything okay, buddy?” He placed his hand on his shoulder.

“No, not at all. I want to beat the crap out of Zayn and Liam is being ridiculous. I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Louis, go grab something to drink. Relax and don’t spoil your evening.”

“Nothing to spoil, but you’re right I don’t need to think about this right now.”

“Exactly,” Harry smiled at him.

So, Louis decided to shove through the dancing crowd and got a fruit punch each for him and Harry. He hoped no one had spiked it or something.

“Here, mate.” He handed the drink over to Harry when he got back.

“Hmm? Yeah, okay.” Harry looked distracted, his attention full on someone in the crowd.  “Mmm…nice.”

“What, who?”

Harry pointed and Louis looked over. He looked back at Harry, than back where he was pointing. His mouth dropped open and he cleared his throat. “That’s one of my best friends, Harry. That’s Stan, as in straight Stan.”

“You sure? No chance at all he might be bi?”

“Nope, not a chance.”

“Else you’d snag him?”

“Eww…he’s like my brother.”

“Hey who said brothers are off limits?” His eyes twinkled with humor.

Louis wrinkled his nose, “Yeah, you would.”

All of a sudden Eleanor came back, her eyes were really wide open. “Wow, that girl was so not an innocent little straight girl.”

“Are you serious? What happened?” Louis asked her.

“Let’s just say, my lips are bruised. Let’s just hope she doesn’t remember that tomorrow, when the hangover kicks in.” She looked really worried.

“What’s wrong?” Louis asked her.

“Louis, the girl was Becca…”

“As in…”

“Yeah.” They both looked at each other. “I couldn’t help it though, she was so hot, and I’m only human. We only made out…but still. Like I knew who she was and I was only playing…”

“It’s okay,” Louis reassured her, “Even if she does remember tomorrow, I’m sure it’s not something she’ll want to spread around or try to pursue. Don’t worry that you made things a mess with her and…” Louis trailed off.

“I just—I couldn’t help it.” Eleanor touched her lips.

Harry said, “Man, I wish I was there.”

There was an awkward silence before Eleanor asked him. “Aren’t you gay?”

“No, he’s bi, Eleanor.” Louis replied for Harry.

“Louis—she’s–”

“Forget about it, Eleanor.” Louis pressed a finger to her lips and give her a hug. She hugged him back. “You smell good.”

Louis laughed. “Thanks.”

“Oh, can I smell too?”

“No,” they both said at the same time.

“Aww,” Harry pouted.

Funny thing was, Louis hadn’t told Eleanor that he actually admitted his feelings for Zayn to himself. Then she would have known that inside a part of him was slightly happy that things between Becca and Zayn might be bad. He felt like a complete and utterly pathetic jerk. The worst kind.

Music faded, voices grew louder, then rested and moonlight filtered through the open windows. Couples left, hand in hand. Groups of friends flocked to each other, for it was time to leave and that couldn’t be done alone.

Eleanor, Harry and Louis had had a decent time. Something big had happened but hopefully it wouldn’t grow to become an issue that had to be dealt with. Liam was nowhere to be seen and as they left, Louis felt his eyes searching for a glimpse of a particular face. He didn’t find it.

As Louis was sitting in the car, he pressed his head back on to the back of the seat and sighed. Harry touched his shoulder. It was comforting and he felt himself leaning into the touch.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Louis told him, “I’ll be fine.”

“Good.”

His eyes were closing slightly, but all of a sudden Harry sped up and Louis woke right back up. “Whoa, relax, buddy.” Louis told him.

“This is nothing.” He replied, grinning.

“Don’t be stupid. I hate when people drive fast because they think it’s cool.”

“Naah, I don’t do it because I think it’s cool. I just like the thrill.”

“Too bad, I don’t. Slow the hell down.”

“Okay, okay, only for you though,” And he flashed Louis a grin that made him smile back and forget that he had even gotten annoyed.

Louis told himself that night, at that moment, that he would make himself happy. That he’d forget Zayn for good. There were a lot of things he didn’t know, but the big question was why he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about Zayn. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

He will get over it even if it kills him. And it just might.


	17. Chapter 17

It’d been several days since the night of the dance and Liam and Louis had barely spoken a dozen words to each other. They were on pins and needles; or treading thin ice, as a more elaborate way of phrasing it. Oh they spoke, alright, if you could even call it that. There was too much politeness, too much hesitancy and it was enough to make Louis bashed his teeth together—whether in frustration or anger, or maybe even both.

There was Harry, who was there when he needed him. Beautiful, mysterious, trustworthy Harry, whom Louis was attracted to but whose friendship he valued too much. If the world were a perfect place, Harry would be it. That’s right, “it”. Louis doesn’t know why he felt that so strongly; perhaps it was just one of those things.

Harry kept telling Louis to talk to Liam and he kept saying he would, but there he sat, carton of milk in his hand and waiting for Eleanor and possibly Liam. Despite his assurances to Harry that he would really talk to Liam, he had no idea what was going on with Liam and nor was there any planning on his part to attempt at finding out.

It was all too much.

Oh and on top of that, add a history essay, an English paper on whether a part time job is beneficial to a student or not, and three journals on an autobiography of choice, and one starts feeling slightly frustrated.

Louis ran the tip of his finger along the edge of the now empty milk carton. Looking up, he saw Eleanor walking towards him with a not so happy face. Eleanor had been dealing with problems regarding Becca the past few day, who it turns out was not quite so drunk or innocent as perceived by Eleanor initially. It turns out Becca was quite the party-girl and was actually quite prone to doing the things that Eleanor had assumed were done innocently on Becca’s part.

“Hey,” The greeting sounded exhausted. She set her bag down on the table and ran a hand through her hair, settling at her temples and rubbing. It was an action that was so uncharacteristic of Eleanor that Louis found himself more surprised by this than the slight bags under her eyes.

“Hey, I see you’re not feeling any better.” He stated.

“Nope, I just broke a couple up for the first time in my life.” She set her head down on the table.

It hit Louis right away, but he wasn’t sure what to say or do. A mixture of emotions ran through him, from a sense of feeling relief deep down, to happiness and then anger that he felt these things. He settled on curiosity, pretending it didn’t affect him. He simply said, “Elaborate,” and waved the selfish and pitiful monster inside of him to lay low.

She raised her head in frustration and blew a puff of breath, “What is there to elaborate on? __The girl__ broke up with __the boyfriend__  because she says she wants to __try things out__  with me after just one stupid drunken thing.” Eleanor finished.

“Wow, you must be really good,” Louis said, immediately regretting his bad joke at the vehement glare he received.

“Not funny, Louis, she hasn’t left me alone the past few days, kept asking me out and I’ve been nothing but terrible to her. She still wants me though. What can I say; I must be really good like you say.” Except she didn’t look the least bit happy about it.

“Eleanor, she randomly decides she wants to pursue a lesbian relationship? You’re good, but not that good, I’m assuming.”

“No, she’s bi. She said she’s known since she was 12, and in fact,” Eleanor lowered her voice considerably, “It turns out she’s even been with other girls from the school, some that I wouldn’t even have imagined to go that way!”

“No way, little miss perfect with a religious family and all. Who ‘woulda thought?”

“That was stupid, even for you, Louis.” She said coldly.

“I’m deeply sorry.”

“I’m sure.” She glared at him.

“Okay, okay, do go on, it’s just still…you know difficult to believe.”

“Louis, there’s nothing left to say. She broke up with Zayn, she wants me and says she’ll give me some time to think about it,” Eleanor stated.

“What’s the problem?”

“Hel-l-l-l-o?”

“Yes, I’m here.”

“Very funny, Louis, I broke her and—“

“Listen, that’s over and done with. She broke things off because she likes you, not because you forced her to. The question is do you like her.” Louis said.

“Well…” Eleanor looked away.

“Well?” He prodded.

“Okay! Okay!”

“Okay?”

She glared at him. “I like her, Okay. Dammit, I really, really like her. I just feel so terrible.”

“No, don’t. Want my opinion?”

“Yes please.” She said eagerly.

“I say go for it; At least one date.”

“But—.”

“She felt something strong enough, that’s saying besides sexual attraction, to break up with her boyfriend,” Louis didn’t say his name, and he knew they both noticed the fact, “And I personally have not ever seen you like this, especially not because of a person, a book maybe…”

Eleanor laughed. “Yeah I am pretty wired up. It’s just like, you know when something just feels…right, but it feels wrong at the same time.” Eleanor looked up and smiled a little, only a little, but Louis could tell she’d fallen hard. “From the start it’s like you have this-this-this–.”

“This thing,” Louis completed for her, “Yeah I do.”

She kept smiling. “Thanks Louis, you’re a good friend.”

“Ahh my Eleanor is back.”

Eleanor just laughed and rolled her eyes.

There were a few minutes of silence in which both Eleanor and he processed their thoughts. All Louis could think was, ‘Zayn and Becca broke up.’ His feelings were almost impossible to decipher completely, he was like one big hurricane, a jumble of thoughts and sucking more thoughts in. However he refused to allow himself even one moment to sit down and let his mind wander and foolishly fantasize about situations in which Zayn would beg him to take him back and profess his undying devotion to Louis.

Just then Liam walked into the cafeteria; Perfect timing. Seems Eleanor had spotted him also, following Louis’ gaze. “There’s Liam,” She said, stating the obvious. “He’s probably not going to sit with us again today.”

“Yeah, probably not,” Louis said distantly, his mind wandering.

“Gonna do anything about it?”

“Yeah,” Louis said, “He’s been avoiding me like the plague though.”

“Louis, didn’t you see this coming? Liam’s been on thin ice, lately.”

“What?”

She sighed. “Louis I’m going to have to break this down for you.” She paused, and then continues. “Liam. Likes. You.”

“You mean?”

“Yes, he has feelings for you.”

“How can you be so sure? I know for one, that things never really got far with us at all.”

“Trust me, I’m sure.”

“Has he said anything?”

“No, but it’s in the way he looks at you, how much he hates Zayn and Harry because he’s jealous, and I can tell just in general. It’s fairly obvious!” She seemed exasperated that Louis was so dim.

“So you’re sure?” He wasn’t sure how to take that.

Eleanor just raised one eyebrow in response; He grimaced. “Liam has feelings for me…” Well. Shit.

*~*~*~*~*~*

When the bell rang for the end of lunch, Eleanor said a quick bye and ran off to her next class. Louis mind barely registered it. He sat there, not particularly thinking about anything anymore but just in a dazed state. Soon thoughts invaded and nothingness faded. he thought about how much he’d changed just this past year alone. He was stable before, his life was in order, and now both inside and outside of him was a disorganized mess.

It’s funny, when you’re a kid, you never think you’re going to reach that golden age of sixteen, and it just hits you one day, the joys of being a kid are long gone. You just get older and older and even sixteen feels old then. Sometimes Louis felt like he was forty instead of sixteen.

As he thought, his mind felt more and more at ease. With his chin resting on his arms, his eyes began to drift and he felt at peace once more. He was settled between that state of drowsiness and sleeping, drifting along for a few minutes.

Of course, when a loud book barged on the table, his eyes opened and peace vanished. Louis raised his head. His mind went blank for a second. There in front of him sat Zayn. What in God’s name was Zayn’s deal?

“Going to class?” He asked Louis.

Louis grabbed his i-pod and shoved his earphones in his ears, only to find out it was dead. He threw them back onto the table, refusing to move or be moved by Zayn’s presence, and so he put his head back down. Zayn, for some reason, was persistent. “Enjoyed the dance last night? You seemed to be having a good time.”

Louis felt like pointing out what his girlfriend did in a second of lashing out, but he knew he must remain strong. How incredibly melodramatic! Louis once again could not see why he had feelings for this bastard! He couldn’t even remember the good in him anymore.

"Gonna ignore me forever? I remember you did this before, and lasted quite a while.” Louis knew he was only trying to goad him into saying something stupid because he still hated Louis and that kept him from responding.

“I don’t like you.” Zayn continued childishly, as If he wasn’t made aware of this simply by his existence. “I don’t know why I’m speaking to you but sadly, I have nothing better to do currently.”

That’s it…that was the last straw. Louis didn’t need to sit here and hear this. He grabbed his things, got up and began to leave. All he heard is, “Got to you huh?” He felt like giving Zayn the finger but he resisted the urge to do so.

As he walked, he took out his phone and texted Harry.

__More problems, come over l8er round 9? Take my mind off of it? Let’s have some fun. :D._ _

A few minutes later he got a text back.

__Yeah, sure thing. C ya @ 9, K?_ _

*~*~*~*~*~*

Louis was looking forward to hanging out with Harry. But afterward, Harry texted him and told that he actually couldn’t hang out that evening because he needs to drive his mom to her hospital appointment and told him he should take the time to talk to Liam. With a sigh, Louis decided he’d finally confront Liam about what was going on with the both of them.

When Louis got home that day the only thing he did was eat minimally and call Liam. He was as stoic and polite as ever on the phone but agreed to meet up with Louis.

Louis walked to the park at a reasonable pace. He passed by the houses and the local middle school, taking a left turn into a pathway through a field, entering some narrow bit of trees, through which the path lead to the lake. When he stepped to the edge of it finally he could see a couple sitting on a bench at the other end. Other people strolled about and some stood by the edge of the lake. Small as it was, it was a nice quiet spot for people to come to think. Louis stood there staring at the water for what could have been five minutes at the most. He sighed and realized he was nervous, and he didn’t know how he was going to deal with this or what he was even going to say.

He heard footsteps and turned his head to the left a bit. From the opposite end of the path from which he came, walked Liam. He looked straight ahead at Louis. He walked solemnly, his expression was unreadable and it made Louis more nervous. By the time he was walking up, the area was empty and everyone had left.

Liam approached and stood beside him, not looking at Louis’ face which was turned towards him. Neither of them spoke for a minute and then Liam broke the silence. “What’s up, Lou?”

Louis tried to smile. “Liam, don’t act as if you don’t know what I want to talk to you about. You clearly know why I called you here.”

“Why’s that?”

If Louis didn’t care so much about him, he’d strangle him. “I called you because I’m worried about you and about our friendship.”

Liam smiled bitterly. “Are you really?”

“Yes, Liam, I am worried. You are important to me, don’t you know that?” Louis didn’t wait for him to answer that. “You’ve been treating me coldly lately, you’ve been distancing yourself. You can’t even look at me anymore. Look at me!” He exclaimed, to which Liam turned his head and gazed into his eyes. “Why?” He asked simply.

Liam smiled another bitter smile and took a step closer to him. “Why?” He took another step. “Why?” He stepped back. “If you don’t know the answer to that then you are the biggest dumbass I know, Louis.” He took two steps forwards and Louis didn’t have time to step away before Liam’s lips hit him in a harsh kiss. Louis pushed him away and turned his face. He looked into Liam’s eyes for a second and saw the torment there. “Liam, no.” He tasted blood on his tongue.

“I know, Louis, I know.” Liam turned his face again and kissed him softly this time, sweetly as if wiping away the memory of the bruising kiss. His tongue licked at Louis’ bleeding lip as if seeking for an apology, as if trying to make it feel better and Louis melted inside.

Finally Liam pushed back and turned to face the water. Louis walked up to him. “You know I do love you, Liam.”

“I know.”

“I just-.” Louis started but Liam interrupted, “Shhh,” He said, placing a finger against Louis’ lips. “I know, I really like you Louis. Even if you don’t feel the same, at least not in the way I’d like. I just-” He paused and stared up into the sky in one painful moment, then he looked back at Louis, “I just hope he’s worth it.”

“I’m sorry.” Louis said simply.

“No, don’t be. I’m the loser, I could have had you but I gave you up. Now I want you so damn much and…” He laughed bitterly, “…I can’t have you.”

“You’re not a loser, Liam, never. You’re a great guy.” Louis told him, “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. I never believed in fate but maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, Liam. Don’t call yourself a fool, I know you’ll get over me and you’ll find someone who loves you to death and who you love back even more.”

He smiled. “I know, I’m quite lovable.” They both laughed before Liam turned serious. “I do love you, Louis.” He kissed Louis one last time and he kissed him back, their foreheads resting together, “You know you are one of my best friends, Liam.”

“I know. I’m sorry for being a jerk these past few days,” He said, slipping away again.

“Yeah you have been quite a jerk but I’ve been an insensitive, blind jerk so that’s okay.” Louis laughed as they stood side by side and gazed off into the distance.

“Promise you’ll be safe?” He said.

“I promise,” Louis replied.

“Good, because Zayn is the scum of the Earth and he doesn’t deserve you. I still can’t make my mind up about Harry.”

Louis laughed, “I agree about Zayn. I’ll be fine.” Liam looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Louis smiled weakly.

“Trying to stop doesn’t help, does it?” He asked knowingly.

“No, it doesn’t.”

“I feel better now, thank you Louis.” He smiled.

Louis grinned, “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Let’s stop with this mushy crap, I think I’ll puke.”

Louis laughed and sat down on the ground, Liam fell beside him. They both sat there for a long time silently and just stared at the water and the sky, both thinking about and wishing for things they really couldn’t have. It was strangely peaceful and Louis stared up into the breaking light of the sky with a sad smile.

When they left, it was with a silent bond between them, one stronger than friendship. It was then that Louis truly realized the complexity and uniqueness of an individual’s relationship with others and how each one varied so much. Liam and he had left that part of their friendship behind but now they were entering another one.

Harry called that night and asked Louis whether he’d spoken to Liam and he could proudly say that he had finally done so. He seemed pleased and didn’t want to intrude on their private matters but Louis knew he was secretly anxious about him so Louis told him it would all be fine.

That night he went to bed with his head feeling a little lighter than normal and a more positive outlook than he’d seen in days.


	18. Chapter 18

Despite the fact that Louis had assured himself he’d have no contact with Zayn whatsoever if he could help it, it really was inevitable after all. What with Zayn attempting to antagonize him or goad him into doing something stupid anytime Louis happened to be alone near him within the next week, It was really hard to maintain some level of composure that didn’t result in Louis breaking his jaw in multiple relishing ways.

Louis kept himself busy during these frequent bouts of taunting that Zayn seemed to love dishing out, by gazing off into the distance and day-dreaming about hurting Zayn in many ways. Most of these fantasies involved some form of sexual torture but some of them were just a strong desire to beat him to a pulp. Louis surprised even himself with the level of constraint and dedication he could show to something and realized that eventually this had become a challenge of sorts to see who would break first.

Louis didn’t talk about him; he didn’t mention him even to Harry and just took everything in stride. It was immature of Zayn if he really thought about it. If he didn’t give a fuck about Louis he wouldn’t be wasting so much energy trying to piss him off or goad him after all. Zayn was acting like a child and he really needed to wake up and just get over it. The immediate response would then be either leaving Louis alone for good, getting over all the crap and going back to how things were like before, or just plainly being civil. Then again if he was realistic, smart, or mature he wouldn’t be Zayn and they wouldn’t be in this position right now.

Louis admitted to himself that if Zayn were any of those things nothing would ever have occurred with him in the first place. And yet foolish as Louis was, he still cared for Zayn and a part of him (however tiny!) thought Zayn was slightly, slightly cute when he did those stupid things.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Everything was the same and yet different.

Liam and Louis got along better but their relationship was nowhere near the same as it had been before. Not worse or better. Just different. They were nice to each other and still joked around but there was an unspoken change. Perhaps it would get better with time and perhaps it wouldn’t. Eleanor hadn’t spoken much about her recent contact with Becca but by the looks of her Louis could see things were going fine.

The only stable thing in his life at all times seemed to be Harry and that was saying a lot because on the surface he seemed like such a nomad. Yet he was Louis’ rock.

Harry had dropped Louis off after a quick dinner together that Friday—he claimed Louis had gone too long without seeing him. It was just another typical house party hosted by a teen whose parents were unaware and probably characteristically out of town or out somewhere. Music, alcohol, dancing, loud drunken people, people making out was the norm. Most of the house was filled as was the backyard. The neighbors weren’t surprised nor bothered since the house was particularly known for hosting loud parties and no one bothered complaining anymore, they simply acted oblivious to it whether they were or they weren’t.

 Why was Louis there? That is not a very long story actually. Eleanor had been feeling stressed out and under the weather lately along with the added trauma of feelings for a seemingly straight girl (who was discovered to be bi-sexual after), and she wanted to let loose and relax a bit. Typically for Eleanor that meant partying and booze which would for sure loosen her up. Of course Louis was the only person nice enough earlier that day to agree to her plans for the evening. Harry had another party that he had promised he would go to so he went off right after dropping off Louis.

This time Louis wasn’t unhappy to oblige as he usually would be. He felt like he himself could use some relaxing and booze would for sure do the trick. Since the previous day’s talk with Liam, Louis had done his best to keep Zayn out of his thoughts but he began feeling like some lovesick girl from a chick flick. He was just hiding from his feelings and what good was that doing?

Louis was going to stop trying to block his thoughts and feelings. It didn’t matter anymore; it wasn’t like hiding had given him any relief or explanation as to why his feelings for that stupid Zayn Malik only strengthened. Or why he felt anything at all for him.

And so, in his somewhat drunkenness, Louis simply let go.

Music boomed in his ears, loud and blaring and overwhelming his senses. The smell of alcohol, sweat, and cigarettes reached his nose. He reached out to the side and felt his hand bump against a person. It seemed as if time had slowed down for a minute. He blinked and everything was back to normal again.

“Louis, you okay?” Eleanor said, laughing as she suddenly came up in front of Louis, twirling and dancing.

“No,” Louis answered, looking at her as if he’d never seen her before. “No.”

“Wha-aat?” She giggled and pressed up close to him, rubbing her cheek into his neck.

Louis laughed.  “Nothing , Eleanor, Nothing.”

Eleanor beamed and held his hand dragging him against her body as they danced close together, despite being far from where everyone was dancing on a makeshift dance floor. “Great!” She exclaimed. “Louis, breath, live, and drink up!” She giggled.

“Live!” Louis laughed and pressed her closer.

“I’m happy , Louis, happy for you-u-u-u.” She was drunk as hell.

Time passed, Eleanor drank more and got even more drunk and eventually Louis lost her somewhere. Despite his drunkenness, Louis wasn’t the type to just welcome the heat and sweaty bodies inside the house so typically he headed out for a breather and thought about wasting the rest of the night away there.

He found a tree in the backyard and leaned against the back side of it where no one could see him. Louis sat so one knee was up and the other leg stretched out before him, with his back against the cool bark of the tree. He wished he had a cigarette.

He could still hear the music, voices, and laughter coming in from the inside of the house. The backyard was quite large and had three big trees in it with huge branches. It caused a darker shadow to encompass the backyard so you couldn’t see much unless you had extraordinary eyesight. There was a small deck directly out the backdoor and most people stayed either on or around it.

The night was cool but Louis felt hot from the inside out. As he gazed up into the full moon, Louis felt a lack of restfulness inside of him, and he took one last swig from the bottle before letting it drop on to the ground beside him.

Louis felt the presence before he heard the footsteps and immediately he looked at the moon as if it had something do with it. Grass swished between even footsteps and Louis closed his eyes once more, a bitter taste in his mouth as he argued whether to laugh or scream at his luck.

Louis spoke first, when he felt the presence ahead of him, surveying him. “You seem to like finding me all by myself don’t you?”

There was no response and Louis let it be that way. He didn’t want to open his eyes and face Zayn—no that’s lying—he wanted to but he wouldn’t. What Louis wanted was to look him dead in the eye and demand something from him. Anything, something; anything Zayn would give him and that was pathetic. Louis was pathetic but that was the truth of it. He was far too deep in something god knows he shouldn’t have been, but it didn’t really matter because that was in all honesty all there was to it. Louis wanted Zayn to give him anything, something, a smile, a sentence, a kiss, a frown, a hug, a fuck, affection, just about anything. He was as pathetic as pathetic got.

Still he didn’t speak and sat there with his eyes closed and his face held up to the moon like he was offering himself up for some pagan ritual of self-sacrifice, which he supposed he was doing in reality.

When Louis spoke, he was smiling. “I don’t need to open my eyes to know it’s you standing there. Let’s get used to my damned fortune or misfortune—whatever you wanna call it—of having you find me all by my lonesome self all the time.” Louis laughed, and then his eyes shot open. He was looking up at the sky; he could only see some stars because of the blockade by city lights. Louis faced Zayn and he stood there with his back against another tree surveying him with an odd look on his face. Zayn looked as if he wanted to say something but Louis supposed him actually speaking to Zayn this once had taken him slightly aback and he didn’t know how to proceed. Really, the guy was beyond juvenile. Then again, Louis was the most pathetic—even if he was self-proclaimed—of all the pathetic people on earth probably, so who was Louis to talk?

He shook his head and glanced down at the grass and then back up at Zayn, “Zayn, do you enjoy annoying me? Not that I’m annoyed right now but really?” He spoke as if there hadn’t been tension between them, as if he wasn’t upset at Zayn and truthfully he wasn’t anymore. He was tired of the childish way in which their dealings had resorted to.

Zayn’s face didn’t change, but when he spoke his voice was hard despite the subtle shift of softness in his eyes. “Of course, Louis, fucking with you makes my day.” He seemed weary and tired almost.

“What no names, rude behavior or childishness tonight?”

He shrugged, “Guess not, I’m tired.”

“Fair enough.”

The silence afterwards was thick in the air. Louis kicked the bottle he laid down a while ago towards Zayn who caught it easily with his foot.

“What is it about me?” Louis smirked.

Zayn’s eyes narrowed. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Louis let his gaze travel over Zayn’s body, “You tell me?”

His eyes glinted angrily; Louis knew he’d touched a nerve. Jeez, Zayn was predictable. “You’re fucking delusional,” Zayn said quietly.

“What? Does it sound like I touch a nerve?” Louis raised an eyebrow.

“Louis…” He said warningly.

“No really, I’m curious and I’m drunk enough to be stupid. What is it about me that grabs your attention so much?”

“What the hell?”

“Honestly, stop deluding yourself. You know this past little while, ever since the so-called lame fights between you and me, I’ve thought you hated my guts-.”

“Fucking got that right.”

Louis ignored him and went on as if he hadn’t spoken. “Well I’ve really been deluding myself and acting like some lovesick melodramatic drama queen, I don’t care if that doesn’t even make sense. I mean, really. It’s the oldest trick in the book. If you really wanted me to think you didn’t care about me or that you really were the asshole you pretend to be, you wouldn’t have given me another glance. No, but there you are, bullying me childishly and telling yourself you hate my guts. I’ve been stupid.”

Louis stood up and walked towards Zayn slowly. “You see,” He said silkily, stopping before Zayn and backing him into the tree, “You do care.” His eyes were wide and shocked, the surprise clearly etched across his features. Louis hadn’t given him time to school his features or think of a response, or put up that steely wall he liked to hide behind and delude himself on a daily basis.

He leaned up and closer to Zayn’s face; the darkness of the trees bathed them in shadows. Louis could actually feel Zayn’s heart beating erratically and he placed one hand on Zayn’s chest, which he tried to shrug off but Louis put it back on. “You care so much that you hate it, and you tell yourself you hate me for it. It’s so childish though,” Louis leaned in and buried his head in Zayn’s neck, “Really, Zayn, if you wanted my attention so bad, you could have just asked. You see, you’re so hot, I wouldn’t have been able to help myself.”

“Louis…” Zayn’s eyes were so wide, and he looked like he would be shocked for life.

“Shh,” Louis nibbled on his ear, and he let out a low moan. His hands went to Louis’ hips involuntarily, at first pushing him away, but then gripping to bring closer. “I know, baby” Louis said softly, “You missed this,” Louis nipped gently at Zayn’s neck, licking along the veins there and feeling his pulse. Zayn was like a child being indulged with his favorite treat. “You really didn’t have to deny yourself. Come on, everyone knows about my lack of brain use, but you should have known better,” Louis murmured. “Gay or not, you fucking want me.”

Zayn’s response was a tightening on the hands at Louis’ hips and he laughed softly. “See, don’t you feel better already? All that frustration,” Louis nibbled on Zayn’s jaw gently, “All that useless anger,” He licked Zayn’s lips, “Such a waste,” and went in for the kill. His hands immediately tried to pull Louis as close to his body as possible.

“Want you…” Zayn gasped between kisses.

“I know, Zayn.” Louis chuckled. “Predictable.”

His hands immediately went to Louis’ shirt and he dragged it up, flipping their positions so it was Louis against the tree. He happily let Zayn carry on his quest to dragging his shirt up past his nipples. The sight of them seemed to make Zayn groan and he licked one dusky point. “Fuck, no one’s nipples should be that sexy.”

“Yeah?” Louis laughed. “Why don’t you shut up and fucking get on with it?”

Zayn did just that. The minutes went by and he licked, sucked, and bit Louis’ nipples till they were red and painful. Louis had to forcefully drag his head away from them and down to his crotch.

Zayn looked up from his position, where his face was level with Louis’ drooling cock. “What makes you think I’m going to suck this thing?”

“Oh you are,” Louis said silkily, “You see, you’re just as pathetic and stupid and easy as I am,” and reached out to fist his hands through Zayn’s hair. Louis had a moment to witness Zayn’s shock face before he dragged his mouth to Louis’ cock and sheathed it in his warm and wet mouth. Zayn didn’t complain one bit and sucked on it almost eagerly, looking up with those big eyes of his the entire time, till Louis was moaning quietly. It wasn’t long before Louis came in Zayn’s mouth and he swallowed every drop, very uncharacteristically.

“See now you’ll get lucky because I want to get fucked,” Louis told him, “And you can’t lie and say you haven’t missed my ass because we both know better.”

From that point on, Louis can’t remember many details except having his pants pushed down to his ankles, his back against the tree and his legs around Zayn’s waist as Zayn fucking lifted him off his feet and drove his cock wild into Louis’ ass. In his drunken mind, Louis didn’t even care about how much he loved Zayn manhandling him.

Zayn held him up tight and fucked him hard, whispering nasty things in his ear, considering the nasty people that they were. Louis could care less about the rough texture of the tree digging into his back as they moved up and down or the harsh sting from the way Zayn kept digging his teeth into his neck. He just moaned around Zayn and begged to fuck him harder, faster, harder, harder, anything, just begged him for more and Zayn complied all too well. It was too easy to get lost in the feeling and forget who is supposed to be in control and it just became a frenzy of bodies slapping together in the darkness, in clandestine. 

He came again while Zayn fucked him although it didn’t surprise him. It had been too damn long. Afterwards, they stood still for a few moments, both breathing hard with Zayn’s lips buried in his neck and Louis’ arms wrapped around Zayn. Neither of them spoke and if Louis held onto Zayn a little tighter, it was nobody’s business but his. Finally, Louis let go first to put his clothes back on and Zayn mirrored his action.

He didn’t feel remorseful at all when he spoke. He wrapped his arms around Zayn’s neck and almost purred into Zayn’s ear. “You know what, Zayn? You should really stop deluding yourself. And if you ever do, you know where to come find me.” 

And then he walked away, feeling oddly satisfied.


	19. Chapter 19

Harry had to ask him twice when Louis had finished telling him what had happened on Friday night. When Louis finished, he said, “Louis, I’m not sure what part of your brain you’re using lately that makes you this stupid. You’re setting yourself up to get hurt.”

“It was one time. And I was drunk.” Louis protested. “And I was the one in control. In fact, I think I like this. Maybe I’ll fuck him again.” Louis actually found himself entertaining the idea. Maybe it is time to give Zayn a taste of his own medicine. Let him know what it felt like to be messed around the head.

“What does that even supposed to mean?” Harry said stiffly.

“He knows that I’m fine with being gay, alright and he is the boy ass-fucking a gay dude,” Louis said, and when Harry opened his mouth to argue, Louis went on, “Puh-lease, call it what you like but it is what it is. I am the one with the leverage here. I am his dirty little secret only because I allowed it.”

Harry ignored him. “I don’t give a fuck about Zayn Malik or what happens to him,” Harry stated matter-of-factly. “Because no matter what happened to him, you will be the one ends up getting hurt because you are the one with the feelings.”

“Exactly. I need to get him out of my system.”

“Fuck, you watch too much damned teenage TV. You don’t just get people out of your system, that’s a LIE!”

Louis rolled his eyes, “Listen,” He said quietly. The rain pattered gently against the window while they stayed inside the car for shelter from the downpour. “Oh, you have ketchup on your lip,” Louis said and wiped it for him.

“Go on,” Harry said impatiently, pushing his hand away with an annoyed look on his face. It made Louis laugh.

“Yeah, well, don’t you see?” He went on, “If he hated me and really wanted to make me feel shitty, he’d have gone on ignoring me. He was jealous of you too, now that I think about it. He thinks we’re dating, or fucking at least,” Louis explained at the confused look on Harry’s face.

He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, blah, blah, blah. I know the guy’s pretty much transparent. He fucking wants you but he’s a scared straight boy who’s a bit of a coward, and frankly I think he should stay that way because It’s only going to mess your life up more.”

Louis frowned, “He’s not a coward.”

“Says his biggest critic.”

“Well, whatever. Anyway, all this time I think he’s been conflicted.”

Harry interrupted him, “Ugh, Louis, you make him sound like an actual human being capable of proper human emotions! Not cool , dude.”

“Harry…” Louis warned.

“Okay, okay, but so what? What exactly does it matter to you anyway? You think by fucking you, he’ll fall in love and say sorry and then decide he wants to man up and actually try something that can legitimately be called a relationship of some sort?”

“Take a breather there, mother. Do I need to promise you that I will keep my virtue intact?”

“Fuck you, Louis,” Harry said, but there was laughter in his voice so Louis knew it was all good. “Your virtue is as intact as my dick.”

Louis grinned, “Whatever, man.”

Harry genuinely seemed frustrated now. “Louis, don’t be ridiculous, alright. Promise me it won’t happen again. Do you not see the cycle? Now you’re the one being delusional.”

“Listen,” Louis said for the millionth time, “I’m not some romantic chick from a movie, alright. I don’t want romance. Fuck I don’t want to date him or anything…I know that’s out of the question.”

“So you just want his body, and you’re cool with that? Even though you have some sort of messed up and unexplainable feelings for Zayn Malik and go around moping like the world’s bigger loser when he didn’t give you a spare glance.”

“I do not mope!” Louis threw the dirty napkin at Harry which caught him directly in the hair.

“You’re an asshole, I just realized it.” Harry said as he tried to shake his hair.

“Well, I never claimed I was a saint, most people just assume I’m one.” Louis smirked.

“No…you didn’t claim that. Still, Louis, we may not have been friends for long but I know you, dude.” Harry told him thoughtfully.

“And you think I’m just going to get hurt again, but I won’t!”

“So had your feelings for him gone away while you were fucking him? Do you think they will just… what? Disappear if you fuck him enough?” He asked Louis in all seriousness.

“Well…” Louis hadn’t thought that one through, but he didn’t want to think about anything! He just wanted to feel and be reckless and crazy and worry about consequences later for a change.

“I know what I’m doing,” Louis said finally and his voice was low and quiet, breaking the easy silence that had flowed between them the past several minutes. Again, Harry searched his face for a sign of something but eventually sighed, shrugged, and looked away. For a brief moment he saw the worry etched lightly on his face before he looked away and masked it naturally. Louis tried to explain to him but how could he when even he himself was unsure of most things.

“I just don’t know…” He trailed off. Pathetic, Louis. “Look, I am not gonna sleep with him again, okay? I just… I don’t know, talking shit. I guess. Maybe I just want to hurt as much as I do.”

Harry sighed.  “You’re such a fucking girl, dipshit.” His voice was soft despite his harsh words and Louis smiled weakly at him.

The rain had stopped, the sky was clear again. Louis squinted into the emerging sunlight. Somehow every time the sun rose after the earth was covered in pools of rain-water, it always made Louis feel sick rather than happy.

“I just, you know, you’re a great friend…and it’s not that I don’t want to listen to you, and I know you care.”

Harry grunted.

“It’s just that I can’t seem to stop myself…even though I feel stupid now that I think about what I did,” Louis groaned for effect and realized he did feel stupid, “When I see him again it-it-it’ll all go away…you know?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Harry said but Louis knew he felt completely otherwise. He too peered out into the sunny sky, “You should go now, your lunch is almost over.”

Louis groaned again, “I don’t care. No one I know is in the next class anyway.”

Harry paused, “Why are you such a rebel and so anti-social despite the fact that you don’t shut up when you’re with people you know?”

“Fuck off.”

“No, really…”

“I don’t know…I don’t like making new friends,” Louis said truthfully.

“I am a new friend, dumbass.”

“Well, you are like a puppy following me around so I had to take you in eventually.” Louis smirked and ducked to avoid the burger wrapper Harry threw at him.

“Yeah, I don’t even know why I did that. I usually don’t make friends.” Harry shrugged.

Louis rolled his eyes, “Right…”

“You’re my only friend that counts,” Harry said softly but loud enough so Louis could hear him. Louis turned to look at him casually, not in surprise because he honestly wasn’t surprised. There was that look in Harry’s eyes that Louis saw so rarely. Something that could be defined as tenderness, he realized. In Harry’s own way.

Harry really was such a kind person despite that hard front and the arrogance he liked to portray when dealing with most people. He was just…just always there. Like a rock, his rock.

Louis shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

He suddenly realized they always talked about him, always. Always! Harry seemed only to be concerned with him. He always listened to Louis and helped him. He never forced Louis into doing anything and never forced his opinion on him. Harry always put him first. The selflessness of his nature in dealing with him was enough to make Louis feel ashamed at his lack of regard and care of him.

He was only ever concerned with himself. Louis was oh-so-special and who cares about anyone else, right?

“Harry, am I a bad friend?” He asked casually.

He frowned and looked up at Louis in surprise. Louis noticed his how long his dark hair had gotten. “No, you’re not,” he answered immediately.

“I like your hair like this,” He said and reached out to touch it. Louis expected Harry to grab his hand before he could reach the dark curls but he was in for a surprise when Harry let his fingers sift through the strands. His expression was impassive, almost bored, but his eyes had softened and Louis recognized that expression. Harry really was beautiful; his face was all lean planes and golden skin. His eyes were such a startling green, sometimes Louis swore they glinted silver.

Louis felt guilty though, and dragged his hand back. The look in Harry’s eyes made him feel uncomfortable. It wasn’t unpleasant; it was like the sun hitting my face with utmost gentleness and warmth. It made him want to bask in its warmth. It was Harry. It was right.

“I’m sorry,” Louis said in a low voice despite being unsure what he was even apologizing for. Maybe for being a terrible and selfish friend.

Harry laughed, “It’s okay, doofus, even though I have no idea what I’m forgiving you for.” Harry looked at him slowly, tilting his head. “It really is you know, okay, I mean,” He added as if he knew exactly what Louis was thinking about.

Louis looked way from his direct gaze again uneasily. Why did his friends even put up with him?

“It’s stopped raining,” Louis said, “And the bell’s probably rung already. I should go but I don’t wanna. Thanks by the way.”

“No fucking problem,” Harry rolled his eyes, “Someone has to make sure you haven’t gotten yourself killed or you go and kill someone by now. I nominate me.”

“Shut up, Zayn will be fine-.”

“As if I care about that asshole.”

“Well you should, and you would if you had any morals,” Louis replied testily.

“Well I don’t,” He said. “I don’t care about him or morals or whatever, in fact I didn’t even think of any of that. I just don’t want you doing something stupid and deliberately causing problems and even pain for yourself.”

“What are you my mother?”

“Fuck yeah; I’m your god-damned mother. Your mom jokes will be a hoot now,” Harry snorted.

“Shut the fuck up, asshole. And watch your language.” Louis admonished.

“You, of all people, are asking me to watch my language, really?” Harry snorted. “Anyway, I digress…”

“Where’d you even learn that word?” Louis asked, feigning astonishment.

“Well since I’ve been celibate for a while now I’ve picked up a few books.”

Louis laughed. “Celibate, huh?”

He shrugged, “Hey even the best of us can get over-sexed.”

“Over-sexed!” He snorted with laughter, “Damn, Harry you’re just…wow…”

“That’s what your mom said last night,” Harry said, straight faced.

They looked at each other and burst into laughter.

When they’d calmed down and stopped laughing (Harry had to thump him on the back because he was laughing so hard he began to choke), Harry gave him an ultimatum: “You get out of this car now, or you stay put and we go do something boring.”

Louis didn’t need to think, “Fuck class; let’s go!”

“Atta boy,” Harry laughed and Louis rolled his  eyes.

“This is probably the longest time I’ve spent doing nothing in a car…” Louis murmured, and then snapped to attention. “Enough about me,” He grimaced, “Let’s talk about you for a change.

“Uh…we can do that later.” Harry told him.

“Fuck you,” Louis squinted evilly.

“Sure?” He said, chuckling.

Louis slapped him on the biceps. “Let’s go to your house for a change.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry’s house was in a nice neighborhood. The grey stones and white front door were pleasant to view. Inside it was decorated tastefully but in understated and muted tones of pale cream and lilacs. Everything had an air of freshness. It was as if someone sprayed a tankard of febreeze into the house, resulting this light and pleasant smell minus the nostalgia a whole tankard of febreeze would probably entail. It was strange to picture Harry in this light and airy home but after watching TV and lazing around with him for a bit, it wasn’t so odd.

They played video games for the whole afternoon and when Louis got hungry, Harry grunted and got up to go make him something. Harry was surprisingly adept in the kitchen and clearly knew what he was doing and where everything was. Louis sat at the kitchen counter and watched Harry with avid interest. He chopped up tomatoes and onions and threw them in a bowl with a few eggs cracked in it. He threw in some thyme and other spices and things Louis could not for the life of him recognize. Then, he proceeded to fry the omelets and the most delicious aroma spread through the kitchen as the cheese melted.

“God, that smells sooo good!” Louis exclaimed as Harry threw the first one onto a white plate.

It reminded Louis of the crazy time Stan and he had decided to cook pasta. Their parents hadn’t been home and they’d been hungry. It probably was a Friday because there was nothing good in the fridge (his parents bought groceries on Saturdays), they had no money or transportation and so they decided to cook pasta. It ended up with Stan dropping the hot pot with the pasta in it to the floor, causing Louis to slip and fall on the water and drop all the mediocre pasta sauce they pull out from a can onto the floor and all over themselves.

Harry grinned and showed off by flipping the omelet only holding onto the handle of the pan. Louis rolled his eyes at Harry. “We’ll see how great you are when I taste it,” He told Harry smugly, and he was clearly not expecting the omelet to taste as good as it ended up tasting. He did have to eat his words after he took one single bite and the hunger kicked in with the morsel like it does sometimes.

“Okay, this is pretty good,” Louis told Harry evenly, taking another bite.

“Of course it is, I’m a fantastic cook,” Harry shrugged.

“Since when?” Louis wondered.

Harry laughed, “I’ve always been able to cook,” he said, “Ever since I was little, my mom is usually not well, so it’s either take-out or take care of yourself. And I always prefer home-cooked meal so I learned. John is actually a better cook though so I don’t need to cook as much these days.” Harry laughed and his eyes sparkled despite his words. Louis knew Harry’s mom is often sick although he never managed to get details. He did meet her once when he visited Harry’s house for the first time even though that was a very brief one since Harry was only dropping by to collect his forgotten phone before they had to leave for a movie. She did seem lovely and beautiful even though she’s slightly pale. Louis could actually see where Harry got his looks from.

Louis also knew Harry didn’t seem to get along that well with his step-dad, John, but decided not to comment on it since Harry seemed reluctant talking about it. So, instead, he decided to tell Harry about his one and only cooking adventure which led them into laughing hysterically.

The sound of Louis’ phone ringing jarred him from his laughter and he looked down at the screen and grinned, “Speak of the devil,” he said before answering. “Hey Stan, we were just talking about you.”

“Whatever…wait who’s we?” Came his deep and impatient voice, “And where were you? I didn’t see you at lunch, Eleanor missed you.”

Louis rolled his eyes. Eleanor would not miss him because of one lunch missed, but clearly Stan was all macho male. “Harry and me,” Harry mouthed ‘Harry and I’ to which Louis stuck his tongue out and continued, “And I was eating lunch with him and decided to ditch.”

“Fuck you, you could have found me. Wait…good that you didn’t,” Stan seemed much less enthused now. “Well I was going to ask you if you wanted to chill now school’s out. You could also help me with Biology but you’re busy.”

“It’s just Harry,” Louis grinned at Harry’s frown at the word just and he gave Louis the finger. “Anyway, why don’t you come over here, I’ll give you the address. Have Eleanor drive you down or something.”

“No thanks.”

“What? Why?” Louis asked, surprised.

“Well…” Louis could picture Stan shifting uncomfortably as his voice lowered an octave, “It’s just that…and don’t laugh asshole…Harry gives me the creeps.”

Louis did the unforgivable and burst into instantaneous laughter. Stan began cursing on the other end. “Chill, chill,” He chuckled.

“No,” Stan said, “He was hitting on me at the dance and trying to dance with me. It was slightly disturbing.”

This made Louis laugh even more. “Nah, Harry’s harmless,” Harry pouted at this, “He hits on anything attractive. He’s kind of a whore; I mean he even hit on me when we met.” To which, Harry had no choice but to shrug and accept it with a wave of his hand. Louis smiled at him and he grinned back, eyes glinting in that way of his again.

“Oh…yeah, well it’s not like I’m worried or anything. Just, you’re sure, you know? That he’ll leave me alone and stuff?”

“I promise he will leave your virgin ass alone,” Louis agreed, grinning widely still as Harry burst out laughing beside him.

“Fuck off. Fine, I’ll bother Eleanor and get her to bring me. She can stay too right?”

“Yeah, she can stay, no question about it. Right, Harry?” To which Harry nodded enthusiastically, being a Eleanor lover entirely. After Louis hung up, Harry threw a pillow at him, informing that was for all the shit he said about him. Both of them were aware that most of it was true but he played wounded friend and Louis played along.

Half an hour later, Eleanor and Stan, were standing on the doorstep. When the door was flung open, Harry immediately embraced Eleanor in an enthusiastic hug. One could almost call it over-enthusiastic. Stan was slightly taken aback but hid it well as he cleared his throat and gave Louis the classic pat, half-arm hug. I don’t get what it is about Eleanor that made other people got in league with her so fast. Perhaps it was her latent hotness and lesbian “tendencies” that would in general attract any normal teenage boy with blood in his veins.

The rest of the day was spent mainly goofing off, playing video games, drinking lightly, watching a movie which Louis can’t seem to recall now. By the end of the evening, Stan seemed to be at ease with Harry, who for the life of him had gained yet another friend. However, whether those feelings of friendship were reciprocated, Louis had no idea. There was just something about him.

He sat back with his friends happily, all laughing and having fun and felt a slight twinge of regret. Maybe he even felt guilty. How blessed he was, he had a great mother that he needed to appreciate more. He had four very good friends: Stan, Eleanor, Liam and Harry. Louis had so much to be happy for and so little to complain about and yet he spent a lot of time complaining for his misfortunes.

When Harry took him home that night, Louis was pensive and hushed. He left the car quietly and talked to his mom for a while. Afterwards, when he lay in bed, he let himself think about Zayn.

The anger was gone though, the frustration and all the restrictions he had put on himself were gone too. Instead he just felt tired. Tired of everything. Tired of school. Tired of himself. Tired of feeling hurt. Tired of thinking life will be slightly better if Zayn was here.

Harry was right. It hurts now. Maybe he wasn’t in control of himself as he thought he was because it hurts and he can’t do anything about it. He’s glad he’s already in bed because when the tears comes, he couldn’t do anything to stop them.


	20. Chapter 20

Louis avoided both Zayn and Harry for the next few days. Zayn, for all the obvious reasons and Harry in case he took a look at Louis’ face and knew what is going on inside his head or rather how messed up it is inside his head.

For the next few days, in the classes they shared, Louis managed never to look in the direction Zayn happened to be. He was afraid that if he looked at him too long, he’d do something stupid, like go after him again. That wasn’t healthy, for Louis or for Zayn. Without anger to fuel him, Louis wasn’t one to do something like that again. Yet, nothing was the same. It hadn’t gone back to being how it was before they had sex at that party.

He found himself thinking that one day, he’d be able to stand in front of Zayn and talk about all of this without fucking him or cussing him out. Even that hurt to think about because somehow he knew that would never happen for him.

Fuck, he is screwed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The weekend was a welcome retreat. His mom had noticed his behavior and had even decided to have a talk with him, being the wonderful—even if slightly odd—mom that she was. He managed to look cheerful and told her that yes, something had been bothering him, but that she needn’t worry and that it would get better. She didn’t look convinced, but knew better than to push him.

Saturday morning, he woke up not knowing what he wanted to do, so he sat at his computer, surfing the net and listening to music. He finished all his school work and watched a movie. By the evening, he was exhausted despite the fact that he had moved very little. When he is down, he is a tendency to listen to depressing music that worsens his mood, so he quickly forced himself up from the computer and decided to call Harry. He sounded as he always did, stable and light, even with his voice getting deeper and deeper every day.

“Louis, where have you been? I thought you died or something.” Harry said in all seriousness.

Louis didn’t laugh like he normally would have, “Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve been busy with school crap, so I didn’t get a chance to call. Anyway,” He fiddled with a pencil, “Wanna chill or something?”

“Or something,” Harry agreed, “Want me to come over?”

“No,” Louis decided, “Pick me up?”

“My house, then?”

“Yeah, okay, cool.”

“Be there in a few,” He hung up.

When he looked out the window, it was raining again. It certainly rained a lot lately. His room faced the driveway so he saw when Harry pulled up into the drive and ran down the stairs. His mom asked where he was going in this rain so he said, “Harry’s,” and shrugged. She nodded, gave him a kiss on the cheek and ushered him out the door, clearly hoping he’d be brighter when coming back through it.

“You could always stay over if it gets late,” she suggested.

“I’ll see,” Louis called back and ran out the door.

“I always catch you in the rain,” Harry said, smirking, as he sat down next to him.

Louis grinned, “Shut up and drive.”

“Or what, you’ll ‘disturb’ me?”

“That was lame.”

“Okay, okay, it was.”

“It’s okay, I heard you should be nice to people who can’t use their brains right.”

“Get out of my car bitch.”

“You’re the one who ran here to pick me up.”

“I did not run here, I drove.”

“So why don’t you drive now?”

Harry shook his head with a laugh, and complied. As they drove, he told Louis that a few people from his school were hanging out at someone’s place and asked if Louis wanted to come. He said it was just a small gathering, not really a party, but there would be drinking, and hot boys.

Louis raised an eyebrow at that, “Coming out of your celibacy?”

Harry shrugged, and smiled softly at him. “Dunno,” he shifted, keeping his eyes on the road, “So you want to come? I can probably call and cancel if you don’t want to.”

Louis thought of the alcohol, and was actually tempted. How things change. “Yeah, why not. But these hot boys…”

Harry smirked, “Most are straight but I could probably fuck them if I tried,” he shrugged, “And I think Jason and Ty are bi and kind of together. I think only Jason will be there though. Paul is totally gay, but probably not your type. He’s a total drama queen, and, not to stereotype, but probably a bottom as well.”

“As well?” He raised an eyebrow.

Harry actually blushed, “Yeah,” he mumbled, “You just seem like you know…”

“A bottom bitch?” Louis said, his face totally serious. “Yeah and I love it.” He wasn’t kidding.

“Uh…”

Louis laughed, “I’m just trying to make you uncomfortable.”

“Uh…”

“Brain not functioning again?” He rolled his eyes. “Anyway, let’s go do this shit.”

“Aye,” Harry replied.

The small gathering consisted of 12 or so people. The majority was boys, but there were many girls too. Everyone seemed really glad Harry had showed up, which made Louis see he’d been forgoing these gatherings lately. They all greeted Louis politely and he did the same in turn. The fun was apparently just getting started and the bottles of booze were still nearly full.

There was light music in the background, but mainly everyone was talking in small groups of twos and threes and being stupid. Louis grabbed himself a bottle of something that looked good and drank straight from it, not bothering to read the label. Harry was surrounded by two girls in the corner and they were getting very touchy feely. When Harry caught his eye, Louis shrugged and gave a subtle thumb up.

By the time he’d drunk half the bottle and was feeling it indeed, he’d gotten to ‘know’ half the people in the room. Lisa-May and Jennifer were two very nice girls who liked sitting close to him despite Louis having declared loudly he was gay. He didn’t mind because they smelled nice and he kinda liked them.

Lisa-May was a pert little red-head who looked innocent and sweet, but he removed that judgment from his memory bank when he saw her locking lips with two guys and doing something with her hand that looked skillful. Jennifer was a pouty brunette with a slight horsey face. She liked having her ear-lobes licked apparently, as she proceeded to tell him. Louis seemed to find that very funny and was laughing hysterically with Lisa-May and Jennifer when he saw a guy looking at him with a bemused expression on his face from across the room.

“Hi,” Louis called to him, “I’m Louis.”

The guy laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He had hair the color of wheat and nice pale skin. His lips were a startling color that was some shade of pink. Louis perused his body boldly, and found he had a nice body too, really built and bulging with muscles. “I know,” He said, “And you’re gay.”

He’d forgotten he’d told everyone in the room already. He nodded. “You are?”

“Jason,” he told Louis and walked over to sit across from him.

Lisa-May giggled. “Jason likes you.”

Jennifer pouted, “I like getting my ears licked…”

“Oh lord,” Louis got up.

“Jason was totally checking you out.”

“Yeah? I was totally checking him out.” And Louis did just that, looking boldly at Jason’s body.

“Oooh,” Lisa-May crooned.

Louis didn’t remember what happened next entirely clearly. He did recall Harry mentioning that Jason was bisexual, though, and he could now tell Jason was interested. The booze had gotten to his head and he didn’t much care about anything. Harry had disappeared, probably upstairs, Louis thought. He probably didn’t think Louis would do something stupid with Jason, but Louis was the king of doing stupid things as of late.

Lisa-May and Jennifer had gotten distracted by some boys.  And thus, somehow, he found himself outside with Jason. Eventually, they ended up making out, arms tightly around one another.

It was utterly void of emotion or thought. It was just sensation, physical gratification.

“Mmm,” Jason moaned and gripped Louis’ hips tighter. Louis wrapped his arms around Jason’s neck and leaned into his embrace, pressing his nose against Jason’s neck and closing his eyes. He just wanted to rest, He felt sleepy.

“You have such a hot ass,” Jason said and demonstrated how much he appreciated that part of Louis’ anatomy by grabbing it and squeezing. Louis giggled and buried his face further into his neck. He smelled alright; Zayn smelled like heaven. Louis never understood how a person had a unique scent that could be described as their ‘essence’, till Zayn that is.

Jason should be making him forget Zayn with the way his hands roamed his body. Instead, Louis was thinking about Zayn while getting man-handled. Fuck!

Jason raised his face for a kiss, but Louis pulled away. He gripped him tighter and Louis couldn’t move, “Mmm,” he moaned in Louis’ ear again, “So fucking sexy,” he said as he rubbed Louis’ ass through his jeans. Even though he was drunk, Louis was starting to feel uncomfortable.

Nothing felt right.

“I have to go find Harry,” He mumbled and tried to unwrap Jason from him, but he wouldn’t budge and tried to push Louis’ shirt up. Louis shoved him hard and he crashed into deck as he went down hard. By the time he was up and on his feet, with a venomous expression on his face, Harry had walked outside as well and was watching them curiously. Jason lunged for him, but Louis dodged and Jason hit his head against the wall.

“Fuck off, Jason,” Louis laughed while Jason clutched at his bleeding forehead. Louis looked over at Harry and saw that his eyes were on Louis’ arms, where there were large bruises forming from the strength with which Jason had held him. His eyes narrowed and he walked up close to Jason.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

 “He fucking wanted it, the little bitch,” Jason yelped.

 "He’s hardly little, asshole, and from the bruise on your head, I don’t think he ‘wanted it’ at all. Get lost.” Harry said the last sentence in a low, deadly voice and Jason, despite being several years older, stalked back into the house.

Harry then stomped over to Louis and grabbed his arm. He held it out, feeling it with his fingertips before dropping it again and walking back in to the house.

“Come,” He ordered, and Louis didn’t dare question him as they went back through the house. Some people looked at them curiously, and Lisa-May waved at him as Louis walked past. People tried to say bye to Harry as they exited, but he had a stony expression on his face and didn’t speak to anyone. He opened the car door for Louis once they were outside, and when he was seated, he walked around to his side and got in. He sat there for a few moments before he turned to Louis.

“Louis,” He said, “Come on, what is up with you?”

“Hmm? Nothing,” He drawled.

“Then why were you locking lips with Jason McDean, who you don’t even know, and why do you have bruises on your arms from where he clearly wouldn’t let you go?” Harry asked quietly.

“Uh…” Louis had no idea what to say. What was wrong with a little tryst between two willing people? It was his own fault after all, He’d gotten cold-feet in the middle. “He was hot.”

“So? You throw yourself at any hot guy who takes a second look at you?”

“No, but you do.” Louis pointed out.

“No, you see I’m the one usually giving the second look,” He said simply, and he was right. “I think maybe you really need to think about things, you’re acting really weird. I know all of this has to do with Zayn–.”

“Fuck, no, it doesn’t.” Louis lay his cheek against the cool glass of the car and his voice came out funny.

“Louis, even this denial is unhealthy. I’m seriously worried about you, man.”

“Why didn’t you kiss me again?” Louis wondered aloud. He looked at Harry pointedly.

“See you’re so—what?”

“Why don’t you kiss me? Kiss me, now.” Louis turned to him.

“Louis, you and I, we’re friends, okay? Know what that means or have you gone completely nuts?”

“Friends can’t kiss? I liked kissing you, you’re great Harry,” Louis told him, laying his head against his shoulder. “You’re great.”

Harry sighed deeply and Louis could feel the reverberations against his cheek. “No, friends don’t kiss,” But he leaned down and kissed Louis’ forehead gently, his lips lingering lightly.

Louis sighed at the contact. “Why can’t it be you?”

“Why indeed?” He said. “I’m here for you, buddy.”

“I know,” Louis yawned loudly, then laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“I fucking love him.”

“Oh, is that what it is now?” Harry asked casually.

Louis shrugged, “What the fuck is love, anyway?” Despite that obvious question, he knew without a doubt what this turmoil in his heart was. He knew what this pain was. It hurt because he couldn’t have what he loved.

“Bunnies, roses, candy-hearts, valentines-day, puppies, rainbows–.”

Louis laughed loudly, “Yeah that’s one way of looking at it. Or the pure innocent, angelic kind. Love between two people that gently grows and is beautiful.”

“Is that what love is? Hmm,” Harry said thoughtfully. Clearly, he hadn’t been drinking, “Love can be simple. You can love a person purely, without selfish desires, love them from a distance and truly be happy for them no matter what. Selfless love, I guess–.”

“And?” Louis interrupted.

“And,” he added, “You can love a person passionately, with your whole being, selfishly, greedily, jealously. You want them and you not only desire them, but the desire fuels you. It’s either you have them or you don’t have them at all. I guess that’s the love that hurts.”

“That doesn’t sound beautiful.”

“What the hell is beauty anyway?”

Louis shrugged. “Besides, it isn’t so easy to define something like love. Everyone loves differently. I wish I could say I know him well and I love every facet of his beautiful personality, but I can’t. I don’t know why I love him, but I do. I can’t stop wanting him anymore. It should be like candlelight you know. Glow softly, make me warm and fuzzy inside but no, it just sort of blew up in my face, so fucking bright I can’t stand it.”

“So bright, huh?”

“Yeah, brighter than the sun even. Maybe that’s what makes me so blind.”

Harry chuckled. “So you love him?”

“Yes,” Louis said, sure of it now.

“I wish I could say I’m surprised.”

“Don’t you want to know why? I’m sure you’re dying to know why I’d love someone like him.”

“Not particularly,” He said truthfully, “Love doesn’t make sense. You can’t explain it without going mad.”

“You sound knowledgeable, I’d almost like to think you’ve been in love before.”

He raised an eyebrow, “You start sobering up easily.”

Louis laughed, “I’m not drunk,”

“Drunks always claim they’re not drunk…”

“Shut up,”  Louis waved him off, “So have you been in love before?”

Harry looked at him for a few moments before looking away and spoke casually, “As a matter of fact, I have been.”

“Yeah?” Louis asked. “Guess he or she was stupid to let you go.”

“As a matter of fact,” He agreed. “But he or she was so stupid they probably wouldn’t have noticed if I walked up and bonked them over the head with it.”

Louis giggled, “Really?”

“Yes.” Harry smiled softly, eyes crinkling up. “But I never wanted anything more.”

“Yeah?”

“Yep,” He said simply. They were making no moves to drive.

“The pure kind, eh?” Louis asked him, feeling sorry for him. “So that’s what you were talking about.”

“Yep, that kind,” He laughed.

“And you never wanted anything more?”

“Nope, not unless he did.” Harry said, revealing that it was a guy.

“So you just cared about his happiness, huh? Wow, I had no idea anyone is capable of that. What if he told you he wanted to be with you?”

“Then I’d be his for as long as he wanted me.”

“But he didn’t?” Louis was so curious. Harry never ever talked about himself and now Louis was eating the information right on up.

“No,” Harry said. “He has his own story and I wasn’t a big part in it.”

“And he got his happy ending?”

“I sure hope so,” Harry smiled sadly.

“And you still love him?”

“Always.”

“Wow,” Louis said, at a loss for any other words. Now, a silence wedged on between them as they both thought about things. Louis sincerely hoped Harry found someone who could love him entirely one day and whom he could love fully.

“Is he the reason why you won’t kiss me?” Louis wondered aloud, looking up from where his head was once again perched on Harry’s shoulder.

“Kind of,” Harry said, “I don’t know,” He seemed confused and flustered all of a sudden. “Just leave it alone.” He said more gently, “I’d rather not discuss it.”

“Okay,” Louis said, “Are you going to take me home? We spend too much time talking in this car.”

“Are you kidding? You want to go home like this? With bruises on your arms and drunk to boot? Seriously, what were you thinking tonight?” He was stern again. “Promise me you won’t go around kissing strangers again.”

“Fine…”

“Promise.”

“I promise…”

“My house.” Harry said simply.

“No!” He protested. “I wanna sleep in my own bed. I’ll sneak upstairs, my mom’s probably asleep and even if I get caught she’ll just be happy I’m acting normal enough to drink.”

Harry looked like he wanted to protest, but he complied with Louis’ demand and took him home. When they pulled up in his driveway, and Louis got out of the car, neither of them noticed the car parked on the street in front of Louis’ house.

“Sleep, rest your mind and everything will eventually be okay. Maybe we should take a trip together during March break and get away from this crap. You could meet someone new…oh, and by the way, if you bump into your mom, nod or shake your head, try not to speak…”

“We’ll see,” Louis grinned, and saluted, “G’night, mate,.”

Louis waved a final goodbye and walked inside slowly. The hall lights were turned off but he could see a faint light in the living room. He groaned, just great.

“Louis, is that you?”

“Mmm-hmm,” He called.

“Come here, won’t you?” His mom said.

He banged his head against the wall before walking quickly into the living room. His mother sat with a glass of juice in her hand, one of her home-made health concoctions and across from her sat someone Louis would not have ever expected to see sitting in his living room.

“Your friend came a while ago, but insisted on waiting to talk to you, so we’ve been chatting till now. You can go upstairs if you’d like.” She said with a slight smile. His varsity jacket lay sprawled beside him and he wore an ash green shirt with faded old jeans. His eyes glimmered in the light and his hair lay unruly upon his head from having been in the rain and then dried.

Zayn stood and looked at him levelly.

“Hey, Lou.”


	21. Chapter 21

“What do you want?” Was the first thing Louis asked as the door shut behind them. His voice was neither cold nor upset, and he was astonished at his own ability to appear calm. It didn’t feel like he’s drunk instead he felt like he was spiraling downwards from a really good climb, where a sense of uneasiness and discomfort starts to grow. The mind truly is a powerful vessel at times.

Zayn didn’t look at him right away. Instead, he fidgeted with a pen on Louis’ desk as he plopped into a chair. Zayn didn’t fidget. Something wasn’t right here in this equation. When he made no move to answer Louis or even look towards him, Louis began to get exasperated, “Oi, cut that out!” He exclaimed and snatched the pen from Zayn’s fingers, promptly chucking it at the ground, uncaring of where it landed.

“Sorry,” Zayn said, flashing an apologetic look up at him before staring at the carpet again. He seemed to be thinking hard about something.

Louis sighed and sat on the floor with his back against the foot of his bed. From where he sat, Zayn was directly in front of him in the chair. “Zayn,” Louis yelled, loud enough to grab his attention but not loud enough that his mom would hear, “Talk, talk, talk. I haven’t got all day y’know? I mean all night…whatever.”

Zayn’s eyes widened, “Louis, have you been drinking?” His expression was less cautious now.

He let out a puff of air, “No.”

“You’re lying,” Zayn accused.

“So what? What’s it matter to you?”

“Nothing,” Zayn said softly. Then he added, “Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for over an hour.”

His eyes narrowed, “None of your business. What are you doing here, Zayn?”

Zayn let out a soft laugh. “I know, it’s miraculous, me sitting here almost like a mature being rather than a child, and not hating you or fucking you.”

Louis heard his words but his mind was stuck on that glimpse of Zayn’s laughter. The way the light hitting his face and casting shadows of his long eyelashes made Louis momentarily speechless. Such a beautiful expression on a beautiful face was enough to knock the breath out of him. Is this what love felt like? This desire, this need to walk over to this person and hold his hand, to tell him it was alright?

“Yeah,” Louis allowed him that, “But neither of us were very mature about the whole thing.”

“Fiasco,” Zayn said with a small smile tugging at his lips. Louis stared at him in fascination again. Zayn winced, “Is it that amazing to see me acting like a slightly normal human being?”

Louis stared at Zayn’s lips as he talked, hungrily. He nodded dumbly, realization hitting him like a train. He loved him, this person, and he really was beautiful to Louis. He appeared even more unearthly without the shroud of anger and ugly emotions clouding his countenance. Like a fallen angel.

“Louis,” he began, then hesitated, looking upwards as if hoping for aid, “I know things haven’t been great between us,” When Louis snorted and scoffed at that—he blamed the alcohol’s sudden intrusion into his brain—Zayn looked strained but held up a hand, “No, let me finish.”

“Okay,” Louis said simply.

“Well, as I was saying…things haven’t been all great between us. I-I…” Zayn trailed off again, an array of emotions flashing across his face as he thought of what he should say. He sighed, “I guess I don’t need to say everything at once. Just–.”

“Say what you came here to say,” Louis interrupted again. Zayn seemed slightly startled at the sound of his voice and looked at him in surprise.

“Yeah…you’re right. I don’t know why I’m going on and on…anyway…yes I’ll just say what I came here to say.”

Louis rolled his eyes, “Get to the point,” He didn’t want Zayn’s to know how much seeing him sitting there ached, nor how it filled him with a slight bloom of hope.

“Well…you know we…last week,” Zayn said haltingly.

“Had sex? Yes, I’m aware of it.” Louis said curtly, wondering at this sudden hesitancy and uncertainty in Zayn’s demeanor as opposed to the usual arrogance and biting remarks. “There’s no need to tread softly around me, Zayn,” He told him, staring at his finger nails, “I know what I did and I know it wasn’t right, but I’m not some little prissy twelve year old girl you need to be worried about saying a taboo around.”

Zayn released a breath, “Okay, okay. That’s cool.” He said, sounding more confident, “Well, I just came here to ask what’s been going on? One day, you are sleeping with me. The next day, I can’t even find you in the class we have together. I’ve just been wondering, you know?”

Louis nodded, “Fair enough. Let’s just say I had come to my senses.”

“About what?”

“About you. About me. Everything. Anyway, enough of this stupid chatting it up like we’re friends or something. You don’t have to worry, I’m not going to bother you again,” Louis told him simply, looking him in the eye with a carefully guarded and serious expression.

Zayn seemed thoughtful, “What?”

Louis rolled his eyes yet again, “Are you stupid or what? I said I’m not going to bother you again. As much as you enjoyed fucking my ass and as much as I enjoyed you doing it, I’m not going to do it again. I don’t like to make it a habit of lying to myself, which I am constantly doing when it comes to you, and I know that you just needed an excuse to be able to want me again, to make it okay to fuck me. And if I come to you, you won’t say no. But I won’t.”

“What are you, my shrink or something?”

“Nah, I just know people, and you’re obvious.”

“How am I obvious?” Zayn asked, flabbergasted.

“To me, you are.” Louis shrugged, “You can’t say you didn’t enjoy it, no matter the circumstances, or that you wanted it.”

Zayn sighed, almost defeated and sank back into his chair, “No,” he said softly, “I can’t,” and with those last words he looked up at Louis and the confusion swirling about in his eyes was almost Louis’ undoing. He swallowed hard, and looked away lest Zayn could read the emotions in his eyes. Great, now he was paranoid.

He forced a smile, “So why aren’t you in your car already and making a run for it?”

“Who knows?” Zayn asked, almost as if he were asking himself.

“You do,” Louis told him. “It’s simple, why are you still here?”

“I-I don’t know,” He said, and Louis believed him. There was a silence between us, during which Zayn seemed to be thinking something of importance. “It’s just, I guess, if I don’t do something, I might never speak to you again.”

Louis nodded, looking out the window, feeling a sudden urge to cry. He blinked back the sudden tears, silently cursing himself, and turned to Zayn again. “See, you do care,” It almost hurt to say the words.

Zayn nodded, “I do, and I’ve been stupid. If I didn’t care, then it wouldn’t have hurt me. If I didn’t care I wouldn’t lash out at you immaturely.”

“What exactly do you even care about, Zayn? Yes, you want me physically, and I completely return that, but…where does it go from there? All of this–all of this drama–these problems, the anger, the sex, where does it go from there? We could keep going on and on and it would always be the same,” Louis told him, “The same cycle.”

“Do you really think so?” Zayn asked, “I mean, even now, that I’m not…you know being a complete dick and all?” He took a deep breath, “I can honestly say I really like the sex and I don’t care that you told anyone who you consider a friend, as long as it doesn’t get further than that, I really do want to pick up where we left off…”

It wasn’t anything Louis had expected him to say but he wasn’t shocked or anything.

Louis wanted Zayn to tell him he cared enough about Louis to try things out with him, but a try wasn’t enough anymore. Louis was in love with him and if he let himself be that close to him again, it would only hurt him more, it would crush Louis and he’d long for him even more. No, it was time to close all this once and for all if it was possible.

“Yes, we can,” He answered, “but it isn’t about that. It’s just…nothing about what’s between us is healthy. Not for either of us.” Louis didn’t mention that he was past the point of no return. “Eventually you’re going to go back to your life and…and…I’ll go back to my own, anyway. So what’s the point really?”

“Well, the sex is great,” He offered. “To be honest, I’m really attracted to you. I can’t explain it, I really can’t. It-it’s not a phase; I can’t stop the wanting, Louis. I guess you know that already though, being my shrink and all.”

It hurt, it really did, how it could so easily be simplified. How the way they moved together can be so insignificant to Zayn. Because even when it was hard and fast, a quick primal meeting of the bodies, it was beautiful to Louis.

When he looked at Zayn, all he wanted was to be loved in return. His heart yearned for it so much it was like a tugging in his chest, an ache that spread across his body. Louis had to look away.

“I know you want me, and I know we have great sex but I don’t want just that anymore,” Louis forced himself to say, unable to force a smile this time. “I think I want something real; I want to try my hand at having a real relationship. Truth be told, my experience is limited to sex with you.”

“What about Har–.”

Louis didn’t let him finish, “I already said we are not together. We haven’t been…ever.”

“Oh,” He sighed, almost as if in relief, “Okay, I think I get it.”

“Great, now you can run, Zayn,” He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. His heart ached so badly and he wanted to nothing more than to grab Zayn’s hand and demand he never leave. Louis wanted to be wrapped in his arms and loved.

“So we’re…we’re cool?” Zayn inquired, eyes filled with a strange uneasiness. He looked almost wary, although he should have been feeling more relieved by now.

Louis laughed, “I never thought I’d hear that coming from you.”

Zayn laughed too, “I know I’ve been a royal ass.”

“What caused the sudden change of heart?”

Zayn shrugged, suddenly uncomfortable. “I guess…you approaching me and stuff. You put the truth in my face. I don’t know what I am, I still like girls, and I don’t feel this way about any other guy but you…it’s just well…I stopped trying to run away from the fact that I wanted you that way. Then, we had sex and I went home and think for hours and hours and I just…Louis…it just all melted away, you know?”

Louis nodded, “The anger? Me too.”

“Yeah, and after that last time, you just stopped looking at me even. It threw me off that I wanted you to, you know? Look at me that is,” He added. “I missed the contact, and I ran for a bit, I hid again but eventually I decided to just make peace with you and see if this could go…right…again. Fuck my mother; I don’t care what she thinks. There’s nothing wrong with wanting you…like that, even if I don’t understand why it’s only you, you know?”

“I get that,” Louis told him, “I just can’t say yes to it. I—don’t get me wrong—I want you. As if I could stop wanting you. But I don’t want this anymore.”

Zayn laughed awkwardly. They were both treading softly around one another. After all this was foreign territory, or at least long-deserted territory. “I guess I had better go then.”

Louis looked up, “Yeah, no need to run.”

He smiled, and Louis’ eyes feasted on it yet again, “Do you think we can be friends again?”

“I don’t know, Zayn,” Louis answered truthfully, “I don’t know if I want to be.”

“Oh, okay, well then….” He tried to mask the hurt but Louis caught it. It astonished Louis that Zayn cared about him, that he had enough power to cause Zayn pain, but he really didn’t want to hurt him.

“I’m sorry, it’s-it’s not you, Zayn.”

“It’s okay, I get it. I’ve messed up any chance of this ending cleanly and us being friends again.” He stood up and put his jacket on.

“No,” Louis stopped him, suddenly exhausted, but stood up anyway. “I think I can safely say that we were both to blame for this shitty mess we made.”

“Yeah, okay.” He didn’t look convinced.

“I’m serious,” Louis said, “It’s just things aren’t the same anymore. It’s really my fault, honest. Besides, you better run away before I get my claws into you again.”

“But I want that,” He said, and Louis could see the effort it took to make that small admission. “I don’t know why but I do. I want that.”

Louis eyes widened for a few seconds as he digested this before he took a step back and got his act together again. “I know, I know, I’m really fucking sexy. Zayn, get over my ass, go find a really hot girl.”

“You’re a fucking asshole,” Zayn said and smiled despite his words, “You finally get me to admit to myself that I want you and now you’re telling me to just leave it aside and go find someone else to fuck?”

“Hey, hey, it’s not like you’re in love with me or anything,” Louis chuckled, forcing a passive expression on his face.

Zayn just smiled softly. “This was nice,” he said. “Talking to you like this again. I’m sorry about everything.”

“Yeah…yeah me too…sorry.”

“I hope I didn’t give you a heart attack when you saw me in your living room,” Zayn laughed, now buttoning his jacket.

“Yeah, almost did there, good thing I had enough booze in my system to slow down my heart-attack trigger.”

“Yeah? Had a fun night?”

Louis glanced briefly at his arm where the bruising was now a light purple, then quickly up at Zayn, hoping he hadn’t caught that. “It was fine,” He said, but Zayn’s eyes had zeroed in on his arm. He snatched Louis’ arm before he could stop him.

“What the fuck? Did you get into a fight?” Zayn demanded.

“No,” Louis hissed, snatching his arm back from Zayn’s grasp and rubbing it.

“Explain.” Zayn said simply, that no-nonsense look back into his eyes that Louis loved so much. It was so hard to not suck up all the attention like he wanted to and weaken his resolve. It would be so easy to say yes to him, so easy to fall into bed and be close to him in that way.

“Nothing happened, okay, I was messing around with some friends.”

Zayn rolled his eyes, “You’re a horrible liar.”

Louis scoffed, “Actually, you’d be surprised at how good of a liar I am.”

“Even that was a horrible lie. Now how the fuck did you get those bruises, it’s almost like someone gripped you really hard…” His eyes widened as he looked up at Louis.

“It was nothing, okay. Just some guy…”

“Are you insane?” Zayn hissed, “What if he had really hurt you? What the fuck are you getting yourself into these days?”

Louis rolled his eyes, “Who asked you to play worried Mother now that we are remotely okay with each other? A few days ago you would have gladly bruised me this way.”

“No,” Zayn said seriously, “Don’t you ever dare say that. I wouldn’t have. No matter how angry I was at you, I wouldn’t have resorted to physical violence. I wouldn’t have hurt you. Not like…” He looked at Louis’ arm disgustedly.

 _ _But you have, Zayn__. Louis thought tiredly. __It just didn’t show on surface.__

“Would you relax, I went with him willingly, okay? He was hot so I wanted to make out with him but then decided I didn’t midway, while he was you know…groping me.” Louis didn’t mention that it had been thoughts of Zayn that had prevented him from going further. “Not that it’s any of your business. Anyway, I shoved him off of me. The idiot was too drunk to move properly so it was a piece of cake. I’m not some weakling, okay?”

“Fuck , he still could have hurt you.”

“So what’s it to you? I’ve heard enough lecturing from Harry; I don’t need you to bitch at me too.”

“What’s it to me?” Zayn asked, gaping, “What the fuck have we been talking about? Isn’t It obvious I give a rat’s ass about what happens to you by now?”

“I-uh…”

“Yeah, well clearly not. I really do want to be friends with you again, you know. So being concerned about you isn’t something that should be so shocking. I don’t just want your ass.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Shut you right up.”

“But…”

“I get it; you don’t want to be my friend. It’s cool.” He walked to the door but hesitated before opening it. When he spoke, his voice was considerably softer. It made Louis ache so badly and he wanted to tell Zayn it wasn’t his fault, “Just-Just take care of yourself, Lou,” he said and walked out.

A tear escaped from his tired eye and Louis sank to the floor again. He didn’t wipe it away but didn’t let any more escape either.


	22. Chapter 22

“Rise and shine, Louis,” A voice murmured in his ear as soft breath tickled his face. He swatted at the bugger but his hands encountered silky stands and fisted themselves into the locks.

“Ow!” The voice shouted, “Louis, you ass, let go of my hair!”

Louis shot up straight in bed as Eleanor fell into his bed with a loud thump and an, “Oomph.”

“Eleanor! What have I told you about sneaking into my room on Sunday morning?” He grumbled and pushed his hair off his face. He really needed to get a haircut, and made a mental note to go do that tomorrow.

Eleanor huffed and sat upright again, straightening her blouse. The vintage bracelet on her one wrist glimmered in the light of the morning flowing in through the open window. Spring was arriving and the air was getting warmer.

“You weren’t getting up, buddy, so I decided to come up and wake you,” She informed Louis easily. He grunted and got up from bed, throwing on a shirt and wiping the sleep from his eyes. He hadn’t had the best of nights. After Zayn left, he’d steeled himself and taken a cold shower. Despite feeling exhausted, he didn’t fall asleep right away and lay awake for the longest of hours.

“Why exactly are you here?” Louis mumbled standing and not making any attempt to move.

“I felt like seeing my friend, something wrong with that?” Eleanor asked. Louis chose not to answer that and instead started towards the bathroom. Eleanor said as he walked, “Your mom is out for the day by the way.”

“I know,” Louis said. He remembered his mom talking about going away for Sunday for her friend’s birthday.

“Well, she said to tell you that she loved you when you drag your sorry ass out of bed. Anyway, I made breakfast. I’ve never made pancakes before but I followed the recipe and they look good. Go take a shower and we can eat.”

Louis sighed and closed the bathroom door, “Okay, Mother.”

During his shower, Louis purposely attempted at clearing his mind. He didn’t want to think at all about what had occurred the previous night. That would mean opening doors he wanted to keep closed. It would mean accepting the fact that he had crashed and burned at his first try at love. It would mean letting the pain in, letting weakness in, and ultimately opening the chance to weaken resolve and go find Zayn. And that was something he couldn’t afford. That would be utterly horrendous and a road that could never be taken back.

Thus, Louis settled on numbness.

Eleanor was already eating when he stepped into the kitchen and took a seat. She’d already set a plate for him so he just dug right in, not making any conversation.

“Everything alright, Louis?”

He shrugged and went back to eating. Both of them knew something was wrong. You don’t know someone for almost a decade and not able to read their face.

“I know I’ve let you have space, but it’s time you ‘fessed up,” Eleanor said simply, inclining her head at Louis in a way that was so familiar, he automatically knew she meant business.

“I know,” Louis said with a sigh.

“Good,” Eleanor nodded approvingly. He knew part of the reason for her visit was to check up on him and have a talk with him. “So are the pancakes good?”

Louis nodded and they ate in silence again for a few minutes. The only sound was the gentle hum of the refrigerator from across the wide room and the scraping of forks and knives on plates. After they finished eating, Eleanor took both their plates and washed them by hand. Louis went to watch T.V. but didn’t get a chance to watch for long since Eleanor came and turned it off as soon as she was done in the kitchen. She was at home here.

She made herself comfortable on the sofa and lay down, putting her feet into his lap. Louis put a hand on the cool flesh and rubbed lightly. “Now will you tell me what’s wrong?”

Louis shrugged again.

She sat up and reached for his hand. He let her take it and she turned his face so it was staring at her. “Louis, sweetie, I’m really concerned. You know I’m not always this nice.”

Louis snorted at that and cracked a smile. She grinned, “That’s better. I know you’ve been down lately, well for a long time to be honest and it all has to do with Zayn. I’m a good friend, I like to think, so I’ve left it to you to tell me what’s been going on but you’re just on a disastrous path. What happened with Zayn?”

He knew she knew more than she let on, both from reading him and because she was supremely smart. She needed to hear it from Louis though and she probably felt he needed to tell her. Maybe she was right.

“It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time,” Eleanor said, releasing his hands and settling back down. “Start at the beginning.”

“Well,” he said, “It all started when I went to that one party when we first met Liam. Do you remember?”

“Mmm-hmm,” Eleanor encouraged, “Go on.”

So he got the entire story off his chest, all including his ups and downs, thoughts and feelings to a certain degree. Eleanor sat there quietly, saying and showing no judgment on her face. She listened compassionately and she listened well.

“And so…here I am,” Louis waved his hands, “I fell in love with him because I am an idiot, but he’s straight and just wants me for sex.”

“That’s not true,” Eleanor pointed out, “From what you said, and from what I know, he doesn’t just want you for sex. He does like you and wants to be your friend. He said that didn’t he?”

“Well…yeah. I just can’t do that, Eleanor. Being near him like that again, after all that’s happened, and even then it’s more about how I’m feeling now. It would only get worse and it would hurt more.”

“I know,” Eleanor said softly. “I can’t imagine what I’d feel like being in your position. Becca and I are so happy….sorry,” Eleanor said, blushing.

“It’s okay,” Louis rolled his eyes; “I’m not gonna fucking break.”

“Will you talk to him, though?”

He shrugged, “What’s there to talk about? If you mean, will I be civil, then yeah.”

“Good,” Eleanor said, “At least he woke up and came back to his senses. He’s really not that bad of a person and I actually like him. I could tell he’s been down lately too.”

He narrowed his eyes, “What do you mean?”

“Well…you know you didn’t really hang out with Stan when he is with Zayn, but I do.” Eleanor said sheepishly.

“Oh my god! You were hanging out with him?” Louis gasped.

“Hey, calm down, buddy. We just got to know one another a little bit and since then we’ve sort of been friends. I could tell things were off even if he didn’t tell me about it. Then there you were, acting even funnier all of a sudden. Then, even more abruptly you just became…cold.”

“So you two actually….talk?” He ventured.

“Surprisingly, yes.”

“Has he said anything about me?” He asked casually.

“Aww, Louis, no we didn’t talk about you. It was almost a taboo. I’m sorry,” She said.

“Eleanor, cut it out. I’m fine, okay?”

“Okay, but I wish I knew how to help you.”

Louis laughed, “Me too, sadly I don’t know how to get over something like this.”

“You could try dating other people?” Eleanor suggested.

“Like who?” He snorted.

“I don’t know. We don’t exactly live in 19th century, Louis. You can meet gay boys easily.”

“Yeah If I want a gay boy I’ll go straight to Harry and let him hand pick one, okay?”

Eleanor laughed, “That’s a no, I take it?”

Louis shrugged, “Just right now…I don’t want to see anyone. I just want to, well,be by myself.”

“Obviously you don’t want to see anyone, Louis. You have feelings for Zayn, and you’re not exactly the promiscuous sort who does it with anyone anytime without a reason.”

“No, I’m not,” Louis agreed, “Topic change? I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“And then what? You keep bottling everything in; you keep putting yourself in painful and unhealthy situations. Louis, I’m worried about you.”

“I won’t anymore, okay?” Louis insisted.

“As if! You’re already in the unhealthiest hole I can think of.”

“Fuck off, El.”

“Sorry.” Eleanor said and moved to pat him softly on the knee.

“It’s fine,” He laughed, “You can make it up to me by dropping this.”

“For now,” She corrected.

“For now,” Louis agreed.

“So, what do you want to do today? I have a car and you exist.”

“Nothing,” He said, “I don’t want to do anything.”

“Cool, I like doing nothing.”

“Nothing is pretty fun,”

“Wanna do nothing upstairs? We can turn on music and I can–.”

“Do not finish that sentence, Eleanor! I don’t know if you notice but I am gay and vaginas scare me.” He exclaimed and made a stupid face, letting the farce of a lighter mood settle over him.

“Stupid, I was talking about you letting me cut your hair. I’m really good at it. Then, afterwards we can grab an old movie and watch it. I’ll make us some sundaes!”

“I’ll pass on the haircut; I’m going to go get it done tomorrow anyway. The movie… hmm….okay, fine. How about we watch The Matrix?” It was easy to let himself feel better now that Eleanor was with him and his lone thoughts didn’t have to invade. It was easy to see why people fell into bad habits and depression in situations like these. Usually one wants to be alone and isolation provides no comfort from our thoughts. When you’re around other people, you can be free of your thoughts for a while and it’s easy to feel good again.

“I was thinking a little less action-heavy. What about The Inbetweeners?” Eleanor whined.

“I love that movie.”

“I know! Stan does too…I’d call him but he said he’d be busy all weekend with family stuff,” Eleanor said.

“Liam?”

Eleanor grimaced. “He didn’t tell you, huh?”

“Tell me what?”

“He went out on a date today.”

Louis raised an eyebrow. “Does he now?”

“Yeah. I guess he thinks it’d be awkward to talk to you about his date.”

“It’s not like I would have cared. I mean, I would be happy that he is … you know, moving on.” Louis said truthfully. And he is. Really. Even if he thinks Liam moves on a little too fast.

“I know.” Eleanor nodded. “But still you know. It’s not even a month ago that he said he likes you.”

“He wasn’t in love with me or anything.” Louis shrugged. “I am glad he found someone. Who’s the lucky guy? Maybe I should text him.”

“Leave him alone,” Eleanor said lightly. “He’ll tell you when he’s ready. And I don’t know the guy. He said it’s someone he knew for a while since he moved back here. Probably don’t go to our school or something.”

“Maybe.” Louis nodded. “Anyway, how about we watch both movies? My mom isn’t going to be back till tomorrow anyway. It’s a long drive there and back.”

“Can I stay the night?” Eleanor asked, looking excited.

“Do you even need to ask, dummy?”

“Nah, just being polite.”

“Okay, then both it is.” He said, grinning. “It’ll be like the old days.”

“I missed this,” Eleanor said, beaming. “It’d be perfect if Stan was here too, though.”

“Hey, we’ll do it another time too.” Louis assured, “Cheer up.”

“I know, I know. I just feel like we’re all growing up so fast now and soon we’ll be off on our own. I miss being a kid, I miss the old days.”

“We’re still kids,” He grinned and tickled her lightly to demonstrate.

“Stop!” She squealed and he eventually released her. “I was being serious, Louis.”

“I know, I know.”

“I don’t want us to become strangers, all of us.”

“We won’t, silly,” He laughed and tweaked her nose, “Stan, you and I are freaking thick as thieves. Nothing as stupid as growing up is gonna get in the way of our friendship.”

“Promise?” Eleanor asked.

“I promise, dummy.” He said, “I’ll always be your friend, no matter what. Forever, kay?”

Eleanor beamed, “Forever.”

“Now, I think I feel hungry again,” I said, stretching widely. “Make me food, woman.”

“Nice to see sexism is alive and well.” Eleanor snorted.

Louis pretended to sign. “Fine. If you can trust me in the kitchen, I guess I will make lunch.”

Eleanor laughed and told Louis to sit his ass down and made some pasta and meatballs for lunch.

It was a relatively fun day. They watched movies, moved on to some old Doctor Who reruns and generally fooled around. They ordered pizza for dinner and before they knew it, it was half past 10. Louis felt like he had hardly moved from the couch throughout the whole day. They decided that they were worn out from doing absolutely nothing and decided to go to bed early.

Eleanor was already wrapped up in his blankets when Louis entered his room after a quick shower. She always slept in his bed when she was over. Funny, it never hit him until then that his mom hadn’t found it strange or commented on it. Hell, most parents would have protested or assumed they were ‘up to something.’ Either she is too liberal or already knows he’s gay.

“Get in bed, Louis.” Eleanor said grumpily.

“What happened to the sensitive and friendly girl?”

“She’s sleepy; taking care of you is so tiring. I wonder how your own mother handle it.”

He lay down beside her, laughing. “I didn’t miss my mommy today at all. Thank you, Eleanor for filling in.”

Eleanor rolled over so she faced him, and her face softened. She ran a hand across his bicep. “I hope you feel better.”

Louis smiled at her genuinely, “I do, Eleanor. Thank you.”

“Okay, good.” Eleanor yawned, “You’re sturdy. G’night.”

If Louis dreamt that night, he didn’t remember it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If there’s one thing Louis absolutely hates, it’s waking up on a Monday morning for school. Having Eleanor around is worse because she woke him up at the crack of dawn, urging him to go for a jog with her and feeding him ample amount of breakfast.

By the time they arrived at school, they were still arguing about what music they should have played during the car ride. “I’ll see you at lunch,” Eleanor told me and stalked off to her own locker, obviously angry that Louis didn’t allow her to play  her own CDs in her own car.

When it is finally lunch, she seemed to be in a better mood and she came and stood next to Louis as he joined the queue.

“Will you be okay?” She whispered softly as Louis looked impatiently at the long queue.

“Huh? What do you mean?” Louis asked absently, pausing a second to brush some lint off his sweater.

“Don’t you see who’s sitting over there?”

Louis stopped completely with Eleanor standing slightly off to the side in front of him. Sure enough, as he looked back over at the table where Stan was sitting with his friends, Louis saw Zayn sitting there. He wore a black t-shirt with his sleeves rolled up and his hair looked newly cut. He was as beautiful as ever, and as unattainable as ever. Louis still loved him too; If only that were as easy to change as his jeans. Zayn was listening to something a guy named James was saying, and said a few words occasionally. Louis hoped he hadn’t seen him yet.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” He said and turned back around to walk out of the cafeteria.

“Louis, wait up!” Eleanor hissed and came after him. 

Once they were safely away from the glass wall of the cafeteria and off to the other side, she grabbed his arm and pulled him near her. “Are you okay?”

“What? No!” Louis hissed. “He’s in there, Eleanor. He’s in there and he’s sitting with my best friend and they’re all chatting like everything is alright.”

“Well…to them everything is alright. And sadly, Zayn is alright too.” She said. Clearly she was assuming Louis was pissed at Zayn for being okay. “It’s the truth, you have to accept it.”

“I’ve never been not okay with him being alright,” Louis said, then frowned, “Fuck, does that even make sense?”

Eleanor rubbed his arm soothingly, “Yes, yes it does.”

“It’s just…well I can’t see him now. I just-I can’t look at him Eleanor. I can’t even look him in the eye.”

“Why not?” Eleanor asked softly, looking as if she was on the verge of tears.

“I love him.” Louis  said, almost chanting it. “God, why do I have to love him?”

“I know, baby,” Eleanor said, “But you talked to him the other day, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I did. But this is different, I don’t know why, but it just is. I’ve never felt like this before, you know? Like everything I want in the world is him in there, like my happiness depends on him and all that is in pieces right now.”

“You’re young, Louis, you’ve got ages to live and you’ll meet someone again. You’ll fall in love again.”

Louis laughed stiffly, “Of course I will. I know that, I know I will but I just know that I’ll never have another Zayn, I’ll never feel this way exactly for anyone else again. I’ll never forget him or this either because he’s the first one in so many ways.”

“Oh Lou,” Eleanor wrapped him in a fierce hug and Louis returned it in equal passion.

Eleanor let go eventually and shuffled slightly, and pulled at the sleeve of her shirt. She bit her lip. “So…you don’t want to go inside? I mean, we don’t have to if you…you know….don’t want to that is.”

“I don’t think I can do that right now.” Louis said honestly.

“I understand, and that’s perfectly fine.” Eleanor assured him confidently, saying it rather quickly and breathlessly.

“You go on though, I’m sure Becca will want to see you too, so find her or something.” Louis suggested lightly. “Hey, we should all hang out sometime. I know I’ve been kind of a recluse lately, but I’d like to know the girl my best friend is so gone for.”

“Okay, sounds good. But…you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

 “Yes, Mommy, I’ll be perfectly fine. You go on.”

Eleanor hesitated, but when he grabbed her by the shoulders and urged her forwards, she chuckled and shrugged Louis off. “I’ll see you later then, Louis. Be good.”

After she left, the smile slipped off Louis’ face and he walked quickly by the cafeteria to the doors at the other end of the hall. Unfortunately, he had to walk past the clear cafeteria wall and felt rather paranoid about Zayn seeing him. For some reason the thought bothered him and he rushed out of the doors quickly.

The air was cool and fresh and Louis took big gulps of it as he walked on and sat down in the bench on the other end of the field. He was so immersed in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the person approaching him and was unaware of their presence until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Louis jumped and the hand slipped off. “Jesus Christ!”

“Sorry,” Stan chuckled, taking a seat beside him.

“Fuck, Stan, you scared the crap out of me.”

“I know,” He said, “So what’s up? Saw you running out in a bit of a hurry so I came after ya.”

Louis sighed, “I’m in love, dude.” It seemed everything was just slipping out of him as of late.

“Shit, seriously?” Stan exclaimed, clearly not expecting such a loaded answer to a simple question.

“Yeah,” Louis replied.

“Fuck! Don’t tell me it’s Zayn.” Stan exclaimed and Louis jerked forward so harsh he’s sure he’s pulled a crank in his neck.

“What the fuck. Stan! What… Did Zayn talk to you or something?”

“So, it’s true, huh?” Stan frowned.

“It doesn’t matter. But how do you –?”

“I am no Eleanor,” Stan interrupted. “But I know you. I know there is something going on between you and him but Louis. Seriously man?”

“Shit.” Louis exhaled loudly. “We were that obvious, huh?”

“You have to be practically brain dead to not see something’s off between you two morons.”

“I guess,” Louis agreed silently.

“But still Louis, this is fucking stupid.”

“Tell me something I don’t know, kay?”

“Sorry,” Stan said gruffly, “but seriously?”

“Yes! Seriously, Stan. Stop asking.” Louis exclaimed.

“But…why?”

Louis shrugged, “Who knows?”

“And he doesn’t…you know, return the feeling?” Stan asked, almost hesitantly.

“What do you think?” Louis said harshly. “We are madly in love and eloping to Canada to get married and adopt African babies.”

Stan grimaced. “Sorry, mate. But hey, we can deal with this. Let’s go hit some parties; I’ll even get you hooked up with some guys. I know a few gay guys that would love to have a chance with you. You’ll forget all about Zayn in no time.”

“Thanks, but no thanks.”

“Come on man. It can’t be that bad, right?” Stan asked warily.

Louis laughed, and only shrugged. “I hope you never have to find out.”

Stan winced, “Ouch, bad huh?”

To which Louis had no answer.


	23. Chapter 23

Louis floated through the next week, at times feeling breathless. It was that glimpse in the hall of Zayn’s face that haunted him and yet he longed to look for him at the same time. It was those moments in class when Louis would give in and let his eyes have their fill of Zayn. Louis never let Zayn catch his stares though, he always looked away. Despite the ache it caused, he greedily took his chance of stealing those clandestine glances.

Louis wondered when Zayn would talk to him again, because it was inevitable. Though they tried to give each other a wide berth, there would come the time for confrontation and he knew it. Zayn did not seem to be hiding behind anger, confusion, and frustration at all anymore.

It was his friends that helped him through those days. They were there for him, smiling and supportive, and he vowed never to let selfishness shy him away from reciprocating. Stan joked around with him and they went through the huge workload together, with Eleanor already finished and looking over their work. And when they got distracted by video games and food, she shook her head at them and finished their homework for them. Even Harry dropped by, concerned expression included and all, and hung out with the three of them one night. Louis really loved that kid, especially when he took Louis out for ice cream sundaes and they shared two gigantic ones.

Even Liam called him up one day and they hung out to have lunch.

“I feel like we haven’t hang out together in forever.” Louis complaint as Liam bought them both pastas and soft drinks.

“I know. I am sorry.” Liam did a little pout and Louis laughed. “School have been crazy and my swimming team is keeping me busy.”

“It’s not the only thing that’s keeping you busy, I hear.” Louis said with a slight raise of his eyebrows.

“Eleanor, huh?” Liam said knowingly and sighed a little. “I am sorry I didn’t bring it up to you.”

“It’s alright, mate.” Louis grinned brightly to show that it really is. “I know it’s awkward and all but you are one of my closest friend. I like knowing what is going on with you.”

“Yeah,” Liam grinned sheepishly, “ I mean,” he held his hands up defensively, “I’m not someone to move from person to person, and what I feel, and do feel for you is real, but when you meet the right person for you, you just know and it feels like they can fill…any wound…you know?”

“Yeah,” Louis agreed softly. “So who’s the lucky guy?”

“Actually, it’s a girl, and I met her when I came here but you know things happened with you…” Liam blushed, “And before you go on, it’s just…well….. maybe sexuality isn’t as straightforward as people think it is. I mean, maybe someone is mainly straight. Like they mainly go for girls, but a guy—maybe one in a million—could do it for him too. And when it comes to love,” His voice softened and he smiled, “You don’t usually control who you fall for.”

Louis nodded, “You really don’t. So, you found your one in a million?”

Liam smiled, “I like to think so. My one in a million, both in terms of being the one exception to my preference to guys, and the person I think is my one in a million in general.”

“So fast?”

“It’s just what it feels like right now. Maybe it’ll change with time. But I am perfectly happy with what I am feeling now.”

“I’m not judging you or anything.” Louis held up a hand. “So when do I get to meet her?”

“That’s more like it,” Liam grinned.

“So we’re good?” Louis asked as he searched Liam’s face.

“Yeah. I still love you even though your feet smell.” Liam gave him a one-arm hug and Louis punched him in the biceps just for show. He was really happy for Liam because he deserved this and Louis prayed to a God somewhere out there for his lasting happiness.

Her name was Danielle and she was actually older than Liam. She wasn’t what Louis was expecting at all. He met her that very day after school and they all went out to grab a bite together. She had thick brown hair that curled fiercely in ringlets to her waist. Her exotic look only adds up more to her appeal and Louis can honestly say she and Liam made a beautiful couple.

“Liam told me all about you,” she said warmly, which he assumed was just out of politeness until he realized it wasn’t. She did know all about Louis,  which surprised him and Liam blushed at the look on his face upon this discovery. Ten minutes into their conversation and Louis realized that Danielle was to Liam what Harry was to Louis. That one person outside your circle who you can confide and trust your life with.

By the end of the evening, Louis was certain that Liam was right about her. It was in the little things…… the way she automatically passed him the ketchup when he didn’t even ask for it……the way he knew what she wouldn’t touch on her plate and helped himself…..and the way she looked to him for confirmation and found that and more in his eyes. It was the sort of things his parents used to do, but that came after years of marriage. Or perhaps it’s like that with the right person sometimes.

Danielle drove them both home—Liam’s house came first—and Louis found that it was easy to converse with her. She looked like the type of person he’d like to paint if he had any talent, so utterly breathtaking in a non-traditional way that you couldn’t look away from her. She laughed when he asked if people stared at her a lot and said yes they did. Louis wasn’t surprised.

When they reached his house, she asked for his number and Louis gladly gave it to her, while letting her type her own out into his phone.

“G’night, Louis. Oh, and make sure you call me sometime. I like you,” she said bluntly.

Louis grinned, and found himself thinking he would. “I don’t like you that much,” he wrinkled his nose, “but I’ll call you because I like your hair.”

She laughed and waved him off, pulling out of his driveway. Louis stood and watched her leave.

That night, he didn’t dream of Zayn.

*~*~*~*~*~*

By Friday, Louis was ready to just collapse and spend a lazy weekend at home. The workload was picking up as March arrived because of the approach of the end of the school year. Projects and exams are coming up and Louis felt like he is drowning.

From the moment he woke up that Friday, he felt groggy and gross. He really didn’t want to have to go to school. Of course he did go, because he didn’t have well enough of an excuse to miss out on school. Especially with march break so close. In class he didn’t even try to understand anything my teachers were saying.

“Louis,” Eleanor hissed as they walked out of biology together, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“So what happened to Ms. Nice?” Louis grumbled.

“She’s taking a break. Wait up will you?” Louis paused and let her catch up to him. Eleanor smoothed the front of her shirt down before speaking again. “Now, what was I saying?”

“What’s wrong with you Louis, Ms. Nice is gone, wait up,” Louis tallied in a bored voice.

“Oh, right. Yeah…what is wrong with you?” She continued as if there hadn’t been a minor interruption. “At least try to pay attention in class. Your grades actually matter this year. Universities look at your grade eleven marks too.”

“Yeah yeah. I know,” Louis told her distractedly, “Hey come up to my locker with me for a second. I’m just gonna grab something and then we can go down to the cafeteria.”

“Well you’d better get serious about it then. Or you will end up going nowhere after we are done with high school.”

“Fuck, I know okay? I’ll start taking it more seriously.”

“Good.” she said, satisfied and smile back on her beautiful face. “I’m hungry, what are they selling in the cafeteria today?” Eleanor asked as they stepped into the cafeteria.

“I think it’s pizza day or something. Mom made me sandwiches though.” Louis replied and pulled out the ham and cheese sandwiches his mom packed him this morning since she actually took a leave today.

Eleanor snorted. “The school pizza is bollocks. I am just gonna go buy a cookie.”

“Okay. I’ll just go find a place inside.” Louis said and sped up to get past the rush of students coming in for their lunch period. Stan caught him right before he went through the doors though, and gave him the hug plus pat plus handshake thing.

“Hey, man, where’s Eleanor? Liam?”

Louis waved behind him somewhere. “Liam went off with Danielle to lunch. Eleanor’s buying a cookie.”

Stan smirked “That girl does hate school pizza, eh? I wanted to go out for lunch today but whatever. Let’s go sit down.”

They sat down at long white table somewhere in the central area of the cafeteria and soon enough a few friends of Stan’s came to sit down. That of course meant that more and more people would automatically veer towards this table.

Louis knew most of them and had met them plenty of times. Zach Fischer and James Hunter nodded at him when they sat and Louis gave a stiff nod back.

Chatter and booming laughs had already filled the general vicinity, but he liked the noise. It drowned out his own voice.

Louis already knew Zayn would sit here when he came into the cafeteria as well, and his eyes constantly watched the entrances to see if he would walk through but he might have missed because there he was suddenly, in front of Louis. Zayn glanced at him briefly before sliding into the empty space beside Zachary across from him and just a few meters to the side.

Stan looked at him apologetically, and Louis just shrugged back at him.

“Sorry.” Stan mouthed.

Louis rolled his eyes. “It’s fine.” He mouthed back.

He could definitely survive this, of course, he is not a china doll, but that didn’t make it any easier, and that didn’t make the wanting go away. Because as much as he knew it was impossible, as much as his conscious self was aware of this fact, a part of him wanted to hold on and not let go. A part of him believed in some chance of them being together. It was absurd and Louis was aware of it, but there it was.

“We are going out tonight for a movie.” James started the conversation. “You coming, mate?” He slapped Stan on the back and asked.

“Nope. Got a party.” Stan shrugged.

“Where is this party and why wasn’t I invited?” James asked, looking offended.

“You weren’t because it’s my cousin’s 14th birthday, moron.” Stan said and James snorted, mouthing “Lame”, to which Stan reciprocated by throwing a straw at him.

“Hey, Louis, you should come with us.” Zachary asked. Suddenly all of their eyes were turned on him. Zayn, Zach, Stan, and James all looked at him expectantly.

Louis blinked, swallowed, and looked away from the shining stare of Zayn’s eyes. “Uh, I don’t know.” Louis said stupidly.

“I don’t think Louis wants – ” Stan started but Louis interrupted him. Seriously, he can speak for himself. “I don’t think I’m going to come, guys. Sorry.”

“Hey, whatever. Next time, eh?”

“Definitely.” Louis agreed, smiling and relaxing a bit.

“Hey, freaks,” Eleanor’s voice came from behind him. She slapped her red bag down on the table and sat down with a contradicting poise. She was better at socializing than Louis clearly.

Zach and James were instantly on alert and transferred their attentions to Eleanor. “Hey, Eleanor. I was wondering where you were, your boyfriend here was all alone. He missed you,” James winked at Louis.

“I missed him too.” Eleanor said, not bothering to deny what everyone had assumed. She even kissed Louis cheek for effect.

“Actually,” Louis said, surprising himself, “Eleanor and I aren’t dating.”

They scoffed at first, thinking Louis was joking but then saw the serious expression on his face and backtracked. “What, you serious, dude?” Zach asked incredulously.

“You guys aren’t dating?”

“Nope,” Eleanor said, laughingly.

“So you broke up?”

Louis grinned and caught Eleanor’s eye. She shrugged, so he shrugged too. Zayn looked at him with an intense look on his face. He had barely spoken the entire time since he’d sat down.

“So that means you’re single?” James asked, clearly interested and turning the charm on for a supposedly single Eleanor. Louis immediately regretted saying that one bit of truth. This would mean Eleanor getting bothered and that one girl in his business class would probably hear and start annoying him again.

“Actually, no,” Eleanor said. “I’m not single.”

Stan was laughing hysterically at this point. “Yeah, dude, she’s totally taken.” He said with a twinkle in his eye. “Drop it, buddy.”

James frowned, but did as Stan asked, “So you coming to hang out with us tonight?”

“Nah, I have plans already.”

“What the hell, this is going to suck. No one’s showing up.”

“We are still coming, moron.” Zach said with a light slap to James’ head. “I am even bringing Monica for Zayn.”  He finished with a slight wink and Louis eyes immediately zoomed in on Zayn.

He looked uncomfortable if that was any comfort.

“Since when do you start pimping your cousins out?” James drawled lazily. “I don’t mind getting down with Britta or was it Brittany? That blonde one?”

“I don’t pimp out my cousins.” Zach growled. “Monica’s just been bugging me ever since she met Zayn that one time.”

Louis smiled forcefully and stood up. He’s quite glad he had a book to return to library this afternoon because he really didn’t want to continue sitting across Zayn and listening about girls falling all over Zayn.

“Gotta go first guys. I need to drop this at library.” He held up the book, gave a small wave and quickly made his way to the exit.

“Louis, wait up!”

He turned his head back around and saw Zayn walking towards him. Louis felt panicked suddenly and wanted to keep walking but he maintained an even expression on his face and allowed him to get closer. Louis looked past him to see Eleanor looking at him with a mixture of horror and apology. Louis felt like smiling at the thought that she felt somehow responsible for this turn of events.

Louis wasn’t shocked or anything, he knew they’d talk eventually.

“Hey,” Zayn broke the ice and said, putting his hands in his pockets and looking at him with what could even be called trepidation. He was so goddamned beautiful and Louis wanted him so badly he couldn’t even grasp how much. “Mind if I come along? It’s so noisy in there.”

“No-uh-yeah, it’s cool,” Louis said.

They walked in silence to the library. Louis didn’t speak and instead stared at Zayn’s hands instead. The long fingers and even nails looked elegant but masculine at the same time. He felt like reaching out and holding it.

“So…” Zayn said slowly, “How’s it going?”

Louis shrugged, “I’m okay.” Louis saw him frown from the corner of his eye.

“You sure, ‘cause, you know…you haven’t been avoiding me or anything lately?” Zayn asked cautiously.

“Uh-no, yeah. I mean, no I haven’t been, why would I?” Louis forced a chuckle.

“I don’t know,” Zayn shrugged, “I know you don’t want be friends or anything but I figured now that things are cleared up between us….we’d at least talk occasionally. You know…unless you don’t want to or something.”

“Oh, uh, that’s totally fine. Talking’s cool.”

“So why haven’t we then?” Zayn asked.

“Sorry?”

“Talked, why haven’t we talked then?” He clarified.

“Oh, I don’t know. Why haven’t we?”

Zayn rolled his eyes, “That’s what I asked.”

“Um, I guess, maybe because neither of us got around to saying anything.”

“Yeah you haven’t said anything. You’ve barely looked at me…that’s why I thought you were avoiding me.”

“Ha, I wasn’t avoiding you…” Louis trailed off, thinking of something to say, “It’s just, um, you didn’t say anything.”

“Neither did you,” He pointed out.

“Yeah, you’re right. Both of us didn’t say anything.”

“This is kind of awkward, and you know the past week has been…”

“Awkward,” Louis finished for him.

“Yeah, awkward.” Zayn said lamely, staring off at they reached the library and Louis dropped the book into the return box.

“So….” Louis trailed off as he leaned his back onthe wall.

“So…” Zayn echoed as he copied Louis’ stance on the wall. They turned to looked at each other and laughed.

“I guess you really don’t want to talk to me.” Zayn said, hurt evident in his voice.

“No, that’s not true.” Louis said honestly. How could he tell Zayn that Louis just couldn’t talk to him?

“You’re just saying that.” Zayn pouted. It was so cute that Louis wanted to lean over and kiss the pout off his face.

Instead, he laughed. “Is that why you were so intense at lunch?”

“Yeah,” Zayn grinned sheepishly, “I was trying to telepathically convey messages to you.”

“Is that what it is now? What were you trying to say?”

“Loooook at meeeeeee, Louis! Say something to meeeee, Louis!” Zayn said in a ghostly voice.

Louis laughed again and then said. “No seriously, it’s not that I don’t want to talk to you.”

“You’re just saying that.” Zayn said again.

“What are you? Thirteen?”

Zayn chuckled, and then smiled that sheepish grin, “I know, but still,” He turned sideways to look at Louis. “What is it then?”

Louis looked down at the metal bleachers and pretended to be really busily tracing something on the surface. “Huh? Oh, well it’s just I’m not really the greatest socializer and things were…uh really complicated with us and it’s just taking some getting used to. Talking to you like this and you being nice and stuff is really weird.” It wasn’t a lie.

“Okay, fair enough. And though I really shouldn’t ask this, why don’t you think we can be friends again?”

Louis shifted uncomfortably, “I don’t know if I want to be, you know?” He answered, feeling like getting trapped.

“Oh, well see you say that and then you say it isn’t me.”

“It isn’t!” He said, frustrated now.

“Chill, dude, I’m not trying to piss you off.”

“I’m not pissed off…” Louis said, huffing.

Zayn grinned. “I forgot you had a short temper.”

“I do not!” He exclaimed.

“Point proven.” Zayn said smugly.

“Hey–.” Louis started, but was interrupted by Zayn.

He placed a finger on Louis’ lips to shush him and immediately he settled down. His energy faded to a gentle whirr, everything seeped out of him at that one touch from Zayn, that one look from him. He didn’t move the finger, and he didn’t take his eyes off Louis’ either. His finger stayed there, pressed against Louis’ lips.

Finally, Louis lifted his hand to remove the finger and made a point of dropping Zayn’s hand quickly.

“Anyway…I get it.” Zayn said and he looked so dejected Louis wanted to reach out and give him a giant hug.

“Ugh…Zayn…” Louis said hesitantly.

“Yes?” He looked at Louis, wide-eyed and hopeful. Louis stared back into those gorgeous eyes that seemed to look even more beautiful with that touch of frailty that made him seem human. He really didn’t put up any pretense around Louis.

“I-well-um…I don’t know what I was going to say.”

“Oh…” he looked disappointed. “Okay.”

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“So…looking forward to hanging out with the lads tonight?” Louis asked casually.

“Uh-no,” Zayn said, “I don’t want to go.”

“Then don’t.”

“Zach and James would murder me the next day.”

“Right, although I think Zach would try to stop James.”

“Hmm…true say. I may not go. Anyway, what are you up to tonight?”

Louis shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Then why don’t you come with us?” Zayn said and Louis was slightly alarmed at this sudden invitation.

“Uh…I’m not sure if it’s the best idea, Zayn.” He said awkwardly

“Sorry.” Zayn let out a puff of air. “I mean, I don’t know what I’m thinking. Of course you don’t want to come.”

Louis sighed and stared up at the heavens, cursing the God who may or may not exist out there. How could he resist this Zayn? How could he resist taking one look at his dejected face and not giving into him? Zayn being angry was sexy, fierce, and irresistible. Zayn being sweet, considerate, and needy was even more irresistible in his own way.

“Hey, Zayn?” Louis finally said.

“Hmm?”

“Maybe I’ll come if you want me to.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“What the fuck, are we a bunch of girls or something?”

“No…sorry, okay?” Zayn managed a smile, “I just…I know I’ve fucked up and been a total ass and a royal jerk. But-but beyond all that shit, I do want to be your friend. I miss that, you know? It was good.”

“Umm…I should make a confession.” Louis told him.

“Hmm?”

“Well…a reason I don’t want to spend time around you or be friends again is because I just…I don’t want to want you like that again.”

“That’s like saying you’ve stopped or something.” Zayn said slowly.

Louis laughed, “No, I want you. Even now…crap sorry.” Louis was sure he’s blushing.

“It’s okay, I-uh-want you too,” Zayn looked away embarrassedly.

“Wow, you have come a long way.”

“See? But still, I can control that…I think. I-well-I think you’re a good friend, Louis. I don’t want to hurt you anymore, and I wouldn’t fool around with you like that, sexually because that’s not what you want. You’re looking for something else and that’s not something I can give you, not that I’m saying you want me to…fuck.”

I laughed. “It’s surprising you think I’m a good friend.”

“Well you were to me, at least.”

And when Louis looked into his face, it was completely sincere. He looked like he was pleading with Louis to believe him and Louis did. Just like that.

“Okay,” Louis said, “Okay, but I can’t make any promises.”

“So you’ll try?” Zayn asked.

“Yeah, I will,” Louis replied, and when he looked at Zayn I didn’t feel pain but a wistfulness. He was the one that could have been his. His one that got away. The wistfulness was what hurt because Louis was a person who hated the feeling of “what if.” But still, he felt happy even in his misery because he was with Zayn, because he was near him and still be a part of his life.

Some may call that pathetic, Louis called it love.

Maybe he was starting to understand Harry a little more, and maybe he was capable of selfless love to some extent. Not like Harry, no, never like him, but maybe Louis was capable of some goodness, some selflessness. Love is the most complicated thing in the world. And yet, even then, Louis felt that despite its complexity, it is so simple at the core, in its essence.

And he grew up just a little more that afternoon as he gazed back into Zayn’s smiling face.


	24. Chapter 24

“I don’t know what to say…” Harry’s voice came over the phone.

“Listen, I know it sounds like a horrible idea but it won’t be so bad. I’m not a child, okay?”  Louis pleaded, trying to convince both Harry and himself. He sat back on to his chair and held his face in his hand. The window was letting in small increments of light and a chilly breeze that bothered him.

“I don’t know about that,” Harry replied caustically.

“Hey!” Louis protested, and then in a quieter voice said, “I’ll be okay, Harry.”

Harry sighed. “I know you think that but you always say that and you end up hurting yourself more.”

“This time I will be. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Louis, do you have any idea how you’ve been the past week? Hell, the past few months?”

“Okay…I guess.”

“I’ve been standing around watching all of this happen and It hasn’t looked good, Louis. You’re just messing yourself up.”

“Why can’t we be friends?” Louis said loudly.

There was a silence and then Harry’s came through. “So now you want to be friends with him? I thought this was just being civil and hanging out with him?”

“Ugh…it is, it is.”

“Louis…I’m done trying to mother you around and tell you what’s best for you. I keep telling you things and you never listen. And this is getting ridiculous! You and your stupid love for Zayn! Why can’t you even see something unhealthy like this won’t be good for you? No, don’t answer that.”

“Stupid?” Louis asked quietly.

Harry sighed. “I’m sorry…that was uncalled for.” An uncomfortable silence ensued, only to be broken as was inevitable. “That bit of it, at least. I can’t judge whether your love is stupid or not. Hell, no one can do that.” Harry said apologetically.

“And the rest?”

“Is right,” Harry continued, “You just don’t see anything else. You’re so deep into this that you keep putting yourself in situations like these. You were a mess this past week, you tried to hide it but we all knew, Louis. Stan and Eleanor agree with me and you’re the only one who doesn’t see it. Do you ever see anything besides yourself at all?

“You’ve all been talking a-about me?” Louis sputtered, shocked and angry at the same time. “Behind my back?”

“See, you’re just so fucking wrapped up in yourself. Do you even hear what I’m saying past what’s important to you?”

Louis had never heard Harry talk this way before. He was always so patient and just…there, always. How could he be so selfish and mean? Wasn’t he supposed to Louis’ friend? And now here he was, undermining his feelings and basically telling him he was a bad person.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“Of course not, just go have fun with Zayn, have a nice time and be happy.” Harry said coldly.

“Yeah, yeah I will.” Louis said, and hung up without another word.

He threw his phone blindly onto the bed and sat there for a while and merely fumed. How could his own friends talk about him behind his back without discussing anything with him at all? They all sucked in Louis’ mind at that moment. His mind conjured wicked conversations of the three of them making fun of him stupidity and the things he got himself into, and Louis tried to shook himself free of those thoughts and tried to calm himself down.

Maybe being friends with Zayn wasn’t the smartest idea. But it’s not like Louis had told him they could be friends, he said he would try. What was so wrong in that? What was so ‘unhealthy’ about that, to put it as Harry would?

He sank back into his chair. Of course there was something wrong with that. Louis loved him, and not lightly either, he loved Zayn greedily. And at times that passion seemed so immense, it took all of him to stop himself from grabbing Zayn right there. Sure, it hurt less. The misery had faded, and it was only a shadow of what it was just a few days ago but that didn’t make it any easier, did it?

Could he really be friends with Zayn and not fall even harder? Was that even possible? Or was Louis just building up some fantasy in his mind again?

Louis pulled at his hair, but nonetheless raised himself up and changed into a pair of jeans and a dark blue button up. He threw on some Toms, waved a hand through his newly cut hair, and waited for Zayn to pick him up. That was the plan now. They were meeting the rest of the lads at the mall.

His mom raised an eyebrow at him when he went downstairs. “You have a hot date tonight?” She asked, waggling her eyebrows.

“No, Mom.” He rolled his eyes and released a puff of breath before sinking down on the couch.

“Good thing too, you’re in the worst mood aren’t you? Have you just fought with Harry on the phone?”

“Mom! Were you listening to me on phone?”

“No, but you have all the signs of someone who just had a fit.” His mother informed him.

“I have not just had a ‘fit,’” Louis glared at his mom.

“Okay, if you say so,” She said in that way females often did.

“Oh my goodness, do all of you do that?”

“Do what?” His mom asked curiously, raising her voice.

“All of you?” Louis waved his hand absently, “Do you all have to talk like that as if you know everything?”

“All of whom?” She asked innocently.

He rolled his eyes. “Females, all you females!”

“We need to talk about this type of stereotyping, young man.” He mom fake chided him and he shook his head as he saw Zayn’s car pulling up in the driveway.

“Yeah, yeah, but maybe later.” Louis said. “I need to go and be a rebellious teenager now.”

“Bye sweetie, be safe.” His mom laughed and went back to reading her book.

When he opened the front door, there stood Zayn of course. He wore a tan jacket with a white shirt peeking through along with a pair of worn jeans and sneakers. His face broke out into a wide smile when he saw me and Louis had to pause a second. How did people manage to maintain a conversation with him when he smiled like that? With that smile directed at Louis, he could barely form a sentence.

“Hey,” Zayn said breathlessly. “Sorry I’m a bit early.”

“Oh, uh, it’s okay. I’ve been ready for a while.” Louis managed to get out.

“Okay, cool, ready to go?” 

“Yeah,” Louis said, and quickly followed him out to his car.

“Everything okay?” Zayn asked him once they were seated and he pulled of Louis’ driveway.

“Please don’t tell me I look like I just have a fit.” Louis whined.

“No.” Zayn laughed and it made Louis’ head a little bit lighter. “But you do looked annoyed just now.”

“That’s because people in my life are annoying.” Louis said childishly.

“Or you are just easily annoyed.”

“Shut up and keep your eyes on the road, moron.”

“Proving my point.”

Louis glared at him and Zayn raised one of his hands in an “I surrender” post.

They didn’t say anything more till they arrived at the movie theater.

And that is when everything started to go downhill. Maybe the fact that his seatbelt got stuck and him stepping on a gum was a sign not to go, but Louis obviously didn’t pay attention to what the universe was attempting to tell him.

Louis felt Zayn tense up beside him as they spotted Zach and James waiting for them near the theatre. They waved at Louis and Zayn and Louis suddenly noticed the petite red hair girl standing beside Zach. Shit. He got so caught up in Zayn that he forgot all about this Monique-or-was-it-Monica business.

“Hey!” She said happily at Zayn as they joined the queue for popcorn. “Looking good, Zayn.” Her eyes lifted like a kid’s on Christmas morning and Zayn shifted uncomfortably. “And who is this?” She turned her devouring glance on Louis. He think he might have shrunk a little bit as she  unashamedly checked out of his body.

“Um, yeah…Monica…meet Louis…Louis, Monica.” Zach decided to interrupt and introduced them.

“Hey,” Louis said simply, glancing once at Zayn who gave him an uncomfortable smile back.

“Hi!” Is this girl always this hyper? “Zach never mentioned you.” She turned and gave a light slap to the said boy’s arm. “I told him to tell me all about the cute boys at his school.”

Louis was pretty sure he was full on gaping at her now.

“Errghh…Monica. Stop flirting with every cock in town.” Zach cut in and Monica turned to him with a full on glare.

“I will tell your mom about this one, Zachary.”

“Whatever, like I care.”

“You will if I also tell her about that one time…”

“That wasn’t the deal. I even brought you here so you can see Zayn again and…”

“Shut up!”

Louis zoned them out and tried to focus his attention on the movie posters. A light touch from Zayn, however, brought him back and he looked to his left to see Zayn wincing slightly.

“I’m sorry.” He leaned in to whisper, probably to avoid Monica and Zach from overhearing, which Louis doubted since they were still squabbling over. “I forgot that Zach is bringing her.” His breath tickled Louis’ ear and it felt like there’s a fire inside of him warming his veins.

“It’s okay.” He mouthed back and tried to wiggle a little bit away from Zayn’s solid body. He tried to convince himself that he was imaging Zayn’s hurt look.

“Stop arguing!” James exclaimed.  “I’m tired of standing around. We going to get a move on and watch this shit or are we gonna stand out here all evening?”

And that was the cue to go in. Somehow Monica managed to squeeze her way in between Louis and Zayn, exclaiming that Zach was being mean. Louis tried to make as little conversation as he could and Monica got the hint halfway through the movie and decided to focus on Zayn the whole time. It didn’t bother Louis…at first.

By the time the climax of the movie was approaching and Monica turned to talk to Zayn, her whole body practically leaning into his, Louis was really pissed off. It was pretty clear Zayn wasn’t interested from the way he kept wincing and not trying to keep up with the conversation. Louis just shoveled popcorn into his mouth and ignored the upset, annoyed, and slightly apologetic glances Zayn was throwing at him.

“I really wanted to see you again. I mean you made such a good impression the first time around,” Louis heard a sugary voice from Monica and felt like puking.

Why did he have to put himself in this situation in the first place?

Once the movie was over and the lights were turned on, Monica  finally turned to him, “So how did you like the movie?” She asked with a sweet smile on her face.

“I don’t know, couldn’t hear a word of it, at least at the important times.”

“I know, that guy in front of you wouldn’t shut up,” Monica nodded along at him.

“Actually, I couldn’t hear anything because of you,” Louis blurted out and suddenly felt bad at the shock and upset look on Monica’s face before she pursed her lips thin.

“No one asked you to come and sit beside me and Zayn.” She spat out. Louis rolled his eyes and decided not to mention that she particularly asked if Louis could move one seat over so she can sit between them. He just shook his head and left the cinema quickly without glancing back.

The night air was chilling and his ears were cold but eventually Zayn came out, minus Monica. And Zach or James.

“I’m so sorry about that,” Zayn said, that apologetic look on his face again. Louis said nothing. “Zach and James left with Monica. I think they are pretty mad that she talked through the whole movie too.”

“Whatever, can you take me home?”

Zayn looked grave, “Listen. I really did forget about her. It was just that one time, before the school starts and we were…”

“Zayn,” Louis cut him off. “I don’t really care about you and her, okay? She is just annoying.”

“Yeah,” Zayn said stiffly, and placed a hand on Louis’ shoulder. “Are we okay?”

“You don’t have to keep asking it, Zayn. We are friends, yeah?” Louis smiled and tried not to melt at Zayn’s returning smile.

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Zayn said softly and Louis kept staring up at him while his hand lay on his shoulder. “I guess we should go,” Zayn said, not making any move to remove his hand or get in the car.

“Yep,” Louis stepped away from Zayn’s touch and pulled open the car door. Only to find that it was locked.

“Uh, let me unlock that for you,” Zayn said and put his arm lightly around Louis’ waist to move him slightly away from the car’s door before pressing the buttons on his key. Louis skin tingled and he swallowed a gulp.  It’s like a bubble had been lifted and Louis couldn’t look at Zayn yet again. What the hell was wrong with him? He felt like a hormonal teenage girl.

Louis wanted to be his friend, he really did, but more than that he wanted to be loved by Zayn. And as much as he tried being carefree, those feelings always resurfaced because frankly, his subconscious just didn’t want to get rid of them.

So there it was, reality crashing onto him again. Louis recalled the feel of Zayn’s hard palm on his shoulder and his arms around Louis’ waist as he sat in the car quietly, how it had felt like it was soothing him from the center of the touch. Just being near Zayn made his heart feel like it was going to overflow. Fuck, this boy is going to be the death of him.

When they were parked in his driveway, Louis saw a lone figure sitting on his front steps. Harry looked, in the dark of night, like a faded renaissance painting. His profile was so powerful and handsome that Louis looked at him amazedly for a second. He looked from Harry to Zayn beside him and saw both of their jaws clench while they surveyed each other with the barrier of the glass windshield between them.

“Well…”

“Yeah, thanks, Zayn. Um…bye,” Louis said, eyes averted.

“Louis?” Zayn asked slowly.

“Hmm?”

“What’s wrong?” Zayn’s brow furrowed with concern and apprehension.

Louis sighed. “I don’t know. I’m just fucked up.”

“Okay, well, I know how you are about these things. Just…will you talk to me at school Monday or…fuck I sound like a dumbass…”

“Yeah,” Louis mumbled, “I will. Later.”

“Um, alright, bye,” Zayn said and gave a half smile that he didn’t buy.

He walked silently up the driveway and the grey stone steps to the porch while Zayn pulled out of the driveway behind him. Louis tried to look ahead at Harry but turned his back just before Zayn’s car disappeared down the road.

The street was hushed and utterly bereft of any noise besides the sound of insects trilling in the yard. Harry still sat there as Louis approached and he simply looked at him. Louis stopped in front of him.

“How was your evening?” Harry asked him. Nothing else, nothing mean, nothing about how he knew he was right.

“Utterly horrible,” Louis said, plopping down beside him.

Harry grinned. “What’d I say?”

“You told me to have a nice evening actually.” Louis informed him.

“Whatever, I can’t remember. I could have sworn I said something witty and intelligent.”

“How dignified.” Louis snorted.

“You okay?”

“No,” Louis said in a low voice, and didn’t look away from his green eyes.

And even in the dark of night, when Harry looked at him like that, it was almost like the sun gently warming his face.

“It’ll be okay,” He said simply, “You know that.”

“Do I?

“Yes! Of course you do, Louis. You’ll find that someone for you.”

“There is a quote stuck in my head. I read it on someone’s facebook or something. It says right now, there are 6 billion souls in the world, and sometimes all you need is one.’”

Harry smiled at him, and tweaked his nose. “Just one?”

“Just one.” Louis concurred.

“Sure about that?”

He shrugged in response. “Who knows? A feeling can be consuming sometimes.”

“How can you love someone that much?”

“How can you?”

“Fair enough,” Harry allowed. “That doesn’t mean there isn’t someone else out there for me.”

“Do you really believe that? Would you go in search of them?”

“No, I don’t,” Harry admitted, “I don’t think I’ll ever find someone that would love me to that capacity.”

“Do you want that?”

Harry shrugged this time. “Who knows?”

Louis grinned. “You do.”

“Then, I guess, deep down I do probably. To be honest.” He added.

“Aww, how sweet.” Louis grinned.

“Shut the fuck up, asshole.” Harry shook his head, but he was smiling lightly.

“What?” Louis asked when he didn’t stop shaking it.

“Nothing, man.”

“No, what?” Louis demanded, grabbing his arm.

“It’s nothing, Louis, kay?” Harry assured him.

“Um okay, sorry bestie.” Louis smiled.

He rolled his eyes, “Bestie?”

“Yeah, bestie, I heard Eleanor use it. And you’re like one of my best friends so, bestie!”

“Damn, you need to get checked out, buddy. Something ain’t right in there.” Harry pointed to his head.

“Yeah, I have to work on the mood swings too,” Louis said sullenly.

Harry suddenly grabbed his hand and twined their fingers. “It’ll be okay, Louis.” He said again.

Louis smiled despondently at him. “I know.”

“So anyway, you going to try being friends with him still?”

Louis sighed deeply at this question. “It’s so easy when he’s not here or when I’m thinking rationally that it isn’t a good idea for us to be friends. Then when he’s in front of me or the rational part decides to take a fucking vacation, I seem to forget all of that and my brain stops working. I just…really want to be with him, Harry.”

Harry coughed. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

“It’s like I’m hot and cold and happy and sad and disgusted with myself.”

“That sucks.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis said to him broodingly.

“About?”

“Earlier, when I got angry…It was wrong—I was wrong—and you were right.”

“No biggie.” Harry shrugged.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Don’t let me off the hook, god damn it, I can’t believe you claim to be such a beast when you’re this fucking nice.”

“It’s just with you, Louis.” Harry laughed. “But seriously, it’s cool. No big.”

“It is though. I’m being selfish, blind, and I know it but I can’t seem to stop it. It’s like a fucking disease. Just-just know that I’m sorry and I’ll try to be better.”

“Okay, cool, and Louis,” Harry raised an eyebrow at him, “About the little fit you threw—.”

“I did not throw a fit!” He exclaimed. “What is wrong with you…and females.” Louis remembered his mom’s words earlier. “I hate you and females.”

“I sense a story there, but anyway, about the little fit, we haven’t been talking behind your back.” At Louis’ severe look, he rolled his eyes. “Okay fine, maybe we have been, but none of it was ever malicious. We’re just worried about you.”

“Next time, talk to me, okay? All of you who claim to be my friends.”

Harry grinned and said something. Louis only caught the last line: “Don’t know what it is about you.”

“Hmm?”

“I said.” He repeated loudly. “I don’t know what it is about you!”

“What about me?”

“That makes you so fucking easy to get along with and talk to and just…genuinely like…even though you can be a selfish little bitch sometimes.”

“You’re such a good friend….”

“Aww, naw, I’m just kidding.” Harry grinned and wrapped an arm around Louis shoulder.

“Damn, have you gotten bigger?” Louis grabbed his arm and said.

“Yep,” he said proudly. And he certainly had. He grew taller and had really come into his own the last few months, with his arms and chest filling out and his long rangy legs as well. But he maintained that lean sinewy look that was so classically Harry.

“So did you come here to sit on my porch all night or what?”

“Nope, came here to talk to you and make sure you were alright. Also, sorry for yelling at you.”

“Did my mom refuse to let you in or something?”

“Nah, she wanted me to finish the dessert but I was too full so I came out here to walk around a bit.”

“You had dinner with my mom?” Louis gaped.

“Yeah,” Harry said, shrugging, “Your mom’s an excellent cook.”

Louis shook his head at Harry and stood. “You’re one of a kind.”

“That’s what your mom said.” Harry beamed.

“Shut up. You can’t make your mom jokes with my mom in the vicinity.” Louis said. “Let’s go in, kay? It’s fucking freezing out here.”

“Great idea, what do you wanna do?”

“Who knows?”

They left the cold and walked into the warmth. And really, who knew?


	25. Chapter 25

That Monday, as Zayn had asked Louis, he spoke to him. They shared a few words in class, and Louis talked to him by his locker briefly after school, but he didn’t make any further attempt at conversation and Zayn gave him space. Louis appreciated it.

Accordingly, the week went by surprisingly fast. As awkward as it was with Zayn on Monday, by the end of the week Louis had loosened up a little and found himself lingering for a longer period of time at Zayn’s locker. Similarly, Zayn began showing up to Louis’ and they’d walk to English class together. The skirmish was over and the smoke was now lifting from the battleground. It was indeed a transitional period that could have gone terribly wrong but for some reason it was going smoothly and the day to day things like complaining about too much homework, stressing out about June exams (although it was only march) made it a smoother process. Louis just need to tell the butterflies in his stomach to die when Zayn did stupidly cute things like bringing him a spare donut from lunch or tugging on Louis’ beanie as a joke or smiling that deadly smile of him or just breathing.

On Friday, Stan began the day by telling Louis to “lighten up because you only live once”. Louis rolled his eyes at the cheesy quote but there he was mumbling to Louis all first period about how Louis was being so boring and how he should get out and enjoy himself more before he turned eighteen and became an old fart. Louis debated over repeatedly banging Stan’s head on the desk while he was talking or simply sitting there and listening. He opted for the latter for both his and Stan’s sake.

“You really need to get out there and get back into the playing field,” Stan advised him as they walked to lunch. It was as if they’d never stopped talking since first period.

“I mean, even Liam had got a girlfriend. Doesn’t it feel weird saying this? Liam has a girlfriend. He is living up his life. I am too. And Eleanor is probably scissoring with her smoking hot girlfriend somewhere right now. You need to starting moving up!”

“Uh, yeah okay, Stan.” Louis said.

“You know,” He began, “When you do that, I really feel like you don’t give a crap about what I say.”

Louis struggled with his lock and wrenched his old locker open, thinking what he should have for lunch.

“Earth to Louis!”

“I’m listening. I need to get out more and live a little.” Louis recited.

“Yeah! There you go!” Stan slapped him on the shoulder. Clearly that had been the right thing to say.

“I’m glad you approve.” Louis rolled his eyes. “Cafeteria?”

“Um, sure, why not?” Stan said. “And by the way, none of that sarcasm will do.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“It’s Friday.” Stan pointed out. “Got any plans?” He asked, and then rolled his eyes, “No you’re probably going to mope around at home or watch old movies with Eleanor or play video games with Harry. How is he by the way? Haven’t seen the kid in a while.”

“Uh, I have no plans.” Louis said, and then reached out to grab a cookie as they approached the cashier. “Buy me a cookie—thanks–Harry’s fine, he’s gotten bigger.”

“Yeah, kid’s tanked.” Stan agreed. “Anyway, I was thinking we might head over to a party.”

“Stan, how is it possible that you know so many people that have parties this constantly? I’ve partied more in the last few months than I ever have.” They exited and walked over to their regular spot in the cafeteria, taking their seats.

“What can I say?” He said in response. “I’m just a popular guy.”

“Yeah, okay. But seriously, don’t you get bored?”

“Of?” He asked, taking a big bite of his pizza.

“Of partying obviously.”

“Nope.”

“Alright.” He said simply. “But no, I think I’ll pass today.”

“Pass on what, loser?” Eleanor said, throwing her bag down on the table. “Hey.” She added as an afterthought.

“Yeah, real nice, Eleanor.” Stan said, shaking his head as if chastising her.

“Moron,” Eleanor said, “Anyway, pass on what?”

“Oh it’s this awesome–.”

“It’s some lame party Stan asked me to go to.” Louis interrupted.

Eleanor chuckled. “I have to admit, Stan knows people who throw good parties. Well, as good as teenage parties with large amounts of booze get.” She said.

‘Teenage parties with large amounts of booze,’” Stan mimicked, “It’s as if you’re not even a teenager when you talk like that. You are so lame.”

“I’m not a typical teenager.” Eleanor conceded.

“Or a typical person.” Stan added.

“And you are not human.” Eleanor said matter-of-fact.

“And you both are highly stupid.” Louis said.

“Shut up, Louis, no one said you could talk.” Eleanor said in a bored voice.

“What she said.” Stan said, then looked at her as if seeking acceptance. She rolled her eyes and turned back to Louis. “I think you’re right in not going. You should work on some homework. I know we have that one report due on Monday. You might as well get it done tonight instead of getting wasted with Stan.”

“Don’t do homework, come with me, buddy.” Stan winked.

Eleanor smacked Stan across the head by leaning up and over the table, sat back down and straightened her cream shirt-dress and crossed her boot-clad legs.

“You know better than to listen to Stan at a time like this. He doesn’t’ even think about the consequences of anything, just does stupid things. Like that time he decided to watch the Brits Award instead of working on his essay and ended up failing History. Remember? I told you to work on it, Stan.”

“Oh my goodness, of all the stupid things I’ve done, you had to choose that lame example? Jeez, Eleanor. And I failed history because I didn’t go to class not because I failed to listen to you one time. Cause and effect, Eleanor, cause and effect. Correlation too!” He added.

Zach and James walked over just then and put their lunches on the table. Zach seated himself across from Eleanor, beside Stan, and James sat next to Louis. Louis was glad that Zach seemed to hold no grudge over Monica and Louis’ stupid little fall out since he seemed he didn’t like his cousin that much himself.

“Hey, man.” James nodded at him.

Louis nodded back. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much, I’m beat though.” He added, then stretched and yawned loudly. He noticed Eleanor and smiled lazily, “Hey, Eleanor. How you doing?”

Eleanor smiled sweetly, batted her eye-lashes, and said, “I’m fine, though a little tired.”

“Tell me about it,” Zach said, “I’ve had practice and I’ve been in the library during two of my spares trying to get stuff done.”

“Hey, you guys seen Zayn?” James asked. “He has my math notes, and I kinda need them.”

“No, but you could have mine.” Eleanor said.

“Thanks.” James smiled. He was certainly being nice today. “No, wait, there I see him now. Zayn!” He called.

Louis followed his line of sight and saw Zayn seated with a few of his friends. He had a notebook out and was reading, eating, and somehow talking at the same time. He looked up just then as he heard his name. James beckoned him over, and Zayn complied. He jogged over to their table.

“Hey, guys.” He nodded at all of them. Louis mumbled a hi back, and took a bite of his cookie.

James asked him for his notes back but Zayn said he wasn’t done with them and told him to suck it up. Then they began bantering a bit so Zayn sat down beside Stan. He smiled at Louis; Louis smiled back, and put his half bitten cookie in front of his mouth like a giant smiley face and wiggled his eyebrows in a way that he knows must look ridiculous. Zayn seemed to find this amusing and broke out into a full-fledged grin. Louis grinned sheepishly and looked away to see Eleanor beside him watching them with a thoughtful look on her face. Stan just shook his head at Louis and mouthed. ‘Party time.’ Louis shook his head back at him and stuck up the middle finger.

“Well…” Eleanor took a final bite of her sandwich. “I’d love to waste time like you guys, but I’m meeting Becca in the library in a few minutes to work on our project. We’re going to pull at least an A. Later…” She got up and waved goodbye.

“Man, she is smoking hot.” James said appreciatively.

“Back off, Hunter,” Stan said idly, picking at his pizza crust.

James grinned, “What, she your girlfriend or something?”

“Nope, she’s like a sister.”

“Damn, will do, dude.” James grinned.

“Louis, want to go outside for a little bit? You can think real hard about that party tonight.” Stan grinned.

“A party?” Zachary’s attention was peaked. He was clearly very bored and stressed out.

Zayn looked up from the note he was copying. His friends had disappeared; Zayn was obviously going to sit with James and Zach instead now. Louis felt like staying and watching him, but got up instead. _ _Bad idea, Louis Tomlinson__ , he told himself. _ _Bad idea__.

“Yeah, and it’s at a good friend of mine’s house.” He said. “Should be fun. You can come with me if you want.”

“Yeah, man. Sounds awesome.”

“Don’t you have an essay to write?” James asked.

“You of all people,” Zayn said, shaking his head.

“Agreed,” Zach said.

“What?” James asked defensively.

“Anyway,” Zayn asked, “You all going?” He looked at all of them but finally settled his gaze on Louis.

“I’m in, Stan’s in, Louis?” Zach asked.

“Nah,” Louis said. “I have an essay to work on. And if I don’t get it done in time, I don’t know who’s gonna be more pissed, Mrs. Carter or Eleanor.”

“I’ll pass,” Zayn said, turning his attention back to the piece of paper in front of him. Louis admired his studiousness. It was cute. Stan pulled at his arm, shaking his head at me again.

“Let go, I’m coming.” He protested.

Zayn chuckled. “Later, Louis, Stan.” He nodded at Stan, who nodded back. Louis’ phone rang just then and Louis looked through his bag to look for his phone before motioning “one sec” to Stan.

“Hello?”

“Louis, what’s up?” It was Harry.

“Nothing, just got done eating lunch. I had a cookie.”

“Fucking awesome, thanks for sharing.”

“Fuck you.”

“I love you too. Anyway, I just called to tell you I won’t be coming over this weekend. My mom went to one of those PTA thing last night and my lovely teachers told her I wasn’t seen much in school. And I am grounded.”

“Well that sucks, mate, but you really should go to class…”

“I know, I know. And you can shut it because I have enough lecture from mom.” Harry replied.

Louis grinned. “It’s okay, if it helps I’m passing up going to a party because I’m going to be working on an essay.” Okay so, maybe Louis didn’t even want to go, but that was beside the point.

“Yeah, thanks, that does help. Strangely, knowing you’ll be having no fun whatsoever is comforting.”

“Glad I could help.”

“Well, I’ll call you later. See ya.”

“Bye.” He said, shutting his phone off. “Harry,” Louis explained when he turned around, glancing at his phone. Stan cast one surreptitious glance at Zayn, who looked tense, and then motioned Louis to follow him out of the cafeteria.

The rest of the lunch was then spent in a state of boredom, where Stan took it upon himself to try to get Louis to still ‘live a little’ and go out with a friend of his. Stan was really annoying and could often be nagging to the point whereupon one finally succumbed to his will.

“Come on,” He drawled out for the twelfth time as they leaned against the side of the school.

“Nah,” Louis said honestly, “I really don’t want to go out with your friend.”

“But you don’t even know him. He’s a great guy. And you’d really like him, Louis. You’re too set on Zayn. You need more experience.”

“Uh, how about, no?”

“How about yes?”

“How about no?”

“How about yes?” He repeated.

“If I say yes, will you stop trying to get me to do stupid and crazy stuff? Seriously, all week you’ve been trying to make me do things. You even annoyed me till the point where I had to agree to go sky-diving with you in the summer.” Louis told him.

“Yes, I’ll leave you alone…for a while.” Stan conceded.

“Hmm.” He thought aloud.

“So that’s a yes?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“No, but you mean that, don’t you?” He asked.

“Fine. What’s his name?”

“Niall Horan. He was on my basketball team a few years back. We kept in touch.” Stan said. “He’s great. You’ll love him.”

Louis raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know about that.”

“We’ll see.”

“We will.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Louis sat at the polished wooden tables of the Japanese restaurant, casting curious looks at the doors to see when he’d walk in. Niall Horan that is. He really didn’t want to be there but he had told Stan that he would at least go out on one date with this Niall. It was a nice place, not all cutesy like you’d expect from a Japanese restaurant. The sushi here was great and Louis really was getting hungry…

He tapped his fingers on the table and fiddled with a salt-shaker with his other hand. He had just managed to turn the shaker in three complete circles when in walked a teenager about his height but looked smaller. He had bleached blonde hair and Louis couldn’t make out his eyes because of the lighting but his legs were really hot. He looked around for a few seconds before his eyes settled on Louis’. They looked at each other directly for a second before he smiled and walked over.

“Hey, I’m Niall.” His voice was deep but rich of Irish accent. He threw off his jacket and sat down across from him.

Louis didn’t know whether he should shake his hand or what, so he ended up doing nothing. “Um, Hey, I’m Louis.”

“Great, Stan’s told me a lot about you.” He said.

Louis stopped fidgeting. “Oh, okay, He’s mentioned you…”

Niall chuckled. “It’s cool. I know he just told me about you. No big.”

Louis relaxed a bit. “Yeah, uh, he sort of made me come. He told me I’d, uh, like you.”

“And do you?” Niall winked, and then laughed. “I’m just kidding.” He picked up a menu. “I want some sushi.”

“Me too,” Louis replied. When the waitress came over to take their order, they both ordered a few selections of the sushi and Louis even dared to order a spicy one he had never tried before.

“So,” He said, “You go to school with Stan, right?”

“Yep,” Louis said.

“Cool, I go to Southdale.” He said, naming a school that was around Harry’s neighborhood.

“I don’t really know anyone who goes there.” Louis said. Niall smiled at him, his eyes crinkling up in a cute way.

“So…do you do this often?” Louis found himself asking. “Going out on blind dates?”

"Nope, first one.”

“Really? I guess this is like…my first real date.” Louis said, and then blushed.

“Really? Wow…” Niall commented. “I’d better behave then. You should have the most awesome first real date ever.”

Louis laughed and found himself liking this guy. Damn Stan. “It’s all up to you.” Maybe this dating thing didn’t have to be so hard, maybe he could forget about Zayn for real if he went out with other people. Louis stared at his plate.

“So what does one do on a first date?”

“Hmm, normally, stupid things, but this is good for a sixteen year-old. I’ll make it even better.” He winked.

Louis leaned forward. “Yeah?”

“Mmm-hmm, you just wait.”

“Alrighty.” He replied. “So…this is the part where we learn more about each other.”

“I guess,” Niall shrugged, “You go first. Ask me anything.”

“You’ll answer truthfully?”

“You bet.” Niall replied.

Louis took a bit of his sushi, chewed, and thought carefully. “Alright…um…are you a natural blonde?” He ended up asking.

“I said anything, and that’s what you come up with?” Niall rolled his eyes. “No, it’s not. My turn.” He grinned devilishly and surveyed Louis thoughtfully, his bold gaze causing Louis to blush. “What color boxers are you wearing?” He finally asked, looking very curious about the answer.

Louis laughed, “That’s a dumb question.”

He shrugged. “The kind of boxers a guy wears can tell a lot about what he’s like. I call it the boxer-technique.”

“Real original.”

“Yep,” he agreed, “Now, do share.”

“Okay…I’m wearing pink boxers with little hearts on them.” Louis said.

“Really?” He asked, grinning widely.

“No.” He rolled his eyes. “What if I don’t wear boxers?”

“Commando?” His eyes widened. “I don’t even know how I’d evaluate that.”

“Nope, what If I’m a briefs kind of guy?” He asked.

“Then I couldn’t date you. I love boxer-wearing guys.” Niall said matter-of-factly.

“You serious?” Louis raised an eyebrow.

“What, you wear briefs?” He asked.

He grinned. “No, but really, you’d do that?”

“Yep. Now tell me.”

“Just plain grey ones today, man.” Louis told him.

“Hmm, I like that. Plain boxers, kinda boring, kinda sexy.”

Louis grinned. “You’re weird.”

He laughed. “People keep telling me that.” He got up. “But let’s get out of here.”

Niall ended up paying for both of them, even though Louis fought with him about it. Eventually, they left the restaurant. He offered to give Louis a ride home since Stan had dropped him off in his dad’s car (he’d wanted to make sure Louis will go). Louis accepted and Niall took him home.

He lived relatively close to the restaurant so it was only about a five-minute drive. During the car ride, Niall asked him more questions about himself. Niall seemed like a really nice person, and he was attractive too, although Louis didn’t find himself gravitating towards him sexually. Louis decided maybe it wasn’t always an instantaneous thing with everyone.

He got out of the car once they pulled up in Louis’ driveway. He crossed to Louis’ side and stood in front of him, putting his hands inside his jacket pockets. “So, I have your number,” He said.

“Yep, and I have yours.” Louis looked around him.

“I’ll call you?”

“Oh, yeah, that would be great.” He bit his lips in nerves.

“Um, well, see you.” Niall said, but didn’t make a move to go.

“Uh, yeah.” He replied.

“So it’s nice weather, huh?” Niall asked since neither of them were making any sort of move.

“Yeah, snows all gone, the um, mud should go away soon, and it’ll be great.” Louis replied.

“Listen, I’m going to just kiss you if that’s okay?” Niall asked suddenly.

It made Louis smile. “Yeah. Okay.”

He smiled back, and Louis noticed his eyes were a stunning shade of blue. They were pretty eyes, fringed with sooty lashes. “Okay,” Niall said and leaned forward, placing a hand on his hip and pulling him forwards. His lips brushed Louis’ gently once, then with more pressure, until their mouths caught together in a brushing kiss.

“Bye,” Louis said as they pulled apart shortly after and Niall smiled at him.

Louis watched him drive off with a silly smile on his face. Then the smile faded…and he only felt foolish.


	26. Chapter 26

So perhaps, on Monday Louis was a little happier than normal. Maybe it was in direct correlation to his date with Niall. Whatever the reason, he was lighter, and Eleanor had definitely noticed.

“You’re in a good mood today.” She observed at lunch.

“I’m always in a good mood.” Louis said, laughing.

“Oh, that is so not true.” Stan said, and then winked at Eleanor. “It was because of your date yesterday. What’d I say, man?”

“That I’d like him.” Louis replied.

“See, Eleanor, he had a great time.” Stan told her.

Eleanor hadn’t been entirely approving of Louis’ decision to accept going on a date with Niall. She maintained a neutral, safe expression on her face. “I just think it’s wrong to do that to Niall. Also for you to make Louis go out with someone when…” Eleanor blushed.

“Yeah, yeah, when I’m still hung up on you-know-who.” Louis finished for her, rolling his eyes. They all had trouble broaching that particular subject, though he could hardly fathom why. After all, they had told each other everything, gory gruesome details and all.

“So did you love him or what?” Stan asked, smirking.

“Uh, he was nice.” Louis agreed.

Eleanor gave the both of them disapproving looks, muttering something that sounding a lot like, “Boys are so stupid.”

“So how am I a bad friend? It’s not like he hated it or anything. Tell me, Eleanor.” Stan demanded.

“I refuse to say anything else on this matter. I still think Louis should at least talk to Niall about it if he plans to see him again.” They both turned to him. “Well, do you?” It was a downright demand from Eleanor.

“Huh?” Louis recoiled slightly.

“Do you plan on seeing him again?” Eleanor wondered impatiently.

“Oh, um, maybe.”

“Maybe? Maybe?” Stan exclaimed.

“Yes, he said maybe, Stan.” Eleanor replied. “Maybe means maybe.”

“I thought he was great?” Stan speculated.

“He was but I just don’t know if I want to date him. I just promised you one date right…”

“Uh, yeah, but I figured you’d at least go out with him again. He, uh, said–.”

“He talked to you about me?” Louis was suddenly alert.

“Yeah, I talked to him this morning. He said he really liked you and was looking forward to seeing you again.”

Louis groaned. “I really don’t need this again. Liam and Zayn were enough for a while. I mean come on…”

“But you said you liked him.” Eleanor said, although she was smirking slightly.

“I do, he’s a great guy, I like him a lot but I don’t know if I want to go out with him.” Louis didn’t know why part of him craved the attention and another part of him didn’t. That part wanted nothing to do with Niall Horan in a romantic way.

“Oh, well, he’ll be disappointed.” Stan said.

“Why are you so bent on having Louis date Niall anyway and what’s with you pushing him into things lately?” Both Eleanor and Louis were now watching Stan, waiting for his answer.

“Um, well, I don’t know…I just want my friend to be happy again and have a good time…”

Eleanor rolled her eyes. “Some friend you are…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Break it up. Seriously, how often do you two argue? Don’t answer that.” Louis added as they both opened their mouths. Strangely enough, they listened to him that time.

“How about this, Stan, I let him call me and then I can decide if I want to see him again, okay? Thanks for setting me up but you’re not my pimp, so I can decide myself, now.” Louis sighed.

“Ouch.” Stan said.

“He’s got a point.” Eleanor added.

“It’s okay, I still love you, man.” Only Stan could get away with saying that with all the confidence of someone into his prime and aware of his effect, and not just a teenager.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Niall called him later that very lunch period and asked him if he wanted to go out with him again sometime, Louis found himself agreeing. Niall was calm, safe. Louis discovered that he really did want to see him again. So he said yes, and they agreed to meet for coffee later.

His mom was supposed to pick him up after school that day, so he waited by the front when school was over. The halls had emptied out really fast as usual and Louis didn’t see very many people. He just sat on the front steps for a while, appreciating the changing weather. He wore a spring jacket because of the slight chill but otherwise, everything looked so fresh, clean and bright today. Feeling rather cheery still, Louis stupidly smiled to himself. It seemed the running club was starting up again because several people were already out heading for their run around the area of the school.

Zayn came walking down the steps, clearly not seeing Louis, heading for his car. He was talking to Zach, who veered off in the opposite direction midway, clearly heading for the bus-stop.

“Zayn!” Louis called out just as he passed by.

He turned around, looking for a fraction of a second before his eyes settled on Louis. His face broke into a smile. “Oh, hey.” He said. “Didn’t see you.”

“Yeah, I figured.” Louis mumbled. “So, how was your weekend?”

“It was alright.” He said. “I had a ton of work to do, but I managed to get some free time.”

“Yeah, same. I am left with like only one or two reports.” Louis said happily.

“Awesome, me too. Hey, I have no homework tonight anyway, why don’t we hang out?” He proposed. He looked so absolutely sexy today, Louis had to appreciate. His hair was a bit on the long side again and the white cardigan looked great against his golden skin. His face has a little fuzz of facial hair and Louis slightly wondered what it would like to rub his cheek against Zayn’s face.

“I’d like to, but I sort of have plans.” He said apologetically.

“Oh, it’s okay.” Zayn shrugged, small smile on his face. “So, what are you up to? Hot date?” He laughed.

Louis blushed. “Um, nothing really.”

“Oh. Wow. Who’s he? Harry?” Zayn asked, looking quizzical. He scratched at his chin and wet his lips and Louis was momentarily distracted.

Fuck his life; why did Louis have to fall for someone so damned perfect? Why was he going out for Coffee with Niall again? Oh, yeah, he was a great guy. Remember, Louis, he was nice and sweet and really cute, Louis told himself. Zayn was just way out of his league and Louis happened to be the wrong gender. He should really start chanting this in his head.

“Nope, uh, not Harry. Harry’s like one of my best friends, Zayn, remember?”

“Oh yeah.” Zayn said, although he didn’t sound particularly apologetic.

“Yeah.” Louis said, feeling lame. He realized he was sitting and decided to stand up instead. “It’s um, someone Stan set me up with. One of his friends called Niall.”

“Ah.” Zayn said, putting his hands in his jeans pockets. “Well, I’m happy for you.”

Louis found it hard to smile suddenly. “Um, thanks. Yeah, he’s cool.”

“Just be safe, you know?” Zayn reminded him.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, well, uh,” Zayn gestured toward his arm. “You, know, the time I came over and that guy had hurt you…” He trailed off, staring past Louis for a moment as if he found it difficult to look at him directly.

“I was fine.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just saying.” Zayn told him, and then shocked him by asking. “So do you like him, this… Niall?” He said the name as if it were something foreign.

It was entirely surreal for Louis to be hearing Zayn asking him a question about his love life like this that he was slightly taken aback. “Oh, well, yeah…yeah, I like him.”

“Well, that’s good.” Zayn concluded. “I’m glad you like him, and you think he likes you? Well, obviously, if you’re seeing him tonight.” Zayn chuckled a bit awkwardly, deciding it was a stupid question. He didn’t seem to want to look Louis in the eye at the moment.

“Yeah.” Louis laughed, every bit as awkward as Zayn.

“I’m glad, you know?” Zayn said, looking him in the eye now. “That you’ve found someone who can well…do that for you. You seemed happy today.” Zayn added, and then coughed lightly.

“You made me sound like I am depressed all the times.” Louis teased slightly. “But yeah, thanks.”

“Okay. Well, you want a ride or anything?” Zayn asked after a moment, sighing.

“Nah, I’m good. My mom’s picking me up.” Louis informed him.

“Well, great. I better go now. Tell your mom I said hi.” He said. “Uh, have a good time on your date.” He smiled.

“Thanks.” Louis said, and then watched as his gorgeous figure made its way down the steps and to his car.

He looked back once, and smiled.

Louis smiled back and allowed him a little sigh. The world seemed right again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Shit.” Louis muttered, pulling out his planner and looking at tomorrow’s date. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Language, Louis!” His mom called out. He realized he left his bedroom door open and kicked it shut. How could he have missed seeing that he had a history report due tomorrow? He sat down at hisdesk and dragged his fingers through his hair before sliding his phone out and dialing Niall’s number. It was ringing, I waited a breath for him to pick up and half-hoped he wouldn’t. Then he’d have to show up or else it would seem like Louis was standing him up. He decided to ignore a little part of him that seemed to be relieved that he couldn’t go now.

“Hey.” He said. “This is Louis.” As soon Niall picked up.

“Hey, Louis, couldn’t wait to see me in a few, eh?” Niall replied cheekily.

“Listen,” Louis said, wincing, “About that, It complete escaped me, but I actually have a report due tomorrow that I need to get working on.”

“Oh, dude, no…” Niall said, dejectedly. “Are you doing what I think you’re doing?”

“Yeah, sorry, I’m really not going to be able to make it. I really wanted to go, but, well, this is important you know? Not that it’s painful enough having to write it anyway, but now I gotta stay in.”

“I feel your pain, man.” Niall agreed. “What’s the report on?”

“Neolithic Megaliths.” Louis responded.

“Ah, world-history?” He asked.

“Yep. Should be fun…”

“Hey, why don’t I help you?”

“Nah, man, I couldn’t ask that.”

“No, it’s cool; I took world-history last semester.” Niall said.

“Well, only if you want…” he trailed off. Only Eleanor would find the idea of bonding and getting to know each other over an excellent essay on Neolithic megaliths romantic. Louis, for one, would rather do something fun.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” He told confidently. “Just give me directions and I’ll be over in a few.”

“Great.” Louis said, and complied.

True to his word, Niall was over in just a few minutes. His mom never minded when he had friends over so she greeted Niall warmly, although this time he got a few curious looks from him. Maybe it is because Niall is a new friend or maybe she suspected something.

“Louis never does his homework,” Of course, his mom felt the need to say, and then added, “It’s good that you two are going to be so dedicated to school-work together.”

Niall was as respectful as ever. “You bet. I don’t mind helping Louis at all. I had to do something similar last year.”

Louis felt an urge to roll his eyes at Niall’s thoughtfulness and rather cheesy response but he restrained himself and they made their way upstairs. Niall was easy to work with and didn’t distract him often. He helped Louis form an outline and then Louis typed up the report with minimal aid from him while he flipped through a book on his bed. As great and good-looking as he was, and as much as Louis liked him, it felt more like friendship to him, but then again the closest romantic experience Louis had had was with Liam and Zayn and neither had been exemplary.

Louis typed up the last sentence on the screen two hours later, and stretched. “Done!”

“Yeah? Want me to check it over?” Niall got up from his bed and padded over, peering across his shoulder at the screen.

“I’m good.” Louis said. “Once I get the outline done, it’s fairly easy for me to put it all together.”

“Yeah? I usually just sit down and type without an outline. They never help.”

“Opposites.” Louis said.

“Attract.” Niall pointed out.

Louis chuckled and stood. He wasn’t too sure about that one…

“So…” Niall said from behind him and Louis felt his hands settle on his hips as Niall’s lips rested against his ear.

“Oh.” He resisted the urge to move away. “Hey there.”

“Hi,” Niall chuckled. “I’m glad you’re finally done. I’ve been watching you all evening and you looked so cute. Didn’t know you wear glasses.”

“Ah…” Louis managed to get out.

“Do you mind? I know some people don’t like it. I’m just a touchy feely sorta person.” He said.

“Oh, um, I’m fine.” Louis said, and yet he managed to wriggle free using the excuse of needing to face him. Niall kissed him. He didn’t give Louis any warning, there was no question asked this time, no statement made. He just leaned across and kissed him. Louis kissed him back.

And as suddenly as he had begun it, he ended it.

“Sorry.” He said. “I just felt like doing that.”

“It’s okay.” Louis replied and sat down on the edge of his bed.

“I just don’t meet a lot of really nice, really cute gay boys like you.” Niall said, smiling. “Not many gay boys running around.”

Louis grinned. “Thanks, but you’d be surprised.”

“Yeah?” Niall frowned. “I think Stan mentioned that you had a few gay friends.”

Louis laughed. “Yeah, Liam and Harry. Harry’s bisexual though, and Eleanor is a lesbian. Oh and I’ve also had sort of a thing with a straight boy this year.” It was much easier telling someone who was indifferent about it. It actually seemed funny.

Niall’s eyebrows were in his hair. “Wow. Damn, that’s a lot to be going on,” He said. “And now you meet me. I’d love to meet these other gay and bisexual boys. Oh, and Eleanor too. The straight guy too, why not?”

“Okay.” Louis laughed.

“I wondered why you were so…well off when I kissed you.” Niall said with a smile.

“I was off?”

“Not like bad,” He corrected gently, “Just that you seemed a bit distant. It was like kissing a person who’s thinking really hard about what they should do next, you know? Instead of just feeling it and going for it.”

“Ah,” Louis said guiltily, “I confess.”

He grinned. “It’s alright. I get it, man. He must be one hell of a straight boy.”

“No that’s not–.” But Niall gave him a look that said plainly, __‘come on, what do you think I am, three years old?’__ , and Louis grimaced. “Okay, okay. I might be a tiny bit in love with him.”

Niall smiled a little forlornly. “Hey, it’s cool. I really like you and stuff but we can be friends.”

Louis winced. “Ouch.”

“Yeah, buddy, I don’t want to get mixed up with you if you’re in love with someone. I’m not much of a masochist. And I don’t think you do either.”

“I do, but I don’t. Get it?” Louis said with a certain degree of exasperation.

“Yeah, I totally get it.” He assured Louis, patting his shoulder. “Relax.”

“I feel really bad.” Louis said.

“Don’t. You’re a great guy but we’ve been on only one date and I wasn’t falling in love with you or anything.” He laughed.

“Good.” Louis said. “I’ve had enough drama lately.”

Niall laughed. “Oh yeah, you and your gay boys’ drama. So tell me about this guy.”

Louis sighed. “Where to begin?”

“That bad?”

“That bad.” He confirmed. “I’m getting better, though. Although at times I feel like I’m in some sort of gay soap opera that has no real point.”

“That’s good to hear. Well, the fact that you’re getting better.”

Louis smiled. “You’ll love my friends.”

“Yeah? I already know Stan and I’ve heard about Eleanor. Liam and Harry should be fun to meet. But you know, I could drop by and we could do the classic, make your man jealous thing.” Niall winked.

Louis groaned. “You’re like another Stan.”

“So no?”

“Definitely no. I don’t want to force people into thinking things that they don’t believe in.”

“Fine. But when do I get to meet your friends?”

Louis grinned. “We’ll see. Sometime soon, maybe.”

“Okay, so what’s this straight guy look like?” Niall asked, chuckling. “Must be hot if you are this gone over him.”

Louis threw a pillow at him, and that was that.


	27. Chapter 27

His evening with Niall sustained him for the rest of the week. Due to Eleanor’s pressing him, Stan was a little more subdued about trying to set him up again. Louis can’t comprehend why he felt like it was up to him to somehow get Louis a boyfriend, which is absurd. The guy is absolutely mental.

“I can meet people on my own if I feel like it.” Louis told him repeatedly. “Besides, I’m only sixteen.” Eleanor looked at him with an approving gaze when he said this to Stan and it made Louis feel a bit better about having to bitch at Stan.

On Friday, the last day of school before school was out for the March break, Harry skipped class and came over to their school. Seeing him walking across the cafeteria during lunch made Louis smile.

“Harry!” He exclaimed. “It’s good to see you.”

Stan gaped. “Why are you so nice to him?”

“He’s not.” Harry assured him. Harry’s expression was wry, his green eyes twinkled under the soft sun light from the window.

“Because he’s awesome.” Louis said to Stan.

“I’m awesome too.” Stan said.

“You’re not as awesome as Harry though.” Eleanor batted her eyelashes.

Harry flashed his million dollar smile, his eyes flashing wickedly and dimples coming out in full force. “God, if only you were straight, Eleanor.” He said jokingly.

“Back off, she has a girlfriend.” Stan warned.

“What are you, her spokesman?” Louis asked.

“Shut up, Louis.”

“See, that’s why Harry’s my best friend.”

“What?” Stan exclaimed. “Dude, I thought I was your best friend?”

Eleanor rolled her eyes, and looked at Louis with a grin on her face. Louis grinned back. “No…Harry’s my best friend.”

“No, I’m your best friend.” Stan corrected. Harry just sat patiently through this, examining his nails.

“Okay, you’re my best friend, Stan. Better?” Louis asked.

“Yes. Thank you. That was not a good joke.”

“Oh, there’s Zayn. Should I call him over, Louis?” Eleanor asked. Everyone still felt the need to be hesitant and question him every time something concerning Zayn came up. “Yep, call him.” Louis shrugged uncaringly.

Harry raised an eyebrow. “Something I’m missing?” He asked.

“Zayn’s cool.” He shrugged again.

“The question is, are you?” Harry cocked his head. The bastard!

“Yeah, I’m better.” He answered simply, not feeling a need to explain himself at this point.

Zayn came over to their table and grinned. He looked around at everyone before settling on Harry. His smile faded, seriousness overshadowed happiness. “Hey.” He said, looking away quickly.

Harry said. “Hey,” Tentative at first, then, “How you doing?”

“I’m great…you?” Zayn asked, sitting down beside Louis. His forearm brushed him and Louis inwardly groaned at the delicate sensation.

“Fine, fine.” Harry said.

“Wow that was really tense.” Stan observed.

Louis didn’t know why he found that so funny, but it just was. He burst into laughter and found that he couldn’t stop. Everyone sort of shut up and watched him half in amazement and half in amusement. “Sorry,” He wiped his eyes minutes later. “I don’t know why that was so funny…”

Zayn laughed beside him. “I’ve never seen you laugh that hard.” He said.

“I have.” Harry said. “That time I tickled your belly button.”

“What the fuck? Dude, you did not just say you tickled Louis’ belly button.” Stan stated.

“Uh, I did actually.” Harry said. “I’m gay, remember?” He said.

“Actually, you’re bisexual.” Eleanor corrected. Louis looked sharply at her. “What?” She asked defensively.

“You always correct everyone.”

“I do not!” She said and subsequently shut her mouth, realizing that arguing would only prove Louis’ point. Stan engaged her in another argument soon enough.

“Anyway,” Zayn tapped his shoulder. Louis turned to him, feeling his heart melt a little. Why did God do this to him? “How was your date?” He asked, seeming eager to know the answer. “I never got a chance to ask you.”

“Oh…” Louis thought back on it. “Oh yeah, I ended up not going.”

Zayn appeared passive. “How come?” He asked.

“I forgot I had a report due Tuesday.” He explained. “But Niall came over to help me with it and stuff…”

“Oh…” Zayn said. “I see. Well, that was nice of him.” He nodded awkwardly.

“What’s this you guys are talking about?” Harry asked, detaching himself from Eleanor and Stan’s conversation.

“Oh, about Louis’ date on Monday.” Zayn explained.

“A date?” Harry frowned. “Explain.”

“Oh you didn’t know? Well, Louis was–.”

“I think I’d like to hear it from Louis, thanks anyway, though Zayn.” Harry said, casting a sharp glance at Zayn. Zayn merely nodded and let Louis speak, although he gave Harry a vehemently cold look.

“It was nothing.” Louis said. “I’ll tell you about it later.”

“I don’t talk to you for a few days and you go out doing something stupid…again. What is with you and making stupid choices?” Harry asked. Louis felt his face flush because Harry felt some need to say this in front of Zayn. Lovely…

“Um, I think Louis can do what he likes.” Zayn said to Harry.

“Thanks, but I think I know Louis a little better than you.”

“What are you, his keeper?” Zayn asked.

“Something like that.” Harry waved him off.

“It was Stan’s idea.” Louis burst out. No one seemed to hear him though.

“Well, frankly, I don’t see how it was stupid. He seems like a nice guy and Louis really likes him. If it makes Louis happy, then what’s wrong with that?” Zayn asked.

“I’m here guys…” He said again, but still no one paid attention to him.

“I think you’re the last person that needs to worry about Louis’s happiness.” Harry asked, raising his voice a little now. “Considering how you treated him. You know what they say. A poison toad doesn’t change his spots.”

Zayn opened his mouth, shut it, and then just looked down at the table.

The hum of Eleanor and Stan’s voices were audible in the silence that followed. Zayn remained silent. Harry looked bored and stared at his hands. Louis sat there, shocked at what had just transpired. He was upset that they would do that. Both of them but more on Harry because he didn’t really need to be that bitchy.

“That was unnecessary, Harry.” Louis said.

He shrugged. “Whatever.”

“No, really. I think I can speak for myself, and the fact is that Zayn has been really nice. So that was rude and unnecessary.” Louis insisted, sparing a cold look at Harry.

“Fine, I think you’re an asshole and I don’t care how what Louis thought of you because you’re worth shit, but I apologize for saying that you can’t have changed.” Harry said this all in one breath, looking directly at Zayn’s unblinking face the entire time.

“Wow,” Eleanor said, “What a line to tune into. I’d ask, but I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear that. Seriously, though, intense stuff!” Stan, meanwhile raised his eyebrows, whistled, and took out his phone, wanting nothing to do with this obviously.

Zayn smiled though. “Whatever, dude,” He said, “I don’t care what you think I’m worth. But thanks, Louis.” He threw Louis a smile. “You’re a good friend.” Harry rolled his eyes at this. Louis ignored him.

“Confirmed!” Stan suddenly shouted and all of their heads turned at him and Louis was slightly relieved.

“Confirm what?” Eleanor asked curiously.

“Start of break party. It’s at my friend’s, friend’s, friend’s cousin’s parent’s cottage.” He explained. “There is a swimming pool and probably more booze than we can drink. You guys in?”

“Hell, yeah!” Harry exclaimed.

“You and Harry should get married.” Louis told Stan.

Stan rolled his eyes. “Nah, I’d rather marry a girl.”

“You keep breaking my heart Stan.” Harry said dryly and Stan poked his tongue out.

“Anyway, I have the address, my friend just texted it to me. You guys in?”

Louis shook his head. “Nah.”

“Come on.” Harry said, tugging Louis’ arm and giving him that bright smile. Louis forgot he was supposed to be mad at him.

Zayn shrugged. “I’m in,” He said.

“Me too. I’ll bring Becca.” Eleanor said.

Stan frowned at her. “You know you talk about Becca more than anyone, and we’ve only met her a handful of times.”

“I know, I know, she just feels odd being around you guys because…well her history with uh…Zayn,” Eleanor glanced at Zayn uncomfortably.

Zayn just shrugged. “Hey, it’s all cool, Eleanor. You can bring her around.”

Stan nodded, already ignoring Zayn and Eleanor’s conversation. “Well, you in Louis? You’re the only one who said no.”

“This is lame. All of us are going?” Louis said.

“Why’s that lame? At least you’ll know plenty of people there instead of one or two.” Eleanor said.

Harry was the only one who’d stopped trying. Zayn tried this time. “Come on…you should bring Niall if you want…if it’ll be more fun that way…”

“Fine…”

They all cheered.

It was going to be one hell of a night, Louis decided.

It was.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Niall was supposed to meet them by the front of the house. Meanwhile Zayn was driving Eleanor, Becca, and Stan. Louis was tagging along with Harry, whom he was upset at, but still spoke to because frankly, he couldn’t go long without speaking to Harry.

“So, Niall and you are just friends?” He asked again.

“Yes, for God’s sake.” Louis said for the fifth time.

“Sorry, but I respect him already. He backed off when he realized the situation.”

“Okay, Mother. No wait, you’re worse than my mother.”

“Shut up, you love me.” Harry said.

“I’m mad at you.” Louis crossed his arms angrily.

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that. We’re here.” He pulled onto a gravel road and a makeshift parking space.

“Looks like the others are here already. There they are,” He pointed to the front of the lovely looking cottage. It didn’t look like it was packed yet. Good.

They got out of the car and made their way across the paved road to the front of the building. Louis spotted Niall standing beside Stan. He was talking to Eleanor who was standing beside Zayn and Becca.

“C’mon,” He said to Harry, “Let’s catch up.”

“Louis!” Niall said enthusiastically as he approached. His eyes lit up in a devilish way. He walked over to him and hugged him a little too intimately for a friendly hug. Eleanor coughed. Stan grinned. Harry raised his eyebrows. Louis couldn’t gauge Zayn’s reaction; He seemed indifferent.

“Hey,” Louis laughed, “Very funny.”

“What can I say? I’m a comedian.” Niall winked, and then mumbled in his ear. “Damn. I do hope Zayn’s the one you are talking about because he’s one hot straight boy.” He backed up. “Ready to party?” He asked everyone.

“See y’all later,” Stan laughed and jogged inside. Zayn stormed off after him. Becca and Eleanor already had drinks in hand and were walking down to the beach. Couples…

Only Niall, Harry, and Louis remained. Niall nodded at Harry, and then held a hand out. “You must be Harry.”

“And you must be Niall,” Harry said with a grin, “Nice dramatic greeting.”

“I’m not going to sleep with you, no matter how cute you are.”

“Convincing yourself?” Harry smirked.

“Protecting myself, more like. Louis’s told me a lot about you.” Niall replied cheekily and dropped their joined hands.

“He exaggerates quite a bit.” Louis felt his eyes wide open as Harry leaned forward and straightened Niall’s collar.

Niall didn’t even flinch. “Really? I was under the impression that he lays it on quite thin.” He winked at Harry who just smirked back.

“Depends who you trust. And I’ve been told that I am quite trust-able, among other things.”

“Stop flirting!” Louis exclaimed. “I’m outta here.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The living room in the cottage seemed like most of the furniture had been set aside so that a makeshift dance floor was formed. Louis peered around several people and spotted a familiar head in a far end of the large room. His quiff was quite long now and his light orange collared shirt was easily recognizable. Louis was about to call out his name when he saw that he had a girl attached to his arm. Her blood red nails held on to his arm as he leaned over to talk in her ear. Suddenly the smile melted off Louis’ face. They were leaning to kiss each other and Louis felt like barfing.

The room seemed less beautiful. The mahogany wooden floor lost its charm and he looked around forlornly. They were still at it when he looked back. She had her arms wrapped around his neck; his hands were gripping her waist. Hands that had touched Louis…

He closed his eyes, fought the tumult of emotions that seemed resigned to resurface. Fuck. What was the point of even trying to get better if a single split second could make it all come back? He turned on his heels and promptly made a decision to get utterly smashed.

It wasn’t fun or amusing and it certainly didn’t make him any happy, but Louis did it anyway. His friends had left him entirely on his own, or he had left them. He couldn’t remember eventually. He just danced and talked with random people. Everything was suddenly funny. Every person was brilliant; not as much as him because Louis Tomlinson was the brilliant-est of the brilliant people.

Actions became slurred, words became funny loud noises, thoughts became bright and Louis developed an extrasensory gift of being able to detect brilliance. Lamps were brilliant and so were floors, and every person in this room was brilliant too. Maybe except for Zayn because he sucks.

Louis cannot recall how he got there but he was suddenly outside with several people and he didn’t even remember what they were trying to get him to do, but it wasn’t particularly smart, and yet he was definitely contemplating agreeing to do so. What he could remember is that while such amazing feats were going on in his head, other troubles were obviously brewing.

He looked up and saw three different faces, all too similar to differentiate between, yet all attractive in a weird way. He tilted his head and they became prettier. Then a fourth face. Hair the color of wheat and pale skin. Pink lips. A familiar face, Louis realized. Coming closer, lips turned down into a frown.

“Jason!” Louis realized aloud. Then, a punch on his face. “Shit.” Louis was knocked to the ground by the impact of contact against his cheek. He tasted blood from where he bit his lip.

“Hi, Jason. You always were charming…” Louis smiled blindly, struggled to get up.

“Fuck you.” He said, sneering. He punched Louis again. He was prepared for it this time and wasn’t knocked down but he wasn’t in any state fit to fight back. “Ow…that hurts.” He giggled although he didn’t know why. It really did hurt.

“Fight, fight, fight!” The onlookers yelled. Louis wondered why he had found such a crowd around him.

“I don’t like you guys,” Louis said. “I’m drrrunnnnk. I can’t fight, see?” Louis said, demonstrating a jab which caught Jason unaware. “Oops.”

Oh, Jason looked pissed now. He gave Louis a big one; Louis let him and fell with a soft thud on to the hard ground. His skin hurt but he couldn’t pinpoint the exact location.

“Ouch. Okay, bye Jason.” He waved. “Ta-ta.”

“What the fuck is going on?” A familiar voice this time. Louis blinked and looked up: A fifth face. This one was pretty. Zayn.

“Zayn! You look nice.” Louis admired. “Wait, I don’t like you right now. You are not brill..brillant..brill-liant.”

“Louis, why’s this guy hitting you?” Zayn ignored him and asked, holding out a hand to help Louis up.

“I’m fine,” Louis said, waving his hand off, “He’s just pissed because I knocked him out at a party a while ago cause I don’t like him groping me.”

Zayn’s jaw tensed and before Louis could say anything, he turned around and was walking up to Jason. He just walked right up and thrust his clenched fist at Jason’s square jaw, knocking him off balance. A second later, he had Jason on the ground and was punching the shit out of the poor guy.

From where Louis lay, he raised himself up on his elbows to watch. “Yeah! Go Zayn!” He yelled. “Woo!” Jason did get a few good hits in, but Zayn wasn’t making any moves to let the guy go. The sound of flesh hitting flesh was nauseating. Louis felt like throwing up but managed to control himself.

He eventually sat up and crossed his legs, holding his chin in his hand. This was getting boring and he felt sleepy. Why didn’t Zayn come back? Louis wanted him to come back.

Eventually, a few people had to come in and break the fight up. Jason was led away by his friends. Louis gave a toothy smile and waved at him.

Zayn came back. This made Louis happy. He smiled at Zayn and Zayn smiled back ruefully, wiping his forehead. He held out a hand; Louis stared at it.

“C’mon, Lou. Lets go sit by the beach. You need fresh air.” He said. His hair didn’t looked styled anymore. It looked messy and lay against his forehead.

“Did you go swimming?” Louis tried to grab his hair clumsily. Why is the earth moving under his feet?

Zayn laughed warmly. “You are completely trashed aren’t you?”

“I want gum; do you have gum?”

“Yes, I have gum. Now c’mon!” Zayn chuckled. “I’ve never seen you this drunk. Wow, Louis completely pissed is hilarious.”

Louis placed his hand in Zayn’s; it felt right. He wanted to leave it there, so he did. 

They didn’t talk as Zayn led him towards the beach and Louis ineptly followed him. __I love him__ , Louis remembered thinking. They sat in cool sand on the beach. Louis wasn’t worried about getting sand between his toes so he took off his shoes and dug his feet into the sand.

“I wonder where Niall and Harry are.” Louis thought aloud.

“Oh, they were um, getting cozy.” Zayn said uncomfortably. “I’m sorry, Louis.”

“Hmm?” Louis looked at him instead of the water. “You’re prettier than the water.” Louis observed. It was a very clever observation, he congratulated himself.

Zayn laughed. “I’m glad you think I’m pretty.”

He smiled. “Do you think I’m pretty?”

“I think you’re very handsome.” Zayn said, grinning.

“Handsome?”

“Yeah, handsome. Boys are handsome, girls are pretty.” Zayn clarified.

“But what if I think you’re pretty?”

“Then you think I look feminine?” Zayn laughed.

“No, you’re sexy in a manly way.” Louis said.

“Yeah?” Zayn’s eyebrows went up. “That’s fantastic to hear.”

Louis hiccoughed. “I like your hair. Can I touch it?”

“Yeah, go ahead.” He leaned forward and bent his head so his hair was level with Louis’ hands. Louis placed his hands in Zayn’s hair. It was soft to the touch, silky. He wanted to wrap his fingers in it.

“I always liked your hair, especially when I wrapped it in my fingers when you fucked me. Remember?”

Zayn stilled, and then slowly backed his head up again. “Yeah, I remember,” He said softly, looking off into the horizon at something perhaps only he could see. Maybe it’s a flying carpet.

“Man, no inhibitions, huh?” Zayn stated after a while, shaking his head at Louis as he tried to see the flying carpet Zayn was looking at. “Is that why you don’t care that your new boyfriend is making out with Harry?”

“Niall and Harry? How nice.” Louis said, deciding that the carpet has flown away now. Bye Bye carpet. “Harry needs someone like him. Niall’s not my boyfriend by the way. You’re stupid, Zayn. Is that carpet pretty?”

Zayn didn’t seem to have heard much of what Louis said. “He’s not your boyfriend?”

“No,” Louis said, giggling, “He’s not.”

“Oh. I thought you two went out?” Zayn asked curiously.

“We did, but something wasn’t right. Hmm…something tells me I shouldn’t tell you this, but, I dunno.” Louis shrugged.

“Tell me what?” Zayn asked, interested.

Louis moved closer to him, laid his head on Zayn’s shoulder and yawned. Hmm…he loved Zayn’s shoulders. “You see, I’m in love with you, kay?”

Zayn didn’t say anything. He was still.

“Okay?”

Still nothing. Louis yawned again.

“Well, anyway. I tried to forget about you. It was no good. No one else is any good.” Louis couldn’t stop yawning. He felt so utterly tired, so exhausted, it felt like he hadn’t slept in years. “You’re so stupid and you make out with stupid girls and make me want to punch you in the stupid face. I don’t know why I even love you.” Louis closed his eyes. “I’m tired.”

Zayn was still for a long time. Louis felt no movement and felt his eye-lids getting really heavy. Sleep was so near.

“Hey, wake up!” Zayn shook him awake again. He was in front of Louis, gripping his shoulders. His eyes were intent, concerned. Louis frowned. “I wanna sleep.”

“No, you were knocked around on your head a bit. Even if it’s nothing, you shouldn’t sleep now, okay, Louis?” Zayn said softly.

“Fine.” Louis groaned and pouted. “You weren’t saying anything.” He poked his finger on Zayn’s lips.

“Yeah, that’s because I was thinking about stuff, Louis.”

“What stuff?”

“Lots of stuff.” He smiled at him. “About you, actually.”

“Me?” Louis lit up. “Really?”

“Yep.”

“Can I sleep now?”

“No, you can’t, Louis.” Zayn repeated, still watching him closely. Louis smiled and counted inside his head.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1.

“What about now?” He asked.

“No, baby.” Zayn repeated patiently.

“So mean.” Louis yawned widely. He really wanted to sleep. “But it’s okay because you called me baby. I like it when you call me baby.”

Suddenly, Zayn smiled and leaned forward, kissing his forehead gently, lips lingering. Soft, sweet, Louis felt warm inside. He then felt lips brushing on his cheek, the soft and moist sensation haunting on his skin. He wanted Zayn to stay there. But he didn’t, so Louis buried his face in Zayn’s neck and smelled his aftershave. He felt Zayn’s arms around him and they pulled Louis into Zayn’s body even closer. He had never felt more content. And warm. And happy. He smiled into Zayn’s neck.

“What was that for?” Louis mumbled.

“Just because.” Zayn said directly into his ear and Louis laughed because it tickled.

 “I like ‘just because’.” He brushed his lips into the soft skins of Zayn’s neck and felt the vibration with his body when Zayn chuckled. “Me too.”


	28. Chapter 28

March break went by really quickly. It had taken forever to arrive and when it finally did, it slipped away too fast. The night of the party was a blur and Louis’ memory–or lack thereof–continued onto the next morning when he woke up to a killer hangover with no recollection of how he’d gotten into his bed.

Harry had brought Louis home and apparently while he was drunk Louis had agreed to spend the break at his cottage. And so, they slipped away for a week and had a nice time. The weather was thankfully and rather surprisingly good, Louis’ mood was great, and they had a ton of fun.

During that week, any troubles or thoughts that bothered him all but faded away, dissolved with the lake water that was so fresh and pure. Harry called it the, “Leave your problems at the door,” cottage and it was justly dubbed so.

The week slipped away as soon as they’d been able to grasp it, though, and all too quickly Louis found himself back in his room, contemplating what he would wear the next morning for school.

Everyone was a little happier that first Monday back. They had a little extra kick in their steps. Even pale, depressed and emotionally troubled kids looked like they had gotten a little sun and enjoyment out of the one week. Or perhaps it was just Louis and not them. Perhaps his good week made everything look and feel brighter, shinier, and prettier.

“What’s up?” Zayn said when he caught Louis at his locker later in the day. Louis reached out and grabbed his lunch, peering in and seeing a sandwich and apple. He grinned and turned to Zayn.

“Nothing much.” Louis said. His smile was pleasant. To be honest, that still made Louis blink for a second before his brain accepted lack of danger. His hair looked burnished, probably from being outdoors. His golden skin looked a tad darker and his stance was carefree, and loose.

“Someone’s in a good mood.” Zayn pointed out.

“Who, me? Maybe I had a good March break, kay?”

Zayn didn’t say anything, just looked at Louis for a minute. Zayn’s stare made Louis slightly uncomfortable; Louis twitched. “Uh, earth to, Zayn!”

He smiled but continued staring at Louis

“What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Zayn’s face broke into a full-fledged grin. Very cute. “It’s nothing,” He shook his head, “You’re funny.”

“Hmm? Um, okay. Well, how was your March break?” They broke into a slow walk in the direction of the cafeteria. It was the place to be during boring spares.

“It was good; Zach, James and I had some good times.” He said. “I think I tried calling you like once but you never called back.” He said nonchalantly.

“Yeah? I was up at Harry’s cottage,” Louis explained, “I didn’t take my phone with me.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s cool. I just wanted to see how you were doing, you know? Because, the night of the party…” He trailed off.

Louis laughed. “Yeah, I guess I got trashed or something, I can’t remember anything.”

“Oh…” Zayn’s voice was low and thoughtful.

“Why, did I do anything stupid?” Louis asked.

“Nope. Well, if you discount the fact that Jason totally bruised you up.” Zayn said. “I got him good though, so it’s alright. The asshole…” He said vehemently.

“Oh!” Louis said, enlightened. “That’s where the bruises and pain came from. That explains so much…”

“Yeah, so other than that…nope, nothing else that I can think of.” Zayn said, shaking his head. “Nothing at all.”

“Uh…okay.” Louis said, frowning. Zayn was strange sometimes.

“Oh, but Harry and Niall were making out!” He exclaimed. “You didn’t seem too upset by that. You said you weren’t dating him.”

“Yeah, that’s fine, we’re just friends. I doubt it’s anything serious with Harry anyway. He’s a bit of a man-whore.” Louis explained, only joking a little.

“So, you’re kind of crazy when you’re drunk.” He said, then, “Wanna go sit inside?” He pointed to the doors.

“Yeah, that would be great.” Louis followed him inside  and they sat down in the far corner by ourselves. Eleanor was probably in the library and Stan had a class in this period.

“What were you saying?” Louis questioned, feeling as awkward as ever around Zayn. He felt that if he looked into Zayn’s eyes for too long directly, he’d somehow mysteriously know how Louis felt about him.

“I was just saying that you’re kind of crazy when you’re drunk,” He smiled, but his eyes were intense. It was subtle but Louis knew enough about Zayn’s expressions to realize that there is something more.

“I don’t know, I‘ve never gotten that drunk before.” He admitted. “That bad, huh?”

Zayn grinned. “Really funny. So do you just always say stupid stuff you don’t mean when you’re drunk?”

Louis frowned, slightly puzzled. What’d he mean? “I don’t know. I don’t think so. I actually find that I get reckless and say stuff I don’t mean to.”

Zayn nodded thoughtfully looking at Louis with that same intense expression. “Right,” He said.

“Why? Did I say something stupid?” Louis asked, feeling embarrassed.

“No, no,” Zayn assured him, and then smiled guiltily. “Well you did say you thought I was pretty.”

“Oh God!” Louis groaned, banging his head on his textbook. “I did? Sorry about that.”

“Hey, I didn’t mind. Not every day that you get called pretty. Oh and you asked me if I thought you were pretty too.”

“What’d you say?” Louis grinned.

“Nah, I don’t think I’ll tell you.” He smiled sheepishly.

“Come on!” Louis whined.

“Nope. My lips are sealed.” He said.

“What will it take to get you to say it?” Louis asked.

“Wanna know that badly?” He winked. “You don’t want me to think you’re in love with me or something, do you?” He said it jokingly but paused as if to weigh Louis’ reaction. Inside, Louis was all twisted up in knots. Did he know something? Louis wasn’t that obvious was he? He tamped it down though. Zayn was just joking obviously. Of course he couldn’t know anything…right? Louis felt a panic attack coming on.

Louis put silly assumptions and hyperventilation aside and maintained a cool expression. “That’s exactly what I want.” He tried to grin.

“You’re flirting with me.” Zayn stated, looking at him solicitously.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Been there, done that.”

“Good one.” He smiled and took a deep breath as if rushing into a marathon. “Hey did I tell you that I told my mom I had ‘relations’ with a guy?”

“Uh, no…” Louis said, slightly taken aback at the suddenness of the information. Zayn did that? Zayn Malik told his straitlaced and absolutely ruthless mother that he’d had sexual ‘relations’ with another male? It was almost unbelievable. To think that they had come this far, that he had grown up so much in so little time and that this person he loved had come this far too. For once, Louis felt a little freedom within his feelings for Zayn. Louis knew that he could maintain some form of friendship with Zayn, that he actually wished Zayn happiness and no longer merely desired a selfish gratification for himself.

“Well, I did.” He said. “She was cool about it, surprisingly. As stiff as ever, but cool. I was wrong; she wouldn’t disown me for a reason like that. In fact, it’s almost like she likes me more…maybe because of the trust I showed in telling her or something.” Zayn shrugged. “She said she had a difficult relationship with her own parents.”

“When did you do this?” Louis asked him, voice soft.

“Oh, a few days ago, actually.” He admitted. “Eleanor helped.”

“Really?” Louis raised his eyebrows.

“Yep. We had a long talk, Eleanor and I. You’re lucky to have her as a friend.” He added.

Louis was curious about this talk Eleanor had with Zayn, though. He would obviously have come up as a subject of discussion. Louis wondered what they said. He decided right then and there, though, that he wouldn’t ask her. It wouldn’t be right and it wouldn’t be healthy for Louis to get into that craziness again.

“She’s your friend too,” Louis told him, smiling, “If you don’t mind me asking, though. Why did you tell her?”

He shrugged. “It’s a part of me. I guess you were like my stepping stone into admitting it or experiencing it, but it’s there and I had to come to terms with it. I don’t hate any part of me. It’s only you,” He admitted simply, “but that doesn’t change that it happened, and that well, I liked it…” It seemed like words wanted to pour out of him, his face lit up in this adorable way. Zayn had clearly thought a lot about this and he’d clearly wanted to talk to Louis about it. Louis had let him open the door to this.

“I don’t know if I can understand that,” Louis revealed, “but I’m glad you’re being honest with yourself.”

Zayn chuckled. “Yeah it was a great march break. I feel like the past few weeks I’ve really been re-evaluating myself. I know it sounds cheesy, but like I’ve really gotten to know myself. Like you sit down one day and really figure yourself out, you know?” He said enthusiastically, his eyes were wide and expressive, seemed to be glowing in the sunlight. “Then, this march break, I really did some thinking.”

“Yeah?” Louis said, feeling happy for him, truly happy. It was almost like Zayn’s enthusiasm was contained in him too.

“Yeah, I went on a hike and everything. A really long one,” He added, “It helps to get your thoughts together.”

“I’m so happy for you.” Louis said, smiling.

“Thank-you,” He said, then, “I was thinking…”

“Mmm-hmm?” Louis looked up, taking a bit of his sandwich.

“Do you want to maybe grab some coffee or something later?” Zayn said, rubbing his palms together.

Louis frowned and thought back to this morning when Liam had invited him over to his place tonight with the rest of the ‘gang.’

“Sorry.” He said. “Liam invited me over to his place tonight.” He explained. “But hey, we could grab some coffee tomorrow if you want.”

“Yeah, cool. No biggie.” Zayn said, but he didn’t act like it wasn’t. He seemed really disappointed. Louis could tell from the way he began tapping absentmindedly on the table.

“I’d ask you to come but you and Liam don’t exactly get along…” Louis said hesitantly.

“Oh, yeah, that’s fine…” He said. “I haven’t seen him in a while. Did he change his timetable or something because I thought he used to have this spare?”

“Oh, yeah he dropped a class, which is why he doesn’t have any common spares with me anymore but we still hang out sometimes. Not as much as we had before though.”

“Ah, is it because he was basically in love with you?” He asked.

“Yeah…” Louis said rather uncomfortably. “But he’s seeing someone now. A girl, actually…” He said. “We’re still close though.”

Zayn’s raised his eyebrows. “A girl, you serious?” When Louis nodded, he said, “Wow, guess I’m not the only one with occasionally different tastes.” He grinned.

Louis laughed. “I guess not.” Funny how they were able to joke about it now, even though Louis’ heart clenched a bit every time they did so. He didn’t want it to become one of those things you mentioned when you felt like laughing at the old you.

“He moves fast. I didn’t know it was that easy to fall out of love with someone.” His eyes grabbed Louis’. For a second, Louis was breathless in the face of Zayn’s gaze. Then he began breathing again.

“It’s not.” Louis said, smiling a little. “It’s just that Liam wasn’t really in love with me.”

Zayn didn’t say anything. He just looked at Louis thoughtfully. Louis felt like he was being seen with an x-ray vision when Zayn looked at him like that. “Well, have fun.” He said finally.

“You always say that.”

“And you always have fun when I say that, don’t you?” His eyes twinkled.

“I guess.” Louis said grudgingly. “You have to buy me coffee tomorrow, though.”

“Deal.”

“Can I have that in writing?” He asked cheekily. Zayn just laughed and shook his head at Louis.


	29. Chapter 29

It was a delightfully chilly evening as Louis walked up the front steps to Liam’s home later that evening. There was a buzzing in the air, as if something was about to happen. “Hey, Louis,” Becca said, kissing him on each cheek when he walked inside, “I hope you’ll forgive me for being invisible.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Louis laughed, “It’s fine.”

Liam’s house was really nice, as nicely cleaned and decorated as ever. Louis felt slightly alien as he walked in though because it had seen like ages since Louis had last been in Liam’s house.

“Louis! It’s been forever.” Speaking of the devil. Liam gave him a one-armed hug. “How have you been?”

“He has been fantastic,” Eleanor’s head said as it popped around the corner.

Louis ignored her. “I’ve been doing okay, how about you?”

“Freaking fantastic, buddy!” He said. Louis grinned.

Of course he was, he was probably having sex regularly, Louis mused. Danielle seemed like she’d be a freak in bed. He stopped his line of thought there.

“Hey is Danielle here too?”’ The last time he’d seen her, it had been fun. Unfortunately they hadn’t spoken since.

“Yep.” Liam said. “Come on, let’s go inside. Everyone’s already settled in. I think they’re watching a movie or something. We already ate, drank, and had all the fun.”

“Bleh.” Louis said. “My mom came home late so she couldn’t drive me over till now. I didn’t feel like bothering anyone about a ride.”

“Well, you’re late,” He said.

“I thought you said eight.”

“No I said, don’t come late.” He rolled his eyes. They entered the room and everyone turned to look at them. Danielle came and gave Louis a warm hug. “Great to see you, Louis.”

“You too.” Louis said honestly, still amazed by the combination of features she had. She was as stunning as ever.

“Louis, my man!” Stan exclaimed. “Too many couples around,” He wrinkled his nose, “Harry, you and I should just form our own group.”

Louis saw Harry roll his eyes at this and mouth, ‘crazy.’

Louis grinned. “Hey. I miss your cottage already.”

“I hate you guys, how come I wasn’t invited?” Stan complained, pouting.

“You were, you just never answered your phone, Louis did.” Harry explained.

“I was?” Stan lightened up. “Yeah, well I was exhausted from the party the night before.”

“Let’s put some music on,” Harry proposed, “C’mon.” He said to Stan. They got up and went in search of a CD player and music to play like it was their own house.

Louis looked around tentatively for a few moments. Becca and Eleanor were cuddling on the couch, deeply immersed in the movie. Becca caught his look and smiled warmly at him. Louis sighed and looked away from them, feeling a longing well up in his chest again. They looked so utterly comfortable with each other, so right. He wanted that.

“Hey,” Danielle said again, sitting down gracefully beside me. She smoothed the back of her black dress and flipped her flowing hair over her shoulder. “They’re sweet, aren’t they?”

“Yeah,” Louis said glancing over at Eleanor and Becca again.

“Love is an amazing thing to witness.” She stated. Louis envied people who didn’t feel funny or cheesy saying things like that. She said it matter-of-factly, not all-whimsical like as some girls or old women do, but rather indisputably.

He simply nodded.

“You know, Liam told me about you.”

“Oh…” Louis said, unsure of what else he could possibly say to that.

She chuckled. “I mean yeah, that he had feelings for you, but you have someone else?”

Did everyone know about him? Jeez. Louis couldn’t hold it against any of his friends though.

“Don’t worry; I’m not planning on coming to your school and telling everyone who will listen.” Danielle said.

“I’m not worried.” Louis told her truthfully.

“Good.” She said. “I just wanted to tell you that it’ll get better.”

“Thank-you.” Louis said, deeply touched. “I know that but it means a lot to me.”

“Stop trying to steal my girlfriend, Tommo.” Liam entered the room again, this time with two cups in his hands.

“Never,” Louis poked his tongue out at him.

“Why don’t we head out back?” Liam handed him a cup and smiled. “We haven’t talked in so long, man.”

“Yeah.” Louis said, taking a sip of the fruit punch. He wasn’t interested in watching the movie anyway. “Okay, let’s go.”

Louis followed him through the hall and out back onto the patio. It was a beautiful starry night. He thought back to another starry night months ago when he’d been a much different person. The cool night air felt like a relief from the inside of the warm house. Louis took deep gulps of it and settled into a chair. Liam climbed onto the railing of the deck, his face as stunning as ever under the pale moonlight.

“How have you been?” He asked, so simple but so loaded.

“I’ll be fine.” Louis replied honestly. “I am trying to be.”

“You know. I’ve been thinking lately.” Liam started.

“Careful there.”

“Shut up. I am serious.” Liam fake scowled. “I was actually talking with Danielle a few days ago. She told me that she took a huge risk when she asked her out. That even if I never even returned her feelings, she wanted to let me know how she felt.”

“Why are you telling me this, Liam?” Louis sighed.

“Because I know how it feel Louis. It’s really hard. Being in love with someone who couldn’t love you back, or at least it felt like that. I was so miserable back then. I fought it the entire time, and I eventually accepted it but didn’t have the nerve to tell you. I keep it welling up inside me and see how much good that did to me. I finally talked to you and true, it didn’t go the way I wanted it to be, but I felt much at ease. I could, you know, move on.”

“Closure.” Louis said softly.

“Maybe. I don’t know.” Liam replied. “But I felt much better.”

His story hit something deep within Louis. Maybe it was the similarity to his own story of loving from a distance, of knowing that love couldn’t be returned, accepting it, living with it…

It was funny, even though Louis knew the heart was merely an organ for pumping blood and it was the neurons in his brain that were responsible for the emotions he experienced, he couldn’t help but associate the pain within him as being directed from his heart. It was purely psychological but it was there nonetheless. Like that, Louis lived with the knowledge that he loved a person who could never love him back and he did nothing about it. He’d die and pass on, and all the atoms of his body would break down but nowhere would a Zayn know that a Louis had loved him.

It was a deeply disturbing and depressing thought.

“What are you thinking about?” Liam asked him.

He slumped in his chair. “How Zayn will probably never know that I love him.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way.” Liam said, tilting his head. “Telling someone something like that can be immensely rewarding and hearing it can be equally rewarding.”

“I don’t know about that, but I can’t…I can’t go on like that. It hurt too much. Maybe I should finally let go of him.” Louis said, his voice weak in his own ears.

Liam climbed off the railing and sat down beside him, pulling him into a hug. Louis let him.

“I wish I could help you.”

“I know.” Louis mumbled. “But I also know you can’t. It’s all up to me, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. I am sorry.” Liam petted his hair and Louis closed his eyes.

“Why are you sorry?”

“I did love you, Lou. I just want things to be easy for you. You deserve to be happy.”

“Thanks, Liam.” Louis sat up straight. “I am lucky to have you.”

“You know it.” Liam smiled at him and Louis smiled back.

“So will you ever tell him?”

Louis held his breath. “Yes…yes, I will. Now, I’m going to call him…now.”

“Now?” Liam hesitated, looking at him concernedly. “You’re sure?”

“Yes,” Louis said, “It’s now or never. I don’t want to regret never telling him and I don’t want to change my mind later.”

“I will leave you to it then.” Liam sat up from the chair and bent down to give him a kiss on the head. “Good luck Lou.”

Louis watched him walked back to the house as a determination filled him. Blood pumped within his veins and it felt like he was about to jump off a cliff or out of an airplane. He felt like the sensation of being alive was truly something remarkable. Louis gripped onto it and fed from it.

“Hello?” Zayn said like he didn’t know Louis’ world was about to be turned upside down.

“H-hi.” Louis said breathlessly.

“Louis?”

“Yeah it’s me.” He took a deep breath.

“Hey, wasn’t expecting to hear from you. What’s up?” Zayn said.

“Listen, I’m just going to say it. I know I may regret this later but it feels right, and I’ve held it inside for too long. I feel like maybe you, uh, deserve to know and stuff…”

Zayn was silent. “Uh, don’t do this, Louis…”

Louis didn’t know what he thought Louis was about to say. He frowned a bit, and then kept going. “I don’t think so. I need to say this, I need to get this off my chest and I need you to know so I can get some closure from this, so I can truly move on, you know?”

There was static, Zayn was silent. Then a deep sigh came from the other end. “Wow. Uh, listen, why don’t I come over and see you?”

“I-I don’t think so. I’m at Liam’s still anyway.”

“Well, then hold that thought till tomorrow.”

“No, it needs to be now; otherwise I won’t ever say it. I’ll be ninety and then I’ll regret not telling you.”

“Shit,” Zayn seemed agitated now, “Listen, Louis, just please hold that thought. I’m coming over there now.” Louis heard movement, the sound of a jacket being zipped up.

“Fuck,” Louis said, “No, Zayn, listen to me.”

“No, listen to me; I’m coming over to Liam’s. Ten minutes. Wait for me by the front. Don’t argue.” He hung up.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Louis sat on the front porch, awaiting Zayn. His heart beat less wildly, but still erratically. Butterflies stormed through his stomach in bursts, speeding up and then slowing down to a gentle hum, then increasing pace all over again. Louis felt like if he tried to speak he’d spit out slugs, that’s how clogged his throat felt. And yet, he also felt like if he opened his mouth, words would pour out until none remained inside.

Headlight glared as a car pulled up into the driveway.

His heart stopped beating.

Louis held a hand up to shield his eyes from the bright light of the car headlights. A moment, two, three, and then a door slammed. Zayn emerged from his blind spot. He walked steadily towards Louis, jaw set, eyes trained directly on him. Louis stood and walked towards Zayn as well, meeting him halfway.

It was a tense moment. A part of Louis disintegrated into happiness at seeing him walk up and the other part dreaded it. Louis stood in front of him and gazed up into his crystal clear gaze, his handsome face was as beautiful as ever in the light of the moon. He wished he could carry that image of Zayn forever. They stood still like that for several minutes, then Louis took a deep breath and his face broke into a sheepish smile. Zayn’s tense face relaxed and he smiled back at him equally as awkwardly. Louis felt like kissing him.

“Louis.” Zayn said simply, reaching out to clasp Louis’ hand in his own one. Louis looked at him pensively, wondering at his gentleness, at his breathlessness, agitation, his need to come speak to Louis in person, his refusal of hearing what Louis had to say. Louis let thoughts fade though, he stopped thinking. He thought too much, he let himself get too lost in analyzing something. Zayn always knew how to make Louis feel and not over-think. He was the only one who succeeded. Louis closed his eyes momentarily and reveled in the feel of Zayn’s cold hand encircling his own. He wished he could lean closer and bury his face in Zayn’s hard chest.

Zayn seemed to read his thoughts somehow. While Louis gazed into his face, he felt Zayn coming closer. It was no sudden movement like it had been before, there was no sudden meeting, and it was gentle, like the caress of his skin against Louis’ hands. His lips hovered just above Louis’. Louis didn’t think. he just let himself feel. Louis should have backed away, he shouldn’t have let Zayn do that to him all over again, but what part of Louis  had ever been rational around Zayn?

Zayn seemed to be saying, ‘ _ _it’s all up to you this time. You make the move.__ ’ And despite knowing better, Louis leaned up and completed the gesture. Zayn met him halfway and it was utterly beautiful and so pacifying he felt like his heart let out a sigh of deep liberation. It was no frenzy of lips and hands seeking to get closer, seeking selfish pleasure and wanting to capture another person’s soul for their own. Rather, it was like a gentle wave that sought to put a child to sleep, that sought to give pleasure in the purest form.

Louis hands didn’t want to let go of Zayn’s, but so much love was Louis pouring into the kiss, that he needed to hold onto him for support. It seemed like Zayn was pouring his own soul into the kiss and his hands were at Louis’ cheeks, cupping them and holding Louis to him like he was a fine piece of china.

Zayn’s arms around him felt so comforting and so utterly…right that Louis didn’t ever want to let go. He wanted to remain within them forever, clichéd though it may sound. Within moments, the thought of what he had intended to do had faded and the only memory he retained was that of Zayn’s nearness, that of his love for Zayn.

Lights boomed behind them from the porch. Louis felt Zayn release him and he turned to see Harry standing at the front porch. Louis smiled wanly at him.

“Louis.” He said. “What are you doing?” He sounded neither upset, nor unhappy, but resigned to a disappointed and rueful state.

“I called him here.” Louis explained. “I had to talk to him about something.”

“Talk…I see.” Harry forced a smile. “I’ll be inside then. See you in a bit.” He turned to go. Before the door closed, Louis saw a few other faces peer out and then pop away from sight.

It seemed all curiosity hadn’t faded however, because Stan came bounding out seconds later before they had even turned back to each other. He didn’t say anything. He just walked up, past Louis to Zayn. “Stan, what–.” He didn’t finish that sentence though because Stan had just thrown a punch at Zayn, catching him off guard.

“Stan!” Louis exclaimed. “What are you doing?”

“This asshole won’t leave you alone. I saw him kissing you. What the fuck does he think you are, huh? I know I treated it like it was nothing and made you do stupid things, Louis, but he’s not worth it.” He glared at Zayn, who looked like he was still reeling from the punch.

“Fair enough.” Zayn said. “But I think you don’t know the half of it, even, so you can leave.”

“Fuck off. C’mon, Louis.”

He glared at Stan. “No. Leave now.”

“Louis, don’t be stupid–.”

“I said. Leave. Now!” Louis spoke each word with enough force that even Stan had to stop and widen his eyes. He got that Louis was really upset by his actions. He glared at the both of them before storming back inside. Even though the front door had closed, Louis didn’t turn back to Zayn.

“It’s okay, Louis.” Zayn gripped his shoulder, forcing him to turn back around and face Zayn. “I won’t say I didn’t deserve that.” His hand lingered.

Louis examined Zayn’s jaw in the light of the porch that had been left on. It looked okay. He wanted to touch it but didn’t dare.

“I’m fine, Louis.” Zayn said. Louis looked up into his eyes; he was smiling.

Louis stiffened. “Sorry about that. He completely killed the moment.” He forced a laugh.

“Listen.” Zayn said. “I came here to tell you something.” He wasn’t smiling anymore, he looked tense.

“No, you came to hear something.” Louis corrected. “I had to tell you something.”

“I’m going to tell you something first.”

Louis didn’t say anything, merely looked up at Zayn and waited for him to continue. Eventually, Zayn caught on. He took a deep breath. “I was going to wait,” He explained, “felt this way for a while, but I was going to wait. And then lately I’ve been more and more straight with myself. Tonight, when you called,” Zayn gulped, “Well, I couldn’t let you tell me you’re going to get over me.”

“How do you know what–.” Louis began, really confused at this point.

“Let me finish.” Zayn interrupted. “It’s been…hard. This entire year has been so confusing and stressful on so many levels. I spent most of it hating myself and hating you, but I knew there was more to it at the core.” Zayn paused. Louis could see the struggle working within him, trying to think of the right things to say. “I don’t know when I began to see things differently, but I just did. I do know that I slowly began to become aware of it. Fuck…bear with me, Louis.”

“I’m listening.” Louis assured him and reached out to grab his hand. He relaxed a little, sighed.

“It’s just…slowly everything became clear and eventually I knew I couldn’t hide or run away from it, and that I wanted nothing else.” Zayn said. Louis was so confused but he waited patiently though. “It’s…I–, God, I’ve never done this before.”

Louis squeezed his hand, comforting him.

“I’ll just come right out and say it. Ignore the rant before. I love you.” Zayn said. “And I know that it’s bad timing,” He rushed to say without letting Louis grasp his words, “But I can’t contain it. I don’t know when I fell in love with you but I don’t want anyone else anymore. But I know you want something different, like you said, you weren’t happy with what we had going and I get that. I wasn’t either in my own way. I want-I want more than that with you. I want to be with you.”  Zayn took a deep breath. “But you’re ready to move on. You want to get over me and I get that too, but I don’t want you to. Just give me a chance. I can show you that I’m worth it. And know that saying…all this is…isn’t easy for me. I’m not great at this and I don’t know how to show you what I feel. I wasn’t going to bother you with my feelings again, but then things changed when I realized something and I knew I couldn’t let you go. I had to try.”

Louis hand slipped from Zayn’s. He took a step backwards, his jaw agape, his heart beating madly in his chest. Half with hysterical happiness that wanted to grab onto Zayn and the other half with disbelief, with fear that caused him to ease away from Zayn.

“I-I-Zayn…I don’t know what to say.”

Zayn didn’t speak again. Louis know it had taken a lot of effort for him to say everything else he had said and Louis didn’t expect him to say anything else. Perhaps a normal human being would have gone with that happy part of their heart that wanted to make everything right and good. They would have eagerly run into Zayn’s arms. Louis was far from normal.

“Say something.” Zayn finally said.

“Uh,” Louis gulped, “I’m sorry.”

Zayn’s face looked as if it was carved in stone. Gone was the vulnerability, the gentleness that had filled his magnificent high-cheekbones. It broke his heart to have to say that, to back away from Zayn as if Louis didn’t return his feelings. Louis couldn’t bring himself to say the words. I love you too. He would get hurt again. Zayn didn’t know what he wanted. Zayn didn’t love him. He’d hurt Louis and Louis had be broken all over again, even more broken than before. He, Louis realized, was afraid.

“Then you didn’t mean it?” Zayn said softly. His voice was hollow, rife with fresh hurt. It cut into Louis’ soul.

“Mean what?”

“You told me you loved me.” He said gently. “It made me take this chance. I couldn’t let you go if there was any chance you loved me.” He explained. “You didn’t mean it.”

“I-I-when?”

“You were drunk,” He told him, “A week ago or so ago.”

“At the party.” Louis realized. “I don’t remember.”

“It’s fine. I understand.” Zayn said. He looked at Louis like someone memorizing the face of something precious. Louis grimaced and looked away from so deep a gaze.

“I’m sorry.” Louis said simply. He turned around and ran, aware of Zayn’s gaze burning into his back the entire time. He rushed up the steps and almost fell, then opened the door, walked in and shut it gently behind him, pressing his back against it and closed his eyes.

Immediately upon walking in, Harry was at his side.

“I, um, want to go home. Harry, do you mind dropping me off?” Louis asked him, wanting his company more than a ride home. Calling his mother wasn’t an option at the moment.

Liam was beside Danielle. Louis caught his eye. He cocked his head and offered a small smile. It said a lot. Louis tried to smile back.

Stan made a move as if to come closer to Louis, but Eleanor held him back with a hand on his arm and a prodding look into his eyes. Louis caught Stan’s eye and smiled briefly through the dull throbbing of my pulse, wanting to let him know it was alright. It would be.

“I’ll take you.” Harry said with his solemn expression sealed in stone.

Louis said a quick bye to everyone and followed Harry to his car parked on the side of the road. Zayn was long gone.

Louis didn’t speak as they drove off. His mind kept replaying what had happened. Zayn had told him that he loved him. It was something Louis had never imagined would come out of his lips. He couldn’t let the happy part of him out though because that would mean opening himself up to pain.

Dimly, Louis became aware of the fact that Harry had pulled into his driveway. Louis didn’t turn to him, but stared straight ahead at the white door of the garage. “He said he loves me.” Louis said, his own voice sounding foreign.

Harry was silent. “I see.” He said after a heartbeat of silence.

“No advice this time?”

Harry shook his head, staring off into the space before him. “I don’t know what to say.” His voice was exhausted sounding, his expression pained.

“Yeah.” Louis leaned his head back onto the seat although his eyes remained wide open. “Me neither.”

“What’s the problem, anyway?” Harry asked. “He loves you, you love him. Be happy. Others aren’t so fortunate.”

Louis turned his face to him. “Hey, it’s not like I control what I feel.”

“Actually, you do. You can choose to be happy, or sad.”

“Sometimes you can’t. Sometimes a feeling overwhelms you.”

“So you chicken out and run away from love when it slaps you in the faces and dances around you yelling, ‘here I am, take me,’?” Harry asked.

“If he, your guy, told you he loved you tomorrow, and you felt afraid, you didn’t want to be hurt, would you still take it?” Louis asked him.

Harry didn’t smile like he expected him too. He didn’t look at Louis, but kept staring straight ahead. “I’d take it and run. Fear isn’t enough to keep you from something, it shouldn’t be. Like I said, others are less fortunate.”

“I am afraid.”

“You can be afraid.” Harry responded.

“But then what are you saying?” He was confused.

“Fear is normal, it’s human, and human is all you can be. Love is extraordinary and I wouldn’t let fear of hurt get in my way of love.”

“I don’t know if I can though.” Louis pleaded.

“I know you can.” Harry said.

“Damn,” Louis said, “You make me feel dumb.”

“Don’t feel stupid. Feel fortunate that I’m here. What would you do without me?” Harry smiled for the first time, albeit a little stiffly. His eyes had a cold, steely look to them now that made Louis pause for a second.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I have to go see him.”

“Now?” Harry asked.

“Or never.” Louis gulped.

Harry started the car. “Aye, aye captain.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Thanks for being there for me.” Louis said to Harry, glancing at the huge house in front of him through the window.

“Always.” Harry said simply. “Go on, now.”

“Wish me luck.”

“You won’t need it.”

“I hope not.” He mumbled, getting out of the car. Louis glanced back one last time. Harry smiled supportively before driving off.

It’s really now or never.


	30. Final

Louis knocked tentatively on the door once, then once more—louder this time. Footsteps on the stairs, coming closer to the door, Louis shifted restlessly. The door opened and Zayn’s mother stood there in cool perfection.

“Ah.” She said upon seeing him. “Come in. I wondered why Zayn came home in such bad mood a while ago.”

“Uh, Hi,” Louis said, and entered.

“He’s upstairs. Although, I must warn you, he is in an awfully intense mood so you should tread softly around him.” Mrs. Malik said. She smiled at Louis, taking him aback completely. “How are you? I haven’t seen you around here in a while, I might add.”

“Erm, I’m okay. I should go see Zayn…”

“Alright. It’s best that you do. Well, you know the way. Keep it…erm…quiet.” She said, leaving him alone as she walked into a door Louis assumed was her study. He watched her receding form trying hard not to think what she meant before he looked up at the great staircase before him. Slowly, he climbed his way up and came into the hall. He walked over to familiar door and knocked.

“I’m not hungry.” Zayn said.

“Uh, it’s me.” Louis said.

No response. No movement. A flurry of bed sheets, bedsprings shifting, then soft padded steps to the door. Zayn stood in front of Louis then in a pair of black boxers, his chest bare, hard and golden in a way that should be unfair.

“Louis,” Zayn said gruffly. His hair was mussed and his eyes were heavy-lidded. “I was about to fall asleep. Come in.” He said. Louis followed him inside. Zayn stood several feet away. “Why are you doing here?”

Louis looked hard at the ground, gulped, and looked back up into Zayn’s eyes again. “I’m sorry about before.”

“I think we established that.” Zayn said rather coldly.

Louis flinched. “No, not that. Well, I-uh…” Louis ran his fingers through his hair. “Okay, let’s get this straight, I’m not good at this whole talking thing either.”

“Noted.”

Zayn watched him curiously. “Earlier,” Louis explained, “I was really uh, confused, and taken by surprise. I didn’t expect that to come out of your mouth, so I didn’t get much time to think. The thing is that I don’t…fuck…I don’t not have feelings for you.” Louis said.

“What?” Zayn asked, clearly confused.

“I don’t not have feelings for you.” He repeated.

“English please?”

Louis flushed. “I, well, you were right in thinking that I had feelings for you.”

Zayn raised an eyebrow. “Oh?” Apparently, he wasn’t much better at doing this than Louis.

“Fuck this all to hell!” Louis shouted. “This is getting ridiculous. I have never heard of a more incompetent admission of love in my life! I mean what’s all this for? We’ve been circling each other for ages and even when we meet each other halfway, we end up taking five steps back again. It’s time for this to end. We either break the circle and walk away or finally meet on common foot!”

Zayn’s face slowly slid into a small smile. “Admission of love? Is that what that was?”

“Did you completely miss the point of that?” Louis asked, agitated.

Zayn took a step forward. “Is that what that was, Louis?” He asked softly.

He blushed. “Uh, well, yes.”

Zayn smiled, and then laughed. He came real close, reached out and pulled Louis close. With his lips against Louis’ ear, he murmured. “In that case, I don’t not have feelings for you too.”

Louis felt his cheeks turn a shade of red he wasn’t particularly keen on. He also felt like his jaw might pop but raised his face to Zayn’s half-smiling one and allowed his hands to tentatively reach out and settle on Zayn’s arm.

Zayn grinned and leaned in real close, his lips rested just above Louis’. “Let me catch my breath, at least, Louis. One second you’re turning around and walking away and now here you are. I like you here.”

Louis smiled slightly. “I, uh, like being here too.” He felt like turning around and running away for a second because it felt so odd facing what he had felt wouldn’t be his for so long.

Zayn’s smile faded. “We’ve had a lot of rough times.” He murmured. Louis felt Zayn’s hands slide up his back and felt like purring—much like a content feline to his embarrassment. Zayn grinned at him in a way that let Louis know he was aware of how Louis felt.

“Yes, we have. I like to think we’ve come out of one of those much talked about teen rough patches.”

“As better people?” Zayn raised a brow.

Louis shrugged. “As smarter people maybe—more mature. Maybe my brain works better, because I do not get why we’ve been so blind so long.”

Zayn frowned. “I don’t want you to think that I was, well, worried about what people thought. That isn’t why I tried to force myself away from you, Louis. Like I said, you go through some things and find out who you are along the way. That’s more or less my story.”

“This is kind of weird.” Louis said honestly.

Zayn grinned. “What, this?” He leaned down and gave Louis a gentle kiss on the lips. He leaned in and returned it.

Louis laughed after but felt disconcerted by it. “Well, yeah, what is this now…what…are we?”

Zayn looked thoughtful for a second. Then he smiled and said, “Like I said, I’m in love with you.”

It still felt like a dream to hear that. Louis felt a stupid smile break out on his face. He hadn’t appreciated the sentiment before because of the tumult of emotions swirling through his overactive brain. “I heard that.” Louis replied. It felt a little strange still. He didn’t know why he was expecting everything to suddenly fall into place all because three words were spoken.

Zayn grinned. “Well, it’s still new so we’ll get used to it.” He paused and looked at Louis assuredly, then continued with, “You’re mine.” The first statement had him nodding, the second made his eyes pop out of his skull.

“I’m yours?” Louis gaped. Not many people had the gall to make such a statement.

Zayn shrugged and allowed Louis to step away.

“Louis, I’ve been a bit easygoing lately because I didn’t think this would work out, but you can’t tell me you love me and then expect me to let you go. I really–,” Zayn was a bit embarrassed at this point, “–really, like you, Louis.”

Louis grinned. “I think we established that. You love me, remember?”

“That doesn’t mean I have to like you.” Zayn pointed out, and sat back on his bed. Louis stared at him earnestly, not bothering to hide the emotions he knew flashed on his face.

“Don’t give me that crap.” Louis said. “You can’t love a person you don’t like.” Then he stopped, because that got him thinking…

Zayn grinned because he saw Louis’ face and knew what he was thinking. “But, Louis, you managed it!” He said, grinned wickedly.

Louis frowned and said, “Shut up.”

Zayn didn’t however. “I’m your boyfriend; can’t you be a little nice to me?” Zayn laughed at his statement in apparent glee. “I like the sound of that.”

Louis did too, but he wasn’t going to admit it. Zayn was going to have to work a little bit for it. He pretended to sulk. “I don’t recall anyone asking me out on a date of any sort.”

Zayn froze, scratched his head. “You’re right! Okay, so even though all the confusion between us isn’t my fault entirely, I’ll accept that.” Zayn got to his feet and crossed the room. He held out his hand as soon as he stood directly before Louis. “Louis, will you go out on a date with me?”

Louis stared at it. “Yes.” Apparently, he was bad at playing hard to get.

Zayn’s hand was still outstretched. “For God’s sake take my hand, Louis; I was trying to be a little romantic.” He said gruffly.

Louis took his outstretched hand and stood up. Zayn leaned in for a kiss but Louis turned his head. “You can’t kiss on the first date, much less before it.”

“I’ve done a lot more than that, Louis.” Zayn rolled his eyes. “Now, it’s been a rough night emotionally for me. Can’t I get a little comfort?”

Louis smiled and leaned up to kiss him. His lips immediately caught his in a sensual kiss, sweet as honey. His tongue made the first foray into Louis’ mouth and he graciously accepted. Louis let his hands cup Zayn’s face this time, let his feelings pour into the kiss just because he could. Just because he had the freedom to do so.

Zayn rested his forehead against his and leaned away. “Dear God, you sure you don’t want to have sex?” He joked.

“Hell yes, I want to.” Louis replied, wanting to do nothing better than get his hands in Zayn’s pants and have him inside Louis so he knew for a fact that Zayn wasn’t going anywhere, that he was really here and Louis’. “But we shouldn’t.”

Then Louis kissed him fiercely, kind of contradicting his own point. Zayn gripped his hair and tilted his hair back, gorging himself on Louis’ lips. “Why shouldn’t we?”

“I don’t know.” Louis tugged on Zayn’s bottom lip; let his hands foray across the smooth silky chest. He let his fingers pull at Zayn’s nipples. Zayn groaned and the sound went straight to Louis’ groin.

It had been so long since Louis had let himself go emotionally—fully—and experienced something. So much tension eased off his shoulders that he leaned away from Zayn and just broke out into a wide smile.

“What’s so funny?”

“I’m happy.” Louis said, laughing. “Not that I wasn’t before, but I don’t know. I am just…giddy.”

Zayn grinned and kissed his cheek. “Glad you are.”

Louis let his hands trail into Zayn’s boxers and let them fist around Zayn’s erection. Zayn pressed his hands against Louis’ shoulders and pushed him away gently. Looking intently into Louis’ face, he said, “You said we shouldn’t. Do you have a good reason not to?”

Louis thought about it. Starting over fresh, from the beginning, had seemed like a good idea before. Now it seemed needless when they could just enjoy the moment. “No, screw it.”

Zayn’s eyes lit up. “Thank the fucking god.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “So typical.”

Zayn grinned and pushed Louis back gently on to the bed. He got in with him, lay on his side and looked down at Louis while his hands unbuckled Louis’ jeans. One hand grasped his cock while the other pushed up his shirt. Zayn’s eyes looked intently into Louis’ face while his hand stroked his cock. Zayn soon leaned down and sucked a nipple ravenously, smacking his lips, before he leaned up and gave Louis an open mouthed kiss. Louis returned it easily but his thoughts were trained elsewhere: on Zayn’s moving hands.

Zayn got up off his side, took off Louis’ jeans, boxers and t-shirt and then he stared at Louis’ cock for a second before he looked up, flashed a grin, leaned back down to take the head of it in his mouth. Louis bucked and buried it in his mouth. Zayn took a little time getting used to it, but was soon licking and sucking so well he had to bite his hand to hold back the noise.

“You like that?” Zayn asked him. “I’m doing alright?”

Louis nodded fiercely. “I’d say better than alright, Zayn.” The word ended off on a groan as Zayn lowered his head and took the entire length into his mouth. Then he proceeded to show how easily he could drive Louis crazy by kissing him all over his body except for his raging hard on. Louis didn’t realize that a lot of his body parts are that sensitive because every trace of Zayn’s tongue on his body felt explosive, warm and wet and he wanted to get release so much he probably started shaking.

By the time Zayn finally took his cock back into his mouth, Louis was so on edge that he came immediately. Zayn swallowed dedicatedly and then let Louis taste himself on his tongue. Louis got the idea that it turned Zayn on a lot.

“That was good.” Zayn murmured against his lips.

“Fuck me.” Louis said, feeling particularly shameless right now. He couldn’t even care that Zayn’s mother is in the same house. He just needed Zayn to be there.

“Sure?” Zayn asked with a kiss to his shoulder.

“Positive.” Louis replied, still out of breath but feeling himself hardening again.

“I want to face you.” Zayn admitted. “While I’m inside you.”

“Yeah, me too,” Louis replied. Zayn caught his eye and they stared for a few seconds, unmoving, before the moment passed and he smiled. Louis returned it because quite frankly, he found it difficult to not smile right now.

Zayn had lubricant and a condom and minutes later had a finger inside Louis, stroking easily, in and out. Louis watched him while he did this, when he could force his eyes open. He added a second finger and receded slowly before letting his fingers slide back in quickly and burying them entirely. After quite some time of this, Louis was groaning quietly and ready for Zayn.

Zayn seemed to understand this because he aligned himself against Louis’ lubricated hole and began to slide inside. Louis welcomed the burn and closed his eyes, reaching out to hold the back of Zayn’s thighs and urge him to slide in more. Zayn slid all the way inside and they both stopped. Zayn’s jaw was tight. He leaned down while Louis leaned up and their lips met hungrily.

“I love you.” Louis murmured, needing to say it.

“I love you, Louis, but I have to say I really have to fuck you right now. You’re killing me.” He groaned and slammed into Louis.

Louis gasped and moaned. “I can feel that. “

Zayn chuckled while he receded again. The friction was delicious. “God, you are mine completely.” He slammed back in. Louis tightened his grip on Zayn’s bare thighs and tried to hold his moans back.

Zayn proceeded to drive Louis slowly insane, talking to him the entire time while he drove into Louis at an agonizingly slow pace until Louis was clawing at him to give it to him. Zayn released his fervor and then drove into Louis, catching his lips while doing so, until they were gasping into each other’s mouths and ready to go over the edge. Zayn was with him every step of the way and rather than seeking desperately to grasp a part of each other—something, some piece, like they normally did—they fell into bliss collectively and came down from it collectively as well, every step of the way.

Zayn’s forehead rested against Louis’ as he tasted the salt of Zayn’s skin with his tongue and caught his breath slowly. Every frustration, every bit of silly anger and fight, every piece of stupidity they had experienced seemed to melt away as they came down from one big ignition. Because in the end, it seemed like no matter what they’d done, they’d done it to each other. They’d been horrible to each other and perhaps because of this, they deserved to be together.

Louis said this aloud as Zayn held him close.

“Perhaps,” Zayn said. “But we haven’t been very good about how we’ve let this affect those around us. Take Becca in my case, and also my other friends who were affected. Then there’s you with Harry and Liam, and Niall and every god damned gay boy in the area.”

Louis punched his shoulder. “Not every gay boy, just some of them.” He frowned. “Harry?”

Zayn sighed. “Oh, Louis, how does anyone stand you when you are so utterly clueless about people’s reaction to you? I feel like knocking you over the head sometimes.”

“Some boyfriend you are,” Louis muttered.

Zayn rubbed his back. Louis snuggled further into his chest and closed his eyes. “This is slightly surreal.”

“And not so strange anymore?” Zayn asked jokingly.

“I don’t know about that.” Louis laughed. “Maybe it’s just having sex that makes it easier to be all…affectionate.”

“I beg to differ. I’m pretty affectionate.”

“Well that’s one of us. But, seriously, what’s this about Harry?” Louis asked, trying to bring the topic back to the forefront.

“He’s completely, utterly, entirely crazy about you.” Zayn said somewhat grudgingly. Louis laughed.

“No, you’re kidding. Harry is in love with someone. He can hardly get over the guy. He hasn’t actually mentioned his name but he let it slip he was male.”

“Why don’t you ask him his name next time? Actually, don’t do that.” Zayn added on second thought.

“Oh, get over it. Would it help you if you knew I’ve been so crazy about you that most of my friends have thought I might be going insane? You don’t need to worry about Harry, believe me.” Louis said honestly. Sex does have a way of loosening one up…

“Crazy about me, huh?” Zayn grinned and bit his shoulder.

Louis yelped even though it didn’t hurt much. “Don’t flatter yourself. I tried very hard not to be.”

“Well, are you still crazy about me?” Zayn asked half-jokingly.

“You wish!” Louis said and got out of the bed, taking Zayn’s moment of pause as a way of pushing himself up.

“Where are you going?” Zayn frowned.

“Home. Thank God my mom is psychotically liberal.” He said as he picked up his shirt.

“Do you have to go?” Zayn asked.

Louis paused after he pulled his shirt over his head and grinned. “Aww…are you gonna miss me?”

Zayn scowled. “As if!”

“Who was all worried about ‘losing me’ just a few hours ago?” He crossed his arms.

“Shut up, Tomlinson, you can’t give me that. I know you’re ‘crazy about me’. Besides, don’t make fun of earlier. It was important. I don’t like it.” Zayn’s smile was contagious.

Louis got on the bed with his clothes on and crawled over to Zayn. He straddled Zayn and bent his head closer. Zayn gripped his hips and Louis knew he was getting turned on all over again. They kissed almost lazily, mouths and tongues entangled in a unhurried pace. Soon enough, Zayn was gripping his hips tightly and trying to rub his hard erection against Louis.

Louis pulled off, breathing heavily. “Well, now I’m sorry I started that. I really have to go.”

“Who’s going to drive you?” Zayn’s hands trailed up Louis’ chest and he suddenly realized how much he loved it…this.

He leaned into the touch. “You are. Remember, you’re crazy about me.”

Zayn sighed and removed his hands. “You can’t get away with this all the time, you know? Just because you’re all…”

Louis widened his eyes comically. “All, what?”

Zayn frowned. “All, I don’t know, big-eyed and…well…cute like that.”

Louis chuckled and got off him. “It’s okay, I love you.”

Zayn smiled now. He reached out and grabbed Louis’ hand, swinging it slightly. “Yeah, you do.”

They looked at each other in a way that said it all. Zayn’s brown eyes, instead of causing Louis to look away like they usually did, allowed Louis this time to gaze into them and convey the very feeling Louis had been planning on discarding. How could he ever think of throwing away something like this? How had he even failed to see it before? He had learned many things; only one of them was that sometimes you really have to look deeper than the surface of something. Blind emotions that shut you off to anyone but yourself don’t get a person anywhere.

Peace, Calm, rightness. They were the only words Louis can think of to describe a moment gained after such a long period of animosity, confusion and heartache, so profoundly well.


	31. Epilogue

“Louis, I know Zayn’s taking you out on your first date tonight, but will you snap back to reality?” Eleanor snapped a finger in front of his face and Louis jumped, coming back to the present. His mind had indeed been on Zayn but he wasn’t about to admit that.

Louis stared at the other faces peering curiously at him. Eleanor was frowning but Stan was grinning stupidly. He’d calmed down some. “Both of my best friends have the most aggravating partners.” He said cheerfully.

“And you’re happy about that?” Eleanor asked, rolling her eyes.

Stan shrugged. “Hey, I’m just chilling.”

Eleanor mouthed, ‘whatever,’ and turned back to Louis. “I asked you a question.”

“Sorry, what was it?” Louis blushed.

“I asked,” Eleanor said, gritting her teeth, “If you’d heard from Niall.”

Louis frowned. “No, why’s that?”

“Yeah, why?” Stan asked. He too, was curious.

“Harry and him seemed to be getting a little cozy and when I talked to Harry on the phone the other day, I heard him in the background. Are they seeing each other?” Eleanor said.

Louis frowned. “I don’t know. Harry didn’t say anything yesterday.”

“Yeah, Niall said nothing when I saw him either.” Stan said. “You could have asked me you know? He was my friend first before Louis met him.”

“Sorry,” Eleanor said genuinely. “Anyway, Louis is obviously back to la-la-land. I’m so glad Zayn doesn’t have this spare.”

Stan grinned. “Yeah, Zayn’s pretty sure about something when he sets his mind to it, eh Louis?” He winked.

Louis rolled his eyes. “You mean about the fact that he seems to want to tell everyone we’re together, than yeah I’d noticed…”

“Might want to restrain him until you come out to your mom.”

“Yeah about that,” Louis blushed, “She, uh, caught Zayn and me together the other day…”

Stan grimaced. “Not cool. How did they take it?” Eleanor nodded seriously.

Louis grinned. “Well you see, my mom is not stupid and as great as I am at concealing things from them,” he said sarcastically, “to be honest, she was expecting it. But … erm … she went down to the LGBT center down town and brought me sex education brochures and condoms.”

Louis grimace did nothing to stop Stan and Eleanor to burst out laughing. “Fuck off, both of you. It was traumatic.”

“Hey, at least she didn’t want to talk.” Stan giggled.

“Yeah, she told me to ask her anything I am unclear on. Like I am gonna do that.” Louis muttered.

“Question,” Eleanor held a finger up, “If you and Zayn are already together, what’s this whole first date thing? I mean, you’re already having sex.”

Louis sighed. “Zayn’s idea, not mine. It’s his idea of being romantic.”

Stan laughed. “Shut up homo, I can see you are secretly loving it. Man, I need a girlfriend…wonder if Hayley is single.” He muttered, catching sight of a red-head who’d just passed by.

Eleanor ignored him and smiled at Louis. “Aw, that’s too adorable. Well, have fun tonight.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Zayn arrived on time at seven PM. Much to his embarrassment, Zayn had brought flowers for Louis, a big nice bunch of roses. “Hey, Louis,” He murmured, catching his hand and pulling him in for a kiss before his mom came into the room.

Louis let Zayn’s hands slide liberally to his hips before forcibly pushing him away. Zayn could get a bit carried away, and as game as Louis was for that, his mom was gonna be there soon.

“Hello,” Louis whispered.

A small smile played on Zayn’s lips briefly before his beautifully lean face widened into a huge smile. “See, it isn’t so hard being nice to me occasionally.”

“I’m never mean to you,” Louis said, rolling his eyes. Zayn twined their fingers together and Louis pretended not to be affected by the touch and looked at him nonchalantly.

“And it’s not so weird anymore?” He asked softly, eyes flashing up apprehensively.

Louis smiled. “Not so much. I’m giddy with happiness.”

Zayn chuckled. “Giddy? Alright, then. I’ll take that.”

They were interrupted just then, by the sound of his mom coming into the front hall.

“Hi, Mrs. Tomlinson.” Zayn said with his million dollar smile and Louis could see his mom falling over him. Manipulative little bastard. “I brought these for you.” said Zayn as he thrust the rose bouquet at his mom.

“What? I thought they are for me!” Louis exclaimed and blushed as his mom raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t even like flowers.” Zayn said, confused.

“I can put them in your room,” his mom said, her eyes sparkling with mischievousness. “Or do you want me to scatter the petals over your bed?”

“Shut up, mom.” Louis scowled. “You too!” He turned to a giggling Zayn. “We are leaving.”

He grabbed Zayn’s hands and led him out of the front door, smiling back at his mom when she told them to have a good night.

“I’m looking forward to tonight.” Zayn said as they walked towards his car. “I like your shirt.” He ran a hand down the white material.

“You said it was fancy, so I dressed up.” Louis said, only slightly uncomfortable in his new shirt and trousers.

“Nice ass.” Zayn grinned, smacking it lightly.

“Thanks.” Louis replied with a roll of his eyes. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” They leaned against the side of the car and Zayn smiled down at him but Louis reached up, grabbed his tie and pulled him down for a kiss.

“I’m a little nervous.” Zayn admitted sheepishly when their lips parted. “I want everything to be perfect.”

“Shut up, you know I’m crazy about you.” Louis said, silencing him. Zayn did so and grinned widely. Louis can’t help but grinned back.

 _ _It was going to be a terrific night__. Louis decided as he pulled Zayn’s head down once more and kissed the boy he loved under the stars.


	32. Lock My Past in the Basement (I Have to Find Your Perfect Replacement) [Sequel]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the sequel of the fic. I decided to add it here in the same work...
> 
> Also this one is Harry's POV!

Harry slammed the car door and shoved the keys or his beat up Honda into his jeans pocket. His step-dad hadn’t bothered to do any routine check on the car when he handed over the keys to Harry and Harry couldn’t give a shit as long as it doesn’t fall apart into pieces. Louis said the ratty car gave him bad boy cred. Whatever. Like Louis knew anything about being a bad boy. He frowned and pushed his bangs away from his forehead, his hand sweeping over the sweaty skin. It was a muggy, swelteringly hot day and he was ready for it to be over. He breathed out a relieved sigh as he pushed the cafe door and stepped into the air-conditioned establishment. 

The bored looking girl at the counter brightened as she spotted Harry. “Hey Harry!” Her voice flutters a little like her heart is gonna jump out of her throat and Harry reminded himself to paste a smile on his face and raised a hand at the petite red-head. He is not ashamed to admit that he knew how people react around him and not ashamed to use that knowledge to full effect either. “Hey Megs.”

Megan had been serving him since the start of summer break when he found this tiny little cafe tucked in the corner of a quiet street full of retirement homes. Its most customers are families visiting their elderlies or a couple of stuff from there. It is small and a little on the old side with its stained sofas and wooden decoration but Harry liked the silence because no matter what Louis insisted, he doesn’t need noise and excitement to feed on to live. 

“The usual, Harry?” Megs asked, her earrings catching reflection in the coffee machine. 

“Yeah. A little sweeter on the coffee though. Feel like I could use a little sweet today.”

“Hot day today, ain’t it? We are out of blueberry muffins though.” She said as she handed his latte. “What do you want instead?”

“Surprise me,” Harry winked and Megan flustered with the muffin plate a little before putting a banana hazelnut one on it. “This one is my favorite.”

“Must be really good.” Harry said with an easy smile and handed over a ten. Megan smiled bashfully as she handed him his change.  “Enjoy your coffee.”

“I’m sure I will.” Harry replied and gave a mock salute before heading over to his favorite corner. He is at least 70% sure Megan is gonna ask him out this week and he is dreading it because he knows he is gonna say no and it is gonna be awkward and he will have to stop coming into this cafe. He should probably rein in a little on flirting but it is not easy when he is … well… Harry. Flirting comes as easy as breathing to Harry. And honestly, once you’ve reached the point where you flirted with a grey-haired stout bus driver, you have no going back. Harry preferred to think that he is charming people instead of flirting with them. Because no matter what Louis says, it is not flirting if you compliment the bus driver on his excellent choice in suspenders. 

He put his food on the glass table in the corner and dropped his backpack onto the bean bag. It’s the only bean bag in the cafe and Megan said it used to belong in the manager room where her old manager was gambling a lot and lost his apartment and had to live secretly in the cafe before he got sacked. The chair itself had seen better days with its random coffee stains in place and almost moldy smell. But it is comfortable and right next to the window but far enough from the main street to be any major distraction. Harry took a sip of his latte and contorted his body into a comfortable position on the bean bag before opening the laptop he was carrying in his backpack. He is going to finish The Breakfast Club today, no matter what. 

His phone pinged and he sighed before taking out to see an email from his mum. She had sent a photo taken from a balcony with clouds behind her and a tired but brilliant smile on her face. 

“Reached the hotel yesterday! The connection was so terrible I can’t send it until I found a good internet cafe. Don’t worry if you don’t hear from me for a few days, baby. We are planning on exploring the nearby hills around. :) How is your summer going? I wish you were here with me. I will be home soon, sweets. Love you. Talk to you as soon as I got a decent reception on my phone! xx”

Harry snorted and typed out a quick reply. “Hey mom, your hotel looks beautiful. My summer’s good. I am not partying as hard. Think I am losing my touch mom. :(( Mostly just lazing around and hanging out but it is getting so hot here I just don’t want to go out. Talk to you soon and take care, k? xxx” He took some pictures of him pulling ridiculous faces and attach them to his reply.

He had always been close to his mom and god, how he wished she was here during all the shit storms going on with Louis. He did introduce her to Louis before she joined a charity club at the hospital she was usually visiting in and starts traveling, raising funds and doing volunteer works. Harry would rather she stay at home with her heart condition but she swore being in the charity group makes her happy and she was getting better anyway. And frankly, it is nice to see her active and working around instead of just as a pale figure moving almost livelessly around the house. He and his step dad John were never close and it stayed the same, maybe even a little worse after she started traveling but Harry is a grown up dude and he can handle having his mommy away. 

The coffee is sugary and warm and it leaves a bittersweet aftertaste in his mouth. Harry put his phone to silent and shoved it into his jeans before playing the movie on his computer and nipping on his muffin. His phone vibrated several time but he ignored the sensation. The environment around him is slightly warm from the sunlight shining through the window and cool from the air con breeze and Harry felt content and drowsy. He must have actually dosed off for quite a while because when he opened his eyes, Claire Standish was trying to smoke on the screen and his coffee had gone cold. 

Harry sighed and paused the movie to take out his phone. There were several notifications, facebook invitations to summer parties, some messages from people he often hanged out with, all in one way or other of asking him if he wants to hang out. He wasn’t lying when he told his mom he had winded down a bit. He just didn’t feel like partying all night and sleeping all day except for bathroom and kitchen breaks like he used to do every summer. Maybe it is the heat getting to him. Or maybe it is something else but Harry didn’t bother trying to put a finger on what. 

He scrolled down his messages until he spotted one from Louis. It says “ _Pool party at El’s tonight. A bunch of us are going early for some barbeque. Be there by 6? I haven’t seen ur face for too long. x_ ” Which is followed by another one. “ _It is so fucking hot I am gonna die. Mom keeps talking about being environment friendly and shit but if I don’t blast the AC @ full, I would actually shrivel up and die._ ”

Harry smiled and tapped out a quick response. “ _Don’t. Nobody wants 2 c ur ugly shriveled face. Oh and I miss you too sweet cheeks._ ” He hit send and absently noticed that the last message exchange between him and Louis was about one week ago and they haven’t talked since then, haven’t seen each other for longer than that. It made Harry slightly sad and frustrated. It was not like they were inseparable before but Harry can certainly say Louis was one of his best friends and Harry his. It is just that now there seems to be a wall between them. A wall in human’s form. A wall whose name start with “z” and rhymes with “wayne”. Harry’s not naming names or anything.

“ _HE LIVES!_ ” The reply from Louis came quicker than he expected. “ _I will still be pretty even if I am shriveled, bitch!_ ”

Another message came in almost immediately as Harry finished reading. “ _Glad u replied. Thought u were avoiding me or sth._ ”

“ _Y wld i be avoiding u???_ ” Harry replied. “ _Fell asleep. The heat is making me an old man. Napping in the afternoon & shit._”

“ _Idk. Just..u know. Dun want things to be awkward btw us._ ” Louis’ reply was too serious for his liking and Harry bit down a sigh. 

“ _Nothing is awkward unless you make it so. :)_ ”

_“I know. Just, u’re so quiet these days and weirdly’nuff, I miss ur random msgs thruout the day.”_

_“I thought u’ll be too busy being a cockslut.”_

_“STFU omg. I told u one time..ONE TIME…i need some condoms and u keep thinking i am a nymph or sth.”_

_“You are, baby.”_

_“I hate you.”_

_“No, you don’t. :))))))”_

_“W/e. Be at El’s by 6 and u better bring some beers or I am not gonna let u in. :P”_

_“Haha. El loves me more than u. Her door is always open for me. Her door and other stuff ;)”_

_“Gross! And I am gonna tell El u said that.”_

_“I’m shaking with fear.”_

Harry walked over to the counter to order another coffee because it’s half past four and he might as well spend the time here instead of going back home before heading over to El’s. “I’ll have whatever he is having.” A familiar voice said behind him and Harry turned around to see Niall in a dark blue wifebeater and his baseball cap fitted on his head. “On second thought,” Niall continued as Megan handed Harry his latte. “Give me the iced version. I can’t handle anything hot right now.”

“Then you should probably stay away from me.” Harry winked and Niall rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know how you manage to get ass with those lines.”

“You didn’t complain when it was your ass.” Harry replied and Megan gave a pained little choking sound over the counter. Niall pretended to not see Megan flustering and gracefully accepted his iced latte. “This guy will pay for me.” He said as he took a sip from his cup. “It’s his turn to pay.” With that, he sauntered over to where Harry was hibernating before and Harry gave a mock sigh before paying for both of their drinks.

“Boyfriend?” Megan asked, almost succeeding at acting nonchalant.  

“Nah.” Harry wrinkled his nose and said nothing more because he really doesn’t know. When he headed over to his seat, Niall was already chilling over it with Harry’s earphones plugged into his ear, apparently playing The Breakfast Club from where Harry had left off. 

“Never thought you to be into old movies.” Niall said as Harry sat down next to him, their thighs touching.

“It’s classic, not old.” Harry mumbles and took one earpiece off from Niall’s right ear and put it into his.

“Anything released before I was born is old.” Niall retorted and gurgled nosily on his drink.

“Dude, you are disgusting.” Harry said.

“You like it when it was your dick.” Niall said and Harry gave him a mock salute because it was true. 

“You going to El’s later?” Harry asked after a couple of minutes of silence except for the noise from the movie. 

“Hmm..” Niall replied absently. “Oh. The pool party, right? Maybe. I am taking one of my little cousins to Macy’s later. Shouldn’t take long but you never know with girls.”

“Aww…aren’t you a good big brother?” Harry mocked and tugged on Niall’s short blonde hair. Niall took Harry’s hand from his hair and intertwined their fingers together. “It’s her birthday tomorrow and I have a car.” He shrugged and said. 

“Hmm..” Harry replied and shifted a little so his head was resting on Niall’s naked shoulder. “What are you doing here then?”

“I was in the neighborhood and her ballet class doesn’t get done until 5.”

“Niall. The neighborhood here is basically old people’s places. How can you be in the neighborhood? Just admit you are stalking me.”

“It’s not stalking if it is you who told me you hang out here.”

“I am regretting it now.” Harry replied. 

“Liar.” Niall said easily and moved his arm around Harry’s shoulder until he got comfortable. “Now shut up and watch the movie or I am taking that earpiece back.” Harry snuggled deeper into Niall’s arm. He can’t exactly remember why he told Niall most of his days were spent here. Even some of his closest friends (read: Louis) didn’t know about this place. 

“You going over then?” Niall said randomly and it took Harry a while to figure out what he meant.

“To El’s? Yeah. Who will get the alcohol if I am not there?”

“I am guessing Stan.”

“Stan is a pussy with a fake ID faker than Paris Hilton’s boobs.” 

Niall snorted at that. “Louis will be there.”

“He’s the one who messaged me so I am aware of that.” Harry replied.

“So will Zayn.”

“I know.”

“Together.”

“I know.”

“Cool.” And that is that. If there is one thing Harry likes about Niall, it is this attitude right here. He is chill and easy going and don’t really hard press you into talking “your feelings” like Eleanor or even Louis likes to do sometimes. It is not that he doesn’t care. He will just decide your business is yours and doesn’t bother with it if you don’t want him to. 

“Hey Niall?” Harry started.

“Yeah?”

“How come you never ask me about it? Even Stan cornered me a couple of weeks ago.”

“And by it, you mean the long hard gay crush you had on Louis and the equally long hard gay crush he had on Zayn and how he broke your heart?”

Harry winced. “Don’t sugarcoat it to spare my feelings or anything.”

Niall sighed and paused the movie. “Look dude, I know what I need to know. You like Louis. He likes Zayn and Zayn likes him and they are in some sort of chick flick romance that leaves everyone around them nauseous. And Louis only figured out you like him a couple of weeks ago because he is half blind or something and missed your lovesick eyes.”

“I am not lovesick-” Harry muttered as Niall continued. “And I know you guys had the Talk, with a capital T. I heard tears were shed.”

“Now you are bullshitting.” Harry scoffed. “No tears were involved, ok? He asked me if I like him. I said yes. No point in lying. Especially if it won’t make a damn difference.” He said a little bitterly.

Niall sighed and turned his head so his lips were resting next to Harry’s ear. “I am sorry Harry. It sucks I know. But I can’t do anything about it. You can’t do anything about it.”

“You make it a little better.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is.”

“Come on, Harry. Do you honestly think people don’t notice you are not acting like yourself? Even I knew you are down and I’ve only known you for what? Two months?”

“Just because I don’t fuck around as much doesn’t mean I am down. Am I that big of a slut people start thinking I am weird when I stop fucking everything with two legs?”

“You know that’s not it, Harry. You just..I don’t know, sort of dimmed. You used to be so energetic and full of life and just this little ball of sex and fun. And now you are watching an 80’s flick in a cafe that smells like old people .”

“’s not a bad thing.” 

“No, it is not. Just not something people could picture you doing everyday.”

“Maybe the party boy stuff is just a facade I put on and this is the real me.”

Niall laughed at that. “Harry, you literally feed off of the energy of the crowd. I mean, I understand you need your alone time sometimes. But you are a people person.”

“I am just tired and need a break.” Harry wiped a hand over his face and said. “Just…tired.”

“I know.” Niall put a small kiss on the tip of his ear and Harry smiled. “I could really really like you, you know?” Niall said, his voice almost a whisper.

“Huh?”

“Just. I know I am like rebound sex or whatever and I am cool with it. I really am. But I could, if I let myself, really really like you.”

“Why are you not letting yourself then?”

“I think we already have too much unrequited love around here.” Niall said and Harry felt a ping in his heart. “Yeah, it is a bitch.”

“Sorry, babe. Let’s just…watch your old film in this old cafe, yeah?”

“’s not old.”

**************************

“You are gonna be late.” Harry said as they stood up from the seat and stretched themselves. The movie was finally over and the clock was ticking 14 minutes past five. 

“Eh, she can deal.” Niall said and put his cap on his head. Harry pulled it down to cover his eyes just for good measures. Niall batted his hand away. “Don’t mess with a man’s hat.”

“I should get going too. Gotta be the alcohol dealer for the party. People are relying on me.”

Niall snorted. “So hard being you. Hey, if I make out with you right now, will you give me your earring?”

“I don’t have an earring and Bender is so much hotter than you.” Harry retorted as he put his laptop back into his back pack. “I bet Zayn will give Louis his earring if he could. I saw Louis in Zayn’s varsity jacket one time and it was like 100 degrees outside.”

“They are going to be that sickening this evening, aren’t they?”

“I guess.” Harry shrugged, now dreading a little to head for the party.

“Don’t worry,” Niall said as they stepped out into the parking lot. “I will be there to provide you pain-relief make out sessions as necessary.”

“So generous.” Harry said and opened his car door. “See ya later then?” He said and on a whim, leaned over to peck Niall on the lips. Niall, as cool as ever, just smiled before heading over to his own car parked down the street. 

**************************************************

Half an hour later, loaded with more alcohol than he can carry, Harry knocked on the gates of Eleanor’s house. Eleanor is probably the most well-off among with her mansion of a house and her big ass pool. Lucky thing her parents didn’t mind her daughter throwing parties all over their upscale property because as materialistic as it sounds, Harry loves El’s house parties. Louis opened the gate with a bright grin, already in his swimming shorts, his legs glistening with water. 

“Look like someone’s already getting started.” Harry said as Louis took a couple of six packs he had been carrying. “Thanks, mate.”

“Just been dipping around in the pool. I am very thankful I sat next to Eleanor in Grade 2. Who knew she would come with free access to a ginormous pool?”

“I know you love me only for my money.” Eleanor came hopping off from the backyard where the barbeque grill is set up. 

“You know it,” Louis winked at her, free and easy. “Wanna make me your trophy husband? Be my sugar mommy El. And hire me manservants to massage me and feed me grapes.”

“Ask Zayn to feed you grapes.” Eleanor replied with an excessive eyeroll. “Harold, I haven’t seen your face for the longest time!”

“That’s not even my name.” Harry replied. “There’s a buttload more of this in the car.” He mentioned to the beers he and Louis were carrying. 

“See, this is why you are my favorite. I am totally making you my trophy husband.” Louis gave an offended “Hey!”. Eleanor, ignoring him, shouted into the backyard, “Stan! Zayn! Make your asses useful and help me carry the beer.” The boys ran out, also already in swimming trunks and there was a slightly awkward moment when Harry and Zayn sort of nodded at each other uncomfortably but it was quickly over as Stan slapped Harry on the biceps and took his car key from him. 

Eleanor showed them where to put the drinks and took them over to the grill where Becca was manning the barbeques. Harry hadn’t properly met Becca because they kept missing each other at different places but she said she had heard a lot about him. She’s a small brunette with cute eyes and even a cuter smile.

“Your girlfriend is a knock-off, El,” Harry said as Eleanor took him to the guest bedroom so that he could change. A party where everyone but Harry Styles is half naked? Please. So not happening. “Don’t know how you manage to score that.”

“Hey,” El laughed and hit him on the back of the head even though she had to stand on her toes to do that. “Damn. Did you get taller kid?”

“All of us can’t be midgets forever, El.” Harry replied tongue-in-cheek and Eleanor shrieked. “5 feet 6 is NOT a midget. And anyway, I will let you know I have mad skills.”

Harry laughed and made a crude V-sign with his lips, only to have Eleanor pushed him into the room. “Go and change, you little perv!

Harry was still laughing and taking his shirt off when Eleanor opened the door and poked her head in. Harry covered his nipples and gave a mock shriek. “Can’t a guy change without getting eyed in this house?”

El rolled her eyes. “Shut up. Just..I mean it, you know. We really miss hanging out with you.” Harry didn’t bother asking who is “we”. 

“I miss you guys too. But it’s only been what..two weeks?”

Eleanor just smiled. “Just thought you should know. Now, come on out quick. I can hear the guys wolfing down their food from here. It’ll be all gone if you are not there in next three minutes.”

“On it!” Harry mock saluted and got out of his clothes. He didn’t bring a swim trunk but he thinks his boxer briefs are quite okay and stepped out into the backyard. Louis and Stan, as Eleanor predicted, are devouring massive burgers and Zayn was nowhere to be seen. Harry breathed a sigh of relief at that and felt a little guilty about it. 

“Becca makes the best burgers,” Louis said with his mouth full of chewed meat. He had lettuce and bread crumbs around his oily mouth and looks absolutely unattractive. Harry wanted to reach out and wiped the food stain from his mouth with a tissue. He almost reached out his hand to grab the tissue on the table only to realize that he couldn’t anymore. Louis is not his anymore. He was never his but he was never also anyone’s. He is now, though and Harry swallowed down that bitter taste of truth. 

Louis, oblivious as ever, continued talking. “How did you even get her to date you?”

El huffed from where she was chewing her meal a little more gracefully. “What’s up with people always asking that? First Harry and now you. Good thing I actually am secure about myself because some friends you are!”

“Aww..El. You are hot and smoking and rich and throw awesome parties!” Stan said, wrapping his free hand around El’s smaller frame. “We love you.” He put an oil-stained kiss on her cheek and Eleanor screeched to get his skanky mouth away from her. 

Stan winked at Harry with a raised eyebrow before picking Eleanor up by the waist. Harry got it immediately and grabbed her legs as she kicked and screamed. “LET’S START THIS PARTY!” Stan yelled and both of them threw Eleanor into the pool, water splashes hitting their faces as Eleanor swam to the surface and screamed murder at them. Louis was doubling over with laughter and high-fived them as they yelled proud war cries. As Eleanor got out of the pool and shook her wet hair around them like a wet puppy, Harry thought yeah, I really miss this. 

**********************************

Harry was lounging on the front lawn with his backpack under his head when Louis brought him a cool beer. Harry sat up and muttered his thanks before gulping a mouthful. Louis sat next to him on the grass with his own beer and nudged their bare toes together. “How have you been, mate?” Louis started and Harry shrugged. 

“Good. Nothing much going on.” He absent-mindedly played with the label of his beer bottle. “Finished The Breakfast Club today.”

“What?” Louis said, almost sounding shocked. “I thought we were going to watch together. I’ve even downloaded it.”

“Yeah..well.” Harry trailed off. They agreed to watch it together when Louis read an article on web about it being THE coming of age movie. Of course, he then got into his own Romeo and Juliet drama with Zayn and everything got forgotten. “Thought you wouldn’t remember it. Or watched it already.”

“I told you..no, promised you, we will watch it together.” Louis said, his mouth pouty like Harry had done something hurtful. “You watch it by yourself?”

“Yeah. Well. Sort of. Niall joined me like halfway through. He had already seen it though. He kept running commentary through it. Not a very good movie companion.”

Louis smiled, even if it is a little strained. “Yeah. Niall, huh? Things going steady?”

Harry sighed. “It’s a movie, Lou. Not a marriage vow.”

“I am just saying,” Louis said casually. “You’ve been hanging around with me a lot. You - “

“Can you not?” Harry interrupted him, not even caring if it sounds rude. “Stop making this so awkward and fucking uncomfortable. I am here to have a good time with you, with all of you, not sit here and do…this.” 

Louis made a frustrated little noise from the back of his throat. “I am not doing anything!”

“Fine!” Harry snapped back, not sure why he is feeling angry. 

“Look. I don’t know how to deal with this. I am trying my best.” Louis said, his face open and young and a little scared and Harry wanted to close his eyes and fall.

“There is nothing to deal with.”

“Oh, so we are just ignoring the big fat elephant in the room now?” Louis retorted back.

“Look, it is just a crush and I am not some stupid kid who needs to be treated like a delicate little flower because the guy I like doesn’t like me back.” 

“Harry - “

“But you gotta stop bringing it up because it is doing nothing good for anyone. I don’t want to fall into this awkward zone with you. You are my best friend and I don’t want all this shit with you.”

“You are my best friend too Harry. You know that.” Louis replied. “But you have to understand. I have never had someone I care likes me like that. I never had to hurt some I love. And it makes me frustrated and helpless because I don’t know how to make it better and I want to make it better.”

“You can start by ignoring it,” Harry said, suddenly tired. “It’s like ripping the old wound again and again every time you talk about us and I don’t want to. You can’t do anything about it and I can’t do anything it, so just ignore it.” He looked at Louis, looking sad and helpless and sighed. “Please? I’ll be ok. I promise.”

“Ok.” Louis nodded.

“Thanks.”

“But promise me you will take care of yourself, yeah?” Louis said softly, placing his warm hand on Harry’s jaw and Harry wanted more than anything to take Louis’ hand into it and never let go of it. Louis let go of his face before he could finish that thought.

“I always do.” He replied and Louis gave the smallest shake of his head. “You really don’t. You are so good at taking care of others but you are completely shit at doing it to yourself. So just take care, ok? For me.”

“Yeah, ok.” Harry nodded. He looked down at his now lukewarm beer and said, “C’mon. Let’s go back to the party. If the pool is too crowded to get in, I am blaming you for distracting me.”

Louis gave him a smile and they both got up off the lawn. Dust was setting in and more and more people are arriving. The backyard is full of half naked bodies and flashy bikinis and beer bottles with loud music thumping across the open space. Harry looked around to see a lot of familiar faces, some from Louis and El’s school, some from random encounters. He got a new beer and tipped it to Stan who was manning the DJ station. He can see Zayn and Louis from the corner of his eyes, silently talking. He had to give it to Zayn because he had thought him to be someone who will storm in and start yelling when he sees Harry and Louis sitting and talking. Still, Zayn put an arm around Louis’ waist, his hand resting on Louis’ exposed hipbone and gave Harry an undecipherable look before taking Louis over to the chips table. Harry closed his eyes for a minute, inhaled, exhaled and jumped into the pool. 

**********************************

Stan joined him in the pool a little while later after he had set up what Harry called “The Infinite Loop of Shittiest Club Songs” playlists on the speakers. Harry said so to Stan and get himself a dunk under water. The rest of the gang, namely Louis and El and their significant others, joined them soon in the water. Well, except for Zayn because he just sat on the pool edge with his legs soaked in water. Louis was standing in between his parted legs, his hands resting on Zayn’s thighs and his head on Zayn’s belly. If Louis just turned around, he will be face-to-face with Zayn’s crotch and wow, Harry really didn’t need that image. Zayn tipped Louis head upwards with his hand, while leaning down to kiss him softly and Louis allowed him a long kiss before looking over to Harry with a face that seemed to say “I am sorry. I shouldn’t be but I still am.” If Harry was a lesser man, he would take a messed up pleasure at that. Instead, he just pretended to not see them and agreed to wingman for Stan.  

The girl he was trying to set Stan up with was a curvy and fiesty red head who started to touch Harry a little more than necessary when he approached her in the pool. Harry politely told her he is not interested and when he got back and gave Stan an apologetic look, he just laughed, loud and wild and said, “Should have known better than to let someone like you to get girls for me, man.” Harry just punched him in the shoulder.

Eleanor found a beach ball from the garage and insisted they play toss the ball. It ended up with El on Harry’s shoulder, Becca on Stan’s and Zayn on Louis’. 

“Look, we all got our girls on our shoulders.” Stan said and Louis laughed before Zayn kicked him.

“You wouldn’t say that if you know how much Louis loves getting - “

“If you finish that sentence, I will drown you.” Louis replied from under Zayn. “Don’t think I wouldn’t.”

“Shut up. I know you are crazy about me,” Zayn said with his hands running through Louis’ wet hair and it must be some sort of inside joke because Louis giggled before biting down on Zayn’s calf. Harry wanted to throw up a little. Thankfully, Stan broke off the lovefest by throwing the ball at Louis. “You start, lover boy.”

They wobbled and played around in the water for a while and Harry and El were winning because El is really light and has really long arms. They startled to a stop when a voice boomed out from behind them. “I am here, losers!” They turned around to see Niall, jumping from foot to foot.

“Hey,” Harry greeted in return. “You survived Macy’s.”

Niall fake shuddered. “Barely.”

“You wanna jump in, dude?” Stan asked and Niall shook his head. “Nah, you crazy kids do whatever you are doing. I am gonna get something to eat and drink first.”

“Nobody’s surprised.” Louis said and Niall retorted intelligently by sticking his tongue out before hopping over to the food table. Zayn took advantage of everyone’s distraction to throw the ball at Becca who missed and toppled both her and Stan into the water. 

“OH. It is on, you bitch.” Stan mumbled with water in his mouth and get Becca back on top of him. They kept playing, a little more brutally this time round. All of them ended up in the water at least one or two times and Harry thought he is gonna have aches all over his body tomorrow. One turn, Zayn threw the ball too far and out of the pool and they all made Zayn and Louis got out of the pool and retrieve the ball.

“Well this is getting boring,” El said from on top of him, her hands in his hair as they waited for the two boys to come back. He thinks she is discreetly braiding his hair. “We keep winning against you suckers.”

“Not every one has long arms like you, babe.” Becca said.

“Aww,” El cooed. before grabbing a hold of Harry’s ears. Harry whined. “Move a little forward so I can make out with my girlfriend.”

“I am not your pack mule,” Harry muttered but complied nevertheless.

“Woah…PDA much?” Louis’ voice and Harry tilted his head a little to see him sliding gracefully back into the pool with the beach ball tucked under his arm, Zayn following behind him.

Stan snorted. “Pot. Meet kettle. Seriously, you all make me sick with your young love.” He said as the two girls on their shoulders make out. “Seriously, Harry,” Stan continued. “I am glad you are here because I am the only straight guy here between these two gay couples.”

“I am half gay remember?” Harry laughed. “More than half gay.”

“Well, at least there is a little hetero blood in you,” Stan replied. “Don’t deny me simple pleasures, bro.”

Harry snickered and fist bumped with Stan before pulling the two girls apart and toppling them over into the water. Eleanor dragged him down with her and there was a blurry of water and bodies and hands trying to dunk each other. Harry unwrapped Eleanor’s vine like hands from his shoulder and try to stand up. “Jeez. You have surprisingly strong arms for a tiny body.” He said and coughed water. He looked over to the side of the pool to see Louis being trapped in the corner by Zayn, hands all over each other and they looked like seconds away from full on making out. Harry was not very keen on masochism so he climbed out of the pool and said, “I think I am getting hungry guys.” They obviously didn’t buy it because Eleanor was looking at him with these concerned eyes and Stan looked uncomfortable. Harry didn’t bother explaining. They can think whatever they want to think. 

He grabbed a nearby towel and quickly run it over his body before working over to the mingling crowd. The ground felt a little unsteady after he spent so long in the water and he shoved his way to the beer table to help himself another beer. 

“Hey, you are wet.” Niall said from behind him and Harry turned around. 

“Yeah, and you are shirtless.” He retorted easily. Niall was sweaty and his cheeks were flushed pink and Harry could tell he had a little or a lot of beer in him.

“Hot.” Niall said succinctly before finishing the beer in his head. “So, do you need that relief make-out session or what?”

“You are drunk.”

“Yeah. Well, not too much. Just buzzing. Good buzzing. And horny.” Niall said and Harry snorted. Niall put his hands on Harry’s bare shoulders and shouted into his ear. “Dance with me at least then. I need someone shameless to rub all over.”

“You are like a dog in mating season” Harry said and put his arms around Niall’s waist to steady him. They swayed to the music for a while and Niall kept kissing and licking his neck. Harry let him. “You really sure you don’t want to make out because you taste really good and I wasn’t lying when I said I’m horny.”

Harry can see Louis and Zayn kissing at the same place in the pool where he left them and Niall’s mouth is heating his neck and his spine and he thought fuck it. He grabbed Niall’s hand and pulled him over to the house. “Come on then.”

Niall laughed as he let himself dragged. “Woah tiger. Where are we going?”

“Somewhere private.” Harry replied. 

“I thought you had a exhibition kink. I am disappointed Styles.”

“Well see,” Harry said as he pulled Niall into the guess room Eleanor showed him earlier. He pushed Niall against the door and locked it before putting his hands on sides of Niall’s head. “I would happily kiss you in public until you run out of breath. But the things I want to do to you..well, even I am not that big of an exhibitionist.”

“Yeah?” Niall said, almost challengingly but his eyes are wide and intense and Harry couldn’t look away. “Like what?”

Harry didn’t answer, instead unbuttoning Niall’s jeans and shoved his hand into his boxers without any warning. Niall gave a little gasp and Harry swallowed that noise with his lips. Niall was getting harder and wet and hot in his hand and it felt good. Harry had had enough sex with Niall by now to know where to touch and where to slightly run his thumb over and which part of Niall’s neck to drape his teeth on. As cocky as it sounds, Harry knew he is a fantastic lay. It’s not his love’em and leave’em attitude that keeps people running back to him for a second time. And he knew they always want a second time. He bit down on Niall’s collarbone, leaning down since he is taller than Niall, careful enough not to break skin but hard enough to leave a bruise the next day. He thought of Zayn’s hands on Louis’ face and squeezed Niall’s cock a little tighter. He thought of Louis’ smile whenever he sees Zayn and kissed Niall a little harder. Niall made those short little intakes of breaths he always makes just seconds before he comes and Harry stroked faster, his thumb rubbing small circles over his slit and it had Niall coming almost immediately. Niall rested his head on Harry’s shoulder and panted while Harry let his hand soaked with Niall’s come. 

“God, you are always so good,” Niall said and kissed Harry hungrily. Niall always kissed with the same energetic almost feverish determination and Harry let himself value the intimacy for a little while. When they pulled apart, Harry raised his come-wet hand to his mouth and sucked down on his middle finger. Niall groaned. “You are so fucking filthy. Fuck.”

Harry just smiled as Niall said “Just..come here.” and pulled him into another rough kiss before kneeling down and pulling down his boxer in a swift motion. Niall mouthed at his half hard cock and it sprang to attention as Niall messily blowed him. Harry used the discarded boxer to wipe his hand before running his hands in Niall’s short hair, urging him to suck a little faster and harder. Niall complies and Harry made appreciative noises in the back of his throat. He aimlessly wonders what it would be like to have Louis like this instead of Niall and felt guilty because Niall was being so good to him and he had no right to think of Louis like this. He tried to focus on Niall, let his name fall from his mouth and ignored the little voice in his head that kept telling how good it will be if it is Louis’ black thick hair his fingers were twining in, if it is Louis’ blue eyes looking back at him, fulling of adoration like they way they looked whenever he talked about Zayn and god, he really needs to stop doing this. 

Niall scraped a little teeth over his cock and it brought Harry back into the presence and he let himself go. Let himself getting absorbed into pleasure and Niall’s wet and hot and perfect mouth surrounding his cock. When he comes, it was with Niall’s name on his lips and he didn’t even have to think about it. It made Harry a little proud. He slid down to the floor, to the eye level with Niall and kissed him slowly. He can taste himself on Niall because Niall always swallows and damn if it isn’t the hottest thing. 

“You alright?” Niall asked and Harry laughed a little hysterically. “Yeah. No. I don’t know, mate. I am so messed up.”

“We all are. You’re good, love. You want to stay here for a while?”

“Nah, I think - I want to just head back home. Your blowjob had left me so tired.” Harry said with a small smile.

“Glad to be of service. Come on up then.” Niall helped both of them up to their feet and unlock the door. “Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, it’s fine. The last beer I had was like three hours ago. I am fine. You stay here and have fun. You haven’t even been in the pool.”

“Too many people.” Niall shrugged. “I think I will head home soon too. I’ll just go and talk to Stan first.”

“Sure. Text me tomorrow?” Harry said as he put on his clothes he left in the guestroom. Shit, he needs to find his backpack. 

“Yeah. Or maybe I’ll just drop by at your old little cafe.” Niall winked.

“’s not old.” Harry gave the contrite response just to see Niall chuckle. “Catch you later,” Niall left with a soft kiss on his cheek and Harry finished dressing himself before letting himself out of the room. Niall was already gone from the house and Harry stood before the hallway mirror to fix his hair. He looked as debauched as he felt. There is a loud commotion from the front door and Harry almost jumped. Two figures stumbled into the hallway and Harry didn’t even need the light from outside to know it is Louis and Zayn. Their bodies were intertwined with each other and Harry could hear faint noises from Louis saying “Zayn” and “yes” and “please” and “I love you” and he can see Zayn’s hands disappearing under Louis’ swimming trunks.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered and it was enough to break the two boys apart. 

“Harry!” Louis said while Zayn narrowed his eyes at him.

“I am just going,” Harry said and almost shoved them out of his way to step out of the house. 

“Harry, wait.” Louis run out after him to the front porch and Harry could see the outline of his hard cock in his trunks and fuck he really really doesn’t need this right now. 

“Go back in Louis. I am leaving.”

“Why are you like this? You said everything will be fine. You said you will be fine.” 

“I am fucking fine!”

“You are not! God, I can’t… I can see you hurting and I can’t. I can’t deal with it. Fuck. Harry, I thought I was finally happy but then there is you and this whole -”

“Don’t you dare say that.” Harry interrupted and he really didn’t like the way his voice break. “I did everything. Everything I possibly could to make sure you are happy. You remember how you ask if I like you and I said yeah, I have a crush on you. Well, I fucking lie because it is not a crush. I am so head over heel in love with you. Every time you sit in my car and eat smelly burgers and cry over Zayn, I wanted to say I can be so good for you. I wanted every single time to just say I love you and I will try and make everything better if you just let me. But I didn’t because I knew. I knew that you love him so fucking much and I can see you will never be happy until you are with him.” He rasped his words and pointed to the door where Zayn was lurking. “So I bottle everything up. I never said anything. I watch you love him and fall for him more and more and fuck, I hand deliver you gift-wrapped to him. All because I can’t stand to see you upset. So don’t. Don’t you dare say you are not happy because of me. Just..don’t.”

“Harry,” Louis said and his eyes are brimming with tears and Harry is so frustrated with the world he didn’t know what to do. “I don’t..I didn’t know. I.. I am sorry.”

“It is not your fault. It is not anyone’s fault. God, but I wish it is. I wish it is your fault so I can just point at you and say that boy is so heartless and stomp all over my heart. But I can’t because you are so full of love, just not for me and just not the way I want it to be. It will be just so much easier if I can just hate you. But I can’t and it…fuck. I need … I think I need a little time to myself. Away from you.”

“Are you?” Louis asked, small and hurt and it broke Harry’s heart a little more.

“Please. I feel like I am drowning and you are the weight around my neck and god don’t you see Louis? I can’t breathe around you. So I am saying I am going to need to be not around you for a little while.”

“I … I don’t want us to be stop being friends. It .. I feel so selfish but - “

“No, you are not. It’s fine. I don’t want us to either, but just. Give me some time Louis. I can’t keep bottling things up anymore because they are going to blow up sooner or later and I just…I will just need to try and get over you. And it’s not going to be easy. That’s it. That’s all my cards on the table. I love you and I can’t have you and that’s fine because I am honestly happy that you are with someone you love but I am gonna need a little time to recover, ok?”

“Ok.” Louis said determinately, even as he wiped away his tears. “Ok.Just … call me. Whenever you feel like it, yeah. Anytime.”

Harry just nodded because he didn’t trust himself to break down right now. He pushed his hands into his pockets and stepped out into the night, the rough summer air hitting him in the face and he felt tears prickling over his eyes. Stupid. He kept his head down and walked to where his car was parked when a hand reached out and gripped his arm.

“Harry, hey.”

“Niall.” He said to the blonde boy looking at him with huge, worried eyes. God, he must look like such a mess right now. “I am sorry but I don’t really want to talk-”

“Then don’t.” Niall said roughly and pulled him into a hug and Harry tried not to but tears fell onto Niall’s shoulders anyway. True to his words, Niall didn’t ask him anything; just held him while Harry tried not to let his sobs out loud. “Sorry,” he said and tried to pull away but Niall kept his grip on him firm. “I get your shoulder all snotty.”

“’s fine.” Niall replied, his hand in Harry’s hair and Harry let his random motions in his hair comfort him for a little bit. 

“Hey Niall,” he asked. “Do you want to like go out with me?”

“No,” Niall whispered and Harry tensed before he ended up laughing. “Yeah, I wouldn’t want to go out with me right now either.”

Niall pulled away and grabbed Harry’s face with his hand. “You know what I said about I could really really like you if I let myself?” Harry nodded. “It’s true, you know. I am already liking you a lot more than I think I would. But I am sorry to say this. You are not really in the right head state right now and I don’t mind being a rebound fuck but I don’t want to let my feelings get tangled up in all this.”

“I understand,” Harry said.

“I am like you or even Louis, ok? When I fall, I fall hard. I am just a little more cautious.”

“Maybe I should try that next time.” Harry said with a dry laugh. It sounded fake even to his own ears. 

“Ask me in one month’s time.”

“What?”

“Let’s just be friends right now while you get over your massive teenage soap opera drama,” Harry slapped his arm a little at that. “And after one month, if you feel like you could get over Louis and if you still want to, ask me again and I’ll say yeah.”

“You are so weird, you know that?” Harry whispered.

“Yeah.”

“You don’t want to go out with me now but you are willing to fuck me and you will date me in one month. You are so fucking strange.”

Niall just shrugged.

“Ok,” Harry nodded. “I’ll ask you in one month.”

“Looking forward to it,” Niall smiled and pulled him into another hug. “Hey, I called a taxi because I didn’t think I should be driving. Do you want me to -”

“Yeah. Just take me home, Niall.” Harry said, resting his head on Niall’s shoulder and Niall just whispered an okay back, and Harry stood there in Niall’s arm until the taxi came and picked them up.

***********************************

When Harry got out of shower, there is a message from unknown number waiting for him.

_“Hey this is Zayn. I don’t rly know what to say. I just thought I shld say thanks for everything. Dun mean that in a gloating way or w/e. Thanks for being there for Lou when I wasn’t. U’re pretty important to him. U know that, rite? He just cried himself to sleep & i think he does love u and need u. I dun rly know how to say this right. So yeah. Take care, mate. And hope u’ll talk to him soon.”_

Harry didn’t reply anything and lied down on his bed, hand over his eyes. He eventually pulled out his phone, typed a message, retyped it and erased it and did the cycle so many time because he just didn’t know what to say. Finally he just send a message to Louis. “ _Good night, Lou. I’ll talk to u soon. x Haz_ ” And it is not but it felt like goodbye.

He turned his phone off and put a pillow over his head. Maybe it is time to let go. It is not going to be easy and he is not going to find a Louis again, probably never in his life time. But it’s ok because you can only have your first love once and Harry is pretty happy it is Louis. But he will find someone, someone who loves him and all him. It might be Niall or it might be someone else. It might be one month from now or one year or ten years. But it is gonna be ok. He told himself and it felt like a guarantee. It felt like if he just let go, he could maybe happy again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoy this as much as i did the first times i read it.  
> this was my very first zouis fic i read and i loved it so much!!
> 
> again, this work isn't mine.


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